our song was from nevershoutnever, how embarrassing
prior to eighth grade, i had only dated one kid. i was a nerdy outcast, so it was only natural that no one wanted to get with me and ruin their social image! its fine, middle school is vicious
early eighth grade, i get a message on facebook from a classmate. i didn't and never had a class with this kid but he knew me and was being p friendly. he was also rather cute so i was like YEAH SIGN ME THEF FUCK UP
long story short, i end up hooking up with this kid at a party that i said i would make out with him at - mind you i was a kissing virgin up until like a month before this. his ex was a 16 year old thirsty girl while i was a flat 13 year old with negative experience in romance or sex
nothing happened, but he did give me a very romantic kiss and he stood next to each other for a little while and stuff. he was cool with it though i think idfk i dont remember. but we started dating! and he was incredibly sweet and kind and patient with me... for a little while. i would come see him at the end of the day and he'd hug me and spin me around and try to hold my hand but our height difference was a little too much... it was cute! i fell in love so, so quickly and i was just so invested. it seemed legit, he added my mom on facebook and everything
but then the sexual advances started coming on stronger and stronger, which i was obviously uncomfortable with. i wasn't ready for that, not so soon!! so despite all the sweet texts and enthusiastic hugs and sitting with a table full of nerdy girls at lunch every day to be with me... he finally broke it off. because i was too uncomfortable to go to his house alone. now - part of me regrets this. im curious to what would have happened if i went. would we really have just cuddled instead like he said? but another part of me is proud of sticking to my word - for reasons i'll mention real soon
so after all this ended we were still friends, but i was absolutely heartbroken. i still talked to him, but without a relationship keeping us together, it was kinda hard. we really didn't have a whole lot in common, especially with the was he was going. he was one of those kids - drinking in the bathroom, presumably taking up smoking. his friends were a pretty bad crowd. but he still hugged me if we saw each other in the halls, so... i really don't know how he felt about me! <_> maybe it was out of pity, idk
so time passes and he gets in a fight with the most notorious hard ass bitch in our grade, like she didn't fuck around with no one. small blonde white girl but jeez was she tough... ANYWAY, i don't remember what it was exactly but he pissed her off and she scratched down his back real hardcore right in the hallway, it was intense. this was strike one!
but there were only two strikes :')
next, he's not seen for a few days. this was like a month or two after the last event. everyone is like ??? but some people knew and are trying to keep hush hush about it. turns out, he was screwing around with some girl on the bus, tried to get into her pants and get frisky, she wasn't having it and called rape real quick. bus cameras caught it all, he was very promptly expelled and had sexual harassment charges pressed. his facebook had to be shut down and eventually, he moved away Tennessee.
now me, i was devastated. i never got to say goodbye, i never got to know if he really liked me or not, i never knew if i would have gotten a second chance. very recently, i saw his new remade profile and was happy to see that he was doing better elsewhere... but i don't think i actually ever recovered. being to attached and strung along by someone only to be dropped with no answers totally fucks up a 13 year old girl with little to no dating experience beforehand. it was intense, and it was moderately serious for a teenage relationship! so uh... yeah
i still have dreams about being able to see him again, at least one more time. i mean i could always message him and be like HEY BRO!!! but you think he remembers me? hell nah, son. not even a lil bit
so instead i just suffer with my memories from time to time and get really depressed :^)