A thing I love about The Cottage and “let’s be more honest & open with each other” is how Ilya looks softer, and more visibly queer. Both in clothing choices (imo) & behavior. He’s been wanting to be Shane’s BOYFRIEND and it shows.
And I can’t help but think “what if he keeps going down this path?”. Like, of course, in public he’ll still perform as Rozanov, Asshole Russian Menace.
He does like chirping other players on the ice, rile them up, and then show them time and time again that he’s the best player. That’s a huge part of him. But having to pretend he’s that cliché Straight Virile Man who has a different girl in his bed every night is getting more and more exhausting.
Time spent in private with Shane is like coming up for air. Because *Shane*, obviously, but also because he doesn’t have to pretend. He can wear the tightest, slightly-too-short tank tops and soft loose sweaters. The holes in his ears he got as teenage rebellion get used again to put pretty dangly earrings in them. The slight lilt he has in his voice when speaking Russian becomes noticeable in English too, when he teases Shane. There’s a hip popped, a hand on it, a brow arched, when he’s being sarcastic. That’s who he is, too.
It’s always been there, carefully, consciously hidden. And letting it out, even if it’s just in front of one person, his Shane, makes him feel whole, finally. At least for the time being.
And Shane? He’s trying to keep his cool but every little change (or more like, every little thing that Ilya doesn’t hide anymore) is making him fall more and more in love.
The possessive part of him is screaming “mine”, “no one else gets to see that version of Ilya and that’s good because he’s Mine”. But an even bigger part of him wishes he could show the world how Ilya is so much more than what everyone thinks. How bright he shines, when he doesn’t have to hide.
Shane’s terrified for both their futures, careers, but on some (most) days, when the sun catches on Ilya’s soft golden curls and jewelry, the urge to go out in public and kiss that beautiful man in front of a crowd is overwhelming. He worships him in their shared bed instead, but maybe, just maybe, when Ilya whispers “I love you” in his ear after they’re done, Shane thinks it could be time for a new plan.
Angsty as fuck au where Shane doesn't get drafted because he gets into an accident and gets injured bad enough he can't safely play anymore, and another guy on his team ends up getting drafted to the raiders and him and this guy were friends but their relationship ends up developing and they get together and and eventually get married.
Shane is essentially lumped with the rest of the Raiders WAGs and the team absolutely adores him. They think he's so sweet and they know how talented he is and the only reason he's not in his husband's position is because of his accident.
Ilya especially takes a liking to him. He loves hearing him talk about hockey and how passionate he still is about it despite not being able to play for real. He loves his smile and his bright eyes and his freckles and can't take his eyes off him whenever they're in a room together.
However that's his teammates husband, Ilya night be a fuck boy but he's not about to ruin his friends marriage. However things start to take a turn after the raiders start hanging out with Shane more and it becomes blatantly obvious that his husband is jealous of him.
He makes up for the fact that he knows he's not as good at Shane at his own job by treating Shane kind of awfully when they're with the team. He tries his best to belittle him and make it seem like he doesn't know what he's talking about cause he never got the chance to be a professional player.
It gets to the point he starts excluding Shane from the get-togethers they hold at their house. He'll let Shane do all the planning, clean up their home, make the food for an entire team of athletes, and then tell him to go upstairs and read and only mingle a little because the get-together is more for the actual team.
The raiders, especially Ilya, absolutely notice Shane's absence and ask about it, but Shane's husband only shrugs it off and says Shane hasn't been feeling like socializing. He uses Shane's anxiety as an excuse for this "rude" behavior (none of them think it's rude, just odd)
Until one day he makes the mistake of telling Shane he should leave them alone in front of the entire team. Shane's bringing out food to everyone with help from Cliff (even though his husband tried to insist Shane didn't need any help) and because they hadn't seen him in forever they naturally try to talk to him.
And Shane doesn't have many friends aside from rose so he's excited to be able to talk to people who like what he likes again, and they start conversation, and after maybe 10 minutes of talking max his husband blatantly tells him that he's being needy and is embarrassing him and he should just leave them be.
The entire room is instantly silent, and it's impossible to miss Shane losing any ounce of confidence or joy he had in the moment and watch it all be replaced with humiliation as his cheeks flush and his eyes get a little wet. But regardless of the slight shakiness in his voice, he still says "absolutely, sweetie. Sorry" before puttering off to the bedroom.
Everything that happens after that is a blur to basically everyone. There's yelling, insults, mostly coming from Ilya, a punch might've ended up being thrown somewhere in there, it was a mess. The team essentially ices out the guy after that because they don't want to play with an abusive asshole and he ends up getting traded to another team.
Ilya doesn't see or hear from Shane again for 4 years, until eventually he runs into him completely by chance at a club while he's there with Sveta while she visits from Russia. He notices and recognizes Shane instantly. He looks exactly the same except noticably bigger and more mature.
The more boyish and doe eyed expressions Ilya was so used to with Shane had been replaced with something more sensual and warm. He sees him giggling with a man, looking up at him with those eyes still so soft and loveable. He doesn't hesitate at all before ditching Sveta for the chance to talk to him again.
He goes up and just has to to give the guy a hard stare before the stranger realizes it's not worth it and leaves. Shane's face breaks out into this big smile when he realizes who Ilya was. He hugs him like an old friend, and it's one of the best feelings Ilya's had in a long time.
Ilya buys Shane a drink and they catch up. He learns that Shane and his now ex husband had officially divorced about 3 years ago. Ilya had thought he'd heard something about that in some pop news article but couldn't really bring his self to care about the guy.
Shane was currently single and just taking his time to enjoy it considering he had been married to his ex since he was 20 and hadn't really known adult life without him. So, naturally, he was at a bar, drinking, looking fiendishly sexy, looking for a guy to take home. And Shane seems to have no shame about that at all.
Ilya decides if he doesn't shoot his shot now he may never get the chance to again. He asks Shane if he can be the man he brings home tonight. Shane just smiles at him, but not quite as innocently as before, and takes his hand before dragging him out of the bar. Ilya will apologize to Sveta later.
They get a car as they're both definitely drunk, and they refrain from making out in the back of it as Shane says it would be impolite to the driver. Ilya has no choice but to be a good boy and do as he's told so he just watches Shane the whole ride, a hand possessively placed on his thigh.
Once they get back to Shane's apartment, so much happens. They immediately start making out, both of them dealing with feelings they'd kept pent up for literal years and being more than able to let them out now.
Ilya locates the bedroom and sweeps Shane off the floor before carrying him inside. The sex that ensues is some of the best Ilya's ever had. It's not exactly like Ilya knew what Shane's sexual knowledge was like before but he can guess the practice since his divorce has come in handy.
Shane deep throats him and practically begs for Ilya to fuck his mouth, and how can Ilya say no to giving that wet tongue and those plush lips whatever they ask for. Shane takes it like a champ, doesn't gag once. Afterwards he has spit running messily down his chin and his voice is a little groggy.
Afterwards Shane ends up on top of Ilya, riding him into tomorrow. Ilya is lost in everything about him. His soft thick thighs against his waist, how tight and hot and wet he is, the feeling of Shanes perfect lips against his as he leans down to kiss him, how pretty he looks getting lost in his own pleasure.
It seems like now he's a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to take it. Ilya can't help but flip them over and roll Shane around so he can show Shane that there's no need for him to do all the work. He fucks Shane face down, ass up with a hand fisted in his hair.
He knows he must be doing something right cause the soft drawn out moans that Shane was letting out before have turned into loud needy whines, annunciated with each thrust. This angle gives Ilya as much to desire as the other one with the expanse of Shane's back and soft skin, his perfect little dimples above his butt, freckles smattering his shoulders and beautiful cellulite.
Ilya simply cannot wrap his brain around how any man could have someone this perfect and not treat them like royalty everyday. The thought makes Ilya angry, which makes him fuck Shane a little harder, which is absolutely what Shane always wants.
They end up cumming in close time to each other and just have to lie next to one another, sweaty and out of breath staring at ten ceiling as they both process what they just experienced. And Shane realizes pretty quickly that he's ready to forget being in his single era. It's been long enough he thinks.
i actually think that what's being missed in the 'why does everyone love heated rivalry' conversation is just that it's good
it's well made, well shot, well directed, the music is interesting, the costumes are both thoughtful and subtly period accurate, the sex scenes are intentional and, again, accurate to what hooking up when you're like 18 actually feels like...the actors are of course attractive but they look like real people. the characters are varied and well fleshed out, the acting is really, really strong
so many shows and films shoot and then slot in whatever music kind of fits or could be licenced in the budget after time, but you can tell that the scenes in hr were shot with that specific music in mind. and the same intentional approach runs through the whole thing
it feels...so nice to watch a show that cares about itself
back to the start au : Rose, JJ, and friendships where you’re truly yourself
Ilya feels so lucky to have a second chance not only at a beautiful life with Shane, but at his friendship with Svetlana. This time, he doesn’t keep secrets from her, Shane encouraging him to tell Sveta early on about them.
Which means Ilya gets to spend some (too rare) nights sandwiched between his boyfriend and his best friend on his couch in Boston. He gets teased, loved and witnesses Shane and Sveta’s own friendship grow. It’s a beautiful sight, his two favorite people in the world realizing they adore each other too.
It pains him too, because Shane doesn’t get to have the same thing. Rose was the first person Shane had trusted to talk about his sexuality, and being in love with a man. Ilya and him had even discussed telling her who was sharing Shane’s life, before the plane crash happened. But Shane probably won’t meet Rose for years, or at all, given that they only got close because of something that will never happen in this lifetime.
They talk about it, one night during their rookie season, once Sveta had left after dinner, and Shane confirms he wishes Rose was around. Hayden was a good friend in their first life, but Rose ? She’s the one who never judged him. The one person besides Ilya he could be fully himself with, talk about his desires, his frustrations, his hopes. He wishes to share that again, and more, with her.
Ilya considers searching for her social media, and sending her a message. But to say what ? “Hey you don’t know me but I have a feeling you and my boyfriend would be the best friends in the whole world, please meet with us ?” She’d probably block him and she’d be right to do so. They need a subtler approach.
In this life, Shane and JJ are closer, which Ilya loves for his boyfriend. JJ sees Shane, truly, embraces his quirks, and always cheers when Shane stands up for himself. He encourages Shane to go out, have some fun, and that’s how Shane met Rose, the first time. So maybe JJ could help them again.
They’re at a more queer-friendly bar in Montreal, after a game against Boston. JJ didn’t bat an eye when Ilya suggested a place, just called a few friends who loved the place, so they’d join them. A smart move, giving the world a valid reason why three hockey players would be seen there. And it turns out that JJ’s friend Devon is the one who’s a production assistant for some big movie studio, which makes the night even better.
Ilya and Shane end up with a few new contacts in their phones, and promises to get dinner or drinks together as soon as possible. Once they’re cuddling in bed, Shane says it’s probably the most fun he ever had going out. They might not be out to the world yet, but spending time with other queer people in a safe environment felt so validating. JJ probably noticed things about them that evening, since they weren’t guarded at all, so Ilya asks if they should tell him soon. Shane nods and sends a text to JJ. Plans are made to get breakfast together the next morning, before Ilya leaves for Boston. Ilya is so proud of his brave boyfriend and tells him so before kissing him deeply.
After the next night they all spend together, there’s a new group chat “🦄 (and JJ)” in their phones. And it’s really life changing to have a group of friends who knows about you, the real you, and sees it as cause for celebration. They share their joys, their bad days, little and big life updates. Both Ilya and Shane realize they never had that kind of community before. Sure they have their hockey teams, but you need to leave some pieces of yourself at the door, to fit in these, and now they get to reconnect with these hidden parts, to feel whole.
A few months after the chat was created, Devon writes that he’s gonna be working on a new movie, Renegades Z. It’s a massive project for the studio, the more responsibilities he’s ever had. Ilya’s so proud of him and congratulates him warmly. His brain is also firing up, old memories from a previous 2016 coming back. When Shane started dating Rose, Ilya researched her extensively online, and learned that the first X-Squad movie had filmed under the name Renegades Z before being officially announced.
Ilya shares the info with Shane, who almost tears up with joy. He’s finally getting closer to getting back a precious part of himself. So when, a couple of months later, Devon talks about the younger actors of the cast doing a great job but feeling a little lonely in Montreal (no names, because he’s a professional, but Ilya thinks he knows who they are), Shane suggests to invite them to their next post-game outing.
And that’s how on a Monday night, they finally end up in the same room as Rose Landry. They’re at their usual place, which is half empty that early in the week. Ilya joins their friend Aliyah at the bar while Shane goes to Rose, offers to share a table.
When they talked on the phone the night before, Shane and Ilya devised a plan. Since Rose and Shane’s connection was pretty instant, the first time around, Shane would approach her alone to hopefully recreate the magic. He’d then signal for Ilya to join them, once he’d feel like the time is right.
So for now, Ilya waits. Their previous life, he’d learned to appreciate Rose’s role in Shane’s life, and he was grateful for her. They’d never have gotten together if she didn’t gently nudge Shane in the right direction. He knew it and yet, he could never fully squash the jealousy he felt, every time he looked at her. But this current version of Rose, younger, a bit more shy ? She would never date Shane, but hopefully be his friend from the start. Ilya’s jealousy goes away, replaced by fondness. She seems lovely and he can’t wait to meet her.
He keeps a distracted eye on them while he catches up with Aliyah. Her wife couldn’t come tonight, covering a night shift at the hospital. Ilya makes a mental note to send Jude a text later, asking how it went. Aliyah gently rakes her long nails through his curls, and teases him about letting her do his hair, maybe give him a mullet. She’s a hairdresser and a damn good one so he says yes to doing his hair, in the summer, but that’s a no on the mullet. Aliyah cheers, hugs him, says she’ll convince him by then. Ilya laughs and enjoys the soft embrace.
They’re deep into a conversation about the latest season of Survivor, totally disagreeing about who should win it, when Shane waves at him. He kisses Aliyah’s cheek, “duty calls” and joins his boyfriend and Rose.
————
If you’d told Rose Landry she’d met the two best players of the MLH on a random Monday night in a queer bar in Montreal, she probably wouldn’t have believed it. Filming was going great, even if she wasn’t sure the movie would be successful. Superheroes movies were quite hit or miss, but at least the crew was lovely, the pay decent and she got along well with Miles, the other youngest member of the cast. It’s just that Montreal was a bit gloomy at this time of the year, and she was missing her friends in LA and their weekly outings.
So when one of the assistants on set, Devon, had offered Miles and her to go out for a drink with his group of friends, they’d immediately said yes. They took a cab to a bar with a light blue facade, it’s cute, fairly unassuming, but there are some small colored flags painted on the windows. The interior is really cozy, with dimmed lights, pastel velvet seats, and well polished wood tables. She feels like she’ll like it here.
Yet, when Devon introduces them to his friends, she has to hide her surprise. There’s a woman, Aliyah, with long slick black hair and golden jewelry dripping from her neck, and the three men are hockey players. Shane Hollander, JJ Boiziau and Ilya Rozanov.
Finding Hollander and Rozanov in the same place after a game is no surprise, but that place being your local lgbt-friendly bar ? That’s definitely unexpected. Especially given how comfortable they seem, like it’s not their first visit here. Rozanov salutes her politely before guiding Aliyah to the bar, his hand on her waist and hers on his shoulder. They make a pretty couple.
Hollander “please call me Shane” offers her to share a table, if she’s hungry. She gladly accepts while Miles strikes a conversation with Devon and JJ. She sees them go for the dance room in the back of the bar while Shane and her order some fries. He’s really easy to talk to, so knowledgeable about hockey, witty. When they talk about her brothers’ (mostly failing) hockey endeavors, Rose confesses how much she misses her family and the countryside, while chasing her acting dreams. It’s not really an appropriate topic for a conversation with a stranger but she feels at ease with him, in a way she rarely does with people since she’s become a little popular.
She likes that Shane’s honest, doesn’t pretend that he doesn’t know who she is. He’s seen most of her movies, and manages to compliment her acting while admitting that that time travel kidnapping plot was “the most confusing thing I’ve ever seen. Ilya and I spent 30 minutes trying to make sense of it after we finished the movie.”
Rose prides herself on being observant, it’s part of why she’s good at her job. So she definitely notices how Shane’s face gets softer everytime he says his best friend’s name. He always uses what she supposes is the proper Russian pronunciation, and not the one commentators use during games. And he keeps glancing at the bar, from where Ilya always looks back, his eyes fond. So yeah, she might be a little too curious but she can’t help but ask “how did Ilya and you become friends ?” Shane seems surprised but also pleased by the question, and waves in the direction of the bar. “It’s not a story I can tell alone”, he says.
Ilya slides next to Shane in the booth, not leaving a single inch of space between them. Rose has seen the pictures, the videos of them, and knows it’s the way they always share space. Still, it’s different, witnessing it herself. Shane, who seemed at ease already, relaxes fully, his body molding itself to Ilya’s. Oh.
“Really nice to meet you, Rose Landry.” Ilya’s voice distracts her. He’s smirking, like there’s a joke there she’s not quite catching, but his tone is fond, his hand outstretched to shake hers. “Rose wanted to know how we became friends.” Ilya’s smile gets bigger, his eyes impossibly soft as he looks at Shane. “We tell the story together ?”
She gets the tale of how they shook hands as Juniors, and instantly knew there was something special there. An equal, who they’d be standing a the top with. Something nobody else would understand. Each time they met after that, the feeling grew stronger so they didn’t fight it, let that relationship grow. And when the league tried to brand them as rivals they flat out refused. “I love playing against him on the ice, don’t get me wrong. He looks like an angry kitten when he loses, and that’s my favorite Shane.” “You’re an asshole.” “Your favorite one.” Ilya grins, before looking back at Rose. “And as I was saying before Shane rudely interrupted, I could never pretend I hated him. Not on the ice, not off it.” Shane nods, confirms he feels the same with a slight blush on his cheeks. “My life would be too boring without him.”
Once they’re done Rose realizes three things. One, she never became fond of someone quite as quickly as she does of Shane right now. She can’t explain why but she has the feeling they’re made to be in each other’s lives. Two, despite what the world says, Rozanov is not an asshole. Or maybe Ilya is just enough of one to be worth knowing. She’d love to be their friend, if they’re up for it. Three, she fully misread the situation when she arrived. Ilya is definitely not dating Aliyah. And the choice of bar makes a lot of sense now.
So Rose offers them her number, says she’d be up for dinner soon. “At your place maybe ?” She asks, looking pointedly at the both of them. Shane seems incredibly happy, maybe a little more than her request should warrant, but she feels a little too giddy too, right now, so it’s alright. Ilya stares at her, his eyes piercing, like he’s trying to read her thoughts through her face. What he sees must please him, because his lips curl up slightly and he nods. “Next Friday works for you ?”
every day i wake up and am presented with some fuckass picture where hudson and connor are walking around and one of them is looking unbearably fond of the other PLEASE HAVE YOU NO COMPASSION FOR MY POOR NERVES……
back to the start au : Rose, JJ, and friendships where you’re truly yourself
Ilya feels so lucky to have a second chance not only at a beautiful life with Shane, but at his friendship with Svetlana. This time, he doesn’t keep secrets from her, Shane encouraging him to tell Sveta early on about them.
Which means Ilya gets to spend some (too rare) nights sandwiched between his boyfriend and his best friend on his couch in Boston. He gets teased, loved and witnesses Shane and Sveta’s own friendship grow. It’s a beautiful sight, his two favorite people in the world realizing they adore each other too.
It pains him too, because Shane doesn’t get to have the same thing. Rose was the first person Shane had trusted to talk about his sexuality, and being in love with a man. Ilya and him had even discussed telling her who was sharing Shane’s life, before the plane crash happened. But Shane probably won’t meet Rose for years, or at all, given that they only got close because of something that will never happen in this lifetime.
They talk about it, one night during their rookie season, once Sveta had left after dinner, and Shane confirms he wishes Rose was around. Hayden was a good friend in their first life, but Rose ? She’s the one who never judged him. The one person besides Ilya he could be fully himself with, talk about his desires, his frustrations, his hopes. He wishes to share that again, and more, with her.
Ilya considers searching for her social media, and sending her a message. But to say what ? “Hey you don’t know me but I have a feeling you and my boyfriend would be the best friends in the whole world, please meet with us ?” She’d probably block him and she’d be right to do so. They need a subtler approach.
In this life, Shane and JJ are closer, which Ilya loves for his boyfriend. JJ sees Shane, truly, embraces his quirks, and always cheers when Shane stands up for himself. He encourages Shane to go out, have some fun, and that’s how Shane met Rose, the first time. So maybe JJ could help them again.
They’re at a more queer-friendly bar in Montreal, after a game against Boston. JJ didn’t bat an eye when Ilya suggested a place, just called a few friends who loved the place, so they’d join them. A smart move, giving the world a valid reason why three hockey players would be seen there. And it turns out that JJ’s friend Devon is the one who’s a production assistant for some big movie studio, which makes the night even better.
Ilya and Shane end up with a few new contacts in their phones, and promises to get dinner or drinks together as soon as possible. Once they’re cuddling in bed, Shane says it’s probably the most fun he ever had going out. They might not be out to the world yet, but spending time with other queer people in a safe environment felt so validating. JJ probably noticed things about them that evening, since they weren’t guarded at all, so Ilya asks if they should tell him soon. Shane nods and sends a text to JJ. Plans are made to get breakfast together the next morning, before Ilya leaves for Boston. Ilya is so proud of his brave boyfriend and tells him so before kissing him deeply.
After the next night they all spend together, there’s a new group chat “🦄 (and JJ)” in their phones. And it’s really life changing to have a group of friends who knows about you, the real you, and sees it as cause for celebration. They share their joys, their bad days, little and big life updates. Both Ilya and Shane realize they never had that kind of community before. Sure they have their hockey teams, but you need to leave some pieces of yourself at the door, to fit in these, and now they get to reconnect with these hidden parts, to feel whole.
A few months after the chat was created, Devon writes that he’s gonna be working on a new movie, Renegades Z. It’s a massive project for the studio, the more responsibilities he’s ever had. Ilya’s so proud of him and congratulates him warmly. His brain is also firing up, old memories from a previous 2016 coming back. When Shane started dating Rose, Ilya researched her extensively online, and learned that the first X-Squad movie had filmed under the name Renegades Z before being officially announced.
Ilya shares the info with Shane, who almost tears up with joy. He’s finally getting closer to getting back a precious part of himself. So when, a couple of months later, Devon talks about the younger actors of the cast doing a great job but feeling a little lonely in Montreal (no names, because he’s a professional, but Ilya thinks he knows who they are), Shane suggests to invite them to their next post-game outing.
And that’s how on a Monday night, they finally end up in the same room as Rose Landry. They’re at their usual place, which is half empty that early in the week. Ilya joins their friend Aliyah at the bar while Shane goes to Rose, offers to share a table.
When they talked on the phone the night before, Shane and Ilya devised a plan. Since Rose and Shane’s connection was pretty instant, the first time around, Shane would approach her alone to hopefully recreate the magic. He’d then signal for Ilya to join them, once he’d feel like the time is right.
So for now, Ilya waits. Their previous life, he’d learned to appreciate Rose’s role in Shane’s life, and he was grateful for her. They’d never have gotten together if she didn’t gently nudge Shane in the right direction. He knew it and yet, he could never fully squash the jealousy he felt, every time he looked at her. But this current version of Rose, younger, a bit more shy ? She would never date Shane, but hopefully be his friend from the start. Ilya’s jealousy goes away, replaced by fondness. She seems lovely and he can’t wait to meet her.
He keeps a distracted eye on them while he catches up with Aliyah. Her wife couldn’t come tonight, covering a night shift at the hospital. Ilya makes a mental note to send Jude a text later, asking how it went. Aliyah gently rakes her long nails through his curls, and teases him about letting her do his hair, maybe give him a mullet. She’s a hairdresser and a damn good one so he says yes to doing his hair, in the summer, but that’s a no on the mullet. Aliyah cheers, hugs him, says she’ll convince him by then. Ilya laughs and enjoys the soft embrace.
They’re deep into a conversation about the latest season of Survivor, totally disagreeing about who should win it, when Shane waves at him. He kisses Aliyah’s cheek, “duty calls” and joins his boyfriend and Rose.
————
If you’d told Rose Landry she’d met the two best players of the MLH on a random Monday night in a queer bar in Montreal, she probably wouldn’t have believed it. Filming was going great, even if she wasn’t sure the movie would be successful. Superheroes movies were quite hit or miss, but at least the crew was lovely, the pay decent and she got along well with Miles, the other youngest member of the cast. It’s just that Montreal was a bit gloomy at this time of the year, and she was missing her friends in LA and their weekly outings.
So when one of the assistants on set, Devon, had offered Miles and her to go out for a drink with his group of friends, they’d immediately said yes. They took a cab to a bar with a light blue facade, it’s cute, fairly unassuming, but there are some small colored flags painted on the windows. The interior is really cozy, with dimmed lights, pastel velvet seats, and well polished wood tables. She feels like she’ll like it here.
Yet, when Devon introduces them to his friends, she has to hide her surprise. There’s a woman, Aliyah, with long slick black hair and golden jewelry dripping from her neck, and the three men are hockey players. Shane Hollander, JJ Boiziau and Ilya Rozanov.
Finding Hollander and Rozanov in the same place after a game is no surprise, but that place being your local lgbt-friendly bar ? That’s definitely unexpected. Especially given how comfortable they seem, like it’s not their first visit here. Rozanov salutes her politely before guiding Aliyah to the bar, his hand on her waist and hers on his shoulder. They make a pretty couple.
Hollander “please call me Shane” offers her to share a table, if she’s hungry. She gladly accepts while Miles strikes a conversation with Devon and JJ. She sees them go for the dance room in the back of the bar while Shane and her order some fries. He’s really easy to talk to, so knowledgeable about hockey, witty. When they talk about her brothers’ (mostly failing) hockey endeavors, Rose confesses how much she misses her family and the countryside, while chasing her acting dreams. It’s not really an appropriate topic for a conversation with a stranger but she feels at ease with him, in a way she rarely does with people since she’s become a little popular.
She likes that Shane’s honest, doesn’t pretend that he doesn’t know who she is. He’s seen most of her movies, and manages to compliment her acting while admitting that that time travel kidnapping plot was “the most confusing thing I’ve ever seen. Ilya and I spent 30 minutes trying to make sense of it after we finished the movie.”
Rose prides herself on being observant, it’s part of why she’s good at her job. So she definitely notices how Shane’s face gets softer everytime he says his best friend’s name. He always uses what she supposes is the proper Russian pronunciation, and not the one commentators use during games. And he keeps glancing at the bar, from where Ilya always looks back, his eyes fond. So yeah, she might be a little too curious but she can’t help but ask “how did Ilya and you become friends ?” Shane seems surprised but also pleased by the question, and waves in the direction of the bar. “It’s not a story I can tell alone”, he says.
Ilya slides next to Shane in the booth, not leaving a single inch of space between them. Rose has seen the pictures, the videos of them, and knows it’s the way they always share space. Still, it’s different, witnessing it herself. Shane, who seemed at ease already, relaxes fully, his body molding itself to Ilya’s. Oh.
“Really nice to meet you, Rose Landry.” Ilya’s voice distracts her. He’s smirking, like there’s a joke there she’s not quite catching, but his tone is fond, his hand outstretched to shake hers. “Rose wanted to know how we became friends.” Ilya’s smile gets bigger, his eyes impossibly soft as he looks at Shane. “We tell the story together ?”
She gets the tale of how they shook hands as Juniors, and instantly knew there was something special there. An equal, who they’d be standing a the top with. Something nobody else would understand. Each time they met after that, the feeling grew stronger so they didn’t fight it, let that relationship grow. And when the league tried to brand them as rivals they flat out refused. “I love playing against him on the ice, don’t get me wrong. He looks like an angry kitten when he loses, and that’s my favorite Shane.” “You’re an asshole.” “Your favorite one.” Ilya grins, before looking back at Rose. “And as I was saying before Shane rudely interrupted, I could never pretend I hated him. Not on the ice, not off it.” Shane nods, confirms he feels the same with a slight blush on his cheeks. “My life would be too boring without him.”
Once they’re done Rose realizes three things. One, she never became fond of someone quite as quickly as she does of Shane right now. She can’t explain why but she has the feeling they’re made to be in each other’s lives. Two, despite what the world says, Rozanov is not an asshole. Or maybe Ilya is just enough of one to be worth knowing. She’d love to be their friend, if they’re up for it. Three, she fully misread the situation when she arrived. Ilya is definitely not dating Aliyah. And the choice of bar makes a lot of sense now.
So Rose offers them her number, says she’d be up for dinner soon. “At your place maybe ?” She asks, looking pointedly at the both of them. Shane seems incredibly happy, maybe a little more than her request should warrant, but she feels a little too giddy too, right now, so it’s alright. Ilya stares at her, his eyes piercing, like he’s trying to read her thoughts through her face. What he sees must please him, because his lips curl up slightly and he nods. “Next Friday works for you ?”
one of the things that I honestly find most compelling about Shane Hollander is his comphet and the way he navigates this space as he begins to accept not just his desire for men but also his lack thereof for women
Like, when I think of book!Shane especially, he’s been with women, even before Rose. He’s not a total shut-in. It’s very occasional and rare, but he does hook up sometimes and it’s like… rote. He’s doing it because he thinks he should and he thinks he ought to enjoy it and he thinks he ought to enjoy women. There’s one point in HR where he mulls over not understanding why some guys like eating girls out because it’s just, like, not doing it for him.
And! I think it’s also crucial to remember! Shane never DENIES that he likes men. His comphet does not actually feature denial of his desire for men — the reason he tries to deny his desire for Ilya isn’t because he’s a man, it’s because he’s Rozanov and because there’s the fear of feelings. Not cuz he’s a dude.
No, Shane’s arc is so interesting to me because it’s not a story of realizing or discovering his queerness. He’s not, like, figuring out that he likes men. He’s figuring out that he doesn’t like women.
And I think that’s so interesting! Shane Hollander, golden boy of hockey, forcing himself to fit the mold and also go above and beyond, he thinks for a long time “okay, I want to fuck men and that’s fine, whatever, but I’ll find a nice girl and settle down someday” and he thinks it’s the first part that is making him feel trapped and panicky and scared, but NO! It’s the second! It’s the trappings (literally) of heteronormativity that has him reeling! He’s convinced himself it’s an option, just like it’s hypothetically an option for Ilya, and the tuna melt scene emotional overflow scares him because he’s thinking oh fuck, I have these options and I might choose the “wrong” (re: not straight) one
The moment he realizes “I don’t want to fuck women,” when Rose makes him confront that he’s gay and not bi?? That’s when he’s like “oh. That doesn’t have to be the choice I make. That doesn’t have to be an option for me. I don’t have to like women”
It’s liberating for him. It lets him open up, lets him let the feelings in.
Shane’s sexuality arc is SO fascinating because it’s not actually a story of discovery — it’s a story of letting go
