Cankat

[amprella]

[amprella]

When your social battery dies without any warning when you’re outside with friends in a plan you didn’t say no and now you can’t leave because there’s a crowd and it’s gonna look weird. Oh forgot to mention high and drunk.

[amprella]

I -unknowingly- increased my substance tolerance over the years it seems.

Just chogged a whole ass bottle of wine to not even feel slightly tipsy. This shit ain’t financially sustainable lol

[amprella]

Sometimes I want to go proper crazy and lose a bit of my mind that is left.

The fantasy of it feels like freedom.

[amprella]

[thememedaddy]

[anxietyproblem]

[amprella]

My mind is a maze these days. Thinking thousands of things at once, planning to do thousand other things at once, failing all at once and reflecting on all of them once in the quietness of the living room.

Maybe there is no saving for my mind. Maybe this is how I unintentionally hardwired myself to function. I can’t seem to relax and enjoy anything. And this leads to not having any excitement towards anything, thus numbness and feeling overwhelmed.

How does one escape their own mind?

[amprella]

I want the ability to make people disappear. Not d*e, just not exist altogether. They don’t even deserve the mass they occupy.

[amprella]

[amprella]

Just can’t seem to fall asleep lately. Even weirder thing, I be managing to sleep around this hour (4-4:30 am-ish) and be waking up at random ass hours like 6:30, 7:50 etc and not able to get back to sleep (this was never a challenge before) until 11 or 12 am, where then I either feel extremely sleepy like a zombie sleepy, or actually fade out on the sofa without trying to sleep.

Psychiatrist I’ve talked to mention that this is sign of Insomnia, which I responded I always had it, just did not have issues sleeping it out after 😅

Maybe it’s just this period of transitions and stressful, life-at-core type of situation I am going through. I will ride it out.

First course of action, getting out of bed to eat some yogurt. This always helped as a kid too, let’s see.

[amprella]

First time in a long ass time (8 years) unemployed starting from today. I know its not a big deal but it also is, kind of. Because now I feel like maybe I don’t want to follow the same career path.

A lot to think about. And also a lot of silver linings along the way. I gotta get back to writing.

[amprella]

Not now, not tomorrow, maybe not even soon, but I know it will eventually be okay.

[amprella]

[amprella]

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[amprella]