I find the time discrepancies in the SGE fairytales so fun... if you look at them in terms of their real-world dates, everything gets so batshit so fast. MOST of them are grimm's and therefore roughly 1800s, but not all of them. Dot is from the 1400s kinda time, bc that's when the Sheriff starts popping up in Robin Hood stuff. At his oldest, Tedros is probably from the 1100s (chetrien de troyes, marie de france, & geoffrey of monmouth wrote major arthurian works around here that form the basis a lot of the SGE stuff) and at their newest, Agatha and Sophie are probably from the v. early 1900s (gavaldon is industrialised, with a mill/factory; there's been 200 years of kidnapping and most of the tales are from the 1700s at the earliest). Even pushing them as close together as possible still only puts Tedros in the 1400s (gawain-poet and thomas malory) and the Readers in the 1800s (the earliest reader fairytales are 1700s and it's been hundreds of years). They have like a 400-500 year gap between them!! The people closest to Agatha and Sophie are Kiko and Hort, from 1904 when Peter Pan was first conceptualised (which could be extrapolated to explain why the two of them don't find Agatha and Sophie as off-putting as everyone else). I think it would be really interesting to lean hard on the idea of each of the kingdoms kind of being stuck persistently in their own time period, in order to provide consistent settings for stories, and how hard it is to impart any kind of change because of that. Which might explain why most of the students at SGE were so single-minded. So even if we don't take it all the way, fashions, music, culture, atittudes, beliefs must still vary massively between kingdoms...
student portrait redraw for my cringefail maleloser oc packel of gorelust. find out more about him here, here, and in a page ill be posting soon :) click for better quality 🙏
anadil: i think i first read this in one of ren's fics? but anadil is so incredibly royalty-coded. i think she's the kind of person who's like, rejecting the path that was set out for her. so that's why she's willing to be a sidekick, she's not looking for glory and being known, she could have that as a princess. she just wants to be her own person.
hester: she's not really pure evil. her evil was something she worked for, learning spells and potions etc etc, and not something she was naturally born with. i like the idea of her working to be better than her mother (hansel and gretel's witch), i think it's touched on in tlea?
dot: her power actually reaches way further than she thinks. like, she could turn someone's blood into hot chocolate kind of power. but she doesn't know because she's dot, she never wanted to hurt anyone, so she never tried. i just like the idea of her being more powerful than everyone else!
Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious
anadil: went on a date with / tried dating beatrix once (and actually had fun) (and pissed hester off so much she asked anadil out instead)
hester: gets love letters from all the evers who think her goth vibe is hot (it is!) she gives the sweets and flowers and stuff to dot, and the letters themselves to anadil to deface and send back.
dot: not sure if this is funny :[ but i like the idea of her having an advice column (like aunt agony). i think it could be funny if the right person wrote it, unfortunately i am not that person sjdkfsh
Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends
anadil: watched her grandmother (the witch who got killed in that barrel) (who probably raised her. i imagine anadil as an orphan) die, and became withdrawn and quiet because of it. she was basically an outcast until she went to SGE and joined the coven.
hester: not sure on the Details but i imagine she went through some pretty terrible things to get her demon. like got Magical Surgery to get it intertwined with her soul and sat through getting the actual tattoo- at what? age twelve? younger than that? like, she was so motivated to have power and to keep herself safe (also as an orphan, since her mother died probably when she was young) that she was willing to go through excruciating pain and make all those sacrifices. ouch.
dot: developed her food powers as a coping mechanism- having chocolate as one of the only happy parts of her childhood, maybe her dad (the sheriff of nottingham and an asshole) gave her chocolate when he was proud of her? and she just internalised that because after a while her father didn't care enough to give her chocolate. she had to make her own.
Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.
anadil: she has a good fashion sense! she's sleek and trendy and professional! she even dresses hester up sometimes
hester: she's trans baby! (this is unrealistic because of soman's terrible, terrible ideas about gender)
dot: i like to think she and kiko get together. idk i think nice girls deserve to be happy with other nice girls.
I just love duos I love when characters are matched sets I love when you can’t have one without the other. Not necessarily in a romantic way. It often is but this also applies to besties and mortal enemies etc
im so scared beatrix is going to get torn to shreds by people who don't understand it's literally her comphet and mommy issues that makes her like That
slightly mad SGE modern AU bc I felt like assigning everyone modern jobs
not to be confused with my other modern aus, which are hyperspecific to one concept. this is just general vibes
Sophie doesn't have a job, darling, she's an heiress like paris hilton. her father is BRAND new money (i.e. hit it lucky when she was about ten; she is resentful that this happened after her mother died and insists her father did it on purpose and her mother deserved a finer life that she never got and now he's giving it to HIS NEW WIFE. look, there's depth to her)
anyway so now her job is calling the paparazzi on herself, sending Deuxmoi blind gossip items about herself, and raising Agatha's blood pressure to unfathomable levels
The only reason she didn't completely spurn her father over him remarrying is because a) he's her ticket to the high life and b) she could wear a 'champagne coloured' dress (WHITE. IT WAS WHITE) and huge sunglasses to the wedding and not smile. got in all the tabloids
Does this mean she hosts lots of stuff for her friends with all the money she has? No it does not. It's Sophie. She still makes Agatha go halves with her at meals.
How they're still friends and haven't killed each other yet is a bit of a mystery, bc agatha thinks that oscar de la renta is a golden age hollywood actor and that a birkin is a pastry
theories abound as to what agatha's job is. hester is sure she's a mortician, anadil thinks she's a taxidermist, dot thinks she runs the social media for her mother's weird witch business, hort thinks she's a hitman... and sophie is under the impression she's a nurse.
the truth of the matter is, she's a (LORRY GOES PAST) sorry she's a (BIGGER LORRY GOES PAST)
she works fundraising for a hospice charity. she just likes watching them be wrong.
The Coven run a perpetually sticky bar where the alcohol all LOOKS legit but if you look too hard at the bottles, all the labels are fake and stuck on w blue tac, so the alcohol is probably made in someone's bath. it sort of tastes like malibu if you put enough coke in it, shut up and pay.
they play exclusively black metal, except for dot's amy winehouse wednesdays, and if hester's on she'll sometimes play ABBA for agatha, bc agatha is a goth but... ABBA is ABBA.
Also if you press too hard on the optics the entire bottle of spirits falls off and you either catch it, or get a concussion. this is hester's funny and clever (...?) idea of a booby trap bc it means only the three of them know how to get shots safely. Some guy died one time bc he climbed the bar to help himself, was too aggressive and got hit with one of those big ass gin ones when it fell. agatha is sure hester used HER car to take his body into the woods but can't prove it.
Dot makes a great margherita w the dubious alcohol tho
Anadil is bad at it, but on purpose, and in such a cool way that no one says anything and just takes the drink with three pieces of lemon stuck together in it with the wrong type of gin and not enough mixer. you can't tell her it's wrong. she's not gonna care.
she lets her rats run around on the bar and you have to stay quiet or hester beats you up. she is the bouncer, bartender and owner. starts and ends bar fights.
Tedros is everywhere, he can't hold down a job bc he's a prince from some fading European monarchy, who doesn't know how to act in the real world. his stepdad made him get a "normal job" while he's in the country for study, but he keeps getting fired, and for security reasons he can't play the DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM card so... he's on the zamboni at the ice rink. he's on the tills at IKEA in the stripy shirt with the djungelskogs. the receptionist at the place hester gets her piercings. he's beefing w 13 year olds at the corner shop bc they're trying to steal the pick n mix. He dyes Dot's hair semi competently and spends the entire thing shouting at his stepdad on the phone in French, but when she asked if he was French he was like I'M NOT FRENCH and gave her the wrong change at the till, so she didn't press.
(he's Belgian. like Poirot. he also gets mad about being accused of being french... like poirot.)
he delivers them a takeaway at one point and they all think they're going genuinely insane because they see him EVERYWHERE. Sophie calls him Hot Mystery Man and Agatha calls him That Goddamn Guy That Has A Billion Jobs
Beatrix works at Lush and she and Agatha are nemeses bc Agatha wants to buy a posh soap for her mother and then LEAVE, but Beatrix is contractually obligated to CHAT and RECOMMEND PRODUCTS and then Agatha is RUDE and PANICS and is ALLERGIC TO EVERYTHING
agatha sneezed in beatrix's face one time that was bad. she's really allergic to patchouli. she did say sorry but it was too late, beatrix will be behind her death one day
hort has a normal job!!! he has a normal job at a dog groomers!!!! and does normal things! and doesn't try to convince everyone else his job is anything else than normal! he just has insane friends!!! he knows what agatha's real job is, but she told him he was going to die on tuesday the 10th of january 2034 if he told, and he was too scared to test it. but why can't any of them have a normal job as well!
he has to groom and dogsit sophie's pedigree lapdog that she bought when she was in an elle woods phase and then lost interest in. she never even got around to naming it. tbh he basically owns it. it's a tiny trembly little thing that pisses itself regularly but he likes it really and he's trying to train it to pee on tedros.
lesso and dovey against the backdrop of the school, same as usual, except this time, lesso has her arms folded in a flirtatious posture, smirking, side eying dovey. dovey has her hands clasped and looks coyly at lesso. leaning on the text on school for good and evil, Sophie, agatha, and tedros look up at them, in stages of irritation and curiosity
currently i am in the great void of Wyoming, U.S.A., so the formatting of this might be a little weird (wrong) and i’ll fix it later. great apologies to all of my fifty tunglr followers
NEWWWWW POSTER BITCHES! YOU GET A NEW POSTER! I GET A NEW POSTER! EVERYONE GETS A NEW DAMN POSTER!
pointing out the most obvious gripe everybody will have: delayed release date of october 21. am i grinding my teeth abt this one? yes. will i let it go? …. i guess.
kate and i have been trading theories almost daily about release date shit but as an anon pointed out earlier on her account, i’m kind of glad they delayed it if it means netflix can GET ITS SHIT TOGETHER regarding promotion which has been severely lacking
and we’re being So Real about promotion gripes. netflix GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER
not to mention it seems based on that whole “september/fall mishap” from the panel during geeked week that the september release date must have been in contention from the beginning. oh well. rip september date i did not appreciate you while i had you
now about the ACTUAL poster:
everyone welcome mid ass logo back to the stage…
real shame abt the celebrity tower thing but at least it looks good doesn’t it? at least the GIRLS ARE THERE! couldn’t outrun it forever
finding it increasingly annoying how lesso and dovey are front and center and yet not a single GLIMPSE OF THE BOY. netflix please it’s been years. netflix they were on set for like THREE WEEKS. NETFLIX
the costumes are just so breathtaking. like i know i say it every time but i just have to comment because. !!! look at them! first look at sophie’s evil outfit so far and you know what it might be the gay ass bitch in me but she’s hot as shit
and agatha’s dress is evoking such strong emotion in me. am i going to cry over a piece of fabric? don’t put it past me
sophie with the gold fingerglow? there’s still visibly pink magic on evil’s side, though? obviously they can’t trade it out between the girls, so maybe it’s just a poster mistake
i just truly adore how detailed everything is. like the poster is so LUSH and EXCITING!!! i am so hopeful for this!!!
(netflix you cant outrun me forever. if there’s no Boy content soon, i will camp outside HQ with a barrel of molotov cocktails and a marble statue of the Boy until he is released.)
im beginning to feel like theyre just not going to give us a trailer at all or a release date and are gonna just drop it one day without any warning or promotion
