āThe Lord your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love.ā ā Zephaniah 3:17 (CEV)
My phone rang. It was not because someone is calling but because of the alarm Iāve set last night. This is the day, the long wait is over and I have waited for this day to come. Finally, after a year and a month, I will be holding the pencil to shade my dream.
I am not ready. Being unprepared, Iāve brought my reviewers along with me. What makes it more heavy, are my apprehensions, doubts, and fears that I also carried with me. It was a two-day test, with two subjects per day, and three hours per subject. It was a two-day test, but it feels like forever. Forever waiting. Forever answering. Forever reading. Forever shading. Forever seating. Forever searching. Forever praying. Foreverā¦
It was really tough and while answering I can feel that my brain cells are not enough. I really wanted to cry in front of the answer sheet and test booklet but I canāt, I wonāt.
My goal is to pass the exam. My goal is to get that three-letter title and put it after my name. My goal is not to answer those test items again. My goal is not to re-apply. My goal is to make my parents proud. My goal is to honor my God.
I am running out of everything- brain cells, courage, hope, joy, and confidence. I donāt have the strength to go on but I have to remind myself to keep going and keep the faith.
I am praying. I am praying before answering. I am praying during the test. I am praying after passing my paper. I am praying after the exam. And even after the results, I am praying.
Iāve searched for a miracle and I found it. I ask for His grace and God generously poured me. Ā I ask for my name on the list, and He let me. Seven-Nine-Four of Three-Six-Nine-Zero. I saw my name. I close my eyes. Ā And yes, my name was there.
I shout. I cry. I am very grateful. It feels like while walking in the desert, I saw a dessert. I am amazed. I am really blessed. The Lord never fails. In my weakness, He is my strength. In my doubts, He is my hope. In this world of ambiguity, He is the only certain.
I praise the Lord,my God, He never abandoned me. He led me to the place where my trust is without borders. He let me walk upon the water where my feet may fail.
My faith has led me to that place where I took the exam. And I will go back to that place again to get the reward of my faith.
Thank You Lord for bringing me to the desert where I found the best dessert.
You are able. Your love never fails.
My God is a God who wins victory after victory and He is with me.
Joana Grace O. Carlos, RPm