[jellyfishforest135]

Activated them like sleeper agents

[guccifloralsuits]

If THE modern translator of the OG Odyssey text wrote this about my film adaptation I’d kill myself

Emily Wilson you’re goated

[caspercryptid]

So I had both the fortune and misfortune of being born to two people at the exact center of the bell curve in Most demographic respects— they are white, able-bodied cishet suburbanites— who happen to have a good bit more money than is sensible. This has made them deranged in several very predictable rich people ways— they identify themselves as "Upper Middle Class", they are cheap about dumb shit like buying in bulk and then continuing to eat that food once it expires rather than throwing it out, my father thinks insurance is a scam to steal your money, etc.

So when my husband and I decided to move to the city— specifically to a city with a high Black population, bc that sure isnt irrelevant — my parents became very concerned about Crime. My father got very worried when we asked for the bars that blocked fire escape routes to be removed and gave us several cans of mace that we have given a place of honor still wrapped at the bottom of a shelf somewhere. After the move I got asked a lot of questions about if I was hearing Strange Noises at night (no, on the record). My father was convinced because there were unoccupied houses on our street that we were going to Die.

So all of this primes me for today, when my husband tells me me our grocery delivery is on the porch. I open the door. It is not on the porch. We have a mutual "Well, shit" moment and some confusion because we have a VERY loud dog— my husband had locked the outer door (its a grate) by accident so the delivery guy hadn't been able to knock on the inner door, and so there had not been barking, so it'd taken us half an hour to get out there. I go Well, Shit, lesson learned. Here there be porch pirates. I guess this is what city living is like. I go to shower.

No sooner have I stripped and gone down to get a towel then there is a knock on the door. Dog loses it. I throw on a robe and get the door. It is our neighbor, who was told by another neighbor that we'd left our groceries out, and who'd picked them up to take them inside for us so they didn't get stolen. I pad out there barefoot, in my robe, and he gives me the groceries and as I struggle to get the two bags and keep the robe closed and get the door and keep the dog from running out to make friends and thank him profusely, he's calling "you got it? You need help?"

So, yknow. I guess this is what city living is like. Suburbanites are fucking stupid.

[life-on-our-planet]

eepy mourning dove cupping its wings under its belly for cushion ©Ella

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This eepy mourning dove is joyful and whimsical!

[depsidase]

[theundergroundwoman]

btw you should make sure to spend the infinite cycle of life, death, and rebirth with a bestie. it’s called ouroboros not myoboros

[closet-keys]

as a teen, i was constantly harassed by adults enforcing ''dress codes'' on me. I very much experienced this as sexual harassment. I think this is one of many cases where people would more easily understand this as sexual harassment if I described it as if it happened to an adult.

imagine being on your lunch break, and your supervisor comes over to your table, tells you to stand up in front of everyone. they draw everyone's attention to your thighs. they tell you that you have broken the dress code because of the length of your shorts. they tell you to go change (so you do not get the rest of your lunch break). they do this every single day at lunch. every day. so you read the whole dress code front and back, and you choose your clothing carefully to not break it. you bring a cloth tape measure with you to work because they will not believe you. this time when your supervisor tells you that you're breaking dress code, you pull out your tape measure and show that you are within the limit. your supervisor says "I bet you wouldn't want me to bring you to the boss and let him measure it, would you?" it's clearly a threat: if you don't obey then you will be put alone in a room with your boss and he will touch your thighs. you don't know how to respond. you're taken out of lunch again.

this was my experience at school. replace supervisor with "teacher" and boss with "principal." this was sexual harassment. fuck dress codes.

[bob-artist]

Can I interest you in a

.

…

a…

…

crabonated beverage?

[bob-artist]

How to tell when your pun has reached both of its intended demographics

[fashionmajor]

one thing i wanna say though is data centers being built in rural areas is environmental racism + classism so when i see ppl bitching about locals bitching about data centers im like oh it’s literally because it’s not your backyard being demolished and your air not being polluted and your waterways not being ran dry and your soundscapes not being raised to unhealthy decibels ….

[argumate]

instead of "people pleaser" it might be better to think "disapproval fearer" if that's the emotional stick that's motivating action; important to consider at least three reasons to do something:

it's a good thing to do

I want to do the thing

people will be mad if I don't do the thing

and if 3. is the most weighty reason then that's a potential problem.

[quasi-normalcy]

[stahsm]

Overlock Stitch by @clothes_reetzy

[thatisuseful]

Damn, that's useful

[fluidstatick]

Finally a hand sewing tutorial on a hemline that isn't just the ladder stitch! the ladder stitch disappears when you tighten it, but it's not meant for hemlines because it breaks really easily! The overlock stitch is more stable, so it holds much longer, and it won't pucker or warp the fabric!

[depsidase]

[jordanbolton]

To the Person Who Asked If I Was OK

Pre-order my new book here

[dorothygale]

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

[caecilius-est-pater]

I was searching the Latin/Greek section of a used bookstore for some ~aesthetic~ antique Latin books, and I came across this beautiful 1889 tome: 

This is going to look great on my “look at me I’m a pretentious twat” bookshelf.

But then… the first few sentences read:

“In 1875 delegates of the Oxford University Press proposed to me that I should undertake the compilation of a new Latin-English Lexicon, of something the same compass as the Greek-English Lexicon of Liddell and Scott. I acceded to the proposal in the expectation, for which I had at the time what appeared to be good grounds, that I should obtain adequate assistance in the work. My hopes were, however, disappointed.”

Ouch.

He goes on to detail how he spent 12 years working on A all by himself. Then the university asked him to publish what he had, so he threw together the rest of the book, clearly caring less and less the further he got in the alphabet - the entire Q section has four entries - and published… this.

Obviously this is going straight onto my pretentious twat shelf as a goofy conversation starter, but it is interesting and potentially useful if obscure Latin words are your thing. (Did you know “ramen” is a hapax legomenon meaning “a small chip or shaving”?)

So if you ever come across a really obscure Latin word or name that you can’t find anywhere, hmu… but only if it starts with A.

[bowcard]

you played “count the rice”!

said you played “count the rice”!

👏👏

you win if you do

the win condition twice!

👏👏

[winner’s name] counted the best,

here’s what they have to say!:

“[winner’s ad lib]”

[loser’s name] did the worst,

so they get sent away!

bye bye!!