i'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down.

indie blaine anderson rp written by camille

[andcrsonn]

I know I have no regular partners yet here BUT I have added an array of lovely muses (Elliott, Sam, Kitty & Brittany) at my new multimuse sideblog @stagebcrn !!!! <3 excited to explore them.

also would love to promote my first-ever fanfic called 'fever pitch' which can be found here. content warning: extremely heavy medical whump!

[na-page]

and hopefully this is apt rehearsal for the 20 Year Anniversary in 2029.

[andcrsonn]

hurricane

major tw: eating disorders of all types. read with caution

chapter 9: heavy.

the moment the cold air hits his face again, blaine grasps at kurt's arm for stability, feeling so hollow that even the wind threatens to knock him over. he closes his eyes, body wavering, waits for his body to re-calibrate.

kurt watches, concern etched across his face. maybe walking was a bad idea. but turning back now would create more problems than it would solve. even so, he wraps a steady arm around his back, forcing blaine to stay upright. "you okay?"

"not really." blaine admits, to his own surprise. he's too tired to lie. "but it's just two blocks. i'll be fine."

kurt hesitates for a moment, hand still hovering behind blaine's back just in case. "okay. let's move, then. it's awful out here."

it's a quiet, brisk walk. blaine counts his steps again, avoids the cracks, eyes at his feet the entire way. kurt keeps his eyes forward. his hand inches closer to blaine's, their fingers eventually interlocking. kurt gives him a gentle squeeze. blaine's hands are clammy, despite the cold. a wave of warm air hits them the moment they enter the vestibule. blaine finally raises his eyes. the restaurant is moderately busy — workers repeating back orders, customers crunching at lettuce and croutons, the faint whir of the soda machine behind the counter.

"do you just want the usual?" kurt breaks the silence for the first time in minutes. blaine lets go of his hand, wide eyes darting around. did they have a usual? he couldn't remember. his focus is on everyone else. the dozens of eyes on him, something inside making him sick to his stomach: they know. they're judging you. you don't belong here, and they know it. "blaine?" a few moments later.

he snaps his attention back to kurt, making eye contact for the first time since they left. "sorry. what?" kurt repeats himself. "uh... i don't know. let me see a menu." his jaw tightens as he looks down at the laminate in his hands. numbers follow each description. not prices. calories.

garden: 520 cal. / grilled chicken caesar: 560 cal. / cobb: 740 cal. / greek: 410 cal.

kurt watches him study the menu, doing math in his head, eyes focusing on the numbers, not the ingredients. he gently takes the paper back, pretending to have a look himself. "what sounds good?" blaine stares blankly, as if he's still calculating something. "you usually get the quinoa and kale." kurt reminds him with a soft smile. "or mushroom and feta."

"yeah." blaine hesitates like his life depends on it, like if he chooses the wrong one something bad will happen.

"i think the chipotle ranch fajita sounds good." kurt offers.

"you're just saying that because it has the most calories." blaine mutters, voice almost hostile.

kurt tenses up, reminds himself to take a deep breath before responding. "no. i've just never had it before. i'll get that one. you can try some if you want. but what sounds good to you?"

"maybe just a garden tonight." he finally answers. nothing sounds good, in all honesty, but nothing wasn't an option. "with the balsamic."

kurt nods, and they get in line. silence falls between them again. like they're two strangers standing there, no amount of small talk taking care of the awkwardness. both are in their heads, only snapping out of it when the cashier asks them to come forward. kurt orders for both of them, and blaine squeezes his hand, a silent thank you. he remembers what kurt said: one step at a time.

"i'll take care of it." blaine insists when she gives them the total, pulling his wallet out and quickly swiping before kurt has the chance. another silent thank you. their meals are out almost instantly, and then it's back into the cold. back to counting steps, squeezing hands and uncomfortable silence.

..................................................................................

blaine stares at the food like it's done something wrong. an anxious leg bounces underneath the table, kurt looking across at him with a look somewhere between pity and concern. he reaches his hand across the table, interlocking with blaine's for just a moment before blaine pulls away.

"don't— please." blaine drops his hands into his lap, starting to squeeze at his thighs without even noticing. "i already feel ridiculous. it's a salad." he laughs dryly. eyes raise to the ceiling, a pitiful attempt at stopping tears from flowing. "i can't explain it. i just really don't want to do this." he lifts his fork, rearranging the leaves on the plate without committing to anything. his stomach twists, like it's already anticipating having to bring it back up. "i feel sick."

kurt sighs through his nose, reminding himself to be patient. "i know." a beat. then, "would it help if we sat on the couch instead? we can put something on. rupaul. star wars. whatever you want."

blaine considers it, raising his water glass to his lips and taking a few sips. "yeah. revenge of the sith maybe. and you start eating first." he decides. he's already pushing his chair back from the table, a sigh of relief as they carry their to-go boxes to the couch. blaine usually preferred sitting at a table — it felt more structured, routine. but a distraction is what he really needed right now.

kurt does what blaine asks: pops the movie in and starts it, then gets to work on his salad. he keeps his eyes forward, giving blaine that privacy. it helps. blaine pours about half of the basalmic on the salad and stirs it before finally taking a bite. "that's good." blaine nods, mouth full.

"good." kurt reaches for blaine's thigh before changing his mind, drawing it back. "mine is, too. do you want a bite?"

blaine pauses, eyes meeting kurt's. "um." he considers it for a moment too long, fingers twirling the fork in his hand. "sure. just a bite." he reaches his fork over, not grabbing much more than a few leaves of lettuce and a pepper with the chipotle sauce. the moment he tastes it his shoulders drag a little, eyes closing. "oh, wow. yeah, that's good."

"do you want any more? the chicken is really tender."

"no." blaine answers, maybe a bit too quickly. "it's okay. do you... want a bite of mine?"

kurt looks at him, overthinking it before shaking his head. "i don't really like basalmic." he answers truthfully.

blaine nods. his brain goes on autopilot after that. he keeps his eyes on the movie, finishing the salad mechanically. when he realizes it's gone, his stomach feels like a rock. he clears his throat, putting the styrofoam to the side.

"i'm proud of you." kurt offers. he still has almost half of his salad left. it makes blaine's heart sink. had he eaten too fast? he wasn't really paying attention.

"can you not say that, actually?" blaine requests after a few moments. "it just feels kind of... condescending."

"oh. i—" kurt seems caught off guard by the comment, trying to mask the defensiveness in his tone. it was like he couldn't say a single thing right. "okay. would it be better if i just didn't say anything?"

"just treat me like a normal person." blaine mutters. "you don't have to be proud."

about a million responses come to kurt's mind. he hesitates before his next question. "okay. thanks for letting me know. can i just... ask how you feel right now?"

"physically or mentally?"

"either."

"i don't know. i feel like i ate so much faster than you. and my stomach feels heavy. like it doesn't want to keep it down." he admits.

kurt frowns. "i kept getting distracted by the TV. i don't think you ate too fast. and i'm guessing that feeling is probably normal. it's not used to it. but i promise nothing bad is going to happen. just focus on the movie."

blaine finally offers a weak smile, a nod following. "thank you." he scoots just a little bit closer, enough that he'll be able to rest his head on kurt when he's finished.

[ohisms]

✱˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝐀 𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐒 .    (  a collection of  action prompts.   feel free to reverse roles as desired. this prompt will be updated.  )

[ REDWOOD ] sender lashes out at receiver when it isn't their fault.

[ WILLOW ] sender embraces receiver in a moment of extreme distress.

[ PINE ] sender fervently resists receiver's attempts to comfort / care for them.

[ BIRCH ] sender finally ends a tense argument by reaching out to apologize.

[ POPLAR ] sender mentors receiver through learning a new skill.

[ PALM ] sender and receiver avoid / ignore the stresses of real life together.

[ ELM ] sender lends receiver aid in a time of urgent need.

[ MAGNOLIA ] sender, believed to be dead, arrives at receiver's door.

[ DOGWOOD ] sender gifts receiver a token of good luck / protection.

[ MULBERRY ] sender and receiver take a long walk through nature together.

[ HAZELNUT ] sender begrudgingly patches up receiver's wounds.

[ CAMPHOR ] sender suddenly pushes receiver out of danger's path.

[ CASHEW ] when they're finally alone, sender invites receiver to dance.

[ LAVENDER ] sender lays their head in receiver's lap and closes their eyes.

[ BEECH ] it comes to light that sender has betrayed receiver.

[ HIBISCUS ] sender invites receiver to go traveling with them.

[ HICKORY ] sender pushes receiver to admit that they need them.

[ MAPLE ] sender shakes receiver's shoulders, begging them to wake up.

[ CHERRY BLOSSOM ] sender revels in receiver's beauty, stunned.

[ JOSHUA ] sender offers receiver a safe place to hide / crash .

[ ASH ] sender and receiver become reacquainted after many years.

[ FIG ] sender, knowing receiver is hungry, pressures them to eat.

[ YEW ] sender beckons for receiver to join them in the water.

[ CYPRESS ] sender shamelessly flirts with receiver.

[ LINDEN ] sender cares for receiver, who took a hit to protect them.

[andcrsonn]

// just finished episode 5 of heated rivalry and cried twice, like.. ugly crying. I need an AU with broadway star Blaine and Kurt working at a smoothie shop or some shit ashfhwurboah

That was wild

[animatedtext]

[na-page]

DARREN CRISS | 2025

[leneemusing]

IT’S  ALL  ABOUT  THE  YEARNING 

❝  you need someone.  let me be that person.  let me be what you need.  ❞

❝  look,  i dunno if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now.  but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here.  ❞

❝  i never realized how much i needed you until you were the one person who wasn’t there.  ❞

❝  you asked me once,  if i would ever take a chance on us…maybe that ship sailed.  but.  ask me again?  sometime— doesn’t have to be today.  maybe tomorrow just.  ask me again.  ❞

❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞

❝  i used to have so much faith.  maybe not in deities or something but,  in the world.  the universe.  i believed their was a purpose to it all.  i’m not sure when i lost that.  ❞

❝  have you ever had something…missing?  like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is.  ❞

❝  sometimes,  i just need the world to be beautiful.  i know how dark and ugly it can be but i just want to see something good and focus only on it for a few minutes.  ❞

❝  i was sort’ve hoping you needed me.  is that selfish?  ❞

❝  people need someone to see them for what they are and not just see it but accept it.  i want to be that person for anyone i can…but it can be so suffocating to be that person and also remain unseen.  ❞

❝  sometimes i feel i’m being crushed under the weight of everything i’ll never be.  ❞

❝  you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me.  do you know how that feels?  just see me.  please.  ❞

❝  i want to deserve you.  i’m trying to deserve you.  ❞

❝  i know i fucked up.  i know i did but don’t shut me out anymore.  let me in.  please let in.  ❞

❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞

❝  i can’t help but think there’s got to be something out there for me,  somewhere.  just some place where i actually feel like i belong.  ❞ 

❝  the world is so big.  why do i never feel like i fit into it?  ❞

❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞

❝  do you like me?  i know you love me.  i know you care about me but.  do you like who i am?  ❞

❝  i want to look in the mirror one day and not feel uncomfortable with my own reflection.  ❞

❝  just take my hand and close your eyes.  pretend we’re anywhere else but here.  ❞

❝  so,  what would you be?  if you had to power to change all the things making you unhappy,  what would your life look like?  ❞

❝  do you even know what it does to me?  every time i see you cry,  any time you’re hurt even the smallest bit it just— do you realize how deeply you’ve imbedded yourself into my heart?  ❞

❝  i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore.  i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that.  you’re part of who i am now.  the most important piece of me.  ❞

❝  every time you walk away you take another piece of me with you.  ❞

❝  i’m only really living in the moments when we’re together.  the rest is just existing until you look at me again.  ❞

❝  it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you.  everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind,  pulling me towards you.  ❞

❝  you’ve got me in the palm of your hands.  you could crush me and i would still thank you for touching me at all.  ❞

❝  i no longer know where i end and you begin.  you’ve wound yourself around my soul so tightly,  you’re all i feel anymore.  ❞

❝  you’ve stolen my heart,  the least you could do is tell me what you intend to do with it.  ❞

❝  i don’t have perfect words.  i’m not the kind of person who knows how to sound poetic and shit.  so all i know what to tell you is that i belong to you.  i don’t know if you want me.  but i’m yours.  and at this point however it is you need me,  i’m here.  ❞

❝  you’re the only thing that matters anymore.  i can’t eat,  i can’t sleep—  all the goddamn cliches from every stupid movie and song.  you’re all i think about.  i’m useless except when i’m yours.  ❞

❝  i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh.  i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again.  ❞

❝  when your eyes are on me,  i feel like something worth seeing.  ❞

❝  just let me look at you for a little bit.  ❞

❝  i would do anything for you.  all my lines and rules.  they mean nothing when it comes to you.  it’d cross and break them all just to make you happy.  ❞

[proudgleek]

BLAINE ANDERSON 2.10 - A Very Glee Christmas

[leneemusing]

injury/hurt prompts bc reasons

feel free to specify who is receiving the actions [ sew ] for one muse to have to stitch up the other [ fix ] for one muse to mend a dislocated joint [ alone ] for one muse to find the other trying to treat themselves  [ drugged ] for one muse to take care of the other while they’re delirious [ bullet ] for one muse to help the other after they get shot  [ lacerate ] for one muse to get stabbed while protecting/working with the other  [ broken ] for one muse to have broken a bone(s) [ scream ] for one muse to wake up because the other is having a nightmare  [ comfort ] for one muse to stay the night with the other after a hard day  [ wake ] for one muse to wake up to the other at the side of their hospital bed  [ sleep ] for one muse to sit by while the other is unconscious in a hospital  [ nurse ] for one muse to take care of the other while they’re sick [ appear ] for one muse to show up at the other’s doorstep injured

“  just let me help you.  ” “  shut the fuck up and sit down. you’re bleeding.  ” “  it’s fine— nothing i haven’t dealt with before.  ”  “  hey, you can talk to me.  ” “  shh- lie back. you’re safe now.  ”   “  you need to stay still.  ” “  how the hell did this happen?  ” “  are you sure you’re okay?  ” “  that isn’t ‘just a scratch’.  ” “  stop being such a baby and let me finish cleaning you up.  ” “  i need you to stay awake for me okay? keep your eyes open.  ” “  if you die on me i’ll bring you back to life and kill you myself.  ” “  for once in your goddamn life, let me take care of you before you make it worse.  ” “  you’re hurt because of me. the least i can do is fix it.  ” “  i’ll be okay. i promise.  ” “  a little help?  ” “  i just need a few stitches and i can’t exactly reach.  ” “  i’m fine, i just need a moment.  ” “  no hospitals.  ” “  you need a fucking doctor.  ” “  you need to slow down.  ” “  you’ll be no help to anyone if you run yourself into the ground.  ” “  you have to sleep eventually.  ” “  stop fussing, i’ll be fine.  ” “  shit, okay fuck that actually really fucking hurts.  ” “  i’m scared.  ” “  i feel so cold.  ” “  i can’t feel my legs.  ” “  i don’t…i don’t wanna go yet.  ” “  what the fuck happened to you?  ” “  who the fuck did this?  ” “  you’re clearly not okay so stop bullshitting me.  ” “  fucking hell.  ” “  i need help. please.  ” “  i swear to god i’ll kill whatever bastard did this.  ” “  if i die, i’m gonna haunt your ass.  ” “  it’s not that bad, chill the fuck out.  ”

[memesomething]

ways to ask about it.

"You don't talk about it."

"Will you tell me?"

"Some people never want to share. That could just be what it's like for you."

"It's not, like, toxic sludge. It's not 'share what happened or die'. But it might help."

"There's something you're carrying, and I think it hurts you."

"I'd believe you, you know. If you told me."

"When you are ready to tell me, I will be ready to listen."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Was it bad?"

"What's rattling around up there?"

"You obviously don't trust me enough."

"You want me to ask? Fine. What happened to you? What made you walk away back there? What did you never bother to tell me?"

"What did they/he/she do to you?"

"What did they take?"

"You know I'm on your side."

"Did he/she/they hurt you?"

"Did he/she/they attack you?"

"Do you feel safe when they're here?"

"You look uncomfortable."

"Tell me."

"I care."

[darren-ecriss]

[datshitrandom]

DARREN CRISS | Misc. | 2025

[andcrsonn]

-whispers into the void- i miss you all 🥺 come baaccckkkk

[andcrsonn]

hurricane

major tw: eating disorders of all types. read with caution

chapter 8: one step at a time.

blaine doesn't even remember making it to the bedroom. he just wakes, and the world is suddenly dark around him. blaine squints at his phone, nearly blinding him with the touch of a button. 5:38pm. almost dinner time. just the thought makes his stomach drop. he remembers kurt's words: we'll talk later.

blaine sighs, body tensing as bare feet touch the cold floor. he rises to standing, and the world tilts, threatening to knock him off his feet. he holds onto the night stand until his body adjusts, head shaking as if to recalibrate itself. he cracks the door open and peers out into the loft. kurt is on the couch, study materials out, but scrolling on his phone. he turns around at the sound of blaine coming, quickly exiting out of his browser.

"hey." kurt's voice is monotone this time. no smile, no playful comments. "sleep okay?"

"i guess so. get bored?" blaine gestures to the stack of books next to him.

"yeah. you can only read about stagecraft for so long." kurt sighs. his posture sinks, seemingly also dreading the inevitable conversation about to happen. blaine stands still, eyes gazing just past kurt. "you can come sit down. i'm not gonna bite."

"i didn't say you were." blaine mutters, but slowly makes his way into the living room. kurt watches him, concern in his eyes. he hates the way he's been slinking around. moving like every inch of his body is completely worn out. more than anything, he hates the way he hadn't noticed until now.

the two sit across from each other for a while, the only sound a leaky kitchen faucet. the drops on the stainless steel are loud, consistent.

kurt takes a deep breath, shaky and slow. "i just wanted to say..." his chest tightens. there's no reason for him to be this nervous. the atmosphere is just crushing him. "i'm sorry." blaine furrows his eyebrows. "that you've been going through this alone. and that... you felt like you couldn't talk to me."

"it's really not that big of a deal." blaine insists, denial heavy in his tone.

"it is, though. i know it doesn't feel like it, because you're deep in it, but- it is a big deal. you're sick. and you're not yourself. you're lashing out and isolating, and that's not like you. and i'm sorry i didn't notice sooner." kurt keeps his voice soft. small, but steady. they'd both been raising their voices too much, and it was getting them nowhere. "can i ask... how this all started?"

blaine keeps his eyes down the whole time, fidgeting with his nails. he truly never thought this conversation was going to happen. he didn't mean to lose control. "i don't know." words mumbled. "i just..." tears already threaten to sting at his eyes. his voice is even smaller than kurt's, and cracking. blaine gestures to himself. his stomach. his thighs. "look at me. and then look at you. you're perfect. you wake up and you work out and drink those... weird green smoothies. you're getting a six-pack and i'm getting... chubby. i've gained almost 20 pounds since i moved in. and people are saying things."

kurt stays quiet for a while, giving blaine room to add more if he wants to. he can feel his own eyes tearing up. he hates seeing blaine hurt like this. "who is?"

blaine shrugs. "instructors, mostly. classmates. even my boss noticed. people saying i'm not gonna make it in this business if i don't trim the weight off. so i started eating even more. they'd ask me to take the older stuff to the trash and i'd just..." blaine trails off, taking a moment to wipe his eyes before finishing. "sit out back and eat it. i felt so disgusting. one night i ate a bunch and just threw up. not even on purpose, i just got really full. and it was like this moment of... i realized i could eat whatever i want and still lose the weight. so i do it almost every shift now."

"did you do it today?"

"no. i didn't really have time to eat anyway because it's my half day."

"so... you said three months?" kurt breaks eye contact for the first time, like it hurts to say the words out loud. it feels like betrayal, in all honesty. but that was a talk for later. much later.

"yeah. three or four. end of last semester. but it's gotten worse over the past couple of weeks. the day before i passed out, so 2 days ago? i did it three separate times. and then the last time was last night. and i didn't eat today, because—" blaine finally breaks fully, stifling a sob. his shoulders shake with every breath, kurt's face is blurred out with tears. it's hard to say out loud. "it's not even just binges anymore that i do it. i do it almost every time i eat. and i hate it, because it feels like... i'm scared to eat. because i get so hungry that i just want to binge. like, if i eat a normal amount of food my stomach hurts, i don't know how to describe it. i just want to be normal again. but i vowed that i wouldn't stop until i lose thirty. and i'm not even to fifteen yet."

kurt's heart splits in two. he swallows, hard enough that blaine can hear it from across the room. "why didn't you talk to me?"

"it's embarrassing." blaine laughs dryly. "and disgusting. and i knew you'd make me stop. and i don't want to stop. i still don't. i don't know if i can. but now you know about it, and it makes everything so much harder."

"sweetie." kurt's voice sad, shoulders dropping. "you know you have to. you know it's gonna mess with your electrolytes and your heart, and—"

"i don't care." blaine interrupts. "i want to, but i don't. it's all i can think about. 24/7. my grades are dipping because it's all i can think about, all the time. i don't care about anything else right now."

"what about me?"

blaine stops, anger replacing the sorrow in his eyes. "that's not fair. you know i do."

"so are you gonna listen to me, or the voice that's trying to kill you?"

"that's not fair!" blaine repeats, voice shaking, hands grasping firmly at the arm rests.

"what's not fair is having to watch the person i love do this to himself, and be villainized for not just sitting back and watching it. we're done pretending this isn't a big deal."

"it's not that easy." blaine argues. "i wouldn't expect you to understand it, but it's not something i can just switch off."

"i'm not asking you to! i'm asking for you to talk to someone. get help, before you completely disappear." hot tears are streaming steadily down kurt's cheeks now. "please, blaine. this isn't about weight anymore. this is going to kill you if you don't stop, and i'm not just going to sit by and let it happen because you're scared."

blaine stands from his chair now, arms wrapping around his torso. eyes glance at the clock, gaining on 6:00 now. "i still think you're overreacting. i'm not some... thin teenage girl who is skin and bones. i have plenty of reserves to get me through. i'm not starving any time soon."

"your weight doesn't matter, blaine. it's not about your size, it's about your actions. it's dangerous and you know it. remember that girl last year you told me about? that passed out at sectionals, and you were so scared for her?"

"but she was thin—"

"i feel like i'm talking to a brick wall." kurt groans. the conversation had been going so well, and then he backed blaine into a corner. he keeps reminding himself that blaine isn't thinking rationally right now. his brain is starving. it wasn't going to make good decisions. "let's go out tonight." kurt suggests. "you can get whatever you want. even just some salad, just... something. and you keep it down, and i prove to you that nothing bad is going to happen to you just because you ate."

blaine bites his lip, legs shaking as he moves to sit back down. "fine. just a salad." he agrees, partly from hunger and partly just to get kurt off his back. "can we bring it back here, though? i really don't want to eat in front of other people."

"okay." kurt softens his tone. "yeah. that's fine. one step at a time."

[andcrsonn]

hurricane

major tw: eating disorders of all types. read with caution

chapter 7: patterns.

the walk home is almost worse than the walk there. his feet feel particularly heavy, the lack of food really starting to take its toll. he just wants to get home and crawl back under the covers. to be alone for a while. to not think about food, or how he looks, or how he's going to make it through the rest of the semester. to just be.

he has to take a breather halfway up the stairs. he can feel his heart pumping harder — it's a new sensation he's had recently. the same one before he collapsed yesterday. blaine puts both hands on the railing, taking deep and steady breaths. he can almost feel the color return to his face. he finishes the rest, lazily pulling his keys out and turning the knob.

as soon as the door swings open, his stomach drops. kurt is sitting in the living room, eyes staring straight through him. one leg is crossed, arms are folded as if he's about to stage a one-person intervention. perhaps what scares him more is his own reaction to seeing kurt: dread. anxiety. guilt. he's never felt that way before.

blaine swallows, voice soft when he speaks. "hey."

"so you're skipping school now?" not even a greeting. just an accusation.

"i thought you had tutoring until 4." blaine mutters defensively.

"they cancelled again." kurt explains. he rearranges a bit in his chair, not shifting his gaze from blaine. "i was gonna go out anyway, but... i had a feeling you might come back. didn't want you alone by yourself."

"you're joking." blaine scoffs. "i'm not a child." he hangs his coat up on the rack; the same one he had knocked down just hours prior.

"you're slamming doors and knocking things over." kurt mutters, having to hold his breath before he says something he regrets. "blaine, you're scaring me." a small crack in his voice. "this isn't you. you don't get violent, or skip class, or shut me out like this. i wanna help you. please."

"i don't need help. you're reading too much into everything, it's driving me crazy." blaine rests his fingers at his temples, eyes squeezed shut.

"because there's something to read into," kurt snaps. "you overeat, you puke, then you don't eat this morning, and now you're skipping class. you went with a high fever last semester, and now you're just taking a day off? because you don't feel like it?"

"i'm tired."

"you're tired because you have nothing left in you. physically or mentally."

"can we please not do this right now?" blaine begs. he takes a few more steps into the loft, losing his balance halfway. "i don't feel good. i don't wanna fight."

"this isn't a fight." kurt corrects him. "you need to eat something. real food. there's leftover chinese, or that casserole from tuesday, or even those chicken strips in the freezer—"

"i'm not hungry." blaine cuts him off. "and even if i was, i'm not going to eat just because you tell me to. i can take care of myself."

"clearly you can't, blaine. you just said you don't feel good."

"i don't! and you still won't leave me alone!" blaine raises his voice, arms raising at his sides. "i can't— i can't do this right now." his breath hitches in his throat, panic rising through his chest. tears sting at his eyes and he turns his back to hide them. hands raise to run through his hair, fingers tugging at his curls just to keep himself grounded. "i can't breathe, you're suffocating me." even with his back turned, he can feel kurt's eyes tearing through him.

"blaine."

without warning, blaine's knees buckle from underneath him. they hit the floor with a loud, painful smack. he's too deep in panic to even notice kurt stand, just feels a hand on his shoulder. he swats it away, maybe a bit harsher than intended. "don't touch me. i just said, i can't—" blaine attempts at a deep breath, but it falls apart entirely. why did kurt have to find out? the past several weeks had gone fine, in his mind. one incident and everything changed.

kurt's eyes fill the moment blaine swats him away. he truly didn't recognize the person in front of him. "hey." kurt tries gently. "i'm sorry. i'm not trying to—" his voice trails off as he watches blaine crumble on his knees in front of him, back still turned. "please... stop pushing me away."

blaine barely hears him, his entire focus just on catching his breath. they grow faster, more shallow, until his fingers go numb. vision starts cutting out. "i can't feel my hands. i think i'm gonna pass out."

kurt crawls closer behind him, wrapping his arms around blaine to grab ahold of his hands. "you can feel your hands. you're okay." kurt reassures him. this time, blaine doesn't push him away. "you need to breathe. you're not in danger. i'm right here." finally, kurt rests his head gently on blaine's shoulder, cradling him from behind. "slow it down. just focus on my voice. i'm not going anywhere. we're gonna get through this, okay? together. i love you." his voice fully breaks now. "i love you. i'm not gonna let anything happen to you. hate me for it or not. i've got you."

finally, blaine just lets himself be held. he melts backward into his arms, exhausted. eyes stay closed, breaths loud and harsh through gritted teeth. he wants to apologize, wants to explain himself, but the words won't come out.

blaine squeezes at kurt's hands until the color has completely drained from them. kurt winces, but doesn't stop him. "see? you can feel your hands. it's gonna be okay."

the two of them stay there for a long while, until blaine starts drifting off. he jerks himself awake. "i'm gonna go lie down." blaine whispers, voice sore and dry. "and then we can talk about dinner. please."

"okay." kurt replies simply. no argument about dinner, or skipping breakfast and lunch. no exceptions. just a simple okay. it isn't worth the energy to argue right now. blaine was going to do what he wanted, regardless. "i'm gonna get some studying done out here. go rest."

[hummely]