wanna be mysterious

can't shut the fuck up

[hitrecord]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[botan]

[astrodidact]

[c3rvida3]

Every day, I think about getting my height checked at my endocrinologist and the nurse going, "Why's every trans guy we get in here 5'4"?" Uncalled for.

[c3rvida3]

Also being at the dentist and saying, "Hey, my paperwork says _____, but I'm Newt," and her, without skipping a beat, saying, "Oh, did your mom pick that one out, too?" Obliterated.

[mellifexfarm]

[travesty-majesty]

"the ghosts that inhabit this place are more alive than you'll ever be" is an unfairly intense quote to be under a tiktok comment

[chronophobica]

me, copy pasting the same joke on tumblr, 3 discord servers, 2 dms, and a group chat: I am doing amazing. I am doing fantastic. I am going to get a good grade in funny, which is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

[chronophobica]

shaking and crying

[lmaonade]

this is so damn funny

[novemberof1997]

It is so cruel that we think we’re wasting time when we’re doing something that we love and that does not have any materialistic returns

[daddylexas-deactivated20160407]

me, with tears in my eyes: time to make a joke

[noahnomore]

[ruinedchildhood]

[lokiedokiee]

milf (motivation i’d like to find)

[supermoonscarab]

too much self reflection is not a good thing honestly. go outside and plant a garden and then cook yourself a homemade dinner then mop the floors and change your sheets and take a hot shower then you won’t care so much

[tlirsgender]

The human spine is a joke why do my shoes effect how much my back hurts I'm gonna kill you

[givemearmstopraywith]

yeah i’m stupid. i’m also the smartest man in the world and God’s favourite princess. i cannot die, i’m the best person you’ll ever meet, and the worst girl who’s ever lived. let’s kiss with tongue.