my teacher once told me, âGod sends you friends to guide youâ.Â
my mom once told me your friends were the ones who will support you.Â
tumblr text posts tell me theyâre the ones whoâll stay by my side.Â
therefore, Iâm convincing myself theyâre all in this life I call a ride.
but who am i to convince myself when I have no evidenceÂ
of anyone who cared to acknowledge my presence.
 the back of my hand knows the cause of my tearsÂ
who knew my greatest fear would be my own peers
I gave up all my plans for the one comment saidÂ
by two of my best friends behind the back of my head.Â
because a whole conversation on how I wasnât enough,
broke down the demeanor they knew wasnât so tough.
i could be called a flirt or an attention whoreÂ
but somehow my presence was worse and more,
and so i guess I wasnât meant for the big leagueÂ
if it would cause the internal death of a colleague.
and who would be better to keep a promiseÂ
than the one I could find true solaceÂ
but as time goes by they forget the essenceÂ
as the pacts faded away with my presence
and when I thought I had experienced the last strawÂ
my affiliation had come to a halting drawÂ
with the one i thought would never departÂ
but then again, I was never that smart
despite my retaliation with a bleeding heartÂ
nothing could put back what was already apartÂ
and till this day anyone might believe all my deniesÂ
but one would notice the vanishing of the fire in my eyes
and so I have myself to blame on my dependenceÂ
on the thoughts of my friends and their meaningless acceptanceÂ
but the bad outweighs the good in my little mindÂ
as self love is a concept I cannot find
does my silence in this chaos not ring a bell?Â
do I not look like im in my own personal hell?Â
does the blank stare in my eyes not symbolize loss,Â
or have I lost my relevance as the friend youâd rather toss