you’re right, i’m bitter
Unfair. It always is. The way I kept my sleepless nights and lifeless soul for you? Oh well, I guess you don’t know yet, or perhaps you’ll never know though. At this point, it’s just a luck competition. My fate versus someone else’s fate. I know you’re not blind enough to be able to see what I gave you. My time, my effort, my energy, my strength and weakness- Even the result itself. And now? It’s going down to me getting another rejection, the thing I achieved from you multiple times, and another appreciative applause given to somebody we knew didn’t fight that hard yeay! You might not know the worst thing lmao. The fact that I set aside my ego to celebrate the moment for the prize winner and seemed like I’d rather be gone- dead, because they don’t even cherish my existence and can’t be thankful for that. Oh well. That’s interesting. The fact that you can just give everything to someone and they’ll thank another person instead- and now you’re just paid dust. Definitely laughing and crying ‘bout it right now. Just funny. Everything, everything I did, in this life, whatever I fought for just for YOU- JUST FOR YOU- HOW DARE YOU. HOW CAN YOU EVEN. HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE ME AT THIS MOMENT? IS IT TRUE THAT ALL THIS TIME I’VE ALWAYS JUST BEEN A WORTHLESS FIGURE, TRYING TO RAISE YOU UP, BEING A PART OF YOUR SUCCESS, DESERVING TO SWALLOW MY BLEEDING TEARS EACH TIME?! If only you knew, every time I’m reminded, there’s always a door and a room for me to go back to punishing myself again. Guess what? Because I couldn’t make it up for you, I couldn’t love you enough, couldn’t be special enough for you, and YES THERE AIN’T NO SINGLE ACKNOWLEDGMENT FROM YOU THAT COULD JUST TELL ME I’VE ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH. However, duh, I guess my torn skin and breaking bones are just not worth you- I’m not cutting just for you. I’m not tearing my skull only for you- only to REGRET YOU. ONLY TO SHOW YOU HOW HURT IT IS. HOW PAINFUL YOU ALWAYS MADE ME. The fact that I love you more makes me scarred more- I wish I didn’t do that much. You don’t deserve it. Neither do I.










