Ravings of a Vulgar Irishman

Hello all, My name is Aindreás. If you're easily offended, piss off now. This blog is essentially a self-indulgent shrine to my own opinion. I'm a metal enthusiast, a geek, a book worm and a film buff. I'm not sorry for anything I say, so if you take issue, go somewhere else. hit counter

[andreis-reaper]

Still alive.

Unfortunately, I still have cancer. I'm a lot better off than I was though. After four different chemotherapy treatments be of them finally got results and now I'm on weaker chemo medication until I reach remission.

However, weak chemo is still chemo. It's a lot like setting fire to your house in order to get rid of some spiders. Completely necessary! But you do fuck yourself over quite a bit. Since I've started on the medication my immune system has taken the kinda beating you see in films about corrupt juvenile institutions. Thus I have been picking up horrible infections with terrifying frequency.

Right now I've been hospitalised for the last twelve weeks because if an arthritic infection I picked up in my left knee. On the leg that was already crippled because my fucking tumour just happens to be right on top of my sciatic nerve. So yeah, my left leg is all kinds of fucked. But, after seven washout surgeries (they fill up your knee like a water balloon and flush out all that nastiness), the infection is pretty much gone and I'm just dealing with aftermath. Hopefully, unless another cunt of an infection rears its ugly head, I'll be able to go home soon... until the next infection.

At some point I'll give a proper run down if what's been happening to me since I got sick. There's a lot to tell. The worst thing about cancer is that you never just have cancer. Not only does the treatment make you an infection magnet you're also weakened to a point where a 3 legged kitten could successfully mug you. Hell, I've actually died once already during this whole mess. For all I know, this could be my amazingly unimaginative afterlife... holy shit, that'd be depressing.

But Yeah, I died last November for about ninety seconds. I was on my way down to dialysis, because of a bastard infection that was wrecking my kidneys, and my heart stopped. I was just reading something on my tablet and then *nothing*. It really is just like falling asleep and at least I know that it doesn't hurt. It's actually kinda reassuring. Good thing dialysis is so close to the ICU here.

But I think that's all I have to say. I kinda disappeared on you guys and my last posts were cancer related so I'm pretty sure there's a few of you who think I died. Sorry about that. But, I'm alive and I won't be dead anytime soon. Afterall, I am quite indestructible.

[andreis-reaper]

Just dropping by to show that I'm still alive and cancer hasn't won.

I'm currently waiting for a few scans next week. It's to see if the lymphoma at the base of my spine is still there or not and this will determine if I need one last round of chemo or not.

Positive or negative, I am nearing the conclusion of my fight with cancer. Yeah, I'm nervous as all hell, but I'm still gonna laugh and joke and make this little malignant fuck my bitch. Come Christmas time I should be back on my feet and celebrating my life with the people who love me. I will make it happen!

[andreis-reaper]

Here's how I'm looking these days. Luckily i managed to donate my hair to the Repunzal foundation before chemo got all of it.

The way I look at it, yeah it sucks for me that I'm losing my hair. I'm sad, I'm angry but at the same time I know it'll grow back. However there's a little girl out there who's either going through chemo like me or is getting brain surgery. I'm sad my hair is falling out, her entire world is ending. I would gladly give up my hair to help her stop crying.

[andreis-reaper]

Just dropping by with a reminder that cancer really sucks.

[andreis-reaper]

Being in the hospital for nearly 2 months has made me realise something about myself.

I like nurses. A lot... a lot a lot... I love....I FUCKING LOVE NURSES!

Give them more money and respect because they do all the fucking work and emotionally support us when they don't have to! If you choose to be a nurse it means you are a naturally kind and caring person and the world needs more of you!

Be good to nurses! Fuck doctors who fail to respect the nursing staff! Fuck the financial bastards who don't pay them more!

Fuck anyone who gives male nurses shit for choosing to do a hard ass job. If you think being a nurse makes someone less of a man you're a fucking idiot. Man Or woman it takes a special kind of character to do what they do and still be kind and compassionate people.

Protect nurses! They are precious and we need more of them!

Also, my night nurse is the sweetest kindest human being in existence and I will remove the finger nails of anyone who so much as frowns at her.

[andreis-reaper]

One thing that annoys me about my situation; going through news reports and thinking, "oh come on. He deserves cancer way more than I do".

Now, you could be one of those types who thinks things like, "no one deserves to have cancer". Well, first of all, shut up. Secondly, look at it from my perspective. My greatest sin in the last while was maybe being just a little too lazy. Now compare me to the guy who willingly gave two former partners HIV. Ok, that guy definitely deserves cancer way more than I do. He needs an illness he can't fucking weaponize.

My point is, when the cancer fairy was doing her rounds, she obviously dropped the ball.

[andreis-reaper]

The ones who have it worse than me.

There's this poor bastard down the hall from me. Every night like clock work he starts screaming. Like something is in his room trying to kill him. What I've gathered from listening in is that he's got a wicked bad brain tumour and it's causing him horrible vivid hallucinations, so he's kept heavily sedated most of the time. He seems like a nice guy too. No one who has that many people come and see them when they're unconscious can be that much of a cunt.

He's probably due for surgery any day now and I really hope he makes it. That's one shitty hand he was dealt and I gotta know if he can come back from it.

[andreis-reaper]

Maybe the chemo will give you super powers. Example: radioactive acid piss that can melt steel beams

My god that'd be lame... if I get super powers they had best be magic based. Radiation powers seem so damn inconvenient.

[andreis-reaper]

Cancer is no walk in the park by any means, but that doesn't mean you can't laugh at it. Frankly, I need to laugh at it and I need my loved ones to laugh with me. I honestly hate what this tumour is doing to my friends, so I will make those fuckers laugh in spite of themselves. I will belittle this illness into the fucking ground if I have to and anyone who says cancer isn't funny can drink my radioactive piss.

[andreis-reaper]

It won't be long before the chemo takes my hair and I end up looking likke Voldemort, so I'm just taking the time to appreciate it while it's still here. That being said, gimme about a year and it'll be just as long and even more majestic! I will not let this beat me and I will come back better than ever.

[andreis-reaper]

Lying in a hospital bed having poison slowly pumped I to you to kill your malignant tumour is... boring. Like murderously boring.

I would greatly appreciate your messages.

[andreis-reaper]

Chemotherapy fucking sucks.

My hair is still hanging in there but I don't have my hopes up. Eh, looking like Voldemort is a small price to pay for getting over cancer.

[andreis-reaper]

Hey kids.

I'm still in the hospital, unfortunately. I've started chemotherapy and am now just waiting for the other shoe to drop and bring on the worst of the side effects. However, I'm no longer afraid. Sure, my life has now been irreparably changed on a fundamental level and things will probably never be the same, but I'm no longer sure it'll all be bad.

My hair will grow back, I'll be able to walk again, I won't stay ugly and I am going to fucking beat cancer.

[andreis-reaper]

how are ya?

I've been better.

[andreis-reaper]

In case people don't know, having cancer really fucking sucks.

[andreis-reaper]

I've been in the hospital for the last few weeks trying to find the source of my back and leg pain. It turns out that I have a tumour pressing down on my sciatic nerves. I have been diagnosed with lymphoma and ill be moved to a cancer ward shortly.

I apologise for not keeping people updated, but I've had a lot on my mind...

[andreis-reaper]

I'm voting to repeal the 8th because I believe that bodily autonomy is absolute. In a society where you still need the consent of the dead to take organs, I find it repugnant that for 9 months a living breathing woman has to completely surrender the rights to her own body for what is essentially an unwelcome guest.

I don't want to live in a country where a dead woman has more rights than a pregnant woman.