aftg obsession

in my 30s and need somewhere to carve the aftg thoughts out of my head

[keinnnn]

i don’t know why but i like to think that andrew and neil are becoming so soft and gentle around each other.

i can easily imagine how andrew laying on neil’s stomach, drifting off, while neil’s caressing his hair.

andrew never smiles sincerely but neil is the only one who almost manages to get him to do it.

andrew can pretend that he doesn’t like it but neil notices how andrew literally melts every time he kisses his face before going to sleep.

everyone sees how relaxed and satisfied andrew looks while neil’s hands and tangled in his hair.

i think andrew doesn’t like being photographed but lets neil take photos of him if he asks.

when andrew will make a small noises for the first time while they’ll be kissing, neil will beg him not to hold then anymore. (and andrew’ll stop)

when andrew wraps his arms around neil from behind neil immediately leans into his touch.

they definitely change their jerseys with each others (neil likes when everyone sees andrew’s last name on his back, and andrew doesn’t mind wearing neil’s one)

after some time will pass neil will call andrew with stupid pet name in joke and, surprisingly, he won’t argue with that even though he will pretend to look annoyed.

—

i didn’t try to follow canon (i just love sweet andreil😶) so it’s okay if you disagree with me

[risha-png]

We saw you from across the court and we really hate your vibe.

Wanted to redraw this thingy I made for this fic a year ago :)

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

I'm not a KevJean kind of guy, but I am so on board for these judgy-ass jocks getting freaky and healthy together, damn

[neiljostensmediatrainer]

Thinking about what the average college exy fan must have thought when one day out of the blue Neil just shows up looking completely different, new hair color, new eye color, and on top of that has a face tattoo that basically brands him as “4th greatest exy player in the world” like I wonder if people thought Riko made him rebrand for his debut or something. Neil in the salon chair, Riko standing behind him like “listen kid if I’m going to make you a star you’re going to need a fun new look. something to get people talking. something with a bit more PIZAZZ” because honestly when you don’t know about all the yakuza stuff that’s probably the most logical explanation for all of that

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

The Foxes convince (i.e. bribe) Andrew and Neil out to a karaoke night once during Neil's sophomore year (Andrew gets free drinks, Neil gets them all at an entire week of night practices) and everything is going great until Matt finally convinces (i.e. bribes) a slightly buzzed Neil into taking a turn on stage. He surprises everyone with a clear, easy tenor and his passionate rendition of 'Andrew in Drag' by The Magnetic Fields.

"A pity she does not exist, a shame he's not a fag

The only girl I ever loved was Andrew in drag

There is no hope of love for me, from here on I go stag

The only girl I'll ever love is Andrew in drag

Andrew in draaaaaaaaaaaaaaag"

(He only heard the song the day before when he searched "songs about Andrew" and has been quietly practicing all day)

Everyone absolutely looses their shit, while Andrew freezes for a long minute before carefully putting down his drink, walking up to the stage, and throwing a still singing Neil over his shoulder before exiting the building. They are not seen or heard from for the rest of the weekend.

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

what if Neil casually starts wearing the cowboy hat from his zombie cowboy costume during the summer after his freshman year? he plops it on anytime he is outside for the brief break before summer practices start. it is the only hat that he owns that provides sun protection and i imagine that he would rather not have Nicky trying to slather sunscreen all over him to protect his scars. Neil may be willing to pay for a hitman out of pocket when necessary, but why would he buy a new hat when he has a perfectly good one?

[idkfirstthingiseecamera]

Ok but i don't think The Broken Cage will give us the Trojans victory at the end of the championship because I don't think the book will get to the end of the season.

We've still got to got through the situation of Jeremy's house/family, the Weninskis trial (which know includes the Moreaus and Jeans parents are ALIVE and under arrest), Jerejean💞, and healing stuff like there is no TIME.

Although, Kevin's books are a thing and, if I'm not mistaking, his second one happens after the first trilogy. Which means we could have the finals at Kevin's book.

Just imagine, the queen of the court looses his first championship while in the journey of learning that the court isn't all what matters, it can't be.

[northorsoutheastorwest]

I think we don’t talk enough about Neil’s understated sex appeal. I just know he lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat on his face on the treadmill, and on the one next to him Kevin trips and almost falls. I know his running shorts ride up at one point and there is a loud thump from the direction of Andrew’s leg curl machine. I know he pours a bottle of water on his face and chest while running outside one day and some poor freshman girl gets a stroke unrelated to the heat. And the best part is he’s completely unaware of it.

[sunmimir]

The monsters going to class ✨

[jordiipordii]

imagine: jerejean have just had penetrative sex for the first time. skin is slick with sweat and their hair is tousled, chests still heaving a lil as jeremy relishes in the feel of jean’s arm around him & pulling him in, close enough to kiss jer’s forehead. his smile is golden & true, fingertips moving to trace along the whorls over jean’s heart. “we did it,” he says with a laugh, a little disbelieving and a little more giddy. “and it was amazing.” and judging by the look shining in jean’s keystone gray eyes, he agrees. “yes, you are,” jean redirects the praise, pressing a kiss to jeremy’s temple just before he removes himself from jeremy’s side. the way jeremy’s body tries to chase after him is instinctive, but jean raises a hand to motion jeremy back down onto this bed that is now officially their love nest. “stay,” the frenchman says in the face of jeremy’s need to say please don’t go, please stay with me. he counteracts the worrisome thoughts jeremy might be having: “i’ll be right back with things to help clean you up and some water. you look like you need it.” ever the helper, jeremy tries again to get up as he tells jean that it’s okay, i can do that. or at least let me help you. let me- but jean chuckles so softly and so kindly, once more nudging jeremy to recline back against the pillows as he makes sure to let jeremy know without a shadow of a doubt that “i will be right back. okay, beautiful?” and such a casual name after such an intimate moment has jeremy’s ears and cheeks ruddy with blush. ‘beautiful’ goes in circles in his pretty blond head and he finally nods, allowing jean to leave. the door very softly clicks shut behind jean and jeremy immediately grabs a pillow and smiles into it, his eyes sparkling and his toes curling and yes his body is a little sore despite how gentle jean was but it is in the best possible way. he feels so loved and so owned by someone who would never do him wrong, and the novel feeling only gets even stronger once jean comes back with rags, both damp and dry, as well as a glass of water for jeremy and some crackers. jean who takes his time cleaning jeremy up like he’s done this a million times before. jeremy is smitten. he didn’t think he could ever feel more strongly for jean but as per usual: jean proves him wrong again and again between the sweet way he acts and how he dotes on jeremy & it’s only because of jean that jeremy finally, finally knows what he deserves; can feel it swirling w the butterflies in his stomach and ribcage and up by his ears ❤️

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

OKAY i don't know who the hell it was, but someone on here said some shit maybe two or three weeks ago about Nora saying that Andrew dies at 35 in the extra content and i have been randomly WEEPING for weeks thinking about poor Neil living alone in the home that he used to share with Andrew and I finally gave in and went to the source, like maybe reading Nora's words could get these haunting images out of my head AND BITCH ITS NOT THERE. that ass hat lied! Nora doesn't say anything about Andrew dying, other than if he did and it was an accident, Neil would rely on the Foxes as a support system and he would be okay, but if the Moriyama's killed Andrew, then Neil would go full ape shit assassin mother fucker and bring the Moriyama's down but that's all!

i cried literally right before an important job interview thinking about Neil seeing short blonde people out of the corner of his eye and every single time, just for a moment, he thinks that Andrew came back to him. For the rest of his life, every pair of strong shoulders would be Andrew's, and Neil would forever remember exactly how it felt to be held in those arms because he would never get that close to another human body again. RIGHT BEFORE A JOB INTERVIEW, I WAS SOBBING IN THE CAR BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT

i am going to hold a grudge better than Andrew Minyard and for the rest of my life i will be cursing that random human who posted that bullshit on tumblr.

[foxstens]

i feel like kevin's position in the nest was so different and so interesting and yet we rarely talk about the complete picture.

in some ways it was like riko's, in some way's it was like jean's, and in some ways it was completely unique and isolating.

he grew up in the public eye, he had more allowances than the other ravens, he probably had power over the other ravens, he was expected to outperform everyone else, he was expected to bear and hide whatever abuse he suffered at the hands of coaches and other adults.

he was never adopted and he was given to riko - literally, he grew up directly under riko's thumb, he lived the raven lifestyle, he was expected to always be in the same room as riko, he was expected to witness and assist in whatever riko wanted, he was expected to bear and hide whatever riko saw fit to do to him.

he was expected to outperform everyone except riko. whatever agency he might have had was an illusion since riko always had the final word. he was, probably, riko's emotional support for years. and then he was the one to patch jean up when needed, and also became jean's emotional support.

but who patched kevin up when needed? who was his emotional support? confiding in riko was out of the question and while he could confide in jean to an extent, jean was already dealing with too much and kevin had to stay strong for both of them.

and this is just off the top of my head? how much is there that we don't know about?

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

Kevin and Riko raised each other. I really do believe that they felt like brothers, once, maybe before Jean arrived and Riko's growing cruelty had somewhere to go.

How much did Riko and Kevin learn about the world and living and growing up entirely on their own? You can't tell me that Tetsuji took the time to teach them anything and I highly doubt there was any kind of external adult supervision beyond a tutor of some kind. They lived in the Nest, they ate the Raven diet, they practiced exy, and they occupied themselves, by themselves, from the ages 8 to 15, when Jean is brought to the Nest and Riko is charged with turning him into an obedient Raven.

Riko had to have known that he was the extra son, unwanted and uncared for, and that extreme violence awaited if he did not follow through with the demands set before him.

But maybe, with Kevin, he could also be a kid for a while. They were the Sons of Exy. The Nest was dark, the practices were brutal, the food was boring, and neither of them were truly loved by anyone but the other.

They were a world unto themselves until they weren't and then everything became so much worse.

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

How do you think internationally famous since childhood, media trained to the point of becoming unrecognizable in front of a camera Kevin Day felt when Neil Josten, a nobody from nowhere Arizona who had been quietly and obediently taking Kevin's insufferable bitchiness all summer, went off script and put himself between Kevin and his brother/ abuser/ best friend/ tormentor live on the Kathy Ferdinand show?

Because Kevin must have seen Riko coming on stage and known down to his bones that he couldn't do anything, couldn't say anything, couldn't defend himself in front of the cameras. He had been raised to put on his media smile and be charming whenever required, no matter what he was feeling or what just happened or what Riko had done to him or made him do, since he was a boy. He probably would have said whatever Riko pressured him to say, because he learned the lesson that you can't be you with an audience as a child. He learned that Kevin Day was a character that must always say his lines.

Riko could do whatever he wanted to Kevin, just not where the cameras could see, because the cameras are what really mattered.

Kevin walks on stage like this, even though he is exhausted from staying up all night and just lost a collegiate exy game for the first time ever the night before: "With the studio's expensive clothes on and his smile in place, Kevin looked every inch the adored idol Kathy was selling him as."

And then this weird, quiet, skittish kid, just comes in and fucks everything up. He immediately jumps in and calls Riko a bad friend and selfish and calls out Riko's cruelty toward Kevin, he talks about how hard Kevin is working, that he is relearning the game with his right hand and he is learning to work with a team with an entirely different style than the Ravens and says that Kevin will be better than Riko. Neil says everything the real Kevin would have wanted to say, but never could, because he was performing Kevin Day for a national audience.

How does Kevin feel in that moment?

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

Okay but now I am wondering if Kevin loved being in front of camera growing up. Did he feel safest with the eyes of the world on him, protecting him from Tetsuji and from Riko? Were his best days the days that had interviews scheduled, because he got reprieve from the constant cruelty?

Did he cherish every moment when he and Riko performed the role of brothers? Did he live for the times when they acted like they loved each other as equals? Were those the moments that felt the most real to Kevin as a child? Did he look back on the photos and videos and pretend that they were the truth? Did he pretend that they were the Sons of Exy that everyone else saw and not the dark, tortured painful thing they became in the dark of the Nest?

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

How do you think internationally famous since childhood, media trained to the point of becoming unrecognizable in front of a camera Kevin Day felt when Neil Josten, a nobody from nowhere Arizona who had been quietly and obediently taking Kevin's insufferable bitchiness all summer, went off script and put himself between Kevin and his brother/ abuser/ best friend/ tormentor live on the Kathy Ferdinand show?

Because Kevin must have seen Riko coming on stage and known down to his bones that he couldn't do anything, couldn't say anything, couldn't defend himself in front of the cameras. He had been raised to put on his media smile and be charming whenever required, no matter what he was feeling or what just happened or what Riko had done to him or made him do, since he was a boy. He probably would have said whatever Riko pressured him to say, because he learned the lesson that you can't be you with an audience as a child. He learned that Kevin Day was a character that must always say his lines.

Riko could do whatever he wanted to Kevin, just not where the cameras could see, because the cameras are what really mattered.

Kevin walks on stage like this, even though he is exhausted from staying up all night and just lost a collegiate exy game for the first time ever the night before: "With the studio's expensive clothes on and his smile in place, Kevin looked every inch the adored idol Kathy was selling him as."

And then this weird, quiet, skittish kid, just comes in and fucks everything up. He immediately jumps in and calls Riko a bad friend and selfish and calls out Riko's cruelty toward Kevin, he talks about how hard Kevin is working, that he is relearning the game with his right hand and he is learning to work with a team with an entirely different style than the Ravens and says that Kevin will be better than Riko. Neil says everything the real Kevin would have wanted to say, but never could, because he was performing Kevin Day for a national audience.

How does Kevin feel in that moment?

[frckldmnstr]

me: *the horrible eternal screams of a dead possum*

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

look, it's jean moreau! he is just a sad little guy and i want him to smile someday and i would probably actually die for him

[andrewcanbenchpressneil]

y'all this is so nerdy but the gay ghost of Kevin Day is haunting my academic research and I fear that it is pushing me to madness.

I am reading this incredible text by Allen Ellenzweig, "The Homoerotic Photograph: Male Images from Durieu/ Delacroix to Mapplethorpe", and there is a photographer that is discussed that I had never heard of before, F. Holland Day, and everything about him, from his biography to his work, is screaming KEVIN KEVIN KEVIN DAY KEVIN DAY and I can't focus. Like, but you are talking about Kevin Day, what do you mean he was born in 1864???

There is this quote, comparing him to a contemporaneous photographer working in Italy, where his work was somewhat accepted, or at least, not persecuted:

"But the New Englander F. Holland Day had not lived in such a tolerant society. He would have to blaze a different path in order to picture a gay utopia."

And then there is the discussion of his beautiful, deeply homoerotic series of photographs depicting muscular young men in the styling of St. Sebastian and these quotes and this image:

"Suffering and redemption, as analogues for the homosexual condition, must have had a new urgency for the distraught artist. He turned to images of St. Sebastian, that icon of persecution lashed to a tree, his flesh pierced by arrows, who rarely fails to capture the homoerotic imagination."

"If it is true that these St Sebastians were not shown to any of Day's friends, we can probably blame Christian guilt... In Day's St Sebastians, remorse and suffering (highly sexualized in the straining uplift of arm and neck, in the taut cords holding fast against supple, softly defined chest and ribs) are made equivalent for the guilt imposed on the increasingly acknowledged breed of marginals, "Sodomites"."

Does anyone else see what I am seeing???? That is a photograph that Kevin Day took of his totally platonic friend/ employee Jean Moreau, right? Is this Kevin in a previous life, still drawn to beautiful men and ashamed of it? Or am I losing the little sanity to which I still cling? Like, Kevin Day took that photograph and then hoarded it in a secret collection of other photographs of beautiful men posed as suffering saints as come kind of contrition, right? RIGHT??

[zombiecowboy65]

Thinking about how Jean spent pretty much all of TSC waiting for the Trojans’ —Jeremy’s — mask to drop. How he spent so much time waiting for him to be violent or angry or pushy or conniving or something besides optimistic and kind hearted and respectful.

Also thinking about how he could picture Jeremy’s smile far too easily from a million miles away. And how he said Jeremy had a “face born for smiling”. Thinking about how he learned enough to know which smiles of Jeremy’s were real and which ones were for the press. Thinking about all the times he looked away because Jeremy’s smile was too much to bear.

Just thinking about how Jean learned, in the end, that Jeremy was wearing a mask, just not in the way he thought. Instead of violent and angry, Jeremy is sad, and lonely. And how all those smiles Jean was cursing, all those pleased, happy, satisfied bright smiles he couldn’t bear to look at, were far rarer than he thought. And how he took them for granted. And how, if something doesn’t change, when he starts letting himself look, he might never see one again.

—> but also thinking about this being what made Jean double down on fixing and protecting Jeremy’s happiness. On plucking the stars from the sky if Jeremy asked for them. What took him from trying to get rid of that cardboard dog, to swallowing down all his protests.

It’s a rare treat, to see Jeremy happy, William had said, and as it turned out, Jean liked to indulge

[frckldmnstr]

Danger danger goalie