me: *has conversations with persons that I know like five minutes*
me: anyways, want to hear my tragic backstory or things that are pretty useless to know

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@andthentherewerenone97
me: *has conversations with persons that I know like five minutes*
me: anyways, want to hear my tragic backstory or things that are pretty useless to know
Things someone with BPD deals with:
Calling out sick from work/school and convinsing yourself that everyone is now against you because you left them hanging.
If someone crosses you the wrong way, you will never forget the feeling they gave you- no matter what they say/do afterwards.
Putting everyone in your life on trial for not living up to your expectations.
Watching someone across the room talking to a mutual friend- and then becoming paranoid its about you. Especially when one of them looks over at you.
Sitting in a corner spot of a public place because you dont want to take up space/ dont feel worthy enough to take up space.
Talking in a group conversation- feeling like they are too good/ righteous for your input.
Yelling at a Family member, then having flashbacks for all that person has done for you. Wishing you were never born because you just hurt people with your words/actions.
Seeing a bill come in the mail with your name on it, then blaming yourself for all of the things your family couldnt afford because youre mentally ill.
Wishing you just lived under the stairs like Harry Potter, because you dont feel normal enough to be apart of your family.
Feeling on top of the world, feeling better then your peers. And then in a split second someone could say something and your world crashes and burns..
Needing constant attention. Feeling like a piece of shit unless people are constantly acknowledging you/praising you.
Needing to constantly tell someone you love them..
Craving validation, needing to be understood.
Addiction is your middle name, becoming addicted to the smallest things. But cant grasp any self control.
Feeling like the world is out to get you, and your fighting a battle by yourself.
Anyone/everyone that talks to you/ tries to be your friend knows your secrets/ feels sorry for you.
i am ridiculously sensitive when it comes to talking to other people. The slight change in tone or anything and im like nope. thats it. they hate you. stop talking. they dont care. you’re talking too much. abort mission. you said something wrong. they’re busy. they have better friends. you’re boring. shut up.
not so cute borderline thing: still having traumatized flashbacks of ex-fps who you haven’t seen for years.
“I need this to end.”
“You need what to end?”
*gestures vaguely*
impulse: take the first night train anywhere and disappear without telling anyone
bpd culture is having an unhealthy fixation on romance but also thinking you’re too broken to ever be Truly Loved™
my FAVOURITE bpd mood that vicious circle of “i love you i need you but i’m disgusting and i’m going to hurt you you need to leave me” i absolutely LOVE that
Guide to Borderline
How to figure out what a borderline means in texts;
Nevermind, it is not important: It really is important as fuck but I am afraid that you are not gonna get it and I won’t be able to explain.
x
Ok. : I am pissed off to the point of one more wrong text and you are out of my life so quick that you are not even gonna notice it for a week.
x
Do you really think so?: Stop joking and tell me what you really think in honesty this is important.
x
I am fine: I feel shit like usual but to explain you that I usually dont feel good so that is my default setting is gonna take shit ton of time so I am lying.
x
No I am not mad, just a little hurt: I cried my eyes out and probably still crying and blaming myself for everything even though you are the asshole.
x
You don’t have to: I would love it if you do the thing but I am scared that you secretly don’t want to do it so I am giving you an escape. But please don’t take it I will get sad.
What’s wrong? She asks
What’s wrong?
I’m looking up how to overdose on my pills.
I’m crying.
What’s wrong?
I love you and you’re saying you want to hook up with some other girl because you don’t see me like that
What’s wrong?
Everything is wrong.
It hurts to know you’ll never want me; no one will want me ever.
What’s wrong? She asks.
Nothing, I say.
How do you move on?
You don't. You just live with it everyday and time shall pass, memories turns vague and it would feel like everything was just a dream.
My biggest fear is that when I finally find myself I’ll still be who I am
Tyler Kent White
Am I the abuser or am I being abused?
No, you don’t understand. People with BPD notice everything. We notice when you don’t smile as wide at us one morning. We notice when you don’t hug as tight. When you don’t sound quite as happy when speaking to us. When you look the slightest bit uninterested in what we’re saying.
And when you talk to someone else. When you talk to someone else and look like you’re enjoying yourself, we assume that you’d rather be with them all of the time. So we leave before you can confirm or deny that.
And if you start telling us about a fun time you had with someone else it will not end well. We might be too shy to speak up about it, but it’ll still eat away at us. We’ll feel abandoned.
And “You should have been there!” is the absolute worst thing to say. We know we should have been there. We want to have been there. We know you had fun and we’re happy that you did, but the sadness of feeling abandoned completely obliterates that. So don’t rub it in.
Instead, say, “Yeah, we had fun, but I’m glad I’m here now” or, “… that you’re here now”. It really makes us feel loved and appreciated.
I know this barely scratches the surface of what we feel on a daily basis, but I hope this can help those who don’t know.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.