Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation, his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.
I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.
buck is a first responder. his job is to remain cool and calm under pressure. he does it all the time, and he is good at it! and yet. AND YET. chim and hen went running as soon as they saw eddie was bleeding out in that elevator, and buck froze.
Thinking about Eddie telling Father Brian he’s straight when he thinks Father Brian is hitting on him, and wondering how many times that’s happened to him before (my guess, given he looks like that and lives in LA? A lot), and how often Buck was there witnessing it and dying a little bit inside every single time.
i do think buck has been excluding himself from the eddiechris family dynamic, and it is so juicy because that is not how eddie sees it. in both 8x17 and 9x18, we see eddie and chris from buck's point of view. both times, buck is with pepa watching them from the outside. even in 9x13, he tells bonnie that chris needs eddie. he is willing to sacrifice himself to keep the two of them together (a bit of a redux of the texas arc if you think about it).
on the other side, we have eddie's pov in 9x11 and 9x14 where he views them as a family. he calls buck immediately when chris is missing. he keeps up the weekly family dinners. he brings chris to buck when buck is struggling. eddie's favorite place to be is with chris AND buck. he says this in s3, and we continue to see that in his pov in s9.
it's just so interesting to see their complete disconnect that has now been amplified by the texas of it all. buck knows he will never be more important than chris, but he doesn't realize how important he is to both of them. eddie desperately wants to choose them both. the idea of picking between them hurts him to the point that he slipped up in 8x09. he knows he will always put chris first. that's not a question. but if he truly got what he wanted, he'd never had to choose between chris and buck ever again.
and the best part is the only way to get them on the same page is to make them acknowledge they have been building a family together for years because they are in love. yay.
Eddie babysits Theo one time—one time—and suddenly it's basketball this, basketball that; can we get a hoopy-thing for outside and when is Eddie coming back and why doesn’t he live here; things would be so much better if Eddie was here all the time.
Buck struggled to disagree with many of those points.
Did Buck try to distract Theo with dinosaurs and Hotwheels and whatever else he’s collected around Buck’s house after only a few months? Sure. He’s not too proud of it. Did Theo outsmart him every time by literally not letting go of his child-size nerf basketball for a week? Also yes. Buck’s not proud of that either.
The one unexpected benefit of this new obsession comes in the form of Buck lounging on his stoop, legs crossed in front of him receiving a tan from the overhead sun as he runs colorful commentary about the game at hand.
A plastic basketball hoop for toddlers is propped up at the end of the driveway. Eddie’s truck is parked in a way to block access to the street—though Theo has proven to be a master escape artist when he wants to.
Eddie chases after Theo who is definitely travelling with the ball. He manages to snag it from Theo, exaggerating his triumph and flicks it over his shoulder. The ball misses by a good mile. Theo giggles and runs after it.
“Ooh, and a bad shot by Diaz,” Buck calls out, holding his glass of lemonade like a microphone. “One must ask if this is truly the end of his career.”
When Theo’s back is turned, Eddie flips him the bird and Buck cackles. It’s such a shame Chris had school today. They could have tag-teamed ribbing Eddie together.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, Eddie walks towards Buck—stalks him, more like. He places his hands on his hips. “Why don’t you join us?”
“Nah, I’m perfectly happy here.”
Eddie cocks his head, tousled hair flopping against his forehead. “What’re you scared of losing to a four year old?”
Buck wrinkles his nose; that’s not going to work on him this time. That magnetic cocky attitude. He doesn’t notice himself placing down his drink, pre-preparing to stand. “I’d crush the both of you, don’t deny it.”
Eddie’s grin fails to mask his skepticism. His sarcastic tone doesn’t help either. “Oh, I’m sure.”
“You asked for it.” Buck hauls himself off the stoop. When Theo sees him joining the ‘fun,’ he races toward him, excitedly yammering about basketball probably. Buck is too focused on Eddie’s smug face to register. He ruffles Theo’s sweaty hair—bathtime is going to be a bitch tonight, he just knows. “We’re going to bring Eddie down a peg, okay?”
Theo clearly doesn’t understand what that means but he matches Buck’s serious enthusiasm anyways. “Yeah! We’ll crush Eddie!”
Buck turns his smile at Eddie. “That’s the spirit.”
It becomes a one-on-one game by the end. Theo quickly loses interest in the competition, electing to draw chalk caricatures of them or renaissance portraits, depending on how you look at it. The hoop is small enough that Buck can use his whole body to block all of it. Eddie can’t find an opening. The ball hits the pavement as he lunges only for Buck to foil his attempt. He can read Eddie like a well-loved book, spine creased and pages dog-earred.
Eddie darts backwards before they collide. “Don’t bust my ankle this time, Buckley,” he huffs.
“One time,” Buck mutters, but he knows he wouldn’t do something like that now. Not when Eddie’s attention is already locked on him, no distractions—besides the occasional check-in on the resident four year old.
The next time Eddie makes a break for it, Buck grabs him by the waist, wraps his arms around his body, not hugging really, just holding, in a wild, impulsive move to stop Eddie from catching an opening. Eddie’s momentum causes them to spin together before settling, basketball between them. Frozen, Eddie stares, motionless except for blinking and breathing. The beat of his heart pounds hard enough that it reaches to where Buck lays his hands flat on Eddie’s back. His chest brushes Buck’s own whenever he breathes out.
“That’s a dirty, illegal move,” Eddie eventually comments, voice rough from exertion. His body slides against Buck’s as he tosses the ball over Buck’s head. It swishes into the net, bouncing and rolling across the drive before resting on the lawn. “I win.” He smirks again, and then absently over his shoulder, he calls out, “Theo, we won!” His gaze stays forever trained on Buck.
Theo cheers but remains invested in turning the driveway into a Jackson Pollock painting.
“Theo was on my team,” Buck argues.
“He was secretly on my team. We made a pact before you joined.”
“Traitors. In my own house.” Buck sighs. “Chris would never do such a thing to me.”
With his hands now free, Eddie rests them on Buck’s arms. His fingers curl around his biceps, tapping inane beats against his bare skin. Eddie’s hands are warm and sweaty from the stupidly intense game of Buck’s least favorite sport. He doesn’t mind one bit.
Eddie laughs. “How can I make it up to you?”
Stay. Never leave. “Buy the good beer next time.”
“I do buy the good beer.”
“Then you have shi—stupid taste in beer, Eddie.” Buck shakes his head. “I shouldn’t be surprised, with your stupid taste in sports after all. Which you corrupted Theo with; hate you for that a little, by the way.”
“You and Chris have your thing; me and Theo have ours.”
They do, don’t they? Like a true family unit. His stomach twists at the sudden thought. “I’m glad he has that with you,” Buck admits. After the immense hardship Theo has been through recently, Buck is happy to know Theo has more than just him, that he has Eddie and Chris, and the entire 118 if need be.
Eddie’s expression softens. “You’re doing great with him, you know. He’s adjusted well.”
Buck ducks his head, unsure. “I guess.”
Eddie grabs his face, refusing to let him hide, and he waits until Buck makes eye contact with him. “Hey,” Eddie coaxes, gentle and quiet, “You’re a wonderful foster parent. Don’t doubt yourself.”
Buck allows a soft smile to tug at his mouth. He doesn’t even register that he is still holding onto Eddie, not really. Eddie, for his part, hasn’t moved either. His grip seems to tighten the longer they stay linked together. He quirks his mouth; his lips part.
“Are you two going to kiss?” Theo asks with all the naive innocence in the world, appearing before them as if summoned by magic.
Ripping himself away from Eddie, Buck almost stumbles backwards into the basketball hoop. His face burns, a white hot sear. What the hell. He needs to put a bell on that kid stat.
buddie rain kiss would be PEAK but they need to film that on the disney lot cause if they go on location that shit is gonna leak before oliver’s tongue makes it out of ryan’s mouth
remus is like that one teacher who’s kinda dorky but sweet, but he never talks about his personal life
then one day this super hot guy covered in piercings and tattoos shows up, drops off his lunch, calls him “love”, and gives him a kiss on the cheek. and all of remus’s students lose their mind
when remus is shit faced drunk he goes up to all his friends and boops their nose with a really high pitched voice and the biggest cheesiest smile and then cries because sirius is too pretty
It’s so funny to me that they think buddie started with the shoulder bumping in 2.04 Stuck.
Girl, have you not seen their literal first scene together? Buck staring at shirtless Eddie while Whatta Man by Salt n Pepa plays in the background in 2.01 Under Pressure? Followed by, you know, literally everything else that happens in that episode?
hc that sirius has severe nerve damage in his hands, especially his fingertips because of walburga repeatedly whipping his hand as punishment, he grins showing people how the cuts and burns have no effect on him, wearing the damage like a badge of honour, but at night when the room is quiet, he lays curled up beside remus, quietly wondering what it would’ve been like to grow without flinching at every raised voice, wondering what he would’ve been like without this darkness inside him, remus just soflty wipes the tears from his eyes and kisses his fingertips, silently promising to love even parts of him that he thought were broken beyond repair
