Something interesting happened last night. I saw him and I was happy. I wanted to stay but I had already bugged on you about not spending time so I knew I couldn’t bail on you. But for the first time, I wanted to. I know I’m not just a simple fuck to you but I’m also not a forever to you.
I’m always going to answer your calls, yea. You still got me like that. Last night, what he did, his action of showing up without me having to double check was a reminder of the new perspective I had gained when we weren’t talking.
And see, its not even the fact that he may be the new guy for me or anything, its just sometimes someone comes into your life to remind you of who you are and how you should be treated. And to say hey, you’re trying to get it from the wrong place if when someone else does it, it makes you question what you’re doing in the situation that you are in. To me atleast. Care to input on your perspective? But him being there last night really did have me check myself like yo, you’re really going to miss out on what could be a great night for someone that despite the friendship, is hurting you.. but you just keep surpressing it. You guys are just gonna do the same thing you do every time you stay over. Do something different, live a little. My gosh Andira, you’re still so young.
On the drive to get him, my minds just spinning. I was mad at myself. But also, not really because I did want this. I did want to spend the night and be next to you. I never regret a moment being with you. I love you, you know that. But this is so unfair to me. And I know you said its okay if I decide to cut you off in order for me to be happy but ughhh, I don’t want to lose you. Not again. That fucked with me so bad last time. But there definitely has to be boundaries set now. Cause I just can’t continue in the same cycle for much too long.
I think I’m just finally at the point where I’m so over the same routine thats not going anywhere that I’m ready to explore with new opportunities. Not necessarily new men to date or fuck with, no. I mean literally, new experiences and opportunities. I dont want to feel tied down to someone who is not even mine in the first place.. and has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be. So I get it. And its okay.
Now, I’m ready to feel free. Unattached. Focused on me.
discoholicmusic
pixelskylines
prguitarman
kianamaiart
origamiaround
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
