liam lawson never thought he would get a chance to fly, it was pretty much set in stone the moment he left f2 that there wasn't any openings at red bull for the forseeable future. checo and max were the perfect duo after all, the 2023 season forever legendary.
but legendary never did much to sooth liam's ambition, because he was not cursed to stay grounded. he would fly.
he would look up at the posters and headshots thrown on the walls at every grand prix with longing eyes, brushing his fingers on the flat image of the two red bull drivers wings, feathers bright and brilliant. beautiful, and powerful.
everything he knows he deserves.
he remembers the day he got the call from christian, he remembers it as clear as the drive up to milton keynes. part of him still couldn't believe that any of it was happening, because at some point his luck should run out right? he shouldn't have been able to get a seat, get a contract, all because daniel riccardo happened to break his wrist.
he remembers christians hand resting lightly on his back as they toured around the facility, every room liam had spent countless hours in, every hallway remembered his steps well from when he was a junior, but the tour with a contract felt like something special.
it felt like he was discovering this team for the first time again.
he remembers staring up at sebastian vettel's severed set of wings, hung and framed up on the wall next to the red bull trophy case, next to seb's were daniel's.
he remembers asking where the other's wings were, it was an honest question, red bull had many more than just two drivers over the years after all.
christian just gave him a tight smile, "red bull give-th, red bull take-th away." he says after a moment, and liam remembers cringing a little at the statement before moving the conversation away from bold team statements like that. especially ones that were so clearly made on the fly.
the first day Liam had his wings felt like the first day he was free.
sure his back ached, and he had to film promotional material all day, sure checo gave liam a nasty stink eye when they passed each other in the hall, and sure christian kept brushing his fingers through them like they were his own-
he remembers the way max's eyes crinkled at the corners when he first saw Liam walking in with his wings, the clap on the shoulder he got from the older man and the way their feathers brushed together.
its not a feeling that he'd felt before.
it was a different feeling driving with wings, they sat inside his race suit, strapped together uncomfortably while he was driving. but it wasn't the worst thing in the whole world, he could certainly still drive well enough with them.
he could, if the car just cooperated once with him.
the steering, something was off with it, max agreed too. the car was wrong, it wasn't responding the way the drivers wanted it too, and the team didn't have a fix for it. of course, max was max, so he was able to drive through the issues.
liam struggled a bit more.
he hated getting out of the car after a bad session, all his feathers out of order and the team unwilling to give him more than a pat on the back and a tight smile. and it felt like every session was a bad session these days.
but liam was still more motivated then he'd ever been, he was hungry to be up at the front, and he knew he could be up there. he had the potential too. he knew it as deep as the conviction that he would always be a racing driver sat.
so in china, when the team said they had something to help his race, he trusted them.
because they were red bull, and he had his wings. what could go wrong?
he remembers getting another call, it wasn't from horner this time which was fine because liam didn't really want to talk with him after such a shit race weekend. but he gets the call to come up to milton keynes again, and he thinks they want to talk to him about the car again.
because obviously the team were working for a fix, and his feedback could help with that.
he remembers entering the building, wings ruffling in the wind behind him, horners smiling face in his office greeting him.
he doesn't remember the way horners voice sounded when he said the impossible "we've decided to terminate your contract-" because all he could hear was the ring of empty air in his ears as his world crumbled around him.
he doesn't remember horners fingers running through his wings.
he does remember when they took them.
he wishes he could get it out of his head, them taking him down to the basement levels of the building and pinning him to the floor, the pain of the cold concrete as it dug into his collarbone and his cheek was pushed roughly against it.
he remembers flailing, trying to escape- don't take them please -the screaming and angry words, then the more embarrassing pleading that came after- please, please, please, no -he remembers the pain as the first cut was put in the base of his wing.
the searing, blinding pain that whited out his nerves and stopped all thought. the pain that froze him where he was.
blood that splattered the walls as they took them, and they kept taking.
he remembers horners voice cutting through the empty air of knives at work, he remembers looking up from the tear-soaked concrete with blurry eyes to watch horner and yuki walk past.
yuki looked sick, horner looked normal. all tight smiles and corporate garbage.
"-red bull give-th, red bull take-th away-"
liam remembers lying there in the hours after, angry, alone, abandoned.
liam remembers seeing yuki in japan a couple days later, acting normal. like he didn't see a thing. he wanted to shake the small man and yell in his face, "didn't you see what they did to me?? didn't you see?? they'll do it to you too."
liam remembers isack appraching him in the lunchroom for the first time, all happy smiles and uncorrupted ambition. and even though he knows its awful, he wants to tell him. liam wants to tell isack what they do to their failures.
for a moment he wants to see that light in isacks eyes dim.
but lying there in bed, in the dead of night, all of this replays in his memory. it does every night. whether liam has an opportunity to sneak into isack's hotel room or not.
its gotten harder to be with him now that isack has wings.
isack's seen liam's scars at this point, so he does his best to tie his wings back when he's with him, liam thinks its to prevent him from having flashbacks. isack sacficing his comfort for liam's, and liam is too guilty to tell him that's not the reason he can't seem to tear his eyes away from isack's wings.
the truth is, every time liam sees them he's struck with such a deep and painful jealousy.
and he doesn't want to confront what he's willing to do to get them back.
