Angel Amable's Cloud

[angel-amable]

Después de hacer un brunch basado en sandwiches triples de chorizo/queso manchego/chorizo regado con Bitter Kas, licor Miura de cerezas, licor de Granadina y ginebra de endrinas.. el gay Lope y yo hemos ido a una heladería para escapar del calor y pedirnos una copa con una bola de plátano de canarias entre dos de frutos rojos de bosque mediterráneo.

[Lope] - Creo que aún no hemos animado mucho a La Roja. Deberíamos cantar el Himno.

[Angel & Lope] - ¡ Lolo lorolo lololoro lo lo!!!

[angel-amable]

It’s not image filter. It’s not AI. It’s just the charming Husnain Malik all the way from far-off Pakistan.

No son filtros de imagen. No es Inteligencia Artificial. Es el simpático Husnain Malik del lejano Pakistán

[angel-amable]

NOOOOO!! Don't become another victim of your sisters, your fag hags, your girlfriends… Wear your own fur.

[angel-amable]

[angel-amable]

This is me… and my fear. During the Running of the Bulls at San Fermín, you're not allowed to stop and take pictures. But you can always ask a gay buddy with a telephoto lens to snap one of you from behind the safety barrier.

Este soy yo y mi miedo. Durante el encierro de San Fermín no puedes hacerte fotos, pero puedes pedirle a un gayamigo con teleobjetivo que te retrate desde un burladero.

[angel-amable]

No son filtros de imagen. No es Inteligencia Artificial. Es el simpático Husnain Malik del lejano Pakistán It’s not image filter. It’s not AI. It’s just the charming Husnain Malik all the way from far-off Pakistan.

[angel-amable]

When it comes to love, you want me to be the first one to say the words, "I love you." But I feel the same way you do. Let's try to find our way back to that fearless innocence we once had. I wish you were an ocean, so I could dive right into you.

[angel-amable]

Honestly, my gayfriend Xavier is so over-the-top that he kind of makes me feel secondhand embarrassed. Case in point: this morning at the beach... he started slathering himself with sunscreen lotion, and it looked like he was slipping into some kind of orgasmic trance. I tried to break the awkwardness by making conversation.

[Angel] – "Did you know ISDN™ labs make their products using a urea-based formula? Do you know where urea comes from?"

That's when it hit him. And the second he processed what I'd just said, he threw himself onto the sand, writhing around and moaning in absolute bliss.

Pro tip: Using body lotion with an SPF higher than 15 is probably a good idea.

[angel-amable]

¡Tomás! ¡Tomás! Pull your gun. Point it at me. Blow a hole right through my guts. You're from Hawaii, you're a U.S. citizen. You're supposed to be packing some serious heat and know exactly how to use it.

¡Tomás! ¡Tomás! Saca tu arma. Encañóname. Abre un boquete en mis entrañas. Eres de Hawaïi, ciudadano de USA, se supone que dispones de un buen armamento y sabes cómo utilizarlo.

[angel-amable]

It's damn near impossible not to fall hard for Freddy's charm. The guy starts belting out "Bohemian Rhapsody" at full volume and, holy hell, he's so damn good it sends a wave of heat straight through your body, starting way below the belt. Before you know it, all you can think about is dragging him into bed. And after that... well, whatever happens, happens.

Es imposible no caer de lleno en los encantos del gay Freddy. Se pone a cantar el "Bohemian Rapsody" a pecho descubierto y, ¡joer! lo hace tan bien que te sube unos calores desde la entrepierna que te motiva a tumbarte en la cama con él. Y de ahí… a lo que surja.

[angel-amable]

The old gay fox knows more because he's old than because he's a fox. Take Suituno, for example. He's the king of posing. If you looked at his profile pics, you'd think he was some horny long-haul trucker instead of a slightly glamorous quantum computing developer.

Sabe más el gay viejo zorro… por viejo que por zorro. Sin ir más lejos, pienso en el gay Suituno. Es el rey del postureo. Si miras sus fotos de perfil, tienes la sensación de que es un morboso conductor de trailer en lugar de un poco glamuroso desarrollador de computación cuántica.

[angel-amable]

This morning he heard on the radio that the UV index is through the roof! Gay Carilefo (it's his name day today—I better not forget to wish him a happy one) finally stopped putting it off. He went to the optical shop and bought himself a pair of CE-certified UV-protection sunglasses. Now that he's trying them out, he's convinced they're one of the best purchases he's made all summer. I think I'm going to follow Carilefo's lead and get myself a pair too.

[angel-amable]

I look out into the night. The city winks a sleepless eye. Hear her voice shake my window Sweet seducing sighs. These four walls are suffocating me. If this city's just a big peach then let me take a bite. I casually reach out, hoping to brush against a stranger. There's chemistry everywhere. Then I spot this gorgeous guy. He knows I can't take my eyes off him… and I can tell he loves the way I'm checking him out. I can feel the sun starting to come up. The city's heartbeat is picking up. I reach over and gently touch his shoulder. All I can think about is getting out of here with him. Why? Why? it's human nature. That's the way it gets to me. And honestly… I love that it does. Michael Jackson – Human Nature starts playing.

[angel-amable]

Mientras tú y yo nos hemos quedado sin ideas nuevas para combatir La Ola de Calor, en la pedanía de Churra el gaygüertelano Salvador Ignacio ha desarrollado un método... ¡¡que funciona!!! Ha ido al Leroy Merlín y se ha comprado un abrevadero metálico de vacas pero para usarlo unicamente él. Lo ha llenado de agua y de cubitos de hielo. ¡Qué maravilla! Va a estar dentro un buen rato. ¡Para que luego digan que no hay creatividad en La Güerta Murciana!

[angel-amable]

He estado pasando la tarde con el gaychulazo Gudeno, tumbados en el sofá, en calzoncillos, combatiendo la Ola de Calor. En un momento dado ha dicho: [Gudeno] - Voy a comprarme un coche. Echaré un vistazo en la página de internet que anuncia Fernado Alonso. [Angel] - Eehh….. [Gudeno] - ¿Eehh? [Angel] - ¿Confiarías en alguien que no ha ganado un podio significativo desde 2006 y que siempre culpa a los fallos del coche que ha elegido? [Gudeno] - Pues yo me voy a la Mutua Madrileña™ [Angel] - El calor te está afectando. Bebe algo de líquido.

[angel-amable]

After spending what felt like forever watching Spain's national team at the World Cup, and having breakfast with churros and ice-cold Hershey's chocolate milk, my gay buddy Zoilo bundled me into his car, promising to take me somewhere that hardly anyone knows. We drove through industrial parks, neighborhoods full of blue houses, and finally pulled up next to a wide open field. The view was pretty unusual, with the Sacred Mountain rising in the distance like a backdrop. [Zoilo] – I'm sure you've noticed that black socks seem destined to spend their lives in pairs. Not always by choice. Sometimes one of them simply vanishes into thin air. You can never find it again. They all gather here, on the Old Road to Chattanooga. They're hoping for a second chance to find a new partner for the rest of their useful lives. ¿What do you think? [Angel] – It smells amazing. ¡Like fabric softener!! You'd expect a place like this to smell a lot more like feet. [Zoilo] – They have a habit of disappearing the moment you toss them into the washing machine… but you already knew that.

[angel-amable]

Cuando ayer ví al gay Bosco -que lleva seis años de novio con el gay Borja- pegándose el filetazo con un chulazo que quitaba el sentido pensé: aquí está pasando algo que no sé. Pero es que esta mañana me he encontrado a Borja enfrente del Bar Bra con una camisa de lino azul perfectamente planchada. [Borja] - ¿No habrás visto últimamente a Bosco? [Angel] - ¿Yo? No. [Borja] - Es que la semana pasada estábamos en una cena romántica cuando le conté mis sentimientos: "Te quiero… pero como amigo". Y ¿qué crees que hizo? Dijo: "A ver si quedamos algún día para hacer un café". Se levantó. Se fue pagando la mitad de la cuenta. No le he vuelto a ver. Es como para indignarse. Como si nada. ¿Qué te parece??? [Angel] - Tengo un temperamento muy mediterráneo. Hubiera hecho lo mismo o peor. [Borja] - ¿¿Peor?? ¿Cómo puede ser peor que esto? [Angel] - Arrojando una copa de vino de esos que dejan mancha que no hay lavadora que la quite. Eso si no me hubiera pedido sopa caliente.