The White Room
“How did I end up here?” I thought, “where exactly is ‘here’?”
Everything that happened that day remained a blur. All I remember was arguing with a cop over my taillight. Then, I ended up here. In an empty, white room.
“Figures, they threw me in jail over a disagreement.” I said.
“Welcome home,” a deep, mysterious voice greeted me.
I looked around the room to find where the voice came from. I didn’t notice any doors or windows, so I began to search for an exit.
“Home? Am I about to meet God Himself?” I thought.
“Himself?” the same voice asked me, “I hear everything. Even the thoughts that never leave your lips.”
“Who said that?!” I demanded.
“It was I, my child.” When suddenly, an inexplicably beautiful creature began to walk towards me, “I know, I know. Not what you were expecting, huh? I’m God. It’s nice to meet you. Well, meet you again, I should say.”
“But—you don’t look—”
“Like anything they teach in church?” God finished, “Ah, yes. That’s my favorite part about meeting my children the second time around. They always forget what I look like.”
“So you—you’re?”
“Female? Male? I don’t know. Haven’t really decided, you know? There’s more to life than two genders.”
I fell on my knees and began to sob. Here I was, face to face with God, and I had no idea how to respond. God lifted my face, “You need to get this idea out of your head that I am either a man or a woman. Pronouns do not define anyone. Got it?”
I nodded.
“So what do I refer to You as? Pronoun-wise. ”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Emery. Masculine, feminine, neutral. You can even alternate if you please. I don’t have a preference.” God said.
I always tried to push myself out of my comfort zone, so I chose to try something new.
“I think I’ll choose feminine.”
“Good. Come, my child. Take a seat. Time doesn’t exist where we are, so please.” God turned around and took two steps. I blinked, and a round, wooden table appeared in front of us. No chairs appeared, but as I watched God sit, a chair broke Her fall.
“Okay, so how—”
“Please sit, Emery.” God said.
I hesitated at first, but God made sitting looks so easy. I closed my eyes thinking “sit by faith, not by sight, right?”
“Very funny, Emery. ” God laughed.
Oh, yeah. I was in the presence of God. Of course She heard me. I blushed and obeyed. The seat caught me as I fell.
“So, my child. I will answer all of your questions, but here’s the catch,” God paused to pour tea for us, “Ready?”
I nodded.
“You get one question.”
“But how—”
“Don’t waste your question, deary,”
I didn’t know where to start. I had only spoken to God when I was younger. And now, here I am, face to face with… Her.
“Remember, time doesn’t exist, so just relax.” God sipped Her tea. I looked down at my cup, wondering if this is what heaven tasted like. If it was worthy enough for God to drink, could I drink it, too?
I couldn’t tell you how long we sat in silence, but pointless questions ventured through me the whole time. Until, I finally broke the silence.
“Did I die today?”
God laughed for what seemed like forever. It was an unheard of combination. I heard the wind rustling the leaves, the waves of the ocean crashing gently. I felt my face melt into a warm smile, and I erupted into a laughter that mimicked God’s. After our hymn ended, She collected Herself.
“Oh my sweet, sweet child,” She shook Her head and grinned, “What is death, really?”
I shrugged.
“Of course you’re unsure. And that’s okay. If I gave you all of the answers, life wouldn’t be as fun.” God stopped to take in my face. I could sense the pride in Her eyes. I wondered how someone that I barely ever spoke to could claim me as Her own.
“Now, to answer your question. Short answer: no.”
God paused and began stirring honey into Her tea. Was that all She was going to give me?
“Oh, loosen up a bit! I’m not finished. But I have a few questions of my own. I didn’t bless you with a brain for no reason.”
“Okay, I can live with that.”
“Good to hear. You know those things called dreams, right? You have every single one of them for a reason. I would let you remember all of them, but you couldn’t handle—, ”
“That’s not—”
“See? You can’t even handle me speaking the truth.”
God let me wind down before she continued.
“Anyway, back to what I was saying. I bless everyone with dreams as a way to escape. So, your loved ones. Did they ever really leave you? Or could you have a dream so real that you could feel their presence?”
I tried to hide my face, but then, I remembered who sat across from me. Her smile comforted me, but I cried anyway.
“Now, now, deary. Here’s some more proof that you’re not dead. Your emotions and memories are still intact.” God wiped away my tears, “Though your body may leave the earth, your soul, your spirit, and your memory never leave. Your spirit was never meant to die. You just can’t enjoy everything on Earth as a human. So many other experiences await you.”
I began to sob, and God continued to hold me.
“Oh, my sweet child. Everything is okay.” She said.
“God?”
“What’s that, Emery?”
“I don’t know how you do it. Love everyone—even the ones that hated you.”
“I know this life was hard, but it was never anything you couldn’t handle. I knew that my child would come back to me. Everyone finds me at different times in their life, in different ways. But anyway, back to you.”
“Right,” I wiped my tears away. “You were saying?”
“Your soul is very old, Emery. It was just time to come home for a little bit,” God looked down at Her teacup, occasionally hitting the spoon against the cup. Her sigh filled the room with a chill.
“My sweet, sweet child. The cop ended this journey, but your real journey is immortal.”
I felt the tears build up, but he didn’t deserve my tears. I slammed my fist on the table, “Just tell me what happened.”
“You were on your way home from work, but your tail light was out, so naturally, the cop stopped you to give you a warning. He wasn’t new to the job. He just thought that you were unfamiliar with the law.”
As God continued to speak, I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. I let them fall, but I never interrupted Her.
“So when you refused to get out of the car, he had never witnessed someone with your spirit before. He thought that if he could scare you, he could control you. But you’ve always been better than that, Emery.”
God wasn’t ashamed to show Her humility towards me, and that broke me even further.
“He pulled his taser on you, arrested you, and began to attack.” God paused to wipe Her tears away. I didn’t rush Her as She recovered. “You were already in handcuffs, so there wasn’t much you could do. My sweet child, that cop could never take your soul or your spirit. You’re so much more than your body.”
I didn’t know if I was crying tears of relief or of anger. I let out a long sigh before replying, “So now what?”
“Now, we work on your forgiveness.”
Since time didn’t exist, I don’t know how long I stayed in the white room, but God was there every step of the way. We worked through every detail, and I finally found it in my heart to forgive the cop. I passed one milestone in my life, and God prepared me for the next one.












