Mak (._. )

Snapchat: therealymbb // me encatan los frijoles negros

[angeldelmak]

The White Room

“How did I end up here?” I thought, “where exactly is ‘here’?”

Everything that happened that day remained a blur. All I remember was arguing with a cop over my taillight. Then, I ended up here. In an empty, white room.  

“Figures, they threw me in jail over a disagreement.” I said.

“Welcome home,” a deep, mysterious voice greeted me.

I looked around the room to find where the voice came from. I didn’t notice any doors or windows, so I began to search for an exit.

“Home? Am I about to meet God Himself?” I thought.

“Himself?” the same voice asked me, “I hear everything. Even the thoughts that never leave your lips.”

“Who said that?!” I demanded.

“It was I, my child.” When suddenly, an inexplicably beautiful creature began to walk towards me, “I know, I know. Not what you were expecting, huh? I’m God. It’s nice to meet you. Well, meet you again, I should say.”

“But—you don’t look­—”

“Like anything they teach in church?” God finished, “Ah, yes. That’s my favorite part about meeting my children the second time around. They always forget what I look like.”

“So you—you’re?”

“Female? Male? I don’t know. Haven’t really decided, you know? There’s more to life than two genders.”

I fell on my knees and began to sob. Here I was, face to face with God, and I had no idea how to respond. God lifted my face, “You need to get this idea out of your head that I am either a man or a woman. Pronouns do not define anyone. Got it?”­­­­­­­

I nodded.

“So what do I refer to You as? Pronoun-wise. ”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Emery. Masculine, feminine, neutral. You can even alternate if you please. I don’t have a preference.” God said.

I always tried to push myself out of my comfort zone, so I chose to try something new.

“I think I’ll choose feminine.”

“Good. Come, my child. Take a seat. Time doesn’t exist where we are, so please.” God turned around and took two steps. I blinked, and a round, wooden table appeared in front of us. No chairs appeared, but as I watched God sit, a chair broke Her fall.

“Okay, so how—”

“Please sit, Emery.” God said.

I hesitated at first, but God made sitting looks so easy. I closed my eyes thinking “sit by faith, not by sight, right?”

“Very funny, Emery. ” God laughed.

Oh, yeah. I was in the presence of God. Of course She heard me. I blushed and obeyed. The seat caught me as I fell.

“So, my child. I will answer all of your questions, but here’s the catch,” God paused to pour tea for us, “Ready?”

I nodded.

“You get one question.”

“But how—”

“Don’t waste your question, deary,”

I didn’t know where to start.  I had only spoken to God when I was younger. And now, here I am, face to face with… Her.

“Remember, time doesn’t exist, so just relax.” God sipped Her tea. I looked down at my cup, wondering if this is what heaven tasted like. If it was worthy enough for God to drink, could I drink it, too?

I couldn’t tell you how long we sat in silence, but pointless questions ventured through me the whole time. Until, I finally broke the silence.

“Did I die today?”

God laughed for what seemed like forever. It was an unheard of combination. I heard the wind rustling the leaves, the waves of the ocean crashing gently. I felt my face melt into a warm smile, and I erupted into a laughter that mimicked God’s. After our hymn ended, She collected Herself.

“Oh my sweet, sweet child,” She shook Her head and grinned, “What is death, really?”

I shrugged.

“Of course you’re unsure. And that’s okay. If I gave you all of the answers, life wouldn’t be as fun.” God stopped to take in my face. I could sense the pride in Her eyes. I wondered how someone that I barely ever spoke to could claim me as Her own.

“Now, to answer your question. Short answer: no.”

God paused and began stirring honey into Her tea. Was that all She was going to give me?

“Oh, loosen up a bit! I’m not finished. But I have a few questions of my own. I didn’t bless you with a brain for no reason.”

“Okay, I can live with that.”

“Good to hear. You know those things called dreams, right? You have every single one of them for a reason. I would let you remember all of them, but you couldn’t handle—, ”

“That’s not—”

“See? You can’t even handle me speaking the truth.”

God let me wind down before she continued.

“Anyway, back to what I was saying. I bless everyone with dreams as a way to escape. So, your loved ones. Did they ever really leave you? Or could you have a dream so real that you could feel their presence?”

I tried to hide my face, but then, I remembered who sat across from me. Her smile comforted me, but I cried anyway.

“Now, now, deary. Here’s some more proof that you’re not dead. Your emotions and memories are still intact.” God wiped away my tears, “Though your body may leave the earth, your soul, your spirit, and your memory never leave. Your spirit was never meant to die. You just can’t enjoy everything on Earth as a human. So many other experiences await you.”

I began to sob, and God continued to hold me.

“Oh, my sweet child. Everything is okay.” She said.

“God?”

“What’s that, Emery?”

“I don’t know how you do it. Love everyone—even the ones that hated you.”

“I know this life was hard, but it was never anything you couldn’t handle. I knew that my child would come back to me. Everyone finds me at different times in their life, in different ways. But anyway, back to you.”

“Right,” I wiped my tears away. “You were saying?”

“Your soul is very old, Emery. It was just time to come home for a little bit,” God looked down at Her teacup, occasionally hitting the spoon against the cup. Her sigh filled the room with a chill.

“My sweet, sweet child. The cop ended this journey, but your real journey is immortal.”

I felt the tears build up, but he didn’t deserve my tears. I slammed my fist on the table, “Just tell me what happened.”

“You were on your way home from work, but your tail light was out, so naturally, the cop stopped you to give you a warning. He wasn’t new to the job. He just thought that you were unfamiliar with the law.”

As God continued to speak, I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. I let them fall, but I never interrupted Her.

“So when you refused to get out of the car, he had never witnessed someone with your spirit before. He thought that if he could scare you, he could control you. But you’ve always been better than that, Emery.”

God wasn’t ashamed to show Her humility towards me, and that broke me even further.

“He pulled his taser on you, arrested you, and began to attack.” God paused to wipe Her tears away. I didn’t rush Her as She recovered. “You were already in handcuffs, so there wasn’t much you could do. My sweet child, that cop could never take your soul or your spirit. You’re so much more than your body.”

I didn’t know if I was crying tears of relief or of anger. I let out a long sigh before replying, “So now what?”

“Now, we work on your forgiveness.”

Since time didn’t exist, I don’t know how long I stayed in the white room, but God was there every step of the way. We worked through every detail, and I finally found it in my heart to forgive the cop. I passed one milestone in my life, and God prepared me for the next one.

[angeldelmak]

1:38 AM - 7/12/15

As I laid down on my mother’s couch, I sighed because I forgot to turn the fish tank light off. I flipped the switch wondering if fish ever really sleep.

“One day, I’ll forget to turn off my own fish tank and go to sleep in my own bed,” I thought.

“Wow, the bar for my life aspirations has seriously lowered,” I laughed to myself.

That’s all I ever wanted as a kid. To be happy without the help of others. But here I was, thinking to myself on my mother’s couch. My mother left the night before on a trip to visit her boyfriend’s family. He wanted to spend his first birthday after his cancer diagnosis with his family. Even though they weren’t married, I guess that included my mother. She asked me to stay home and feed her birds and fish. I didn’t mind because, well, classes just ended, and I recently quit my job.

Every fall, I moved out to live in a dorm in the city. I grew up an only child and learned how to cope with the loneliness. It was just my mother and I growing up. I’m not exactly sure what happened to my father. He went to work one day and never came back. My mother got a phone call, packed us up, and never looked back. Every time I would bring it up as a kid, she’d quickly change the subject, and, eventually, I learned to stop questioning it. That memory, however, stayed with me all of this time.

Though my mom and I only had each other, we weren’t particularly close. She always worked, so I understood. I always had my nose in a book anyway. It hurt to think about how many nights I spent alone and how I longed for a sibling. In a way, I did have siblings. After the day we left, my mother spent day and night job hunting, so I had time to explore the government-owned building we inhabited. There was an abandoned playground behind the building. Apparently, there were other kids in my situation because almost every weeknight, the neighborhood kids would meet at this location.

I remember the first time I heard about the playground. My mother told me to never go back there, but one night, I heard a rhythmic tap on my window. I lived on the second floor, and everybody knew when we moved in. I pushed the the curtains open and saw 3 girls about the same age as me. They kept signaling for me to come downstairs to play. After about 3 minutes of staring at the clock and wondering if I should disobey my mother, I gave in and went outside.

I opened my mouth to introduce myself, but one of the girls beat me to it. She opened her mouth and made sounds that I had never heard before. I knew they were words, but my 9-year old brain couldn’t comprehend them. She repeated herself multiple times, but I still couldn’t understand.

“I’m Phoenix,” I said pointing to myself.

The girls giggled and talked amongst each other for a few seconds, then, they turned back to me and starting pushing me towards the abandoned playground.

We arrived, and they stopped pushing. I sat on a rusted swing, and it immediately collapsed. The girls began to giggle, but collected themselves enough to help me.

“That wasn’t funny,” I said knowing that they couldn’t understand Moments after my fall, another kid arrived at the playground. A boy this time. 

He seemed slightly older. Maybe eleven or twelve. I felt confused, but the girls greeted him in their foreign language.

“¿Como te llamas?” He turned to me.

“Maybe I should go home and read. I can’t understand what anyone is saying and—”

“Wait, don’t go,” he grabbed my arm, “I can speak English, too,” he assured me.

“What about them?” I pointed to the girls.

“They only want to be friend. I teach Spanish, you teach English.” I didn’t exactly know what this meant, but I nodded and months later, we exchanged languages.

I never realized how good I was at hiding secrets from my mother, but apparently it wasn’t good enough. One morning, she came home and noticed that I was curled up with an unfamiliar book.

My mother never spoke Spanish around me until that very moment. I was reading the Spanish version of “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.”

“Brujas?!” She exclaimed.

With that one word, I knew she figured everything out. She raised her hand, I cringed, and the phone rang. All the emotion left her face and she turned around. No one ever called us.

After her 15 second conversation, she turned around, looked at me, then walked past me and entered her room. I hid the book, fearing that if she had caught me again, she’d hit me for real. I cried myself to sleep that night out of fear. I had never seen my mother that angry before, and I promised to never betray her again.

The next morning, I woke up to breakfast and two large suitcases. I knew it was coming, so I didn’t even bother with questions. I ate my breakfast slowly and tried to cherish the seven months I had spent with my “siblings.” After my last bite, my mother took my hand and didn’t let go until we reached the train station.

We moved too many times to keep track, and it happened every time that house phone rang. After the third time, I learned to keep to myself and exclusively read books my mother approved of. After our final move, my mother changed. Her cold hearted nature began to melt away.

“How was school?”

“Challenging.”

She would never try to get anymore out of me.

Weeks passed by for me to finally notice that she actually cared, so my one word answers became one sentence answers, and so on.

Everyday, I’d notice a new feature about my mother. One day it was her cheesy smile, the next, her hearty laugh.

I feared that this was all an elaborate prank. I repeatedly thought “who are you, and what have you done with my mother?” But I never asked.

One day, I walked home from school, so engulfed in a book, that I walked right past a man sitting at the table. By the time I sat down on my bed, my brain had processed what I witnessed. I walked backwards towards the table, and finished reading the page before I looked up. I starred for about 3 seconds before initiating conversation. I took in every detail his face had to offer. He seemed familiar, but I couldn’t put a finger on where I had seen him.

“Who are you?” My squeaky teenage voice asked.

Before the man could answer, my mother popped out from her room, all dressed up. She was surprised to see me standing there even though I came home everyday, on time. That’s when it clicked. The smile, the laughter, the caring conversation. There was someone in the picture.

I scurried back to my room, happy for my mother, but also worried. Does this mean that my father no longer existed? The thought frightened me, so I distracted myself with my books for the rest of the evening.

My mother never formally introduced us, but he became a huge part of her life. Most nights, she’d dress up and leave as if she was searching for another job. I didn’t mind. I had never seen my mother this joyful in the 15 years I knew her. We stayed in the same location for my final years of high school, and my mother was my only guest at graduation. I was surprised that she didn’t invite her boyfriend, but I didn’t bother to ask why.

I respected the man and never wanted anything from him, so I never cared to strike up conversation with him again. After I my first year of college, I rediscovered my copy of “The Chronicles of Narnia,” and found a note at the end, in Spanish. It read:

“Dear Phoenix, We’re so glad we’ve found a friend in you. We’ve all learned so much from each other, and will continue to grow together. Forever.”

Whenever I felt alone, I’d go back to the book. To remember my siblings. To write something so simple, yet so sweet at such a young age brought tears to my eyes every time I read it. I regretted not being able to say goodbye to them, but I hoped they knew I still thought about them. Even twelve years later. 

[dallasclayton]

[hanadoodles-archive]

PETITION TO MAKE LEARNING ANOTHER LANGUAGE COMPULSORY IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES FROM A YOUNG AGE BECAUSE ENGLISH SPEAKERS ARE LAZY ASSWIPES WHO EXPECT EVERYONE TO SPEAK ENGLISH AND NEVER BOTHER EVEN LEARNING ANY OTHER LANGUAGE.

[hogwartsforeverhome-deactivated]

Actually, most of us would love speak another language but our education system sucks so we literally learn 4 words. It’s not because we are all lazy.

[driftingthroughtheskies-deactiv]

AMEN TO THAT

[chiefguideandcentre-deactivated]

stop insulting us, its not our fault bc 1) the school system sucks and teaches us the same curriculum over and over again from elementary school to middle school, so by the time we get to high school we know the alphabet and maybe a few colors and thats when they suddenly dont care anymore and dont bother trying to teach us new things and 2) Europe is a cluster-fuck of different languages and cultures. You drive an hour and you hit 8 countries. In america, you drive an hour and you probably haven’t even left your own city. its easier for you bc you have better access and are surrounded by different cultures and languages at all times. Its all about location. So, lose that holier than thou attitude and stop being so insulting

[micdotcom]

Texas’ new American history text books won’t include:

The Ku Klux Klan

Jim Crow Laws

The primary role of slavery in the Civil War

And that’s just the beginning. Facts on segregation are almost completely missing. All of this is, of course, by design.

[huffpost]

‘My Hijab Has Nothing To Do With Oppression. It’s A Feminist Statement’

Not all Muslim women cover their bodies. Not all Muslim women who do are forced to do so. Like freelance writer Hanna Yusuf, who chooses to wear a hijab in a daily act of feminism. In a new video for The Guardian, Yusuf challenges stereotypes by setting out to reclaim the choice to wear a hijab as “a feminist statement.”

For more on on how the hijab helps women reclaim their bodies watch the full video here.

[themindoflove]

these are my sisters: makaylugh, dontaskisis & thablackmarket.

[hennessyandmelanin]

Y'all are so beautiful!

[themindoflove]

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

[lasttospeak]

Oh. 😔 Yall real cute though!!

[angeldelmak]

You were in our hearts 😀

[al-mahgreb-deactivated20160522]

[sandandglass]

Last Week Tonight s02e19

[breastforce]

minions exist to serve the worst’s most despicable villians and right now they’re helping out capitalism

[bevsi]

yea sexuality is fluid but like, not everyone’s sexuality has the same amount of fluidity, as in don’t go up to a lesbian and tell her “hey, maybe someday you’ll be attracted to men”

[spaybortion]

[pussy-and-pizzza-x-deactivated2]

okay if we’re mutuals u can

ask for my phone number

snapchat

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kik

this has been a psa thank u

Facts

[angeldelmak]

To my best friend, Moxy. This is the hardest "farewell" I've had to say in awhile. You were with me through everything, and I could never forget you. I'll love you forever 💛

[angeldelmak]

Believes in love: Libra, Sagittarius, Cancer, Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces.

Believes in aliens: Aquarius, Virgo, Leo, Aries, Gemini, Taurus.

[themindoflove]

Las Brimmigos.

thablackmarket + makaylugh

[littlesoy-deactivated20190519]

If Jesus was here today he would sit with lgbpqa and trans/nb people and people of color and lift them up lbrh he would not seek to help the wealthy white people Jesus would be marching saying BlackLivesMatter

[nonbinaryjackfrost-deactivated2]

Seeing as Jesus was a person of colour murdered by police, I should think so

[kitchensnog-deactivated20160817]

Jesus would also be supporting everyone like did y'all know that Jesus’s squad was literally made of prostitutes and sinners and diseased people

[o-mew-deactivated20150612]

Jesus would advocate for disabled people, and poor people 

[caracolsiniestro]

so many people don’t realize this is what Jesus would actually do, he is love, not ‘if you’re anything but straight you’ll go 2 hell and I hate you and you should die’