Goodnight

A videogames, music, and guacamole kind of person. Satisfied with any day under the stars. 

[angelicathecat]

I’m going to make shit happen for me. I’m always gonna try to keep making moves because it’s how I keep my sanity.

Lately, I’ve been relying on the safety net of love. He is the one person who I feel completely safe and like myself with. I don’t know what happened to my self-confidence, but these days i’ve been looking at people like i’m 2 feet tall or something. I think I have an inferiority complex. I think I have issues opening up. Why? Not sure.

But, I don’t want to keep relying on this safety net. I love him, and he is one of my escapes. But he can’t be my only escape. And I have to learn to live days without him. Not because I don’t love him anymore. But because I don’t want to have my sanity rely on a single person. That’s terrifying.

I’m going to meet new people,

Work on new projects,

Find a new job,

Cultivate new hobbies,

& just keep my mind so busy that it has no room to be hung up on the 500 worries it has on a daily basis.

It’s going to be me against my own mind. I’ll try to win.

[angelicathecat]

Day 1!!!

Alright so Day 0 ended like i said with all of us very high after a night of weird salsa drops. Oh also i “got” a cute

Then day 1 begins!!! From what I remember, we took a bunch of Amsterdam handle pulls. I got pretty drunk honestly. We took photos of course. Then into the venue we go! We go into Do Lab and chill for a bit. Then us girls separated from the guys. We saw Kyle. It was awesome he is great lol he had funny videos of some nerdy kid telling him he was on a mission! Played Playinwitme, i wish Kehlani came out omg.

Ok but THEN we went in closer to see the Neighborhood. Man they were amazing live and I got to see my FAVORITE SONGGGG Sweater Weather ever that i kinda wish i got to record but its all good lol. OK BUT BEFORE THAT I LITERALLY BLINDED OUT AFTER TAKING PUFFS OF JENNETTE’s WEED! Im crying!!!! I was literally just standing there, way too high, as clouds of black spots started getting bigger and bigger until i saw nothing but black!!! Legit nothing but black for a GOOD WHILE. I was just holding onto Jasmine’s hand hoping I didn’t go permanently blind 😂 after like 5 minutes i started to see people’s forms so i was like OK im good my vision will return. Once my vision starts clearing up, i’m telling everyone how i literally just went BLIND and then Jasmine’s like “WAIT I AM LITERALLY EXPERIENCING EXACTLY WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT RN” so im comforting her telling her its gonna be OK and it’ll be over in 10 minutes just feel the music! LMAOOOOO. When Sweater Weather came on it was just pure joy and laughter with us. One of my favorite live song experiences ever!

So the set ends and im not sure what we did after. Oh yeah we went to the merch tent. Met up w Marion and Fursty. Then off to see Kygo. Kygo was ok. Then we run as close as we can for SZA. Tbh it got too crazy. Baby Fursty was trying his best to go to the front. But i was like uhm no ur gonna die. I was kinda tired at this point. Anyway. Sza was magical!!!!!! Wish she played the Weekend tho omfg. She brought out Kendrick for All The Stars tho!!! MAGICAL! Then Fursty and i go deep in for The Weekend. I pop at Sza. Then i’m rollin for the Weekend and its awesome. Loved that set.

Day 1 complete!

[angelicathecat]

I feel like I shouldn’t have stopped blogging 10 years ago. Especially since my memory is fading a bit from all the fun i’ve been having.

Coachella 2018. Where do I begin?

Firstly, i’m so happy I got to spend it with my bestfriends. Even though we weren’t complete because Chichi couldn’t come, it was just so nice to spend some quality time with each other.

Setting up camp on day 0 was just surreal. Our campsite was closest to the ferris wheel and sahara stage.

On Thursday, we battled the wind and heat (lol our stakes came off our canopy legs 😂), walked around and explored the camping area, and then came back to our camp and played King’s Cup. Jasmine made this savage rule where we couldn’t say You or I, and I kept getting fucked up cuz of that 😂 We would be talking like cavemen. “What Jasmine ask next???” Lol. We are ridiculous.

So then we all got drunk, then we took some showers. I was able to catch the sun setting over the beautiful Indio mountains.

Then we all met up again, listened to music, chilled and drank together. Jeff and Joe came to our camp. We listened to Troyboi. We bonded.

Then, we all went to the Not So Silent Disco, where I kept trying to do the kicking rapper dance that Bryan and Fursty do. Then we were all very HIGH from Fursty’s edibles LOOOOL. Doing random ass dance moves and just having fun together.

Then we went back into camp and slept. Coachella had just begun.

[angelicathecat]

A part of me is just excited to graduate. College is good and all… But i’m just excited to go into the real world and find some stability… and be proud of myself for once. Like i want to start working a real job, do some traveling, get healthy/fit… I know this is weird. But i’m so over it. All of it. Partying, drinking. Feeling like a messy ball of stress. I’m done. I just want to graduate and be close to Fursty and my family. I don’t care that I don’t have friends in LA. I just want to prove to myself that I can make it in the real world.

[angelicathecat]

Update: Since writing this post, I have traveled to 7 different countries and lived in Rome for 3 months.

I have lost 35 pounds, lift regularly, and take hot yoga classes almost daily. I am physically much more fit than I was in college and I look the best I’ve ever looked in years. Or ever. I now actually have an ass. I NEVER HAD AN ASS MY WHOLE LIFE so this is a giant milestone.

My diet has improved, I eat a lot healthier.

I have a full-time professional job in the finance/banking/mortgage industry.

I still nurture my friendships, party, drink, and cultivate relationships with people.

I’d like to think I’ve come a damn long way and I never realized it. I am so proud of myself and what I’ve become. Post-grad has been hard as shit - not gonna lie. But i’m working hard every single day. To better myself in every way I can.

I’m becoming more in love with myself. Loving and appreciating myself. Finally.

[angelicathecat]

Honestly.

So thankful for the people in my life.

Just awesome people that are so supportive of me.

I’m so happy to be living my life.

It isn’t perfect, but what life is?

Just glad to be around loving people.

❤️

[angelicathecat]

Sometimes, I just feel sad for no reason.

Or maybe I do know the reason, but I don’t want to face it.

I don’t want to animate it. Or make it any more significant than just a small thought in my head.

A small, lingering, painful thought.

Everyday is the same type of battle

I wake up, doubt myself a little, replay embarassing scenes from the past in my head. Just a personal feud between me and my mind. What is new?

When i’m 88 years old, frail and ready to die...

Will I remember all the beautiful things I experienced?

Or the things I couldn’t stop thinking about?

[wnq-writers]

So many broken children living in grown bodies, mimicking adult lives

lostinthistale (via wnq-writers)

[angelicathecat]

When I was a kid, I loved writing stories.

I created comic books out of wide-ruled paper, staples, and a pen. I asked my Dad not to get me a ps3 one Christmas because I wanted a typewriter instead. I wrote lyrics to songs. All I ever wanted to do was create stuff when I was growing up. I didn’t want toys, I wanted art supplies. I remember one day saying that I wanted to be an inventor when I grew up. It was my passion and it kept me going.

Fast forward to college. I majored in English. Most people say that it’s a useless degree, and maybe it is. But the one thing that I can confidently tell everyone, including myself, is that literature is the one thing that makes my heart sing. Writing, reading, stories… the written word. It is my passion. It makes me excited. I love exploring with my mind, I love creating, I love expressing. I majored in English Literature because I love it.

Fast forward to today. I've been feeling how difficult it is to continue entertaining your passions when it feels like there’s no job out there that will let you fuel your passion. I have all of these options career-wise but none of them involve my passion.

9-year old Angelica’s heart would shatter if she found out that 22-year Angelica lost her passion for words just because she thought she couldn’t make a career out of it.

Only the closest people in my life truly understand that I am a romantic person who dreams deeply and is enamored by passion. I find meaning in everything, wherever I can, and no matter how little. I am overjoyed when I hear about my friends and their successes. And I firmly believe that every person should find passion in their lives. Seeing others pursue their dreams makes me wonder why I feel like I can’t pursue mine.

This is the first time in a while that I am writing from my heart. I really hope that I can continue doing so. It keeps the blood in my veins running… with passion.

[angelicathecat]

It sucks when someone targets something you're insecure about. I try not to let it affect me, but inevitably it does. I struggle badly with confidence. I'm insecure about a lot of things. I try to tell myself that i'm an awesome person, and I try to better myself almost always. But sometimes it's not enough. I wish I didn't care about certain opinions. I don't know if I work on comfortably being myself, or if I want to become something that i'm not. I don't want to let people's opinions wear me down

[angelicathecat]

Post-grad thoughts

They say you find yourself in college. I think I did? I mean I guess I did. I learned a lot about myself obviously. I grew a fuck ton. I realized a lot. It was a great time in my life. But I feel like i'm learning more about myself in post-grad. In post-grad, I feel like life becomes more about you than than anything else. Job-hunting makes you rethink who you are as a person because you're so focused about how you are on paper. I think I just want to be more open to myself. I'm an open-book to other people. I confide in many. I put my trust in people because I don't mind them hearing my story (and I like to hear their stories). But I think the one person I fail to receive encouraging words of advice from is myself. I've been a little down lately. Not confident in myself and my abilities. Not confident in my job. Not confident in who I am. I want to change that and be a different person. Or a better one at least. The right job will come eventually... one that is more than minimum wage and isn't commission-based lol.

[angelicathecat]

I really feel for people who are in physical pain. It's pretty fucking sad that some people don't.

[angelicathecat]

This is a new chapter in my life. I want to find peace in it. ✨

[angelicathecat]

I'd rather have no one than to have you. Like bruh. Done with you as a friend tbh lol I could care less about your selfish ass.

[angelicathecat]

Things I have picked up: Humans are disappointing.

[lagonegirl]

please get on this! Protect Black Girls! We as community have to look after each other. 

[axliciaa-deactivated20200327]

She said that she was at a hotel in LA. People on Twitter were able to track her IP address and later found out that she was/is in Mountain View, CA. She has not responded/posted on Snapchat in a couple of hours. She said there’s two guys there, one who goes by the name of Tank. They’re black, taller than her (like 6 foot or something) and wearing white and gray. This is a picture of one of the men  She sent it to someone who messaged her.

[moodyspacebabe-deactivated20180]

Omg. BOOOOST

[cosmic-noir]

BOOST BOOST BOOST

Please find her and get her home safe!

PROTECT OUR GIRLS!!!!

[samcahntent]

So I added her this morning (6:55am) March 10, and replied to her story. I wrote “oh wow you have a popsocket on your phone! I have one too!” And she replied “popsockers”. Then I said “I heard you say you’re in LA! I grew up here; how long are you here for?” And she hasn’t messaged back since. It’s now 7:24am. This story is making me uneasy

[gothic-punk]

Kennedi Simone High

http://www.missingkids.com/poster/NCMC/1290887/1

Case Type: Disability (Autistic) DOB: Nov 28, 2000 Missing Date: Mar 08, 2017 Age Now: 16 Missing City: Baltimore Missing State: MD Case Number: 5170303296

Gender: Female Race: Black Complexion: Light Height: 5-7 Weight: 120 Hair Color: Black Hair Length: Long Eye Color: Brown Wear Glasses or Contacts: Yes

Location Last Seen: Kennedi was last seen leaving Western High School.

Circumstances of Disappearance: Unknown.

Last Seen Wearing: Blk pants, blk low cut Ugg boots, white shirt.

[tarrare-big-naturals]

UPDATE: THERE IS A SNAP ON HER STORY NOT FROM HER. I’M ON MOBILE BUT I HAVE CALLED THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR MISSING AND EXPLOITED CHILDREN UPON SEEING IT.

[tarrare-big-naturals]

HERE IT IS Y’ALL.

[angelicathecat]

someone: are you okay?

me: *in a high-pitched mocking voice* "are you okay?" what the fuck.

[angelicathecat]

It isn't hard at all to feel worthless when no one answers your texts sometimes.