Rapture Nyx @angelsrapture - Tumblr Blog

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character concept: two people who have been reincarnated for thousands of years and have always found eachother but instead of being in love they just fucking hate eachother

salty-red-mage

I am so glad to see this back on my dash with my addition

flametotheinferno

Sometimes… I really wish the Final fantasy 14 community would give it a rest. Before they’ve even seen the final product of anything, they flip the fuck out. Its… rather ridiculous. See a Preview of Viera and “Oh no, Their too white.” Yes, and they are also incomplete. Also Every race in Ff14 ever has different skin options. Chill. “OH NO, NO BUNNY BOYS?” Literally they just haven’t shown them yet. Chill. We’ll know more later. Seriously guys. CHILL.

yourplayersaidwhat

So another player joins my campaign and he’s a half elf cleric of the raven queen. And I was going to have his diety visit him to send him on the quest to find the party. This ensues…

DM (me): While you sleep through the night in the newly built temple, you dream of a little gnome girl offering you a card and looming behind her is a woman in shadows, tall and dark robed, Its the Raven Queen with her pork loin mask… -I MEANT PORCELAIN!!

Everyone: PORK LOIN!! SHE HAS A FUCKING PIG MASK!!! (10minutes or laughing and dying and developing a Pork, Beef, and Chicken Gods while literally crying)

yourplayersaidwhat

Thief Jesus

Context: My Drow Rogue is looking to be introduced to the campaign I’m playing.

DM: Alright, so how are you going to introduce yourself to-

Me: I rob them blind.

DM: ……What?

Me: I rob them blind, they don’t know me yet, and I want all their shit.

DM, exasperated:…..Roll for Sleight of hand…..

Me: *rolls nat 20* 20. My base dex is 20, with +4 dex bonus, and +6 Sleight of hand…..So in total, it’s 50.

DM: ………You…..rob them blind, down the the very clothes they’re wearing in the marketplace, and leave them buck-naked in the middle of the fucking marketplace, when you make off with all your loot. You fucker.

Entire table dying of laughter.

Later, we have to fight four massive Owl Lord monsters

DM: Alright, so everyone’s gone their turn, Aradia (my rogue), what do you want-

Me: I steal their organs.

DM: ……You what.

Me: I steal their organs, fresh from the source. So do I roll for Strength or dex terity?

Angry DM who doesn’t know what I should roll for: ……Roll for Sleight of Hand.

Me: *rolls nat20* ……20.

DM: You……manage to slide and slide around the Owl Lords, ruthlessly gutting them and snatching their organs. By the time you finish, they’re all dead, and you’ve harvested their organs, fresh from the source. What do you do with them?

Me: …..Who wants dinner?!

Furious DM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH! ROLL FOR FUCKING COOKING, AND SO HELP ME IF YOU GET A-

Me: *rolls nat20* 20.

DM: ……..I hate you. So much.

Entire table has started chanting “Praise Thief Jesus!”

DM quit DnD that day.