And As It Is Such, So Also As Such Is It Unto You

Nikki. Sweden. Sometimes I write.

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 12 At Liberty

"Ferris made faces, gasping and gaping in imitation of my lumpkin ways. 'I never thought you would be so taken by these vanities,' he said. 'Are you pining after ribbons and feathers?'"

I love the overall softness of this chapter, spitting old men in the face aside. Also, their arguing, and the hand-holding, it's so sweet! And the discussing of whether to leave it all to plow fields. Jacob is so on top of his temper here, I just wanna congratulate him. Considering his reaction when he and his brothers were moved to the mainhouse, I'm sure he still remembers a thing or two about back-breaking work.

I wonder why Jacob calls Ferris Christopher when he talks to Aunt. I don't think he ever calls Ferris by his name to his face. Maybe it's nothing, but I always pause when I see it, unlike the first time Fat Tommy called Jacob by his given name. Had to rewind because when Tommy said he'd done it, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Tell you what other passage makes me pause: Not even I could look on him and be jealous. Jacob Cullen was patient! -- and I think I loved him during those months as I never loved friend before or since.

Probably the since only stretches until the start of the next dialogue, but to me it reads like we're suddenly taken out of the tale Jacob's telling, and it's him in the present with the reader, dropping a vague, worrying spoiler about a later part of the tale before diving back in. Also, the "I think". Mostly that.

I must've missed the mentioning of Jacob's accent. It's somewhere by the bit where the London soldiers gather around to see cows for the first time

[thestudiouswanderer]

s o o p

[onewinged-sephiroth]

☆*: .｡.FINAL FANTASY REVELATION .｡.:*☆

[uncertainlys]

MY FINGERS BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOUR STUPID FUCKING AD STOP REDIRECTING ME TO THE APP STORE

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 11 The Man of Bones

They're both so goddamn precious in this chapter😭 a moment of silence for Nat who probably had the worst night of his life followed by a really rough morning. Lots of good lines. I wish I could mark them, but I just can't bring myself to doodle in the book, even though it's one of three. Next reread I'll do it for sure. But anyway, my most fave line: I allowed myself a smile in the dark womb where Ferris and I crouched beneath the carpets, waiting to be reborn.

One little scene that always makes me laugh: As soon as we were out of their sights, I pissed from the back of the cart, kneeling on the folded-down hood; I had wanted to do this ever since the idea came to me the day before. "Pray do not bring your army ways into my aunt's house. Strive to be mannerly," said Ferris, but he was laughing.

The scene with Ferris introducing Jacob to the fella who took them on the cart was funny, too, and also another great example of Jacob seeing and observing things happening and changing but not understanding what's happening. You can feel the ??? radiating from Jacob when Ferris goes from talking loudly to whispering to loud again.

And Jacob being amused by Ferris's excitement, and Ferris being excited! At this point, Ferris had spent about a year in the army, right? Maybe even two? He seems to have seen a lot to know that Cromwell would set the house on fire with their own wounded still inside.

[dlsintegration]

are we fucking joking

[womanguy]

you should get a second evening for reading fan fiction. And you should get an extra day in the week to do arts and crafts.

[aksilmor]

🌿🌸

[azotalque]

🥀

[tieflingkisser]

[lesbianslimefriend]

here's where to find it on windows 10

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Love Salt] Ch. 10 Golgotha

[RATTLES CAGE]

so. Loyaute-glasshard introduction. Everything leading up to it, the horrors of the raid and massacre, Jacob seeing cold-blooded murder and dissociating to the point that he doesn't recognize or feel what he's expressing on his face, crying when he shatters the glass and recalling the broken goblet, it has to be heart-adjacent! Ferris seems to have taken it that way. And it seems that he's chosen to believe that it's the army and the war that makes Jacob so violent. But like, I don't know, a part of him must still know that Jacob was up to no good right before they met. That's why he doesn't tell anyone he's eloping with Jacob because they'd try to talk him out of it. Even before Nathan told him about the rescue, he was leaning toward leaving with Jacob, I think, what with the whole gazing at each other, and the getting into bed with Jacob. He's smitten, knows he shouldn't be, but the heart wants what it wants, what can you do?

Jacob fascinates me with his mood and moral swings. Rattled by the murder of the lady in green, but internally pouting about someone else possibly getting to kill Nathan, and manipulative with the whole saving him thing. He knew he couldn't be the one to say it, almost choked on his foot for a sec, all the while obvious that his love for Ferris is real even if he's up to messed up things. I don't think he fakes his reactions or feelings most of the time, especially not in the moment where he thinks Ferris is leaving him behind. (LOVE that scene).

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 9 God's Work

Jacob. JacOB!! He pulled a knife on him. And he didn't even notice. That had somehow escaped my recollection completely. Like. Short of the rape, Ferris has almost a complete file on the man, and knows, now, for sure, that Jacob can and will turn against anyone, even Ferris. There's not even grounds to think there are exceptions unless we're doing Cirque de Soleil level mental gymnastics, which, if I recall correctly, may be part of the Decision, but (!) that's future stuff and we'll get to it when we get to it.

At this point, when I read it the first time, I was mainly engrossed and fascinated, like now, but also looking at how much was left of the book and thinking "How? How is Ferris not running for the hills?" But it seems to me, reading this today and maybe seeing it clearer than before, that it must've been part of the appeal, the violence, Jacob's desperation to be with him, and constantly mess up and come back begging for forgiveness, and his attempts to appease Ferris with apologies to his friends when everything else about Jacob makes it abundantly clear that he doesn't care for Ferris's friends at all. A freak for freak situation, and Ferris is just tsundere about it, as the kids would say.

The hits to the head though. That can't be good. Just walking around perpetually concussed.

Also, I need this to get a proper audiobook at some point with a VA whose voice is appealing to me and is good at arguing with himself because I know that everytime they fall out and argue, I'd feel ill. (Gary Furlong maybe? Any other suggestions?) Which reminds me, I have yet to check out Jacob's accent. A detail I love by the way. Him thinking Londoners speak too fast, and them reacting to his accent.

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 8 Mistress Lily

Another banger chapter. Last chapter I thought Ferris would be capable of slipping Jacob something, but I had my barn scenes mixed up. He's still in contemplation about what to do re his relationship with Nathan, the army, and his blossoming feelings for Jacob who he knows isn't stable. I'd completely forgotten that confrontation between Jacob and Nathan. Ferris must have been told everything if Nathan knew, and then decided not to believe it? I don't wanna get ahead of myself again, so I'm not gonna.

What always surprises me when rereading is how despite it all, despite Jacob's possessiveness and his way to go about things, even in moments when he's still in control of himself, a big part of me is rooting for him to get better. He tries. And then suddenly he becomes really scary and I have chills running down my spine like when and how he changed with Philip after his confrontation with Nathan. And then he's like a kicked puppy around Ferris, and I'm back to rooting for him all the while wondering what's wrong with him😔

Relationships aside, I enjoy the commentary made on everything happening around them. Jacob saying there wouldn't be as many ill soldiers if they were given tents before getting sick, and realizing that they're basically running the army with as much bare minimum they can get away with. The descriptions of Basing House and how they view the Papists.

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 7 Bad Angel

I really should try to keep it to one chapter per day because I get overwhelmed with the need to kick my feet and roll around. It's all the yearning, and the love, and the possessiveness and the darkness that comes with it.

I love how it's shown. The subtlety of Jacob falling in love and not realizing what it is, thinking of Ferris as comely, just him knowing that it's time to get territorial and hang on with everything he's got to not be abandoned. And like, when has that ever worked in your favor Jacob? Ferris being sorta kinda certain that Jacob might have caught feelings for him ('Why do you frown, Rupert?' 'You know, I should go back, and make restitution.' 'I said, why do you frown?') and then the scene where Jacob starts to feel ill (I felt strangely cold. Perhaps I was sickening for something. 'Are you well, friend? Nothing wrong?' 'Only hunger,' I said and vomited up the bread he had given me.) Initially, I read that as nothing but yearning, but thinking about it, with what Tommy said about the poisoned soup and all, I'm wondering if Ferris snuck him something to save him from battle considering he's thinking about deserting at this point, but then the fella in church basically said Jacob had just about died, and I don't think Ferris would risk that. I would love to know what bug got into Jacob. Was it the stress and guilt?🤔

The church scene: Jacob crying for Ferris, and the kiss, and the clinging, top shelf. He is so dangerously besotted already, which then, of course, leads to the falling out, and me having to close the book for a minute to pace. Ferris seems to suspect many things, he sees how Jacob acts, and how he tries to get away with things behind his back, and even so, he stays just in case they don't get to see each other again.

One chapter tomorrow. Can I do it? Probably not.

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 6 Prince Rupert

SUCH A GOOD CHAPTER😭 There are so many lines in this one that I love: God cuts out our path, makes a groove in the clay with His finger, and we poor blind ants slide down into it (83).

God is not moved from His great designs by the prayers of the righteous, how much less does He care for the whinings of the damned! (85)

The men were sprinkled about in groups and I could see none so utterly alone as myself. I have been loved, I wanted to call out to them, for it felt like leprosy (96)

Their first meeting. Jiminy Christmas, it was love at first sight, wasn't it? "As I met his eyes they darkened, the pupils opening out like drops of black ink fallen into the grey, then he looked away, and his fingers slid from my face."

I love their banter. Jacob stumbling from one rake to another, constantly feeling like he's talking without thinking. Ferris, amused, and teasing, and curious, and so keen on helping. Also, he read Jacob so quickly! Or maybe he just observed him when he went for more meat whilst joshing with Nathan. But that whole exchange of Ferris going back with the meat is so good! "picking up the cloth he strolled off towards the other fire while I stood amazed, considering whether I should bloody his mouth for him if he returned."

I love that Jacob is constantly noticing things without noticing them or understanding what it is he's seeing and/or hearing, like hearing dick and bj jokes and just sitting there confused and certain they're having a laugh at him.

One thing I noticed that maybe adds to my Jacob-is-the-shattered-glass-theory, from when he's speaking to someone who isn't there, he doesn't call it the Voice or his father (the voice he hears does change identities as the story progresses though so I think it's one and the same), he tells it: And devils themselves grow crueller by the continual action of pain upon them.

Is he talking about himself, and if he is, does he know that he is? I don't know🥲

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 5 Over the Edge

I'd forgotten how stressful this chapter is. God, Jacob, what was the plan? They didn't have a clue of where they were gonna go. They could've hidden in the basement of the house or something! When Zeb fell off the tree, I thought for sure he was a goner, and to put him on the horse! Stressful all around. Seems to be a trigger for Jacob, jealousy aside, he sure took it on himself to make the situation much worse. But also like, the killing of Walshe unedited version: I think the real, underlying reason for it becomes clearer in part 2, because as it is now, Jacob killed Walshe for the heck of it and was insanely frightening doing it. That said, I love the intensity of this chapter. I was horrified, disgusted, stressed out, shocked, and the first time I read it, I thought this was where I'd tap out, because c'mon, a black man as a violent rapist in this day and age? Fortunately, the prose kept me going, and I read it all. Godspeed to Caro and Zeb, and let's see if Jacob finds his way outta the woods.

[angelswithouthearts]

[Re-reading As Meat Loves Salt] Ch. 4 Espousal

Vague spoilers for stuff that happens later than this in the book

It's happening. They're fleeing. Love the bit with Jacob thinking back on his relationship with Zeb changing. I could've sworn he described Zeb as beautiful during the bathing scene, or something like it, because I remember thinking "alright, that's inappropriate, Jacob, get it together" first time I read it years ago, but either that happens in a bit or it already happened (doubt) or I'm just misremembering. Also, the red glass, love how it makes an appearance already (if i recall correctly, the loyaute glass is red too). I need to make an Excel-sheet of all the foreshadowing/callback stuff.