✧angstama boi🎐

ah, the sweet feeling of your heart dropping to the ground. i love it <3

[angstama]

ａｎｇｓｔａｍａ⋆୧˚｡⋆

ꕥ  - hello! i’d like to be known as just angstama so feel free to call me that~ i write angsts mostly and occasional fluff~

ꕥ - she/her , libra ♎︎ 

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requests are semi-open!

[angstama]

omg did jeno remember you? are you allowed to tell us why you met him (i assume it’s for the upcoming fanmeet)

i can't share much details on what's going on🥲 but! yes he actually did :") ! it didn't take that long for him to realise it either so i was genuinely surprised as i wasn't planning on saying anything since i was there to observe only. my manager got a shock because they didn't know that we worked together before and jen got a shock because the last time we spoke to each other during the fs, we talked a little about what my plans were professionally and he was really happy that i got through and that i'm doing something that i enjoy!

[angstama]

if you don’t mind me asking, what is your job?

hii usually i don't outrightly reveal my job title to maintain my anonymous identity because of how niche the job itself is! i mainly work with music and management in sm now but back home, i work with artists as well as in the concert industry doing liaison work mostly!

[angstama]

unfortunately no, flying back one day before the concert 😭 will you be attending? oh and sudden thought! hope you haven't been doing much over time work 🥹 heard that the working culture there... might not be the best?

awwwman! :( that's a shame🥺 yess i'll be attending for both days! i wasn't planning to attend initially but managed to snag good seats from the cancelled tickets so i decided to go since it's the weekends anyways😗😗 i think because i was already working so much back home, now that i'm here, it didn't feel like there was a very big difference! it's still a rat race and the level of hierarchy here is very apparent so i'm just trying to adjust to that🥹 i've been so busy that i simply couldn't find any pockets of time to even do any writing hence why i haven't uploaded anything because i had back to back schedules each day so i've been feeling really apologetic to our readers here for taking so long to post anything or reply to my inbox as frequently🥹🥹 but thank you so much for checking in on me darling, i really really appreciate it so much!!!🩵🩵🩵 please feel free to ask me any other questions about seoul or anything else if you have any!!!!!

[angstama]

hows the weather like in seoul right now! heading there in a few days and just thought maybe i could ask you hahah and ofc sending you some well wishes - have a great time and i hope you gain some valuable and unforgettable memories there <3 YOU ARE DOING SO GREAT

thank you for sending me your well wishes🩵🥺 it’s getting really hot these days so i’d say bring an umbrella around with you as the sun can get really scorching on the skin during daytime🥹 i got some cooling sheets from daiso but you can also find them at olive young! i found them to be really helpful in cooling the heated areas on your body! it also does get a little chilly in the evening so i usually pack a thin cardigan with me just in case it gets a little cold! i hope you’re excited to come here!!!!! are you staying for jnjm’s concert? :-))))

[angstama]

How many times have you met dreamies ? And are nice ? Yk some idols are really rude and ignore people. can u share individual stories and how their personality is off camera

i’ve only worked with dreamies once and that was last year tds4 concert! you can read my personal experience here! also, yes you’re right, actually there are many idols who are 🫩🫩🫩 irl behind the cameras which is why i mentioned i’ve became really desensitised over the years because i’ve had some negative experiences with some artists :”) i can’t attest to their personalities twenty four seven behind cameras but from the three days of working with dreamies, they were regarded as one of the few groups that our team really enjoyed working with. every single one of them were really polite, followed instructions clearly and i think because then, their mood were really good during those three days so they were really energetic throughout! in my opinion, they’re very similar to how they portrayed themselves as on camera except haechan might have some down times here and there.

[angstama]

YOU MET WHO ???? 😧

JENO🥹😭 i’ve desensitised so much from working with artists over the years but seeing him irl after working together last year at tds4 and the fansign got me all flustered that i was just surprised to see him🥹

[angstama]

just met jeno and he got shocked and i got shocked and my manager got shocked too.... what even is this exchange😩

[angstama]

I think you've built Jaemin's character very well. Because in the flashback to the first time they met, he gave her a very realistic advice:

"Pick money [...] you already have it going for you [...] you can always do passion on the side when you're rich ENOUGH."

Now it makes sense to me how he handles his relationship with Y/N and how he struggles internally with not believing he's ENOUGH to fully commit, you know?

"But that just means I'm going to be doing something that I wouldn't like for a period of time." / "That's better than being poor for the rest of your life."

I think this time "in limbo" is what he has to go through to become enough for himself, and later enough for her. Although I don't think he wants to become successful as an artist for Y/N, but rather for his ego, so he can endure the following years in this "passion on the side"/marriage with the love of his life.

you're actually quite spot on! while it isn't the main conflict of the story, jaem's heavy fixation on his passion isn't something that is out of character for him because chapter 04 had described how jaemin values his craft as something that he holds dear to his heart that prior to their first break it made sense that jaemin was "obsessed" with photography. though, the bigger reason of why he couldn't confidently pursue a relationship with yn is really because of the guilt he felt from knowing that he "cheated" on yn during their break with saeron and that's why he deflected with all sorts of excuses when yn asked him about marriage :(

[angstama]

hi hii! will the next chapter explain why jaemin didn’t include any pic of yn for his exhibition? bec i still dont get it the love jaemin had for yn 😭😭😭 like ok i understand the way jaemin act and react around yn bec he gets too comfortable to the point he take her love for granted. but still how come you forgot to include the love of your life in your very important project and not to mention yn was there when he started his passion for photography 🥺 unless if he fall out of love right???

hiii! the story will probably not touch on the reason why jaemin didn't include and pictures of yn in his exhibition explicitly but throughout the last five chapters, jaemin's actions had constantly shown that yn had stopped being his priority. chapter 06 will go in depth about jaemin's internal feelings and the dilemma he had ever since he got back from rome which will probably explain better why he treats yn the way he did during their time together!

[angstama]

Is the next chapter coming soon…?

i'm afraid not🥹🥹 but i'm working on it whenever i can so do give me some time!

[angstama]

Bonjourr how are you?

When’s chapter 6 coming? I need a good shot of angst 😮‍💨 btw do you have any tips for study motivation? Like I want to but I can’t anymore 😓 I’m afraid I’ve lost 15 year old me’s motivation

bonjour notmastyle🤣🩵 i'm settling in at work now and am working on some really exciting things so life is pretty nice :") what about you!!!!!!

unfortunately i'll need a little bit more time for chapter 06 as i've just been so busy with the move and then really getting straight to work the moment the internship started 😵‍💫😵‍💫

i'm not sure if i can be of any help bc tbh my motivation always comes from the fear of being average🤧 maybe because the society from my home country had conditioned me to be competitive... i'm not sure how to describe it but i'm a really ambitious person and i've always believed that i have the potential to push to the highest point there is so naturally i'm fuelled by the fear of never amounting to anything close to my potential in this lifetime🫠

but when there were times that i'm just at my peak exhaustion, i think a lot about mark and haechan! because they're literally in two of the busiest groups in nct nation but still kept going and showing up each time even though they could've easily said they needed a break and go on a hiatus to rest. i think there's something really motivating about that and while i'm not trying to promote overworking, i draw a lot of strength from knowing that if my idols can continue working under such tiring schedules, there's no reason why i can't do so since i have more freedom with my schedule compared to them.

i hope you're able to find that drive again!!!! but don't be too hard on yourself because it's very normal to lose motivation for something every now and then🩵 trust yourself and trust that it will come back to you.

[angstama]

hi angstama!! i think i havent been around in months... i feel so bad for requesting to be an emoji anon and then disappearing for so long...🥺

i've started work in february and it's been insane, i've been clocking 12-hour work days on average for the past 2-3months and i work weekends as well so my longest work streak was 21 days in a row 😭 i've been so exhausted that i could never come on here to even say hi, but ive thought about you every now and then and i finally got around to reading a few of your latest chapters today!!!

as always, thank you for writing the best fics that are soooo enjoyable to read (although jaemin is being a piece of shit) 💕 i'm really looking forward to the last (?) chapter of the jaemin fic!

and i hope you settle down nicely in seoul, hope you make lots of precious memories and friends, and i hope your internship there will be a fulfilling and fruitful one as well. always always wishing you all the best, we love to see you thrive!! thank you for having me around 🥰

-🍰

hiii 🍰 anon!!! it's been awhileeee and im sorry for getting back to this so late😭 sm got me up and running immediately since day one...🥹 BUT PLEASE NO WORRIES ABOUT IT, i understand everybody here have their own lives and can't be on tumblr 24/7!! i'm just reallyyyy happy to be seeing you in my inbox again~🩵🩵

thank you so much for sharing your life update with me darling <3 and whaatt those are some long hours you're working everyday D: i hope you're getting some break after all this??? (pls tell me you are....breaks are essential for survival!!!!) honestly, i feel for you too because i've been in the same exact situation before and am still living that life right now but i've learnt it the hard way that there are limits to a human's willpower physically and that while there's no harm in working hard, in order to do it much efficiently, is to take the essential breaks needed for your mind and health😙 so please find some time to unwind whenever you can!!!!

and thank you so much for your very kind words and best wishes🩵🥺 as always, i'm forever thankful and grateful for all the support that everyone has shown for my stories. i'll continue writing as much as i can while juggling this whole chasing my dreams thing so please continue looking forward to angstama's works :")🩵 sending lots of love and hugs your way!!!!!!!

[angstama]

I can’t wait for jaemin to find out that y/n spent her trip with mark 🤭🤭 HEHEHEHE

[angstama]

girl i love you so so much, that i kept rereading all your fic while waiting for afy ch 06!!! i am always a angst girlies and your stories really put my hearts on 200 bpm whiles reading!! i really appreciate your stories and please never stop writing 😝😝😝😝

ps: when are we getting afy 😏 and how many chapter are left ( i cannot wait to read your masterpiece again !! )

hiii love🩵 thank you for loving angstama seriessss~!!!!! i'm afraid all for you chapter 06 will take awhile as i was incredibly busy last week and fell sick on top of that... i've also only just settled down in seoul though the sickness is still lingering around in my body😩😩😩 the next in line for update is also better than me? as that's almost donee so i'd like to finish that up soon!!!! i think we can give it about two more weeks for chapter 06 to be finalised😭😭 thank you for your patience🥺there'll only be two chapter left unless i decided to expand the story but there aren't any plans to do so!!!!

[angstama]

did jaemin regularly update y/n while he was in rome? i got the impression it was just radio silence for months until he came back

in chapter 01, there was a line that described yn's experience of waiting

every day followed the same routine—waiting, checking your phone, counting the hours. five texts. that was all. just enough to let you know he was alive, doing well, still there.

jaemin did continue sending texts to yn during his backpacking journey but it was just enough to keep her updated!

[angstama]

All this “they were on a break” “they weren’t on a break” talk is just reminding me of friends 😭 the Ross and Rachel situation

my partner said the same thing too😭😭