Welcome Lovelies.. sit down.. relax.. stay a while <3
Hi everyone my name is Victoria and I guess this is my blog. Please feel free to message me I love to make new friends.
I have started to romanticise writing again so my requests are currently open. I tend to stay relatively active, but if I don’t respond very quickly plz know that I am extremely busy with raising twins.
Everything that I write and post is going to be 18+ sorry minors go cry about it to your mum.
In terms of what I write I love to challenge myself, but at the moment I don’t accept any dark/non-con/fics stuff like that. I do love any smut/angst/heart wrenching fluffy ideas you guys can throw my way.
But yeah that’s kinda it, love you guys and plz know I love any reblogs/like and especially lovely comments. It makes me feel grateful knowing people are enjoying what I write. ❤️
Checking in to let y’all know I’m still alive! I’m still very feral for this man right here! 🥵🥵
Been taking some well needed time to do studies. Please know I got some fics brewing. For y’all that have been loving what I write i appreciate y’all. X
Hey I love your writing and was wondering if you were going to write a part three to riding lessons and eyes on me?
I absolutely adore them and would love to see the build up to Tommy taking her virginity and being really soft and loving with her etc etc 💖💖💖
First of all thank you so much!! I’ve been on a bit of a slump when if comes to writing atm so your kind words mean a lot ❤️
And why yes I am in fact in the early process of writing the third part in the inexperienced!reader but plz if y’all can think of anything lemme know I need ideas my head is empty! (Being a mum of twins is hard)
And p.s I may also have another part to dbf! Tommy as well so plz keep your slutty eyes ready!
~ You thought everything would be perfect when you and Tommy finally moved in together, and when its not the two of you try your best to fix things ~
Warnings: Not really, some angst but I swear the ending is sweet. Mention of pregnancy.
A/N: Had a bit of slump, but I really wanted to finish this, and i have a part 2 of this in the books.. plz let me know what ya'll think. if you like feel free to have a gander at my masterlist <3 xx
It had been nearly six months since you and Tommy bought your home together, in the outskirts of Austin it was everything that you had ever dreamed of. In your old farmhouse the two of you could live out the rest of your days, here you could both get old together.
Transitioning to sharing your space with Tommy had been relatively easy, considering that the two of you were used to spending almost all of your free time together anyway.
At first it felt perfect, the two of you feeling like those corny couples in those rom-coms that always had you cringing together. Swearing you’d never be like that.
You both were basically connected at the hip whenever you were home together, if you were in the kitchen doing ‘literally anything’ then he would be behind you. Distracting you with your tasks as he would drop his head onto your shoulder, his stubbled cheeks would burn the soft skin on your neck as he peppered warm kisses there.
He made you feel like a teenager again, how he managed to get you flustered so easily, just him touching you had you pulling him away from the kitchen and back upstairs in a desperate frenzy to get your hands on him one last time before you would both go your separate ways for the day.
Mornings were always blissful like that, you would both be making breakfast and drinking coffee in a post-sex haze. Filled with laughter and very mediocre dance moves from whatever songs were playing on the radio, leaving you both amused with your distractions resulting in sulking in eating burnt toast.
But now the beauty of it all was replaced with the very harsh and brutal reality, the wool had been ripped from your eyes and only now did you realise that it wasn’t like that anymore. You had recently graduated from college and was offered a teaching job, which you were excited for so you said yes straight away. The only downside was that you were never home, every weekday you were up and out the door before the sun peeked through the rocky valleys beyond your home, and the moon was already out when you got home.
Much like you, Tommy who was now always working, he and his older brother Joel started up their own construction business that took them a lot of work and money. So they were always busy with new projects that always left him coming home exhausted, by the time you were home he was usually asleep on either the sofa or bed. It was a very rare occasion that the two of you would actually run into each other during the day.
Both of you were just too tired to notice how bad it was getting.
Though tonight you had a plan to take a step in the right direction, you had been feeling so flat lately and figured that it was your body’s way of telling you to take a step back and really evaluate what was important in your life. You felt the need to at least try and save your relationship before a simple homemade dinner couldn't fix it.
A smile grew on your face when Tommy’s car pulled up in the driveway, no doubt surprised to see yours there as well. It felt good to surprise him, to do something that felt so foreign. The two of you would always do sweet little things like this, whether it was you knocking on his door unannounced in the morning with a sweet smirk on your face. Or him waiting for you to finish classes for the day to pick you up and take you somewhere special.
“Just in here!” You called out from where you stood in the kitchen finishing up making Tommy’s favourite, your own lasagna recipe. His tired groans could be heard getting gradually louder as he eventually dragged his feet onto the tiled floor, clearly not matching your level of enthusiasm. “Y’aint usually home this early.” He mumbled as his tied eyes caught sight of you during the day time, a sight he was not used to. “I know I got sent home actually, still not feeling well.” You shrugged, sending a tight lipped smile as Tommy leaned against the doorway, an almost confused look on his face.
“Been workin’ too hard.”
“Yeah well, guess we're both guilty of that.” The words came out harsher than you expected, making you cringe as you saw Tommy frown from your peripheral.
“Tommy wait–” You breathed out, ready to apologise but he was already walking towards the stairs. It made you feel uneasy, like you didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore.
Tommy sighed as he felt your concerned eyes burning into his, he knew that all you wanted to was just try and make an effort. But he was just so tired.
“M’just having a shower alright?” He bit back in an almost sad voice, he felt guilty that he was simply just too exhausted to do this with you right now. His fingers were tightly wrapped on the polished bannister, it wasn’t a nice feeling to be annoyed at you for doing absolutely nothing wrong. But yet he was…
He continued walking up the stairs and shutting the bathroom door behind him without looking back up at you, you let out a meek ‘okay’ knowing that he wouldn't even hear you. You wondered where it all went wrong so quickly, never did you ever think that you two could get to a point that you wouldn’t know how to even talk to each other.
You were alone in the kitchen again till everything was nearly ready, the silence was deafening how quiet it was. No longer having your laughter would be bouncing off the walls during Tommy’s attempts to take over you cooking dinner.
Though when Tommy did come back downstairs you were already plating up the food in a huff, already feeling like you ruined everything.
The both of you danced around each other, while Tommy opened the fridge to grab himself a beer, you were already sitting down as you picked away at the food on your palate. Whether it was your stomach or the tense silence that made your stomach churn at the idea of eating anything.v
“So uh, how’s work been? I feel like we haven’t had a night like this in ages.” You smiled sadly, not wanting to—start anything or mean anything by it. Simply just, starting a conversation.
He responded with a sigh, as he shook his head ridiculously as his damp curls danced wildly.
“Yeah well we had a new guy start a couple of weeks ago, he broke his ankle over the weekend so he’s out.” Tommy groaned as he took another sip of his beer, you only noticed now how tired he actually looked. It had been so long since the two of you caught up with each other at the end of the day like this, you missed this. “So what does that mean?”
“Will probably have to pick up the slack for ‘em, at least till we find someone to replace him.” Tommy shrugged matter of factly, his eyes not lifting up from his plate. “God Tommy, you’ll work yourself into the ground.” There was worry evident in your voice, your cutlery clinking against the ceramic plate as you gave the man in front of you your full attention. He was being absolutely ridiculous, you had the right mind to call Joel and tell him to get someone else to help out.
“Well, someone has to do it.”
“Tommy--"
“Why does it matter?” He looked up at you in annoyance, his tone an octave higher than you're used to. He was hoping that you would simply drop it, why couldn’t you just drop it.
He could feel his agitation rising as the conversation continued, even though all you were doing was worrying about him. “Well I know we don’t see each other as much and–”
“Jesus Christ.” He groaned, rubbing a calloused hand down his face, his elbow propping on the table with a loud ‘thonk’. “Can’t you just let it go? You’re the one that’s at work all goddamn day!” His voice rose in irritation as his now red hot cheeks turned to look at you, almost awaiting an answer.
Your eyes shot up to watch him in shock, it was a very rare occurrence for Tommy to ever raise his voice, especially at you. You were taken aback at how annoyed and mad he looked, the vein in his neck protruding after his outburst.
“Yeah you're probably right–I’m so sorry for trying Tommy. It obviously seems like I’m too late anyway.”
Your harsh words cut into Tommy like a burning hot knife, but your lip quivered as you tried to hide the tears from slipping out. He almost expected you to just yell straight back at him, but when you didn't it made him feel worse.
Tommy then let out a frustrated sigh, when his eyes caught onto yours he realised the mistake that he made. “Shit–darlin’ that aint what I meant.” His voice was frantic now, trying to fix his mistake once it was too late. His eyes searched for yours but he couldn’t, your own refusing to look up. Because you knew if you did, you would cry.
“But it is! Jesus, I dont– I can’t do this right now Tommy.” Your head shook in disbelief, how could something so simple that you had planned go so horribly wrong. You tried to ignore the part of your brain that wondered if you both just weren't the same people you used to be.
As you stood up abruptly, the chair underneath screeched under the wooden floorboards. Throwing your napkin on the plate you left the table in a hurry, ignoring the calls from Tommy as you basically ran up the stairs. As he sat in the same spot sulking, you were in your upstairs bathroom throwing up what little remnants you had from dinner.
Your eyes were blurry as you sat on the cold tiles, your eyes continued to water as your eyes drifted on the small silver ring on your left hand. It was the one Tommy gave to you when he proposed to you not long after you graduated, even though you both knew long ago that you wanted to marry him. It was one of the happiest days of your life and now it almost made you want to vomit again.
Surely this wasn't the same man that you just argued with downstairs, your Tommy was soft and kind and had the most beautiful smile– not that you had seen it much lately.
You were basically never home with this new job, but when you brought it up to Tommy he said ‘you’d be a fool not to take it.’ And now he was using it against you, when all you were trying to do was have a conversation. You knew that tomorrow was Friday, you just had to make it through the day and then you would have the whole weekend to try and fix this.
You just had too.
Tommy groaned out in pain when he woke up on the sofa, his back aching from the hard springs poking into him. He figured he deserved it anyway, as a painful reminder from the universe. At least that’s what you’d probably say, he doesn’t get any of that stuff. He figured he'd go upstairs and try and make things at least a little better with you, tell you that he was sorry— because he was.
But when he padded down the hallway he could already tell you were gone, your soft snores were absent to him, your side of the bed was empty.
Usually he wouldn’t mind, but Tommy still felt horrible for the way he talked to you last night. He was never the type to lash out at you in anger or frustration, no matter how tired or exhausted he was. Seeing you get so upset last night made him realise that it was all more than just ‘being at work all the time,’ it was starting to affect your relationship. And the fact that even you knew, and tried to do something nice, and he just basically threw it back in your face.
He didn’t even know if he could fix it…
He felt like the biggest asshole, as he tried to figure out to make it up to you all he could think about how upset you looked, it was burned into his mind. Your side of the bed was unmade and it made him imagine you throwing the covers in a frenzy to get up on time like always, your pajamas laying on the floor in a line to the bathroom where you would’ve stumbled to the shower.
With an annoyed groan he ran his hands down his face as he dropped out and sat on the edge of the bed, he missed your lingering fingers in the morning. Checking his phone he saw that you left him a message.
‘Can you remind Joel he needs to pick up Sarah?
Was sick this morning so I’ll be late..no point waiting up.
His brows furrowed as he read your text, trying to trace back in his memory to when you mentioned you were feeling unwell, besides from yesterday at least. Was he really that bad of a fiancé that could no longer notice these things? Usually he prided himself in noticing if there was something wrong.
Tommy knew that he had to do something, before the two of you began to resent each other—if you didn’t already.
On the top of his nightstand in a handmade shell frame by Sarah, it was his favourite photo of the two of you.
In the polaroid you were crawled up in his lap, arm slung around the back of his neck as you both smiled for the excited Sarah who had gifted her first camera. The two of you had bright smiles on your face, cheeks pinched with genuine happiness. He missed your smile.
The two of you looked so young despite it not actually being that long ago, he remembered that day fondly. The day he proposed to you…
After an entertaining morning opening presents the two of you were sitting outside on the back porch, your elbows propped up on the arm of the lawn chairs you sat on. You were wearing that beautiful white white dress Admiring the view as you watched Tommy strumming his guitar with the new guitar pick you had gifted him for Christmas.
He was happily strumming for sometime, before stopping and turning to face you, a wide smile on his face. "Y'know I almost forgot your present..." Tommy had a playful smirk on his face. "Oh good, and here I thought you forgot about me." You chuckled in amusement, giving him that look that reminded him that you didn't actually mind, you were never one to like anything extravagant for presents.
"Ain't no way I could forget about you. Now, just close your eyes."
"Do you really expect me to fall for that one again Tommy?" Your hands rested on your hip, giving him a suspicious look. Which made Tommys head fall back in laughter, his raven curls bouncing as he chuckled in amusement. "Come on now darlin', just close 'em."
"Ugh, fine." You huff as you then close your eyes, despite the shuffling noises you hear you keep them shut.
Then when you opened your eyes you let out a surprised gasp, not expecting to see Tommy down on one knee. For a brief few seconds you were completely speechless, frozen. You had been waiting for this moment, for so long. As your eyes began to water, he began to speak.
"Now you know i ain't best with this kind of stuff, but do you wanna marry me darlin?"
"Are you kidding me? I--of course!" You exclaimed, your head nodding at him frantically. There was no possible way that you could ever say no to him. You jumped into his arms, instantly connecting your lips with his in a passionate fever.
"Love you so much darlin', gonna make sure you remember that everyday."
God he had to fix this…
Orange and deep purple hues began to pour onto your hands as they shook on top of your desk, the red marking pen falling onto the wood with a deafening ‘thonk.’
You were meant to leave nearly twenty minutes ago if you wanted to be home somewhat early. Yet you still hadn’t dared to move from your desk, any homework to mark was completely lost to you now, too preoccupied with the positive pregnancy test you took during your lunch break.
Your coworker Meg suggested the idea of you being pregnant causally during a conversation of your latest sickness, and now that you thought about it, it made perfect sense.
The constant unwavering nausea that you had you avoiding food like the plague, the fact that no matter how much sleep you had you were still always tired. Then lastly, the fact that you could actually remember when you had your period. For so long you had blamed all of these on your current life changes and stress levels, but no longer could it be ignored…
You were pregnant.
As you let out a shaky breath, running your fingers through your hair you thought about telling Tommy. Usually you would be ecstatic with such news, but after the night before you suddenly weren’t sure.
The two of you had daydreamed about having children together numerous times, but that was also before he had his own business and you had college fees and a full time job. Would it be the same now that it was real or were you simply overreacting? Who knew till you told him.
Maybe last night solidified just how far you both had let this go on, this big wall that separated the two of you in your own home. You were almost surprised that Tommy hadn’t thought you were pregnant yet, usually being so attentive over you. More times than most, he would know something was wrong with you before you even did.
Not that you were any better, you were barely home anymore. Yet you used to spend all of your free time with Tommy, no matter what.
What if the two of you could never change?
After spending a few extra minutes psychic yourself up in your parked car in the driveway, your eyes drifted to the yellow light peering from your open kitchen window where Tommy was probably cooking himself dinner. You could only presume since you would usually still be at work, it made you realise how much you missed his cooking. Maybe not in the kitchen, but despite what you had been told by Joel, the man could and loved his grill.
Eventually entering the home you noticed how oddly cozy it felt, like you had been enveloped into a warm welcoming hug. Which lately, had been the opposite of how you felt coming home. You couldn’t even remember the last time it felt like this, so lived in. That the people that lived here actually had their shit together.
Peeling off your jacket you walked towards the yellow light leaking on the floor from behind the door to the kitchen, you stopped in shock. Tommy stood by the oven, his back to you as he swore over what you could imagine was your tattered old recipe book that belonged to your grandmother. The old frayed edges that poked over on the counter, as he leaned over trying to read the old handwriting.
It almost looked like some sort of fever dream, he was showered, shaved and wearing open of his nice button down shirts. The exact olive green one that you had bought him last year for his birthday, you reckon it was the first time he had put it on.
“Oh hey—“ Tommy chuckled nervously once he turned to see you still in the doorway, a confused and shocked look on your face. “I uh—wasn’t expectin’ you till later.” His voice was chipper, which was the polar opposite from yesterday. He was obviously trying, be nice.
“What's all this for?” You tried not to sound mean, you obviously knew why. But you needed to know…
“Well I wanted to do somethin’ nice for ya. Try and make up for me being a dick, n’not taking care of you like I should be.” Tommy’s shoulder dropped with a sigh, his hands cupping the edge of the counter that leant against, you could tell that he was upset. A deep crease forming between his brows, the way it always did when he was upset with himself, you could see the internal nettle he was having with himself.
Your breathing hitches when your eyes drift to the bouquet of wildflowers in the centre of your dining table, the ceramic vase was the same one that was gathering dust since you moved in. He even tidied up the leftover mess that neither of you had been bothered to put away.
Tommy’s eyes peered up to where you stood in the doorway, your glassy eyes analysing the home. Your cheeks were puffy and stained from pre- existing tears, it broke his heart thinking that you had been crying because of him.
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I was tired and stressed out—and I know that’s not an excuse.” His large warm hands enveloped your own as he grazed his thumb along the top of your cold knuckles.
“I just wanted to make sure you still knew how much I love ya.” He flashed you the same dorky grin you fell in love with all those years ago, that you were still in love with.
Guilt ripped through you, the fact that you really thought he stopped loving you, after all these years that he could stop just like that. That you doubted that he wouldn’t want a baby with you…
“I was just so worried that we were falling apart.” A sob escaped your lips, your shoulders trembling under your blouse. The feelings you had been harbouring were overwhelming with your newly added hormones, you simply had no more room left, you had to let it all out.
His strong arms envelop you as he pushes you into his chest, his hands slide up your back to cradle to the back of your head. The soft fruity smells of your shampoo filling his nose, a smell that took him back, something that he didn’t realise he could miss so much.
“Baby I’m still just as in love with you as the day I met you. I know I ain’t been actin’ like it lately, but I’m gonna put in more effort.”
You could smell his aftershave as you brought your head into his chest, as your tears darkened the fabric of his shirt. Tommy’s rough hands moved up to cup the soft skin of your cheeks, so he could look at you properly as he spoke, making sure that you knew.
“Don’t— it’s not just your fault. I’m at fault too Tommy.”
“Look, we both are as bad as each other. But I don’t want to feel that far away from you ever again.”
“Tommy I, it’s not just that—“ You let out a shuddered breath, choking on your words as they tried to come out. The entire speech that you had thought out in the car was completely lost to you, your brain went blank.
“What's going on baby? Talk to me.”
Swallowing the lump of nerves in your throat, you dropped a trembling hand down into your pocket. Grasping onto the tiny piece of plastic that you had been staring at all afternoon. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, your arm felt astronomically heavier as you lifted up the test and placed it in his unsuspecting hand.
“I—I only found out this afternoon.” You added nervously, unknowingly holding in a breath as Tommy remained quiet. His brows furrowed for a brief moment till his glassy eyes darted up to look at yours. “I'm gonna be a Dad?” His glassy honey brown eyes beamed down at you, filled with so much happiness. You simply nodded, your own wide smile growing on your face. The nerves that had you anxious all afternoon had dissipated.
“Holy shit, baby this is amazing!” He exclaimed with excitement, bringing you into another tight embrace. His lips pressing onto yours, softly but full of hunger. The two of you were both desperate for each other's touch, after what felt like forever. This felt right, with him, it felt perfect.
“Love you so much darlin’, ain’t gonna ever let you forget it.”
Tommy Miller x f!Reader
Rating: Mature (18+) (MINORS DNI)
Summary: You're engrossed in the book in front of you that you hardly noticed Tommy walking into your home. He takes matter into his own hands to get your attention.
Content Warning: SMUT, established relationship, post-outbreak, adult content, oral (f receiving), fingering, sweet and spicy, no plot just thots, not edited/proof-read
A/N: I can see @ay0nha side-eyeing me so hard right now as I'm posting this. 🤣 I told myself... *sighs* I told myself over and over to not post any smut that doesn't have a plot included, but I woke up this morning and my mind chose violence so here it is. But as always, thank you to @ay0nha for always helping me and giving advice with my fics. You deserve all the Tommy loving. I also wrote this before I had to get ready for work so it's a bit rushed. Remember to like, reblog and comment if you can! 🌿💫
It was captivating. The adventures that you were following along with the protagonist had you on the edge of the couch, and you had lost count on how many pages you've read this evening.
Your eyes followed your finger as it brushed along the grey ink. Some of the words were clear as the blue sky, others you had to squint or make up your own words, the water-stained pages fading away the ink.
There were books in Jackson. A small library between the butcher shop and the bakery was your sanctuary after a hard day's work at the nursery. You blamed your sudden allergies on the flowers blooming inside the large greenhouse you worked in, and Tommy had his own suspicions. That library is a gold mine of dust, sweetie pie. He mentioned one day while your nose was strawberry red from rubbing it so much. Yet, you still went and persevered the day despite your allergies not improving.
And then Tommy started to bring books home from his scheduled patrols. It didn't matter the subject - historical romances that would take you to places of cities made out of marble and large golden statues of Gods in Ancient Greece; Jungles of Mexico, pyramids made of stone that reached so high that it would reach the sun, to stories following a couple committing a series of heists in a futuristic setting of the 1950's.
He would find them in the nearby abandoned towns, bringing them back to you so that the pages, once loved and read from more than twenty years ago would now be under the care of the gentle hold of your hands and the sturdy bookshelf that Tommy had made for you.
Then your allergies improved. You haven't stepped foot into that library since you started your own, darlin'. His smile was hidden behind a cup as he had his morning coffee. I told ya so.
He noticed how you started to pile up the books in the corner of your room by a large potted plant. Tommy did not hesitate to build you a bookshelf with the left over wood from the lumber yard, and the two of you watched your collection fill up the tight spaces between the thick wood.
One day while you were working a shift, Tommy looked over his work and your books while finishing up his dark roasted coffee, and he could not help but smile. Not only did his shelving hold your books, but it had little touches of you - the small pearl earrings he gifted you for your birthday sat beside the planter he had made you for the succulent you were trying to revive from the nursery. His fingers carefully brushed over the edge of the polaroid picture of the two of you Ellie took a few months back from celebrating Tommy's birthday.
Heavy footsteps stirred you away from your book, but it wasn't enough to draw you completely away from the adventure in your hands. The feeling of soft lips along with the familiar scratchiness of his mustache pressed on your forehead. "Did you eat, sweetie pie?"
"Hmm." You responded after reading a sentence. No. You hadn't eaten since you made breakfast for you and Tommy early in the morning, and you barely noticed your stomach growling at the mention of it.
Tommy chuckles, wiping away the strands of hair away from your face. "Is that a yes or a no?"
You turned a page and continued to read. "Mm-hmm."
He didn't respond, yet his footsteps trailed away from you to what you guessed was the kitchen as you started to hear the clinging of pots and pans. Your eyes darted at the clock on the wall, and you made a quick mental note that Tommy was home earlier than usual.
At this time, you usually started to prepare dinner and have it ready for when Tommy came home, but you let your body slouch further into the couch as you continued to get lost into the pages in front of you.
You weren't sure how long time had passed - between the silence that grew in the kitchen and the countless pages being turned - you felt one of Tommy's hands, rough from a hard day of working, caressing up your leg until it settled on the outside of your thigh. You couldn't see him as the book between the two of you covered his next move, which caused a swirl of excitement start to build in your belly.
Tommy placed a kiss on the inside of your knee, his hands slowly prying your legs apart for him to find his place between you. He smirked to himself when he realizes you were wearing underwear and one of his buttons up shirts - and nothing else. His lips trailed down from your knee to the inside of your thigh when he catches the scent of your body wash, and he stops.
You usually used a natural scented wash, sometimes alternating between coconut or something that would resemble the sea. He couldn't place the new scent, something between lavender or roses. No matter what it was, he liked how not only it smelled on you, but how sweet you tasted.
Your fingers dug into the paperback when he licked at the crease of your thigh, and Tommy could feel the slight rough texture of the lace that lined your panties on the tip of his tongue.
He brought his hand to the lowest button of his shirt on you and fumbled to get it open. He spreads the flannel like fabric away to reveal your soft belly and he slightly crawls upwards to press kisses underneath your belly button. He creates a slow trail, moving further down as the rough texture of his facial hair scratches at your skin until you could feel the hot breath of him pant at the space between your legs.
This was something Tommy occasionally did to you when your attention was on the story before you rather than him. The first few times you wouldn't last long, leaving your book abandoned at the side of you on your bed or it fell from your hands and onto the floor when he would burrow his face between your legs, lapping you up until your orgasm came to you in hard waves. Each time you improved, lasting longer than before and you wondered how well you would do this time.
Concentrate. You told yourself, bringing the book closer up to settle on your chest.
You bite your bottom lip and close your eyes for a moment at the feeling of his mouth pressing against the thin fabric of your panties, his tongue sweeping hard over your covered folds. When he starts to slowly swirl one of his digits against your bundle of nerves, which you guessed was his thumb, you could feel the dampness from his mouth left behind on your panties that creates a sweet friction in which you bit back a moan.
Don't give in to him. Not just yet.
In one swift motion, Tommy hooks his thumbs on the waistband of your panties, dragging them down your smooth legs and discards the abandoned fabric at the corner of the couch. He wasted no time diving back towards you, giving one long lick from your opening before his mouth gently enclosed and sucked at your clit. He blindly raises one of your legs to rest the back of your knee against his shoulder, while his free hand presses against the underside of your thigh to keep you open for him.
Your chest rose slowly along with your steady breathing. It was becoming clear that this was going to be difficult. The protagonist of your book had arrived at a cave, but you didn't remember how and when they got there. The words were starting to blur behind the glossy haze when your eyes began to slowly roll back while Tommy slowly and gently circled the flat of his tongue against your clit.
You flipped back a page, going to where you had last paid attention of your book and found how they had approached the opening of the cave that would hopefully lead to the hidden chamber where the lost treasure would be - and your hand dug into the pages, quieting your moan when you brought your fingers to your lips as Tommy sucked hard at your bundle of nerves. He dipped lower, the tip of his tongue licking up the arousal that pooled at the opening of your pussy and he hummed in approval.
A low whimper escapes you when you feel him move away from you, biting at the flesh of your inner thigh, savoring the lingering taste of you on his lips. "Sweet like honey." His voice is deep and laced with want for you, and you could almost feel his words vibrate against you. It seeps deep into your veins that you start to feel the pressure of your arousal start to build in your belly.
His tongue slips inside of you over and over, drinking and eating you up while his thumb circles over your clit. Tommy cannot help but roll his hips once into the couch, feeling the swell of him under his jeans become tight and restricted.
The book falls forward on your chest, one hand slipping into his tight dark curls while the other reaches back to grip the curve of the arm of the couch. He isn't hidden behind your book anymore, his eyes closed, and brows pushed together softly in concentration as he works on you, the tip of his nose brushing against the soft thatch of hair in between your legs. "Tommy," his name falls easily from your lips, and you can feel him smiling against your folds.
He knew he won. He always did.
While your hips roll gently upward, your fingers tug hard at the back of his head to keep him in place. His tongue slides out of your pussy and catches his breath for a moment or two before latching his mouth over your clit; the rough texture of his mustache scratches at your sensitive folds and you know you'll feel the lingering feel of it later. The hand that once gripped the arm of the chair now takes hold of the book that was left at your chest and is now abandoned on the floor beside Tommy's knee.
"Please Tommy," your breathing hitches. Your toes and fingers curl when the build up in your belly expands. His hands move to grip at your hips now, lifting and pulling you closer to him. "You're gonna make me come."
Mm-hmm. He hums against you. He does not quicken the pace of his tongue, but he rubs two fingers against your opening to lather your slick over the digits before sliding in. The pads of his fingers gently press up into the spongey texture of your walls, and he feels you clench around the base of his thick fingers.
"Yes… yes," You moan out, and your face twists in bliss when your orgasm hits you quicker than you realize. Tommy continues to work on you as you flutter hard around him and his tongue swipes slower over your now over-sensitive clit. "Tommy!"
He gives you one last lick before slipping his fingers out of your drenched pussy and he's crawling over you, delicately and chastely kissing your cheek. He watches you as you come down from your high, the redness on your cheeks fading away to your natural skin color and your breathing comes back to normal.
"Now that I got your attention," Tommy smirks down at you. "You hungry, darlin'?"
thank you for reading! // tommy miller tag list - @ay0nha @ethereal-macleod @quinnverses @tsunchani @tinkerwin @grooveandshit
▹ — summary: part five of if the door wasn’t shut — after feeling hopeless, you decide it’s time to heal
▹ — a/n: guys, i apologise for the wait! usually it doesn’t take me so long to write but this was a bit of a struggle!! i hope it lives up to any expectations :( i love you guys sm <3 pls leave ur thoughts + feedback and if u would like to see anything else in this series !!!
▹ — warnings: bad mental health, arguments, like two much needed hugs, so many apologies (my brain is failing so please tell me if there’s anything i’m missing!!!)
Snow was coming down in heavy bouts, swirling all over the place with the force of the wind, and it was almost a goddamn blizzard. The ground was covered in it, and if it weren’t for the people already out in the streets, using shovels to dig away the snow in front of doorways, you were sure everyone would’ve gotten snowed in.
Not that you were going anywhere, anyway.
You hadn’t left Jesse’s side since you had gotten back to Jackson, after Tommy had a talk with you. They told you he was going to be absolutely fine, that all he needed was rest and to keep the wound clean. You still worried about him.
Part of you, despite knowing that what happened wasn’t your fault, still felt guilty. Out of the two of you, you were the more experienced one, and you should’ve known better, right? Should’ve caught wind that something wasn’t quite right sooner? You should’ve done something, protected him better, maybe?
You didn’t know exactly what you could’ve done differently, and you tried not to think of the possibilities, because the last thing you needed was to drown in guilt when you already felt bad enough.
Tommy’s chat with you hadn’t helped, either, and you know it was only because he cares, but it still hurt. The way he had looked at you, so angry, and scolded you for going back out there, for going after Joel when you and Jesse had barely made it out yourselves. He had called you irresponsible, which you would’ve argued against, if you hadn’t felt so guilty over the events of the day, if you hadn’t been worrying about Jesse.
You didn’t want to think about him being right, about how you could’ve gotten Jesse killed today, or yourself, god — Joel could’ve died, trying to save you. But was that really your fault? You wondered if everyone blamed you for Jesse getting hurt, as much as you blamed yourself.
“Are you really brooding, right now?” Jesse croaked, startling you from where you stood at the window beside his bed, staring out at the swirling snow. You turned to him, seeing his raised eyebrows, and felt almost thankful about the annoyance that arose when he looked smug, like he was right. “Unbelievable!”
“I’m not brooding, you asshole.” You murmured, unconvincingly. Jesse grinned, shaking his head at your denial.
“Oh, you so are.”
“I should’ve let them finish the job.” You responded flatly, breaking into a smile when Jesse laughed. The quiet lingered for a moment, both of your smiles slowly falling as the weight of everything that happened registered between you. “I’m sorry.”
Jesse’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you, his fingers picking at the edge of the blanket settled over him. “For what? Saving my life?”
“No, Jesse, I should’ve never put us in that situation. Especially after Pete left. I know better.” You replied, stepping towards the guy who had quickly become your best friend. You shook your head, eyes flickering around the room, until they settled on him. “Tommy took me off patrols, anyway, so.”
You stared at him, blinking in your confusion, and you tilted his head back to check his eyes were focused, that he wasn’t concussed, or something.
“Do you not remember what happened?”
“I remember just fine, thank you.” He responded, eyebrows creased as your hand left his forehead. Both of you wore incredibly confused expressions, neither knowing what the miscommunication between you could be. “Why would Tommy take you off patrols?”
“Jesse, you could’ve died.” You said, watching his face for the reaction, as if the information was new to him.
“Yeah, but that wasn’t your fault! You’re the one who saved me, who got me out. I don’t understand.” Jesse said, voice raising as he got slightly heated. He lowered his voice when he sat up, and pulled at his stitches, hissing in pain.
“No, I got us into it, and I was lucky to get us out.” You told him, as if it was a confession, and you frowned. You didn’t want to think about what could have happened to Joel, didn’t want to say that for once, the world had been on your side, letting you get him out, too. You didn’t voice it, but you don’t know what you would’ve done with yourself if he had died, trying to save you.
Jesse shifted, voicing your name, but you stopped him, smiling tightly in his direction. “It’s fine, Jesse. It’s for the better. Besides, means I’ve got more time to do my pottering.” You teased, though the words didn’t quite reach the way your teasing usually sounded. “Anyway, Dina showed up.”
“What? Why? Did she actually?” Jesse asked, his eyebrows raised as he looked to you with suspicion, like you were about to be making fun of him.
“‘Course she did. Whole town knows what happened, and she was worried about you.” You said with a grin that didn’t meet your eyes.
“The whole town?” He questioned, shutting his eyes and dropping his head back with a groan when you nodded your confirmation. “My family are so going to kill me, aren’t they?”
With a laugh, you reached forward to mess up his hair, “Oh, Jesse, you sweet thing. We’ve already devised a plan on how we’re going to do it.”
He slapped your hand away, glaring, but a smile pulled at his lips. He knew it wasn’t true, knew you were just entertaining his dramatics. What he didn’t know, was that his family had already been in, had already scolded you for getting their golden boy into trouble.
You moved back to the window, seeing a man across the road had given up on shovelling the heavy snow away from his door. Something heavy had settled on your chest, and you took a deep breath to try and get some oxygen past it. You didn’t blame Jesse’s family for what they had said to you — if you had been in their position, you probably would’ve been the same. They hadn’t quite approved of you, anyway, so you didn’t take it too personally. You were more than aware of everything you had done wrong.
Somebody cleared their throat in the doorway to the room, and you turned away from the window to see Joel stood there. He nodded his greeting to Jesse, a tight smile on his face.
“C’mon, kiddo, Tommy wants you to head back to the shop.” Joel said, repressing the sigh that wanted to leave his chest when you only nodded, stepping away from the window with a final glance outside.
“Well,” You said to Jesse, trying to muster up your best smile, “Duty calls, I guess. Feel better soon, okay?”
He called your name when you walked away, passing Joel as he stood beside the door, but you ignored it, feeling that weight grow heavier. Joel followed after you, a frown on his face.
You knew the route out already, and figured Joel was just the messenger, but he followed along, a few steps behind you as he limped on his injured leg. The wind was harsh when you opened the door, and you shivered when snow was immediately blown in your face. You lingered in the doorway, both hesitant to go out into the awful conditions, and feeling bad for leaving Joel hurrying on his bad leg.
Joel didn’t say it, but you knew he was here because Tommy didn’t want to see you. You couldn’t say you were surprised — not after just how angry Tommy had gotten. His face had been red, the steam pouring from his ears practically melting the snow around him, and it was the first time he had ever yelled at you.
“You doing okay?” Joel asked, hesitantly, as he paused in the doorway beside you, watching you as you wrapped your coat tighter around you. He knew that nothing was fixed, not even close, but there was something.
“I’m fine, Joel.” You replied, and he could hear the exhaustion in your voice, the way it pulled on your words. It was easier to hear than it was to see, but he just caught the slump to your shoulders, the way you held your eyes shut for a moment, before going to brave the snow.
He walked beside you as you headed towards the ceramics shop, your pace a touch slower than usual. You shoved your hands in your pockets, eyebrows creasing when you realised you must’ve taken your gloves off at some point. You tried not to sigh when you realised that they were probably lost, and just decided to chalk it up to another disappointment in an incredibly frustrating day.
When you arrived at the ceramics shop, it was a mission to get through all the snow that had started blocking the door. You would probably be snowed in, by nightfall. Joel helped you get rid of as much of it as possible, his gloved hands doing most of the work after your bare ones become too numb to continue.
You opened the door, feeling heavier than you had in months, and left the door open as you moved to the back of the shop, turning on the heater that sat there. You let your hands linger in front of it, just gritting your teeth at the sting that followed from warming them too quickly.
Joel lingered in the doorway, frowning at you, and furrowed his eyebrows as he called your name, watching your turn to face him. “I’m sorry.”
You gaped at him, stunned.
“You should have gotten a choice. It wasn’t my place to decide that for you, or to leave without havin’ a conversation.” He continued on, his words jumbling the slightest bit. “I still think you stayin’ was the best thing for you, the safest thing, but for whatever it might be worth, I am sorry.”
When your silence lingered, Joel nodded tersely, and stepped away, smiling tightly as he left the shop, shutting the door behind him. You blinked at the closed door, unsure what to do, unsure if you should have said something. But even if you should’ve, what would you have said?
It wasn’t okay, not in the slightest, and everything around you seemed to be crumbling. Tommy wasn’t speaking to you and Maria would be more than upset with you, too. Jesse was in the infirmary, and that was on you. And even as you looked around the ceramics shop, all you saw was cracked paint on the walls, and dust that settled no matter how many times you wiped it away.
Hell, even the misshapen plates and bowls on the shelves just made your chest hurt. You didn’t feel any sort of pride for this place, anymore, and it was painful. It stung at the deepest parts of you, and you just settled down on the dirty floor in front of the heater, holding your head in your hands as you blinked back tears.
Why did you think you could do this?
∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘
Initially, you didn’t intend on avoiding Jesse.
In fact, you had plans to go and visit him the day after everything went to shit. It was just that when you opened the shop door, the outside looked far too unfriendly, and you knew his family would be in his infirmary room.
Perhaps it was a cowardly move, staying at the shop, locking the door and pretending the outside world of Jackson didn’t exist. Really, you were going to go and see him the next day. Swore to yourself that you would. But when the next day came, you didn’t even attempt to unlock the door to leave, figuring that it would be best to just leave him and his family to it. Dina was probably with him, too, so your absence wouldn’t be felt all too much.
Each day you said you would go, started with you justifying your staying in the shop. It went the same way, waking up and thinking you should go and see him, but the moment you got into the front of the shop, you thought better of it.
You blamed it on everything but what it actually was. Whether that be the snow, the heater in the shop that broke, the concept of him having quality time with his family… you used it all to reassure yourself that he didn’t need you by his side.
Besides, you knew he wouldn’t be in the infirmary for long. And by the fifth day, there was a knock against the shop door, barely heard over the howling wind outside. You remained in the back room, telling yourself it was probably nothing important, and after the heater broke, you couldn’t afford to open the door, anyway.
Even with the door closed, your breath misted in front of your face, and you had to rub your hands together more than once to generate heat, especially considering you seemed to have misplaced your gloves.
On day six, you kept all the lights off, and didn’t bother to poke your head around the doorframe to see who was knocking at the front door. After a few moments of loud knocking, his voice called out your name, and you were sure he was likely squinting through the shop window, trying to catch sight of you.
You barely even noticed the way you held your breath so it wouldn’t cloud the air, and alert him to your presence. You pretended the harsh exhale after he left was just a sigh of exhaustion. In some ways, you guessed it was.
By day seven, he knew what you were doing.
“Open the door,” Jesse yelled, still knocking wildly against the wood, and you were sure he was peeking in the window, too. “I’ve been to Tommy’s, the dinner hall, the greenhouses, the stables, hell — I even went to Joel’s. I know you’re here, stop hiding.”
You stayed in the back room.
After a while — much longer than you expected, especially given the still-awful weather — Jesse gave up, leaving the door at last. You frowned at the empty can of food in front of you, chest aching from the cold and everything that had happened over the past few days.
You hadn’t left the shop in the past seven days, surviving off of the short supply of long-life food in the cupboards. But that was your last can of it. As much as you knew you would have to leave, have to go get some more food in order to survive, you still didn’t want to. You didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want them to see the shame that was so visible in the curve of your frown, the dip of your brows.
It made it easier to hide, knowing Jesse was the only person looking for you. There had been no sign of Tommy or Maria, which pained you, but didn’t surprise you. Part of you wondered if they’d ever speak to you again, but you didn’t want to linger on the question, too afraid of the answer.
It was day eight that you had no other choice — the temperatures were dropping even further, and with no heater it was becoming too cold for you to take. The need for heat and food led you to the dinner hall, which was surprisingly empty, and you settled at your usual table with a plate of cooked food, feeling the chill that had begun to settle in your bones fade.
Most people would be staying inside their homes, the cold too much to bear, so you were surprised when Ellie waltzed into the hall, eyes scanning the room as she made her way over to grab herself some food. You dipped your head when she began looking in your direction, and clutched at the fork in your hand, holding your breath.
“So you are alive.” Ellie drawled, settling down in the seat opposite you with her plate in front of her. “You know your friend has been coming ‘round for the past few days, won’t leave us alone.”
You shrugged, not knowing how to respond.
She sighed, poking at the food on her plate. “Thanks for going back for Joel, by the way.” She pretended not to see the way your head snapped up, eyebrows furrowed as you looked at her.
“I wouldn’t leave him to die out there,” You said, after a moment, the words hesitant as they left you. “Especially when he went to try and help me.”
Ellie nodded, shoving food into her mouth, and you quickly followed her action. The silence between the two of you stretched uncomfortably, and you hated how everything had changed. Why couldn’t they have just let you come with them? Why did they have to push you so far away?
“He’s a good guy,” Ellie said, a frown on her face. “He makes stupid decisions, but only because he cares about us.”
You looked at her, wondering when the two of you had grown up. You remember the jokes you had shared during your travels, the way she had been able to make you smile even when doing so seemed impossible. She had made life in the apocalypse almost bearable, and now here you were, sat at the same table, but miles apart.
“Maybe, but you were right about one thing. I don’t know what happened, so if you ever want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” You told her, instead of acknowledging her words about Joel. You didn’t want to think about him. You didn’t want to think about any of it.
It would be painful, you were sure, to hear about everything they had experienced. You could guess that a lot of it wouldn’t be pleasant, and it would likely hurt to hear about all the things you had missed out on, all the things that maybe you could’ve protected them from. But you were willing. It wasn’t forgiveness, it wasn’t a ticket back to being in each other’s lives, but it was progress.
And progress was all that you could offer, so it would have to do.
“I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” Ellie said, a tight smile on her face as she looked at you, her eyebrows slightly raised in surprise at your words.
You nodded, and the two of you ate in silence.
∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘
After stocking up on some more long-lasting cans of food, you were prepared to hunker down in the shop for a while longer. You hadn’t been able to trade for another blanket like you had hoped, but you weren’t all too surprised. With the stormy weather, everybody wanted more warming supplies.
You had survived worse conditions, though, in worse places. One harsh winter in Jackson wouldn’t kill you, even if your heater was broken, and you still hadn’t found your gloves.
The shop door was locked once again, and you had taped the bottom of it to try and stop the cold draft from seeping into the room. You considered bunkering down in the back room, taping the door shut and staying in there with all the blankets and layers you had, but you thought better of it. You wanted to be able to hear the front door with ease, still on edge after the ambush with Jesse, especially considering the raiding attacks that had slowly begun to ease off.
Despite whatever had gone wrong, however angry Tommy may be, you knew he’d rely on you if the time came. You were sure of it. Everything the two of you had built couldn’t have been toppled by this one event, right?
Your gun was still laid by the shop door, and your ammo never left the jacket you always wore. Just in case. If anything were to go wrong, you wanted to be ready.
The call of your name shook you from your racing thoughts, the contemplation of everything that could happen pausing as your head snapped up. Maria’s voice was loud, and she hadn’t knocked. You didn’t have a surname — didn’t know whoever came before you long enough for them to tell you, didn’t know everyone who came after long enough for them to share their own. So she settled on your first name, yelling it loudly.
“Open the door!” Maria demanded once again, kicking the bottom of it with her foot. “Come on, open it. You’re not fooling anybody, and it’s freezing out here, little Troy can’t stay out here too long.”
With a sigh, you stood. She knew how to get to you — bringing baby Miller was a harsh plan, especially because it gave you no choice but to let her in. Not that it was much warmer in the shop than it was outside, but she didn’t know that.
You unlocked the door, pulling it open just to fit yourself into the crack of it. Facing Maria was terrifying, because you didn’t know what to expect. Even as she held on to baby Troy Miller, who was bundled up in more layers than you could count, she was totally unpredictable. She could be in a motherly mood, or that merciless Jackson council member.
“Hi,” You said, nervously. “What’re you doing here?”
She raised her eyebrows, stepping forward until you’d opened the door for her to step inside of the shop. Maria’s stern expression immediately fell, and you could feel nerves building in your stomach.
“Is your heating out?” She asked, turning on you suddenly, harshly. When you nodded meekly, she handed Troy over to you, not faltering even when you opened your mouth to voice your confusion.
He babbled at you, a toothy grin on his face, and you held on to him tighter. It hit you then, how much you actually cared about these people. Your brain short-circuited when you thought about something bad happening to this family, and it made you feel sick. Suddenly, you were regretting the meal you had eaten with Ellie.
“Well, I think Jeremy should be able to fix it up.” Maria sighed, standing from where she had crouched down to inspect your broken heater. “But he’s way busy with other heater issues. Come on, you’ll stay with us.”
“Maria.” You urged, repeating her name another time when she didn’t answer you, too busy thinking about options and solutions, as always. “I’m fine. Go home.”
She sighed heavily, turning to you with that stern look she’d been wearing since the moment you were left behind in Jackson. “I know you and Tommy are going through a rough time, but he loves you, and if he knew you’d been living here with no heat?” Maria shook her head with scoffed laughter, not reaching for Troy even as you offered to hand him back, instead moving to pack some of your clothes into a bag. “Come on, let’s go home.”
“It’s not my home, Maria,” You said softly, perhaps the softest she had ever heard you.
It was disquieting, at the least, for you to behave in such a way. Throughout the whole time Maria had known you, you had been sharp edges and bitten words, even when you had grown to care for them, that hadn’t changed all that much. It was a constant, your stubborn attitude and harsh nature, always slamming doors shut too hard, always charring food when you were unsupervised, because you’d turn the heat up too high. You were impatient, practical, realistic. You weren’t soft.
Maria’s face curved into a frown, and she stopped her presumptive actions in packing up some of your things. She looked at you, looked at the lines that were beginning to dig into your expression, looked at the way your shoulders slumped as you held on to her son.
“Maybe not,” Maria offered, and looked around at the shop that was not as pristine as the last time she had seen it, before looking back to you. “It could be, though.”
You shook your head, sighing but not finding any relief from the action, only feeling the same tightness to your chest. “I’m not a Miller.” You said, and it was true, because the space behind your name remained as empty as ever, that absence something you had felt your whole life.
“You’re as much a Miller as I am, as he is.” Maria reasoned, gesturing towards her son in your arms as she looked at you. She didn’t want to say too much, didn’t want to overwhelm you, but you had practically been adopted by the two Miller brothers. Two men who were so far from perfect, who made so many mistakes that they almost lost you, who cared too much. Hell, even if you weren’t consciously aware of it, you had adopted their mannerisms and tendencies.
It showed in the way you held Troy, the same stance that Tommy used. It showed in the frown on your lips, that looked far too much like Joel’s to be a coincidence. The furrow between your brows reflected Joel and Tommy’s own, a crevice built from worrying and frustration and anger. You reminded Maria too much of how Tommy had been when they first found him — eyes glassy, lost, and without purpose.
She had seen the change in you since you had been left in Jackson, so many ups and downs, but you had been doing better. And now, here you were, looking more lost than you ever had.
“That’s not true, Maria.” You replied, tense. It wasn’t true — Troy was a Miller by blood, and Maria was a Miller by marriage. Both choices that Tommy had made. It wasn’t the same for you, it couldn’t be. Tommy had never chosen you — Joel had dropped you in his lap before running away, and didn’t that make you the furthest thing from a Miller?
“It is true.” Maria refuted, stepping forward to hold a hand firmly against your face. “You’re a Miller, no doubt about it. Now come on, we’d better get going. Got a lot to talk about.”
She was finishing shoving your things inside of the backpack at her feet in a few moments, and was swinging it over her shoulder before you could protest, making her way out of the door. Holding her son, what choice did you have but to follow?
The two of you were silent on your journey to Rancher Street, and you felt the nerves bubbling up from your stomach, leaving an unpleasant tingling in the back of your throat. It was tense, though that could have been all from you. You were still holding Troy, having him half buried in your jacket to make sure he wouldn’t be cold, despite the fact your jacket wasn’t the warmest.
When you arrived to her house, Tommy wasn’t there. She didn’t say anything, so you didn’t mention it, much preferring to ignore the issues that would likely arrive whenever he returned. Instead, you settled Troy down, removing some of his layers at the rush of warm air that came the moment you stepped through the door.
Your hands were tingling, in a strange state between feeling and numb after the sudden temperature change. You settled them under your legs when you sat down on the couch, Troy at your side as Maria clambered about the kitchen, having already dropped your bag down beside the sofa.
When she came back, it was with a steaming mug that you recognised — one of your very own design. It was a dark green, close to black, and had your poor recreation of a bear on it. You remembered thinking it was going to come out brown, remembered the shock when it was green.
She handed it over, and you used the hand with slightly more feeling to take it from her, holding it close to your chin to allow the steam to flow over your features, warming your nose. “So,” Maria said, drawing your attention from where you’d been keeping an eye on Troy, keeping the hot mug away from him. “First, you and Tommy fight, and then you ignore your best friend?”
You stared at her, teeth clenched in shock, and recalled the way Ellie had mentioned the boy. Clearly, he was pestering everybody who knew you. Maria’s eyebrows raised, looking expectantly at you.
“‘M not ignoring anybody.” You murmured, voice catching in your throat as you spoke, and you took a sip of boiling hot tea to get rid of the lump that had formed. The burn soothed you, in a strange way, warming your insides the slightest bit as you breathed steam.
“Mhm, is that why he’s been ‘round here, bugging us ever since he got out of the damn infirmary?” Maria asked, expression tightening slightly as you winced, and knew she had got you.
You shook your head, moving your other hand from underneath your leg to cradle the mug in both palms, breathing a relieved breath at the warmth finally reaching your fingers. “Doesn’t know how to stop, does he?” You said, moving your eyes to the swirling drink in the mug, not looking up even as Maria hummed. “I’ll tell him to leave you be.”
“Ah, but that would require talking to him, which you clearly haven’t been doing.” She told you, a slight teasing lilt to her voice, to make it seem less serious than it truly was.
Maria remembered the night you and Tommy had arrived home, with you shoving at his shoulder whilst he laughed loudly, a bright teasing smile on his expression. It was probably the lightest she had ever seen the two of you, with Tommy not feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders for just a moment, and you smiling like you hadn’t faced unspeakable things. She remembered the way you had scrambled to correct Tommy’s statements, whacking a hand against his forearm when he interrupted you.
She remembered Troy waking up from where she hadn’t long settled him down, and remembered the way you had immediately gone to calm him down after hissing a “Look what you’ve done now!” at Tommy, who had only laughed.
Maria remembered the way her head had settled against her husband’s shoulder, exhausted to her very bones, motherhood feeling much harder than she remembered. Especially with her aged bones, keeping up with a baby was more difficult than she remembered. She didn’t want to think about what it would be like when he could actually run around. Maria had just been grateful to have you there, to be able to rest with Tommy, trusting you to look after her son.
You challenged her motherly instincts, sure, but Troy was on another level — it was a lot more to deal with when your child wasn’t basically self-sufficient.
“I’m going to,” You said, though there was doubt in your voice. “I am.” You repeated, as if that would solidify your statement, as if it would make it any more truthful.
“Listen,” Maria sighed, saying your name, and waiting for you to look up from your mug before she continued. “I know what happened on that patrol. I know. And it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, so why are you ignoring Jesse?”
You swallowed, scratching a fingernail over a small crumb of clay that hadn’t gotten smoothed down before being fired. “I just… I care about him, and he could’ve died, Maria. Tommy was right, I—I was irresponsible, and I could’ve gotten us both killed.”
Maria shook her head immediately, picking Troy up when he began to fuss, and she stopped you. “No, Tommy was speaking from a place of anger. Of fear. You did everything right.” She affirmed, staring intensely at you, as if daring you to argue against her. “Except, maybe, going after Joel, but I know why you did that. I get it. If I had been in your position, if it were my…— I would’ve done the same thing.”
“I just didn’t want him to die, because of me.” You said, voice quiet again, and Maria’s heart ached for you, something squeezing so tightly in her chest that it physically hurt. “I don’t want Tommy to hate me forever, either.” You added after a few quiet moments, eyes following a bubble around the edge of the mug.
“He doesn’t hate you, kid, not at all. He was scared, he didn’t want to lose you.” Maria reasoned, but you still didn’t feel better, not after just how angry he had gotten. Not after he had practically shoved you out of his sight, the moment he was done yelling, unable to even look at you. Not after he had sent Joel as a messenger, refusing to speak to you himself.
“Maybe,” You offered, because it was the best you could do. You couldn’t agree with her, couldn’t disagree, either. The only person who would actually be able to decide those things was Tommy — and he was nowhere to be found. “I’ll talk to Jesse.” You decided to say, in the end, hands gripping tighter on the mug. Just saying it aloud made it seem all the more real, and you regretted it a moment afterwards, thoughts stuck on what Jesse would say, what his family would say.
“Good.” Maria said, nodding at you, “He’s a good kid, he deserves to know his friend is still here.” She stood to her feet, heading to the kitchen with Troy in her arms, waiting for her to feed him.
Twenty minutes later, when Maria had gone upstairs to put Troy down for a nap, the front door banged open, a rush of cold air being let in.
“Maria!” Tommy yelled out, his voice panicked, and you could hear him shuffling through his bag in the still-open doorway. With furrowed brows, you placed the cold mug down on the floor beside the sofa, standing up and making your way to peek into the hallway. “Maria, you here?” He shouted again, more desperate this time, and when you finally saw him, you saw that he had snow still clinging to him, and he had brought clumps of it in on his boots, slowly melting puddles on their floor.
“Tommy?” You questioned quietly, both not wanting to speak to him, but also getting increasingly concerned by his behaviour. His head snapped up to you, and he blinked in surprise, his shoulders slumping and hands pausing in their rummaging.
“Oh, thank god.” Tommy said, approaching you quickly and wrapping his arms around you tightly before you could get a word in. You blinked, shocked, and slowly wrapped your own arms around the man, who just held your head closer to him in return. “You scared the shit outta me.” He admitted, a slight tremor to his voice. He breathed out a heavy sigh, arms squeezing, and you wanted to look at him to express your confusion.
“Is everything okay?” Maria asked, a slight panic to her own voice, but she relaxed at the image before her. Tommy’s eyes opened as he rested his head on your own, and he looked to his wife as he nodded gently.
He moved away from you slightly, hands moving to hold your shoulders tightly, finally able to see your confused face. He sighed, his shoulders dropping like they had been holding the weight of the world. “I went to the shop, wanted to apologise. Couldn’t find you or your things, and it was freezing.” Tommy told you, his head dropping until his chin rested against his chest for a moment. “Thought you left.”
His arms pulled you back to his chest, and you didn’t resist him, though your heart was racing in your chest, blood rushing in your ears.
Maria frowned, “I didn’t know you were going. The heater’s broken, so I told her to stay with us.”
Tommy nodded again, his breath held in his chest as he let his heart rate calm down. You let him hold on to you until he was ready to let go, just keeping your face hidden in his shoulder as your arms wrapped loosely around him, fingers numb from the cold once again.
When he finally released you, you took a small step back, cheeks warm with remaining shame from your last conversation with the man. The rest of you, however, was freezing, especially since you had removed your multitude of layers in the warm house. Tommy frowned as you shivered, cursing under his breath as he turned to shut his front door, his frown deepening when he saw the water covering the hallway in front of the door.
He waved Maria away when she gave him a stern look, and she nodded once she saw his expression, smiling tightly at you before heading back upstairs to settle Troy back down, after he had been fussing from his father’s shouting.
Tommy turned to where you stood, hands wrung together to try and generate some more warmth between your digits. He sighed again, a seemingly very common thing for him at the moment, and he stood up straighter to talk to you.
“I’m sorry,” He told you, his voice reflecting his words in its apologetic tone. “I should never have spoken to you the way I did. Wasn’t fair of me to blame you for things that weren’t your fault. Or for me to judge you for doin’ exactly what I would’ve. What I should’ve.”
You stared at him, at the way his hands clenched and unclenched into fists at his sides, a slightly nervous habit, you had noticed.
“Tommy, you were right,” You responded, continuing on even as he shook his head, “I messed up, and I could’ve gotten Jesse, or Joel, or even myself killed.”
“No.” He said firmly, reaching out and holding onto your shoulders once again, his grip tight as if you might slip away. “I was wrong. You hear me? I should have been proud, proud that you were so brave, that you saved your friend and your— and Joel. I should have been proud that you made your way back, that you did it without some old shithead tellin’ you what to do.” He rambled on, shutting his eyes and looking almost regretful.
You ducked your head, feeling far too emotional, a lump formed in your throat at his words. Just somebody who you looked up to, who you trusted, telling you that you hadn’t done anything wrong… it was almost too much.
As many mixed feelings as you may have had over the whole situation, the most prevalent one was guilt. It had been surrounding you, weighing so heavily on you, hell, you didn’t even realise how much it had been pulling you down until Tommy came in, lifting it all off of your shoulders.
“You did good, kid.” He told you, squeezing your shoulders, and you hated the way your lip started trembling.
“Stop, you’re gonna make me cry.”
Tommy laughed, the sound watery and almost broken off, “You can cry as much as you want.” He pulled you in, feeling your arms squeeze around his middle as he held on to you so tightly, he was almost sure he’d never let go again.
∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘
Your closed fist was raised up to the door, a hair’s width away from making contact with it, but you had frozen. And it wasn’t because of the cold.
There was something that had settled heavily in your stomach, making your whole body feel heavy and slow. You felt, distantly, like you might throw up with the way it was sitting, but tried not to think on it too much. You were aware of the way your chest was rising and falling, almost too aware, and you tried to put it out of your mind as you attempted to steel yourself.
“You gonna knock, or are you just gonna keep standing there, looking stupid?” A voice asked from behind you, making you spin on your heels, fist pulled away from the door. You held a hand against your chest, breathing a heavy sigh as you saw the culprit of the scare.
“You’re an asshole.” You murmured, eyes studying your beaten up boots that were covered in melting snow. You looked up to him, and felt some relief when you saw Jesse crack a slight smile at your reaction. It faded far too quickly for your liking.
“So?” He prompted, eyebrows raising at you.
You frowned, repressing the urge to grumble at him, but you knew that he should’ve been the one angry at you. Hell, he probably was. “I just came to say… I’m sorry.”
“For…?”
“Are you kidding?” You asked, annoyed. But when his expression didn’t budge, you sighed through your nose. “Okay. I’m sorry for ignoring you after the infirmary, and I’m sorry you got put into the infirmary at all.” You said, looking back down the where the melting snow was seeping into the hole at the side of your boots. You should probably get new ones.
Jesse didn’t say anything for a moment, and you picked at your fingernails while you stared at the ground, your nerves sending your pulse into a fluttery mess.
Finally, you heard him snickering, and your head snapped up. “Well, I just can’t believe this. You, apologising?” You glared as his smile slowly grew, though you knew that the whole thing wasn’t quite solved, at least it was good to know that Jesse was still acting his usual asshole self with you. “Come on, you little asshole.” He said, gesturing for you to follow him. You did.
He glanced at you every so often, shaking his head at your stoic expression.
The two of you arrived at the dining hall soon enough, standing in the queues silently whilst waiting to collect food, until Jesse nudged you and led you over to the table you so often shared.
“You do realise I would never blame you for something that happened on patrol, right?” He asked, eyebrow raised as he awaited your response, shovelling food into his mouth as if he was starving. He reminded you an awful lot of Ellie, in that way. You wondered if they had met.
With a roll of your eyes, “Well, now, yeah. Do we have to talk about this? I said sorry, didn’t I?” You murmured the last part, shovelling your own food into your mouth, refraining from rolling your eyes again when Jesse snickered at you.
“How could I forget? You prefer to brood rather than talk about your feelings.” He responded.
“Okay, I don’t brood—”
“Yes, you do—”
“And do you enjoy talking about… feelings?” You said, ignoring his interruption. He stared at your raised eyebrows, the expectant look on your face.
“Sometimes, I do.”
“Maybe when it comes to—”
“Dina!” Jesse said in a high pitched tone, cutting you off and looking at you with widened eyes. You looked behind you, seeing the girl of the hour approaching your table, an amused look in her eye. She nudged you with a grin as she walked past, sitting on your left and smiling widely at Jesse’s surprised expression.
After settling down, she looked back up to meet Jesse’s eyes. “What? Cat got your tongue?”
You snorted out a laugh, not expecting to hear such an old expression coming from her — it sounded like something Joel might say. Jesse glared at you, unamused by the grin you and Dina shared.
“Yeah, Jesse.” You goaded, smiling at his indignant huff. “Not want to talk about feelings, anymore?” You asked. You leaned backwards as he swiped his arm out, trying to knock the cutlery from your hand as it was heading towards your mouth. Dina laughed at his failed attempt.
“So you two are talking again, then?” Dina said when her laughing faded, and you glared at the way Jesse grinned, unhappy with the fact he was telling her such things. You supposed that you couldn’t blame him — after all, you had spoken to Maria about it. It just so happened that Jesse was your only friend your actual age.
“Unfortunately.” You grumbled, eyes narrowed at the man.
“Unfortunately,” Jesse mocked, making a face at you. “Somebody finally came to their senses!” He said, after he was done poking at his food as he frowned at you.
“Somebody is having regrets about it.” You responded in turn, smiling sarcastically at him.
“Back to normal, then.” Dina concluded, smiling when the two of you nodded. She didn’t know you all too well, but from the time she had spent with you in Jesse’s infirmary room, she was a fan. You clearly cared about Jesse, way more than you would admit, and she could admire that.
You looked at Jesse, “Back to normal.” He echoed, smiling at you.
You pretended that the sigh you let out wasn’t one of relief.
∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘
“You should really clean this place up, you know.” Jesse commented as you unlocked the door to the pottery shop, his eyes scanning around the room, the chill to the air making him shove his hands in his pockets. He looked at the dust covering the surfaces you usually cut clay on and raised his eyebrows.
“Well, I’ve been a bit busy.” You replied, moving to the newly fixed heater that Tommy had brought over when he walked you back to the shop that very morning.
“Oh, yeah, avoiding me.” Jesse said, grinning mischievously when you shot him an annoyed look over your shoulder, focusing on turning the heater on, placing your freezing hands in front of it when it finally started shooting out some warmth. You sighed at the sting, just glad to feel your hands once again.
You sat down on a dusty stool, turning to Jesse when he sat down beside you, relishing in the heater that was finally working. “Okay, so maybe I’m not the best with… feelings.”
“No kidding,” Jesse snorted, his smile fading when you stared at him, deadpan. “Sorry, go on.”
“But I can say that I do care about you. Sometimes. When you don’t piss me off.” You told him, drawing in a shaky breath that filled your lungs with cold air. “I just… relationships are complicated, you know? And painful, a lot of the time. I didn’t wanna go through that again, I guess, but you’re persistent.”
Jesse smiled as you spoke, somewhat amused by your words, but even you could see the softness to it. The absence of that teasing edge his grin usually held. It was reassuring.
“If this is about Joel—” Jesse attempted, shutting his mouth when you cut him off.
“—It’s not about him.” You interrupted, quickly, the back of your neck feeling hot despite the heater being quite far from you. “Or maybe it is, I don’t know.” You added on, after thinking about it for a second. You generally tried not to think of Joel, or the whole situation with him and Ellie, but could it really have effected you that much? It’s not like Joel was the first person you had lost.
He was the first to walk away without a fight, though.
A small part of you fought that fact, because he came back. Did that not mean anything?
“Can I speak yet?” Jesse asked, a slight teasing lilt to his voice. It brought you out of your thoughts, and you smiled despite the topic at hand. With a nod from you, Jesse went on, “Thanks. I’m just saying, maybe Joel isn’t all that bad. I’m not defending what he did, but the guy clearly cares about you.”
“So I should just— just forgive him? For leaving me?” You asked, looking at Jesse as if he had all the answers.
“I don’t know, that’s up to you,” He said. “Maybe you don’t need to forgive him. Maybe it’s time to just… move on with your life. Forget about what he did, and focus on what he can do. You miss him, don’t you?”
You frowned, looking away from the intensity of Jesse’s gaze. The two of you were friends, yes, and he was the closest friend you’d ever had, maybe besides Ellie. But being so open, it was strange. Likely the effect of the apocalyptic world you lived in, and perhaps it was another difference between that world and the little safe haven of Jackson, Wyoming.
“‘Course I do. He and Tess… they were everything I had.” You replied, your eyebrows creasing at the thought of the woman, at the memory of your life in Boston QZ. It made you realise that it had been a while since Maria had cut your hair, and Tess would’ve chastised you for not reminding her to cut it if you had let it gotten this long in Boston.
It all felt so far away.
When you thought of Tess, your heart ached. Though, it wasn’t quite the same as it had been on your journey with Joel and Ellie. You felt her absence, maybe more than ever, but it wasn’t all bitter. You felt… appreciative of her. She may be gone, but at least you got to have her for a time.
You really wished that she could’ve seen this place, though. You often wondered if she would’ve liked pottery.
Joel would probably know.
“Tess may be gone, but Joel isn’t. Not anymore.” Jesse reminded you, hesitant in his words. You realised that you had never really told him, or anyone, about Tess.
“Y’know, if Tess were here, she’d probably tell me to get over myself,” You laughed at the thought, a sad, watery laugh, but Jesse smiled with you despite not knowing the woman. “She’d kick Joel’s ass, though.”
“Is that even possible? Joel’s like… badass, man.”
“Nobody was more badass than Tess. She was awesome. Used to boss Joel around, all the time, she ran half of the smuggling underground at Boston.” You smiled when Jesse raised his eyebrows, surprised. “And she used to cut my hair. Always told me it was better to keep my hair short, even though she had long hair.”
“Bit hypocritical, isn’t it?” Jesse asked, humour in his words.
You shrugged, “Think she was just trying to keep me safe, in her own way. Tess didn’t want to keep me, to start with. Joel convinced her.”
The more you thought about it, the more you realised that it really was because of Joel that you were allowed to stay with the two of them. You remember hearing them argue on a few occasions, something about a great family that Tess knew nearby. But Joel had never let you go too far.
He’d told you about Tess’s family, though it wasn’t really his place to do so. He had done it in an attempt to comfort you one night when you were young, after you had gotten upset at Tess disregarding you yet again. Joel had explained that she didn’t like getting attached to anybody, especially kids, after she lost her own child. He had told you that it was what they had bonded over, at the start.
“Sounds like this Joel guy really wanted you around, huh?” Jesse said teasingly, only grinning when you narrowed your eyes at him.
“Shut up, you asshole, when the hell did you get all wise?” You asked, glaring at him as he feigned an innocent look. You cracked first, smiling at his expression, feeling a softness to the grin as he matched it with one of his own.
“Distance makes the heart grow wiser, I guess.”
“It’s fonder, Jesse. It makes the heart grow fonder.”
“Shut up, I’m the wise one here.”
You looked at Jesse then, as the two of you shared a laugh, and you wondered if this is how friendship felt before the apocalypse, or if that warm feeling in your chest was exclusive to post-apocalyptic relationships.
∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘
“Didn’t think you’d be coming back here.” Joel commented gruffly as he made his way to the kitchen with a nervous energy about him.
“Me neither,” You said idly, watching him fumble around the kitchen. You wondered if it was just a Miller thing, being terrible in the kitchen. It certainly seemed like something Joel and Tommy had in common, but you hadn’t really thought about it when Joel had asked if you wanted some tea, in a bit of a panic at your presence.
He didn’t say anything in response to that, seemingly mulling your words over. Joel didn’t really know what to make of your presence, certainly not expecting to see you at his front door when he opened it.
“Oh, wait,” You said suddenly, causing him to look over to you in the doorway from where he had been about to put tea in the two mugs in front of him. You pulled your backpack around on your shoulder, digging through it for a moment before pulling out a bag. Joel’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked between you and the bag, waiting for an explanation. “Look.” You said, handing it over to him.
He took the bag, opening it up and unable to help the grin that broke onto his face at the sight of coffee beans, the scent of them immediately soothing some of the man’s tension.
“Where’d you get these?” Joel asked you, his voice lighter than you had heard it since Boston. The sound of it made you grin, despite everything.
“Found ‘em on a patrol, a while ago. Been hiding them from Tommy, so don’t tell him.” You responded, realising that this was probably the lightest conversation you and Joel had held for a very long time. How long had it been?
“Wouldn’t dream of it. He’s a thief, always has been.” Joel said, smiling. “Right, the tea.” He said after a moment, placing the bag of coffee beans beside the mugs he’d set out.
You snickered as you noticed the mugs, grinning as Joel turned to you in question. “Seems like Tommy’s not the only thief in the family.” You said, gesturing toward the white and orange mug he’d placed down, recognising it from the batch you’d given Tommy and Maria.
Joel, at least, had the decency to look slightly embarrassed about stealing the orange coloured owl mug you had made and gifted to his brother. Either that, or embarrassed about getting caught. It had slipped his mind, really, more of a habit to grab it out of the cupboard, considering it was the one he used all the time.
He opened his mouth to try and craft some sort of defence, but felt any words he might’ve had die on his tongue as he turned to you. Seeing you smiling, well, it wasn’t exactly an unfamiliar sight. You often smiled at Tommy and Maria when he caught sight of you with the two of them, hell, you smiled a lot around that friend of yours, Jesse. Joel even remembers the times you would smile back in Boston, even though life in the QZ was much harder than life in Jackson.
But it had been a long time since Joel had seen you smile in his presence.
Each time you and Joel interacted after he had left you behind, your face had a way of falling, of crumpling in on itself before it hardened, staring at him with an expression of stone.
It had his heart aching in his chest, finally seeing you smile around him. He hadn’t realised quite how much he had missed it.
“What’s wrong?” You asked, after he stayed silent for a moment too long, the smile on your face fading into something of confusion. Joel shook himself out of his melancholy thoughts, clearing his throat and offering up his best smile in return.
“Nothin’,” Joel answered. “Nothin’ at all.”
You let his response linger in the air between the two of you for a few moments, and it seemed that the both of you were thinking of how life used to be. You were a long way from Boston.
“I could’ve made you your own, y’know.” You said, after a the silence stretched on, reaching out and picking up the mug he had stolen, looking at all the imperfections that had seemed invisible, all that time ago when you had made it. You’d like to believe you were much better in your craft, now.
“I like this one, just fine.” Joel responded, plucking it from your hands with a raised eyebrow. You snickered at his actions, moving to look around the kitchen, missing the soft grin stretched over the man’s face.
“God, you fixed that?” You asked suddenly, taking a wide step to look at the slight imperfection on the countertop, where you remember carving a deep gash in the material one night by shattering a particularly heavy plate upon the counter. You were almost sure it wasn’t fixable, that perhaps it could look better, but would always be extremely noticeable.
Joel nodded, back to his task of sorting out tea, but spoke when realising you were faced away from him. “Oh, yeah. Took me a couple tries, though.”
You hummed in response, going back to looking around the kitchen that you remembered so well. Most of the damage you had caused on the room had been fixed, which created a strange feeling in your chest, though you couldn’t tell quite what it was. Relief? Disappointment?
It wasn’t as hard to be in this house as you had expected it to be. You were awaiting that crushing feeling in your chest, that emptiness that left your ribs aching. Surprisingly, you felt… light, almost.
Joel didn’t know exactly what to expect.
On one hand, he wanted to feel hopeful, to belief that this would be the beginning of your relationship with him healing. But then on the other hand, he was reminded of just how much he had hurt you, of the tears that had spilled from your eyes when he had left you behind, the grit of your teeth when he had returned. He tried his best not to expect anything at all, to just remain… happy that you were here, in this moment.
Even if there were no other moments like this one.
He tried not to focus on how much that thought hurt.
“You and Ellie settled in, then?” You asked, trying to fill the silence in the room. There was also that part of you that wanted to know, that wanted to know everything.
Joel repressed the sigh that built in his chest. “Gettin’ there. She, uh, she’s had a tough time, but you know Ellie. She loves to be gettin’ into everybody’s business.” He refrained from looking in your direction when he asked you the same question. “You settled in alright here?” He wanted to add more on, but thought it best not to try his luck.
“I guess so.” You responded, thinking of how different your life was now, to how it was back in Boston, or even to how it was when you were on the road with Joel and Ellie. “It was… tough at first, but Tommy and Maria were good to me. And I got the shop, so.”
“And that boy?” Joel asked, trying to remain casual, though you heard the suspicion.
You smiled at his question, at the way he avoided looking at you. Back in Boston, when you had been much, much younger, Joel had tried to get the thought into your brain that boys were bad. He was protective of you, and distrustful towards the world. You couldn’t blame him.
“Jesse? He’s, uh, he’s my best friend.” You told the man, shaking your head at the way his shoulders relaxed the smallest bit. “He’s a good guy, you know. I care about him.”
As protective as Joel was, though he knew that he didnt really have any right to be, he couldn’t deny that it was nice that you had a friend your age. That you could count on someone, could trust someone, out of your immediate circle. He remembers that you had been lonely in the QZ, with only him and Tess for company, nobody your age that you could speak to or trust.
It had been a relief, almost, when you and Ellie had developed a friendship on the journey. Joel only hoped that the two of you could have that again.
“I’m happy for you, kiddo.” Joel responded, the nickname coming out almost like a reflex, like it was involuntary. It was what he had always called you, though, so you weren’t surprised.
“Jesse, uh— it was actually Jesse’s idea for me to come here.” You said, and Joel couldn’t deny the relief that spread through him when you didn’t immediately reject the nickname, or pull away at the sound of it.
Joel floundered for a moment, looking for something to say, eventually settling on uttering a quiet, “Sounds like a smart kid.”
You smiled, taking the mug off of Joel as he finally finished making the tea, avoiding your eyes. “I guess.” You replied, cradling the warm ceramic mug tightly in your hands. “Somehow, he seems to know what I need to hear, before even I know.” You said, humour coating your fond tone.
Joel smiled. “Sounds familiar. Tess was always like that, with me.”
It was one of the first times Joel had openly mentioned her name since she died. For some reason, it made your shoulders feel much lighter, like the burden of not being able to talk about her had been weighing you down.
“I miss her.” You confessed, looking for his reaction.
“I do, too, kiddo.” Joel admitted, his words softer than you had ever heard them. You thought about what it must’ve been like for him, to lose the companion he had held as close as he dared for close to two decades. You couldn’t imagine.
You hesitated, opening your mouth, before closing it again, only going ahead when Joel gave you a reassuring nod. “You knew her much better than I ever did.”
“I suppose.”
“Do you think you could… I don’t know, just— just tell me about her, one day?” You asked, the hope in your words making Joel’s heart ache.
“‘Course. I’ll tell you whatever you’d like to know.” Joel said, smiling gently at you, nodding his head towards the living room, a soft look on his face as he sat down beside you on the couch. “Ask away, kiddo.”
You were quiet for a moment, feeling lighter than you had possibly your whole life. “Do you think she’d like pottery?” You asked, sharing a knowing smile with Joel. He laughed at the concept, something so amusing about the idea of Tess Servopoulos, the renowned smuggling boss, sitting in your shop and making dinnerware.
“If it was with you, I reckon she’d have liked anything.” Joel responded, something truthful to his words.
This gets a little steamy light straight away, lol. Sorry? Or maybe I’m not… this is just…this is kind of filthy. Hope you enjoy <3 (not proofread because I’m still lazy)
Word Count: 3.8k (2k of this is smut lol)
Warnings: 18+, lots of teasing, dark!tommy defo makes an appearance here so be warned, oral (m receiving), fingering, doin sexy stuff outside, slight knife play. Guns and death, typical tlou stuff lol.
“Can you teach me?”
“No. Be quiet.”
She huffs at his answer. They’re both whispering, she’s standing behind Tommy - he has his gun pointed at a deer deeper into the forest. She knows how to shoot a gun, she knows how to protect herself. But she doesn’t know how to shoot a gun like the one Tommy has. She can see it now, his. Strong chest pressed to her back as he stands behind her. His hands covering hers as she holds the gun, his breath against her skin as he whispers in her ear. The thought makes her want to squeeze her thighs together, when she does the leaves on the ground crackle underneath her feet. The deer in Tommy’s sights lifts its head, and it’s gone in a flash. He sighs, dropping his gun.
“Well, there goes dinner.” He says. He turns to her, his gun still in his hands. He notices her looking, her eyes dart back up to his as he turns fully towards her. He has those fucking leather gloves on again.
“Sorry.” She murmurs, looking down at both their shoes.
“What did I tell you?” His voice is low. He slings the gun back over his shoulder and brings two of his gloved fingers underneath her chin, tilting her head up to look at him.
“You told me to be quiet.”
“And I told you to stand still.” He said. “Usually you’re good at taking orders.”
He’s smirking at her, so she smiles back. “I’m not hungry anyway. Forget about the deer, we’ll find something else.”
“Hmm, I’m kinda hungry.” He says. He steps forwards, she steps backwards - he keeps going until her back is pressed against a tree. “Maybe not for deer though.”
She hums at him, any kind of words feel stuck in her throat. She’s looking up at him with those wide eyes as his hand comes up to feel her chest. His hand grasping her breast over her clothes. She moans lightly, tilting her head up towards him. She whines when he leans his head back, a grin on his face.
“What?” He practically coos at her. “What do you want?”
“Please kiss me, Tommy.” She breathes. Fuck, he can’t resist it. As much as he wants to tease her and get moving, he leans his head down to connect their lips. His hand still on her tit, his thumb moving to lightly circle her nipple. His hands and lips were making her feel dizzy. As usual, Tommy is kissing her, he’s touching her, he’s everywhere - but she still wants more of him. His lips were cold from the outside air but they were still so soft. He pulls away suddenly, his hands leaving her as he steps back.
“Come on.” He says.”We gotta get going.”
She watches him walk away with a giddy smile on her face, what an asshole.
~
“No. Like this. See?” Tommy’s voice is low in her ear, the way she likes. His hands are practically holding hers as she holds the gun that he had placed in her hands. His hips are pressed into her ass and she’s finding it difficult to concentrate. She’s sure he knows this.
“Your hands are shaking.” He says. “You can’t shoot like that.”
“Well, maybe we should leave the shooting to you then.”
“I thought you wanted to learn?” He steps closer to her, if that's even possible. He’s already pressed up against her back and the extra step just makes him tower over her. She feels trapped in the best way.
The sun is close to going down - they’re standing outside a small alcove in some rocks that Tommy had insisted would be a safe place for them to stay and get some rest for the night. The fire he started was still small and crackling, softly illuminating the small space.
“I do.” She practically whimpers. Her voice was small and nervous and it turned him on like nothing else. “I wanna learn.”
“Well, there’s a lot I can teach you. If you’re willing.” He says as takes the gun out of her hand, places it gently on the floor. She still has her back to him - she can hear him shuffling behind her. When he takes his rightful place behind her, one of his hands slides around her waist, the other comes up to rest against her jaw - slightly tilting her head up. She’s breathing heavily as he rests his cheek against hers - his stubble satisfyingly scratching her sensitive skin. He can feel her heartbeat hammering under his thumb that's pressed below her jaw.
“I’m willing.” She whispers, looking out into the trees in front of him.
“Good.” He uses his grip on her waist to turn her around to face him. “Come here then.”
She shivered at the smirk on his face, that smile she’d seen a few times before. He tugged her body against his as he leaned down to kiss her. He could still feel her heart hammering, just the same as she could feel his cock throbbing through his denim. Tommy moves one hand up and to fist it in her hair, giving it a sharp tug and he smirks as she moans into the kiss.
Tommy chuckles and uses her hair to pull her mouth away from his. He runs his nose up the column of her neck. She squirms against him as his lips connect to her neck, kissing the warm skin gently, before sinking his teeth into her throat.
“Fuck, Tommy!” She curses and grabs at his hair, tangling his soft curls around her fingers. Tommy chuckles and holds her firmer against him. Tommy’s touch is always rough and heavy, he always towers over her, surrounding her with his scent and everything that is him. Everything that she loves.
“You wanna get on your knees for me, baby?” He asks, he’s breathing heavily - his eyes blown out. He looks gorgeous. She nods eagerly and he surprises her by pushing her off of him, regardless she sinks down to her knees in front of him. The rough ground dug into her knees through her jeans, reminding her that they were outside. Her mouth was watering, she hadn’t sucked his cock since that night in the basement. Which honestly wasn’t her best work, she desperately wanted to prove to him that she can do so much better. She ran her fingers over the prominent bulge in his pants. She made work of his belt, adjusting everything just enough to pull his cock out. He’s hard and aching for her and she moans softly at the sight.
She leans in to press a light kiss to the head of his cock. Tommy hisses, his hand curling in her hair - something she has realized he loves doing. She licks up the pre cum that had gathered on his tip, catching liquid on her tongue.
“You taste so good, Tommy.” She murmurs. “I’m gonna show you that I can do much better than that night.”
“Oh, yeah?” Tommy asks. “Well, get on with it like a good girl and maybe I’ll reward you.”
“Reward me?”
“Yeah,” He strokes her cheek as he answers, “maybe I’ll spend a few hours between your thighs. If you're good enough.”
Her pussy clenches at his words. Her palm tightens around his cock and he sighs.
“I’m good enough.” She says, her eyes looking up at him, peering at him as innocently as she could.
“Show me then. Use that mouth for what it's made for.” He says impatiently. Using his grip on her to force her head down towards his cock.
God, he knew exactly what to do to get her riled up. He knew exactly what buttons to press. Something about his voice, something about the way he’s capable of being kind to her - she’s seen it before. But he’s also capable of being like this. Of being mean, of making her get onto her knees and pushing her head down to force her onto his cock. Fuck, it turned her on.
She kissed his aching tip one more time before running her tongue up the sensitive underside of his length.
“Fuck, yes,” Tommy hissed. His cock is hot and heavy as her tongue traces over him. She dips down to take the head of his cock into her mouth. Tommy’s eyes close as he enters her hot mouth. He opens them again to watch her closely as she begins bobbing up and down. He groans, a fucking heavenly noise, as his cock twitches between her lips as she gets him off. The look of pure bliss on her face and the way her eyes glance up at him, already watering, almost makes him come right there.
“God, you’re so perfect.” He moans as he forces her down further. His hips were starting to buck forwards and his groans were getting rougher. He sounded so sexy, she could feel herself dripping. She loved having this effect on him, just as much as she loved the effect he had on her.
“Shit, baby I’m gonna cum,” Tommy absolutely lost control when she moaned around him. “And you’re gonna take it all, yeah?”
She nodded the best she could, looking up at him with those innocent eyes again. He groaned as he pushed her all the way down onto his cock as he came. His cum shot into her mouth and throat in thick ropes. She shut her eyes and took everything he gave her. Tommy wasted no time in hauling her up to stand in front of him and press his mouth hurriedly to hers, both of them were out of breath and the kiss was all teeth and open mouths. It was disgustingly brilliant.
“Good girl,” he mumbles against her skin. “You gonna let me take care of you, baby?”
She nods, still catching her breath. Her eyes still watery, she looked more disheveled than him. He loves it.
“Yeah?” He coos at her, “Don’t worry baby, I got you.”
Moments later Tommy has her flat on the ground, he’s towering over her as he climbs up her body. The rough ground is digging into her back, the same way it did to her knees minutes ago. But once again, neither of them care. To both of their knowledge, there's no one around anyway.
“I’m gonna make you feel so good. Don’t I always take care of you?”
“Yes,” She whispers, “Please.”
Suddenly, he brings his finger to her lips, softly toying with her bottom lip. She surprises him by taking his finger into her mouth, sucking it slowly like she did his cock. She swears his eyes become darker, if that’s possible.
“I’m gonna take care of you forever, darling.” Tommy purred, sliding his finger from her mouth. “You’re never getting rid of me.”
Out of nowhere, Tommy gets an idea. His hand disappears between their bodies and she gets excited thinking he’s finally going to touch her. Her eyes widen as his hand re-emerges with his small knife wrapped in his fingers. He pressed the tip lightly to her cheek, a sinister smirk spreading across his lips when her breathing picks up.
“You’re so pretty when you're scared baby.” He whispers. “It reminds me of that first night, when I had my gun pointed at your head. You have no idea what that did to me. You liked it too, didn’t you?”
He finishes his sentence by dragging the knife down to the sensitive skin of her jaw, still not applying enough pressure to hurt her. Although he could, and that almost makes him hard again.
“I liked it.” She whimpers, her voice small and shaky. She remembers it well. “I liked it enough to get on my knees for you.”
“Yes you did.” Tommy grins, “That’s how I knew you were special. I could do anything I want to you right now, and you would let me. Wouldn't you?“
She nods slowly, trying not to lean into the knife and cut herself on it.
“Would you?” She asks timidly. Tommy has to think about it for a second, he almost wants to say no. Just to make her feel better. But he also has a feeling that she might enjoy his answer even more than him.
“You really wanna know?” He asks and she nods again. “I’m getting tired of you nodding at me, tell me.”
“I wanna know.” She confirms. Tommy lets go of the knife, tossing it a few feet away.
“Well,” He begins, as he lifts up onto his knees. His hands begin to undo her jeans, roughly pulling them down enough for him to push his hand between her legs. His finger immediately found the wet spot on her panties. She gasps underneath him, her hands gripping his biceps tightly.
“If you really want me to be honest with you, sweetheart. Everytime i look at you, I add something new to the list of things I want to do to you. Most of its alright, but some of it is pretty fuckin’ nasty. Some of it I can’t even say out loud.” His fingers have now pushed her panties to the side, they glide through her folds and zone in on her swollen clit. She gasps and she's not sure if it's because of his words or his fingers.
“I would’ve loved to use that knife on you. I would love to just fucking ruin you, make you scream for me. And i mean really fucking scream.” Tommy is almost ashamed of his own mind, at his own words. And he opts for ducking hisnhead down and sucking on her neck instead of continuing his speech. Deep down she feels like he doesn’t mean it, she knows he wouldn’t hurt her. Or does she? I mean, he was part of a group that did kidnap her. But he was hers now, and she was his. But nevertheless, this is so fucking hot. His fingers have now slipped inside of her and are working her the way only he knows how.
“Like I told you, baby. You’re never leaving me. You’re mine, yeah?” She nods again at his question, but remembers his words from earlier.
“Yes! I’m yours, Tommy. I’m yours. This is all yours.” She gasps, her climax quickly approaching. His words had definitely sped up the process.
“That’s right. All fucking mine.” He snarls through gritted teeth. “You wanna cum for me, gorgeous?”
“Yes! Please, Tommy. Oh my god, please!” She moans, tilting her head back. He didn’t stop fucking her with his fingers as she came around them, making sure to drag out every last drop of her orgasm. Once he had slipped his fingers out of her and she’d caught her breath. He climbed off of her and let her sit up and fix herself up, he sat beside her. She laughed to herself as she realised they were literally in the middle of the fucking forest.
“You good?” He asked as he watched her, his eyes softening. Even after everything he had just said, he still asked. She liked that about him. That’s what she liked about him from the start. This soft side he had that only came out when it needed too, but still - it was there.
“Yeah. I’m good.” She looked around them, the forest was now pretty dark, their fire being the only thing illuminating the area around them.
“Now what?” She asked, shuffling closer to him. The forest suddenly seems scarier now without him on top of her. But he stands up, doing up his jeans that were still hanging open and extending his hand to her.
“Now we gotta try and sleep in this weird little cave.” He says as he helps her up from the ground.
“Is it safe?“ She asks, surveying the forest around them again.
“We’ll be fine.” He answers. “I’m gonna stay awake watching for a while. We’ll get moving tomorrow.”
“You need sleep too.” She says.
“I’ll be fine.”
“But, you shou-“
“I’ll be fine.” He interrupts her, repeating himself sternly. She trusts him, he knows that. So she takes his word for it. She’d slept in some weird places since the outbreak, she’d been on the move for a while at the beginning. So this cave was nothing. She curled up in the corner, getting as comfortable as she could sitting against a cold stone wall. She falls asleep with fire flickering and Tommy standing protectively outside.
It turns out, as always - Tommy was right. A day later they were strolling through a city. They’d done a lot of walking and honestly, Tommy had been pretty tight lipped about this community he was supposedly taking them too. It made her nervous, but what other choice did she have but to trust him? So on she went. As usual, Tommy was walking in front of her, his gun at the ready in his hands. A sigh leaving his lips every time she asked a question.
“Was Texas nice?”
“Yes.” He answered shortly, keeping his eyes focused on what was going on around them. He’d already schooled her on being quiet once today.
“Did you always live there?”
“Mhm.”
This was her least favorite version of him, the one that was short and rude with her. She never knew which side of him she was going to get. He has gotten used to her asking questions now, just resorting to answering with a yes or a no. He had discovered that telling her to shut up did no good, sonhe had to change his own ways instead.
“Why did you leave?” She asked. He stayed silent this time. She hadn’t spent much time in cities since the outbreak, most of her time spent a qz, or more recently- a fucking basement. Despite the unfortunate circumstances, she couldn’t help but find beauty in it. An abandoned city once filled with life, mow filled with a different kind of life.
She wondered what Tommy’s life was like, was he the same? Or did the outbreak change him? She desperately wanted to ask. But him even telling her he was from Texas was a big step, so she’ll keep that for another day.
“So, did you like… have a job or something?” She opts for a more annoying question instead.
“Yes. Of course I had a job.” He turns to her as he answers this time. Only slightly turning his head to check that she wasn’t too far away. She’d made a habit of staring at the tall buildings around them and falling too far back, causing him to have to wait for her. This conversation was obviously intriguing to her, as she was right up behind him.
“What did you do?”
“I, uh,” He sighs, debating whether or not to tell her the truth. “I did construction.”
“Is that it? You did that all your life? I feel like there's more, you don’t seem like a construction guy.”
God, she was too fucking smart.
“Oh yeah? What do I seem like?”
“I don’t know.” She laughs. He turns to look at her again, an amused smile on his face this time. She smiles up at him.
“Well you’re right, I guess.” He regrets it immediately, but finishes his sentence anyway. “I joined the army when I was 18.”
“Oh, wow.” She says. She sounds genuinely interested. “Did you-“
“Don’t ask me about it.” He cuts her off. She stupidly nods instead of answering, as he’s in front of her so he doesn’t see it. All he hears is her being silent, and her footsteps crunching on the ground behind him. He feels a little bit guilty and opens his mouth to utter an apology, but something else catches his attention instead. He whirls around to face her, grasps her shoulders and pushes her roughly to the side - just quick enough to miss the bullet that flies past them. The gunshot that rings out around them is loud and echoes in the empty city.
“Go!” Tommy yells, he’s still holding her tightly as he gestures to a car beside them. She moves quickly, ducking down behind the car, Tommy follows. Tommy realizes that the gunshots are coming from the building opposite them and he quickly gets to work on firing his own gun at a specific window.
Tommy thinks quickly, to the left of them is an alleyway, and he thinks that if he distracts them she would have enough time to squeeze down it. They wouldn’t be able to shoot her down there unless they had good aim, and by the looks of it. They didn’t.
“Hey!” He yells to get her attention. The gun shots are still loud and he realizes there are most likely multiple shooters in there. Raiders probably, bastards.
“You see that alleyway?”
She nods, looking up at him with those big scared eyes again.
“Go down there and don’t move until I come get you.”
“What?” She’s horrified at how calm he sounds. “What about you? What if-“
“Do you trust me?“ He cuts her off. “I’ll be fine. Go.”
She’s still hesitant, a bullet flies past them and shatters a window somewhere and she jumps, her hands coming up to cover her ears.
“Hey!” He yells again, she takes one hand away from the side of her head. “We’ll be fine. You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to you right? Stay low, baby and you’ll be okay, so will i. Go!“
He turns to shoot at the window again and this time she doesn’t hesitate. She runs into the alley and doesn’t look back, crouching down behind an old dumpster. Holy shit, she can’t believe she just left Tommy out there. Not that she could help him but, what if he dies? What the fuck aas she meant to do? What if the last memory she has of him is how beautiful his eyes looked as he told her to run?
She takes a chance and peeks out of the alley, she can barely see but what she can see is Tommy standing up from behind the car and firing a single shot into the window, it hits whoever was shooting down at him and tumble out of the window and hit the concrete below. Tommy doesn’t even look at them as he steps over their body and rips the door to the building open, and just as quickly as it had happened - Tommy disappears inside the building.
I’ve seen a lot of dbf!joel and was wondering if you’d write a dbf!tommy as there aren’t any and I absolutely adore your writing style x
RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU | T. Miller
dbf! Tommy Miller x fem!reader
A/N: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU AND THIS IDEA. I have been tinkering with this idea for a while because there are no dbf! fics for this man and he deserves it, let’s be real he’s a horn bag and a tease i just uh-😩 also I would love to do multiple of these or even a series, plz let me know what y’all think and send ideas.
Feel free to gander at my masterlist if you like x
Warnings: 18+ (minors go away), PnV, age gap (reader is 21) basically porn with little plot. This is NOT edited I very much rushed it no apologies.
You remembered the first night that you met Tommy, he was leaning against the bar with your Dad who beckoned you over. The dining hall was cramped which wasn’t new on a Saturday night, you had mainly come because your dad mentioned a new member that he found on patrol. Usually you dreaded it, but when you saw him across the room you had a change of heart.
His black curls sat on his shoulders when he turned to face you, his lips curving up to give you a wide smile— which you returned quickly. His smile suited him, making his honey brown eyes squint. “Nice t’meet you, m’Tommy.” He spoke lowly, his Texan drawl catching you by surprise as he extended his hand out for you to shake.
You didn’t expect the accent, at first. It made sense though, the more you thought about it he did seem like the cowboy type. You tried your best not to over think how his hands felt enveloping yours, how much bigger his hands were compared to yours.
But that night was a long time ago. When it was merely just a crush on an older man that was friends with your Dad, which developed the more and more you saw him— which ended up being a lot.
Early in the morning’s were now filled with his presence, always standing with a mug full of coffee as he leaned against the kitchen island talking to your parents. The muscles under his button up sleeves flexed as he moved the mug up to meet his lips.
How was he actually so perfect? It wasn’t fair.
But now your feelings had developed, becoming more filled with desire and need. You were a women now, with womanly needs that weren’t being met with the boys your age. It’s not their fault though, newly developed minds bodies that was being pumped with hormones made them awkward and well— quick.
Its not like there were any classes going around for this kind of stuff in Jackson, but you just knew that you needed more.
Maybe it was some undiagnosed daddy issues that had you interested in the younger Miller brother. You could just tell that Tommy knew what to do when it came to sex, after ‘accidentally’ overhearing him drunkenly spew his past life to your father as the two got into a bottle of whiskey, he seemed to be quite the man-whore back in the day. You imagined what he’d be like fucking you, whether he’d be gentle or if he’d pound into you relentlessly till you were screaming his name.
And he knew it too, the smug bastard.
It made the blood in his body rush to his cock seeing you look so flustered from something as simple as a ‘mornin’ darlin’ when he’d see you first thing in your kitchen. When you’d descend down the stairs in your tiny pyjamas, he had to force his gaze off of you when he realised he was staring. He imagined what the soft flesh of your ass would feel like in between his fingers.
Everything about this was wrong, SO WRONG— but yet, neither of you could stop.
. . .
A cool breeze crept in through the ajar open that you sat beside in your living room, book in your lap. Taking the liberties of enjoying the large empty house on your own, which seemed to be happening more and more often lately. You had finished patrol only a few hours ago, thankfully it had been quiet and you were partnered with Eugene. The older man was well liked by you and your friends, mainly for his secret underground weed bunker.
Which is what led you to this point, leaning against your window as you blew out the smoke from your joint.
“Should you really be doin’ that n’here?” Tommy’s voice ripped your attention from your book, he was leaning against the entrance. His denim coat was covered in a thin layer of sawdust, you remembered him mentioning building a new set of homes over breakfast yesterday. “Well, last I checked the smoke detectors don’t work so—“
Your shoulders fell, a huff of air falling from Tommy’s nostrils in amusement. Dragging his palm along his hand he moved to sit beside you on the sofa, just enough space between you. It wasn’t unusual for Tommy to come check on you when your parents were away, whether it was because he wanted to or because he was asked to by your parents was another thing.
You felt butterflies as you thought about the domesticity of your situation right now, the thought of being the first thing he saw every night after work. Being able to ask him how his day was while the two of you ate dinner together.
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Tommy sighed, rubbing his fingers through his sweat damp curls. Even after working all day in the heat he still looked fucken amazing—it wasn’t fair. You extended out your arm, holding out the lit joint in front of him to take. An unspoken invitation, which he declined. Muttering something to you about working in the morning.
“C’mon it’s not like you have to worry about a drug test in the morning.” Tommy’s brows burrowed in confusion, before deciding to just take the joint from you. Your breathing hitched as his calloused fingers tangled in yours, taking ahold of the still lit joint in your fingers. “How the hell you even know about that?”
“Eugene was telling me about it today.” You smiled proudly, watching as his lips pursed around the hand rolled paper.
Everything about him just made you want him more, the way his dark curls sat on top of his broad shoulders as he leaned his head back. You wondered what they would feel like with your fingers brushing them back, would it really be so wrong for you to test the waters? You were an adult, and a mature one at that.
. . .
Maybe it was the weed that blurred Tommy’s judgement, the longer the two of you sat together engrossed in casual conversation. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of your exposed thighs, the shorts doing very little to cover you. Giving him the perfect view to admire your soft supple skin.
Stretching his arm out Tommy let it fall down to the back of the chair, his hand now grazing the soft exposed skin on your arm. Goosebumps form on your skin, burning from his grazing fingers.
He loved how you shuddered from his touch, he could only imagine what how wet you were from just one touch. Tommy doubted that anyone your age could please you the way he would. He always noticed how they watched you, none of them new the first thing when it came to pleasing a woman.
“So have you uh-been seein any boys around here?”
“Not at the moment, but I uh— have an eye on someone at the moment.” Your sultry voice only made Tommy’s blood rush to his cock, you had no idea the affect you had on him. “Oh really?”
“Yeah he’s a little bit older than me, but I don’t mind.” You teased, exhaling a breath of smoke that danced in the so between you both. A cheeky smirk plastered on your face, you knew exactly what you were doing. “That right sweetheart?”
Without another second of teasing glances and lingering hands, cupping his stubbled cheeks in your hands you pushed your lips together. A small whine left your mouth as he pressed back, with even more of a fever.
“Tommy—“ You whined against his kiss swollen lips, savouring how his tongue darted to dance with yours. It was everything that you thought it would be, the way soft lips kissed into you roughly it only got you hornier. His facial hair scratched the underside of your palm, his curls were soft as you dragged your hands to the back of his neck. The wetness pooling in your underwear was only growing.
“God, this is wrong.” Tommy groaned in between kisses, he shouldn’t be doing this, with one of his closest friends daughter. Friends were hard to come by these days, especially good ones like your dad. He took him in and gave him a purpose again in Jackson. Yet here he was, his tongue down his daughters throat.
“If it’s so wrong— then stop.”
This emitted a playful growl from Tommy as he moved to nip the soft skin of neck with his teeth. He was already to deep into this, no backing out now. “S’that what you want sweetheart?” Tommy dared to ask, maybe you had changed your mind about the whole thing, but was pleasantly surprised when you shook your head, your lips never leaving his.
“Absolutely not.”
Tommy’s strong hands lifted you up as he held you up around his middle, his fingers kneaded the doughy skin of your ass. Your legs instinctively wrapped wrapped around his waist as he lifted you off the sofa. It felt so surreal to you, Tommy’s hands felt exactly how you imagined them. All those years of working as a contractor meant his palms were rough and calloused, you needed this hands to explore all over your body.
Tommy made quick work of taking long strides to get to your bedroom as quickly as possible, the same bedroom that he would pass every morning to join your family for breakfast.
Never did he think he’d be on the other side of the door, regardless of the many times he thought about it. Fucking you relentlessly in your room, your faced pushed into your pillow while your parents were completely clueless downstairs.
You let out a shocked gasp as your back made contact with the bed, Tommy quickly climbed up on the bed to hover above you. His elbows propped by your head as he leaned down to pant his lips onto you again, all you could think about was his erection pocking against you thigh through his jeans. “Tommy-“ You whined as your hips bucked into him,
“Need you Tommy.”
“Don’t worry baby, ‘gonna take care of you.” Tommy trailed his fingers down till they dug themselves under the waistband of your underwear. Your skin felt like it was on fire, you needed him now. In one swift motion your pants were pulled off of you, Tommy let out a sharp breath of admiration.
You watch as he fumbles with his belt, before once again pulling off his jeans without hesitation. His cock springing to life before you, and fuck was he big.
“Y’alright?” He looked back up at you with all seriousness, to which you nodded quickly.
“Oh fuck!” You gasped out as your eyes squeezed shut, feeling him fill you up was almost overwhelming. You always imagined him having a huge dick, when he would sit with his legs wide open. Now it was actually happening you felt like he was going to tear you in two.
The blissful sting was quickly quickly replaced with pleasure as he slowly eased himself into you, his hips rolling into yours.
“That’s it baby girl, takin’ me so well.” He muttered softly into your ear, his hot breath had the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. His praises had your hips bucking against his, driving his cock into you deeper.
He already had you in a puddle of gasps and moans, your mouth failing you anytime that you tried to speak. Your stomach was in knots, feeling your orgasm beginning to approach you wrapped your arms around Tommy’s neck. Pushing his face down to meet your lips once again. His herbal soap mixed with the salty sweat forming on his back, all your senses were taken up by Tommy.
“S’fucken amazing baby.” He groaned against your lips, his own pace beginning to falter. Your head fell back as the pleasure grew more intense, feeling your stomach tightening as his pace quickened. “Fuck Tommy, I’m gonna come!”
“Come f’me darlin, that’s it.” He whispered softly moving his lips to kiss along the soft skin of your neck, which was enough to send you over the edge. Your body shuddered as your orgasm rolled through you, feeling the jolt of electricity course through you as your vision went white.
“That’s it baby, good girl.”
A animalistic groan erupted from deep inside Tommy’s throat, right before he was about to come he pulled out. His sweat-covered forehead fell to rest on your still heaving chest, the two of you merely laid silent for a moment. You couldn’t form any thoughts besides the fact that Tommy just fucked you—in your bed!
After a few moments Tommy lifted himself off of you, the mattress dipping as he fell beside you. “Y’alright? That wasn’t too much f’you?”
“Are you kidding me? It was amazing.” You exasperated as you rolled onto your side to face him, your flushed cheeks pinched into a smile. “Y’know Tommy, it’s just going to be me on my own in this house.” Your head tilted to fall onto his chest, a playful smirk plastered on your face as you waited for his reaction. “Oh is that right?” Tommy feigned ignorance, a wide smile on his face. “Might need some company, s’that what you mean?”
It starts off with small things, as it always does with this kind of stuff, it happens before you even subconsciously notice and by the time that happens you’re too far gone in your own self-sabotage.
But Tommy notices, he notices how your eyes never linger on the mirror, he haphazardly hung up, almost as if you do everything in your power to not look at it, and when you do he notices the grimace that stains your face, the disgust that tarnishes your eyes and he can’t imagine the words that scratch heedlessly at your mind.
It hurts him more than you know, his heart aches at the thought of you thinking that you’re anything but a downright angel sent from the heavens above, and there’s an odd sense of guilt that squeezes him because maybe he’s not telling you enough?
He watches you intently as you walk into the living room a certain sadness casts over your beautiful face, and he smiles so brightly as he pats the empty seat beside him, and it’s hard not to smile back.
“Hey love bug” he beams like a lovesick puppy pressing a kiss to your cheek and he doesn’t miss the way you almost wince away from his touch, and his heart near enough breaks.
There’s an odd silence that wedges between the two of you, “So, what we watching tonight?” You try and be as chirpy as possible pushing all the negative feelings you have about yourself down and covering them with fake happiness.
But he notices, of course, he does. You’re Tommy’s absolute world, “Your pick baby” he reminds you gently
You nod with a small smile before getting up to where he keeps all the DVD’s and you flick through them before finally settling on the cheesiest romance movie you can find, and you giggle when he lets out a groan, “I know it’s your guilty pleasure, just admit it sweetheart” you laugh and Tommy’s heart blooms at the sweet noise.
“Yeah yeah, you got me, baby, it’s a real guilty pleasure of mine” he chuckles as you excitedly put it on.
However his smile soon falters when you decide to sit away from him, and his chest feels heavy when you slightly shift away as he inches closer.
There’s a silence that stifles the air with tension, and it’s enough to make you feel nauseous. Tommy knows he needs to talk to you he can't let you keep isolating yourself.
His hands take yours carefully, “You gotta talk to me honey— it just feels like you’re tryin' to distance yourself from me, what’s going on sweet thing?” he suddenly asks and your eyes widen in shock as panic seeps into your bones, and there’s a horrible blocky feeling that wedges itself in the back of your throat as tears sting the back of your eyes.
You don’t know what to say you completely freeze up and you look down at your shaky hands determined not to meet his soft gaze.
“I— I just— I don’t—“ you huff out in frustration when you can’t find the words to describe what you’re feeling, and he gives you an encouraging look, squeezing your hand in reassurance, “I don’t feel very pretty” you mumble feeling a little silly.
But it’s true nonetheless, there’s a loud voice in the back of your head that reminds you constantly of all your flaws it repeats in your mind like a mantra and it curses you until you start believing the horrible words to be true leaving you exhausted.
“Oh, Darlin come here” he whispers his brows knit together in sadness, you rest your head against the crook of his shoulder as his arms engulf you in a loving hug.
He doesn’t really know what to say and he’s completely freaking out on the inside. Tommy doesn’t understand, he thinks you’re an absolute angel, the prettiest person to walk planet earth, and his heart shatters at your words.
“I’m sorry it’s silly— I’m being silly” you sniffle wiping away your tears, and you watch the worry pour into his eyes, how his face is full of concern and it makes you feel guilty.
Tommy shakes his head, “It’s not silly baby, it’s not” he promises his tone is so soft and caring, and he presses a kiss to your forehead, his rough hands gently cupping your warm face.
“Tell me what can I do, how do I help?” He asks, “Anything you name it I’ll do, absolutely anything sweetheart” there’s almost a desperation in his tone and it weaves through his face.
And your heart jumps at his words, and you realize that he cares, of course, he cares it was silly of you to think otherwise, but you know there isn’t anything he can do to stop the horrid thoughts that scratch at the back of your mind, “You just being here is enough for me” you smile wiping the tears that fall from your eyelashes.
He nods softly with a somewhat bashful smile, “You’re beautiful you know? I mean absolutely gorgeous, sweetheart” he smiles with a genuine look in his eyes, as he presses a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth, and you relax into his side his arm hooking around your shoulders bringing you closer to him, and you feel so loved.
His words bring another wave of tears to your eyes, and you can’t stifle the sob that pushes its way out your mouth, “Hey, don’t cry sweet thing” he mumbles against your head, and he can feel the dampness on his shoulder, his hand rubbing the expanse of your back.
“I’m sorry, I just love you, Tommy, so much” you sniffle and his heart melts at your words.
“I love you too, my pretty angel” he smiles as you let out a breathy giggle, and he wipes your tears away with his thumb before placing gentle kisses all over your face, and you go warm under his soft touch, heart full with happiness.
