Anon Who Likes To Vent

this is a blog for me to vent without my friends seeing, and if you want you can vent to me i don't mind

[ani-likes-to-vent]

Heyo

Call me Ani (or if you have a nickname ask)

as said in the description, this is an account where I will vent. let it be known that it will be my personal problems. I also wont be using anyones actualy names (for privacy reasons) but if it is someone that will re occur they will have an emoji of somesorts

[ani-likes-to-vent]

My Parents: we want to help with your eating disorder that's devoloping Me: Okay, that's good

Also my parents: "You need to stop eating [insert food here] in a week" "You can just switch from [insert food here] to [insert food here]" "You need to eat more [insert food here]" "Besides 'insert comfort food here] has too much sugar in it anyway" "They don't eat fruit."

The last one really hurt me tbh because my step asked me if I still like a certain fruit and my mum answered before I could saying I don't eat fruit.

they keep saying they want to help but nothing I do is good enough for them! I'm always doing something wrong no matter what it is, or I find out that its wrong when its too late to stop.

[ani-likes-to-vent]

forgot to post this lol

The Green represents my dad (because last I check his fav color was green)

[ani-likes-to-vent]

Bit of an wip

gonna edit it in capcut

[ani-likes-to-vent]

Me: *sitting alone at midnight just thinking and trying not to focus on the sick feeling I'm having* My brain: Remeber the transphobic thing your mum said once to you Me: .. I don't want to remeber that right now. She didn't know what she said was transphobic. My Brain: what about the time she said that "you'll grow out of it" when you told her you don't ever want to have sex? Me: shut up. she doesn't know what her words mean. she doesn't know what shes saying and how its going to effect others.

[ani-likes-to-vent]

mum keeps saying she's trying to help me, but I'm not letting her help

Im trying to get better I truely am

why cant she see that

why can she only see where i've failed

its not my fault I cant do it, I just cant do it

why does she still want me its obvious I'm a fucking failure

GOD I WISH I WAS NEVER FUCKING BORN THEN EVERYONES LIFE WOULD BE EASIER

I WOULDNT BE A SHIT FRIEND

A SHIT DAUGHTER

A SHIT PERSON

maybe I just need to return to my old self, mum always loved her...

god it sounds like shes manipulated me.. she hasn't I promise

[ani-likes-to-vent]

My mum: but you don't need to be able to get put your window cause you would never sneak out or run away

Me who planned to run away with my best friend when we were 11: . Yea! why would I want to sneak out?

[ani-likes-to-vent]

You know whats really fucked up about my life?

the fact that I learnt about puberty after I got my first period.

and I hate that people say "when you get your period its your first step to becoming a woman!"

I was nine. Nine years old and having to bleed every single month.

then I find out that my family has this thing where it makes the period cramps worse?

Why did I have to be so young? WHY?!

[ani-likes-to-vent]

My friend: *trying to call me and text me so they can talk to me about their problems*

Me: *ignoring them because I know that I can't help with them and just wanting them to go to someone else because I wont be able to do shit for them*

[ani-likes-to-vent]

My Mum: Oh Te Reo would be great for you to learn since I see you knowing it in what I see you doing in the future

Me who hates when I disapoint people and now feel pressured to do what mum sees me doing: .. Oh okay..

month later or some shit

Me: *now has to pick what classes I want to do next year and I keep picking ones that mum would be happy to see me do* ...

I find it so hard to pick shit for myself! I.. I don't know what I want to do in my future, and now I'm being pressured to pick and I know that my mum sees me doing something but idk what that is and I'm scared I'm going to disappoint her

I mean she already says "its just a phase" when I try to hint I'm asexual and she says I'm "basically a lesbian" when I said I was pan (I'm Omni now and I don't need her to have another reason to say I'm a lesbian) she doesn't even know I'm gender-fluid too because being non-binary is so much easier to explain. I struggle at deciding things myself... that's why I was Pan because I couldn't figure out what gender I liked and needed something to help with that. that's why img ender-fluid I cant decide what gender I'm meant to be or what gender I want to be.

and I want to pick classes I will enjoy and be engaged with but.. I don't know what I'm doing in my future..

[ani-likes-to-vent]

My mum: *points at my clean washing basket* Me: clean Mum: *points att he dirty washing basket* Me: dirty Mum: are you keeping up with your washing Me: Yes Mum: so you did washing twice this week? Me: yes, one on Monday and one on Friday *thinking:* you were literally upset with me both times! Mum: okay but if you were then you wouldn't have a basket of dirty washing Me: okay. *thinking:* are you fucking kidding me, I know I'm terrible at doing my washing and that I cant keep up because I dont remember, but now I am catching up and what the fuck you mean by that you say your trying to help me but your making me feel like an even bigger piece of shit

why cant mum understand that, and I think she should know that since I couldn't keep up with it for a while (aka not doing washing for a bit and only able to do like a third of the basket in one load) that I cant do all of it with two loads like 5 days apart

AND ITS FUCKING SUNDAY

AND I CAN NEVER TELL HE THIS SHIT CAUSE THEN SHELL ASK WHAT I NEED AND I DONT FUCVKING KNWO ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT IT ISNT THSI AND EVEN IF I TRY TO TELL HER THIS SHIT IN THE MOMENT SHE'LL END UP JUST YELLING AT ME

[ani-likes-to-vent]

i am in so much pain (idk why)

I feel like I'm going to puke

im tired af (its 2 hours earlier than my normal go to sleep time)

i might be getting sick or I just had more food than I'm used to (I've not had lunch and had a small dinner but I have had mostly snacks)

[ani-likes-to-vent]

why is it

when I want to actually try and make a good edit

for comfort

i just end up wanting to kill my self

cause I will grab a knife from the kitchen

but I know I cant kms right now cause its my besties birthday tomorrow

so hopefully I can edit this fucking edit to be shorter and actually finish it

[ani-likes-to-vent]

heres the wip of the edit ya guys

its funny how this edit is making me feel even more connected to the edit

and obvi its with my kins

"the thoughts that say I deserve to bleed"

i'll do the rest in the morning

[ani-likes-to-vent]

I never actually thought I'd be able to do it.

I always thought something in the back of my mind would stop it

but I guess not tonight

I guess tonight would be my breaking point

cause now my arm stings

and of course I had to pick up my sissors and actually try with that!

I don't know who to talk to, Sam isn't awake

i'm not going to kms guys I'm too much of a pussy to, if I wasn't I probably would've never met Sam

atleast I don't think I'm going to

I need to talk to someone but Idk who

...

no I know who

I want Sam

I'll talk to them in the morning

[ani-likes-to-vent]

me: *just trying to make a vent edit* capcut: nah, you have reload us like 30 more times before we let you go any furhter me: I will throw you across the room.

[ani-likes-to-vent]

convorsations I've imagined multiple times

Me: isn't that funny? I could've been sa'd by a kid older than me when I was like 6 or 8. that's not the funniest thing, if it happened to me now, I probably would let it happen. my friends: ... thats messed up.. Me: It cant be messed up I have those thoughts all the time! My Friends: ... Me: why are you staring at me like that?

Me: .. I feel pain when I read or see others in a lot of pain. that's just how its been for me Myfriends: But you read fan-fiction about torture and fan-fiction that has sa content... Me: so? I like reading about those things My Freinds: does it not hurt? Me: who said it didn't hurt? I love feeling the pain, its why I read that shit! ... oh... Im totally fucked up arent I?