Something in the way you love me...

[neenarchive]

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

[neenarchive]

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

[elektrashocktherapy]

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

[velidewrites]

Rhysand: My standards are very high, actually. I prefer well-mannered, graceful—

Feyre: *stumbles into the room, covered in mud and blood, wyrm carcass thrown over her shoulder*

Rhysand:

Rhysand: I want that one

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

but it only works if 4 people are having sex lol

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

how many hands you got

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

two? don’t see how that’s relevant

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

allow me illustrate you

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

that’s still four people

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

i truly can’t make this any clearer

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

will smith isn’t gay. he has a wife and three beautiful, talented children

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

don’t know what you’re on about. will smith and slightly wider blue will smith have been married for years. they’re a hollywood love story

[naomster]

I can’t believe this post predicted the live action Aladdin genie

[nodaybuttodaytodefygravity]

If we lose tumblr how will we ever replace these posts in which every reply feels like a punch in the face

[diah-the-demon]

Prev X2 tags you are so right

[alexredgrave]

[souperluminal]

Scissor Wizard and Paper Wizard

It’s probably fine to leave them alone together.

[souperluminal]

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

[tippenfunkaport]

there is something so darkly comical about tumblr potentially outliving twitter

tumblr, which is held together with duct tape and madness, run by three raccoons in blood stained Yahoo! hats and a handful of crabs, its only discernible source of income the sale of shoelaces from an inside joke so inside no one knows the original source anymore and fake blue checkmarks... that website still lives on

truly the cockroach of social media and I love it for that

[heywriters]

Using tumblr is like living in a low class apartment building. You just get used to the landlord not fixing things, and then someone new moves in and you're helpfully like "oh yeah don't drink the tap water, it's got stuff in it that makes you sick" and then your neighbor you've had forever goes "oh they took the stuff out actually" and you're like "what? when was this?"

"like two years ago"

"you mean i could've been drinking the tap water all this time?"

"yeah. they gave us individual mailboxes too finally, you don't have to dig through the communal bin anymore"

"are you for real right now?? i just redirected my mail, i didnt know"

and the new tennant is like "why did you guys even live here if it was so bad"

"we like it."

"I kinda miss the communal mail bin tho"

[heywriters]

"the perpetually naked guy got evicted though"

"i know, so sad. he was really gross"

"i mean, his cousin streaks through the commons sometimes and knocks on all the doors"

"oh yeah, hate that guy"

[aniseandspearmint]

New Person: I just saw this weird guy in the lobby in a really creepy anthropomorphic Pikachu costume??????

Old Resident: yeah we have no idea where that guy came from. We've left messages with maintenance 'bout 'im but-

Other Old Resident: just don't make eye contact and you should be fine.

[sometimesdesperate]

"what are these strange markings in the paint?"

"Oh! Thats from the crab infestation!"

"The crab infestation?! Wow, glad they got that under control before I moved in."

"Oh, no no, it was an intentional infestation."

"Uh...."

"Yeah, we're hoping they bring the crabs back next year. A lot of us made friends with those crabs."

[paperpalooka]

No, I'm not joking, he doesnt just look like him, I swear to God neil gaiman lives across the hall.

[lordendsavior]

THIS SLAPS SO HARD LOL

[ainatirb-j]

So hard it slaps.

[thesunsword]

Hope y’all donate a couple $

[wakandamama]

[tetrafuzz323]

God I love 80s remixes

[oldearthaccretionist]

@arsonforcharlie @dungeonmastersconsortium a gift for you both on this Monday morning

[raggedy-spaceman]

(insp)

[capydoodle]

capybara #130: pov he saw you holding a slice of watermelon

[murdercore-powerfuneral-deactiv]

We know that Facebook is brainscorching your parents and tiktok is brainscorching your cousins, but some of you refuse to admit that you got your brain scorched here. However unlike those sites there isn't an algorithm here you just make bad choices.

[catgirl-catboy]

No, kids should not have unsupervised acess to the internet.   Yes, I got that and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.    Its a paradox.

[arahir]

imagine you're out for drinks with your mates spouting absolute bullshit about how you're gonna live forever and the palest rich boy you've ever seen comes up with a sick ass ruby around his neck and black robes and dramatic hair and is like oh you're going to live forever? in the most awkward tone imaginable and your mates are absolutely losing it but the kid isn't bad on the eyes and it's obviously the first time he's been outside of whatever castle he cracked out of so you tell them to shut up and play along and then bam it's been a hundred fucking years and you're still alive and this guy is back in the exact same fit and basically tells you you're immortal now purely to amuse him for one night in a century and you have to just roll with that for the next six hundred years because what else are you going to do

[rigby-floyd]

V e n g e a n c e

[barb-arts]

Emorie ♡

I really want them to be together 🥺

ig: barb.arts

[pseudophan]

mads mikkelsen and robert pattinson need to do a movie together just because the promo interviews would be chaos personified

[pseudophan]

don't hide this in the tags say it loud and proud

[smilingformoney]

Interviewer: So what makes this film good?

Rob: It sucks.

Mads: I haven’t seen it.

[itheginger]

The Good Place season one: Haha, what if someone was sent to heaven by accident and had to pretend to be a good person!

The Good Place by the end: Morality cannot be measured in a vacuum. While people should be held accountable for their actions, people are a product of their environment and the results of our actions are often beyond our control. Bad people can improve when they loved and supported. Also, the reality of death is essential to the enjoyment of life.

[unclefather]

[kittydesade]

Spooky Shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay.

Me: Yes, I know how US taxes work, too.

[del3141]

Shopkeeper, increasingly exasperated: I’m trying to tell you that I’m evil and offering these wares with no regard for the harm they will do!

Me, also increasingly exasperated: I know what capitalism is too goddammit