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Update

Life has gotten pretty crazy with this being my senior year, upcoming changes, and graduation right around the corner.

This year has been quite the adventure - many ups and downs - things have taught me to let go and let things happen. I have some great new relationships and many that have dissipated. I have some lessons thrown at me and many I finally understand how they are going to help me in the future.

More updates are on my blog!

http://sgarrick1993.blogspot.com/

This... people need to teach their children this...

Sappy People Post :O

As I enter the last chapter of my college career,

I want to thank everyone who has made an influence in my life

Some have not been the best and others have changed me for the better –

To all of my close friends,

Thank you for being there for me and accepting my quirks,

Yet willing to listen to me vent or just for me to crack lame jokes and emulate my favorite vloggers

College was amazing in part to all of the great friends I have made the last four years,

Starting off with T & T who let me stay with them when I wanted to

Pursue a college degree and technically was homeless due to an unfortunate incident

Although I am not the easiest person to deal with; I am very appreciative of having the opportunity

Of being a college student

To C & C – well you guys have known me since I was a junior in high school,

You saw past the difficulties I had sitting still and focusing

But saw someone who was bright, creative, and of course random

And have been like a second family to me since then

To Dr. H., you were my first experience in the biology major

You weren’t afraid to talk about your research and were crazy passionate about mosquitoes,

You saw the potential in me, when I failed to see it

You gave me opportunities to research with you

You encouraged me to use my creativity in the field and on merit allowed for to have

Chances I would have never otherwise gotten – like public relations workstudy

And you have also been one to remind me to take care of myself

Whether it was getting rest, venting, or even reminding me to have my inhaler on my person

To Dr. C., you have been the one I could go to for advice

You were always willing to make time to hear me out

Even if it meant just letting me ramble on about different things

You have helped me some of my potential, even during the times I felt like my world was caving in,

And you have given advice, on life, school, career, so on

And were oh so patient when I decided to take a class that was difficult to juggle with everything else

In my life

To Dr. W., so… you were my first psychology professor I had in college

I came in as a wide-eyed freshman who definitely didn’t anticipate statistics in psychology

We had our ups and downs yet, we both saw past the difficult side

I have learned so much from you the last three years

And I hope to be half of the strong woman that you are one day

To A, - interestingly enough I never expected to be in your class but I needed it for

A gen ed – I came to you at my worst – freaking out, yet somehow you saw past that

You did notice my struggle to focus and saw one the worst periods of anxiety that I ever had

And could discern when I was upset – especially the day I just balled my eyes over a bad test

BUT you encouraged me when I needed it the most – you saw my talent –

And even got frustrated when I lost focus because you knew my potential – and are willing to

Encourage me and push me to do things

To CHA (EH department), and particularly, C.S –

Thanks for being an amazing first place to work – although I have had on-campus

Jobs – this was the first “real” in the field job –

I got the chance to learn more in-depth about what it means to be an environmental health specialist

And what it takes to monitor diseases like Zika

C.S – thank you for being an amazing role model –

It was nice to have someone outside of my church and small campus school to learn from

You taught me a bit about mosquitoes and are such as strong woman and thank you for putting up

With my banter and being willing to meet Dr. H and encourage me

And lastly, allowing for me to feel accepted – it is an amazing feeling!

And K – wow, where do I begin – you came in my life at probably the right time

I first got to know you at the local Christmas parade – I called you old and you shot something right back

Which was how I knew we would hit it off…

You saw me several times at my worst – and we both were frustrated at each other several times –

But what friends aren’t

But you were always willing to let me call you and give me advice

And you understood what it is like for me to be a college student – especially one finding her way in

The world – with cooking, jobs, and wisdom

myusshi-deactivated20250317

quotemadness

I believe people are in our lives for a reason. We’re here to learn from each other.

Gillian Anderson (via quotemadness)

To one of my professors

I may not get to tell you this or share this letter with you,

But I want you to share some things with you,

I have had you five times during my four years here at Catawba,

I remember I first had you when I was a freshman, very wild-eyed and clueless,

The first psychology class I had since my AP psychology course in high school,

At first, we did not seem to hit it off very well,

I didn’t want to be rude so I wrote on K’s paper rather than blurting out

And you saw it since we sat in the front – and you became very frustrated with me,

And I knew I was in the wrong at the time

But others started complaining about you to the head of the department –

At the time bothered me – especially since others were intimidated/hated you

I saw something that seemed to be bothering you, especially when your friend, one of the theatre professor’s

Son was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor –

I wanted to get to know you better – and try to say something positive to you or ridiculous

Depending on my mood and I am glad I took the time to get to know you.

I remember when I was deciding if I was switching psychology to a minor and adding biology as a major

and you told me to follow my gut – and do what I love

Although that didn’t seem like much at time – it stuck with me –

Especially during the next few years when I did what things to please others

Rather than looking out for myself.

I also noticed in beginning after our chats, we had things in common –

Like our interest in psychology stemmed from wanting to figure our family out

And you opened my world to NPR,

When all I knew at the time was CNN, but I wanted to further my knowledge of topics,

I will never forget the first link you sent to me was about an interview that was about

Someone who studied psychopathology and found out he, himself had the gene for psychopathy

I also confided in you about my issues with my health; stemming from food issues

And we had conversations about different aspects of our health

And how food impacted it and other topics associated with health –

It was amazing to me how much you knew and I got to experience that after I got out of data analysis

And took other courses with you

The other thing I really liked about you –

Is that I could confide in you about my mental illnesses and wanting to reach out for help

You knew about the ADHD, but once I got of my medications for both my ADHD and OCD/anxiety

And had other influences in my life, I suddenly fell apart mentally.

I remember meeting you just to catch up one time

And you told me that I seemed “manic” and talked about my autonomic system being aroused

I told you about wanting to see someone but wasn’t sure

Yet you talked about talking with your therapist – which to me

Honestly showed me that it is okay to reach out for help

And not to be ashamed of these issues, that I can make it

And with that I look up to you A LOT!

You are very strong person, even though you may not feel like it at times

You have gotten your masters and doctorates,

Have done your own research, taught what you are passionate about,

And have recently gotten the Title IX coordinator

You are passionate about fighting for what is right

And you stand strong!

And with this, I hope I can be half the woman you are in the future

That I can fight through my demons

And follow my passion

And help others do the same

#Sappy #but ya know #induction reflection for psi chi

To my family (adopted),

I realize graduation is on the horizon,

I am heading out to the real world soon,

And although you may think I am clueless and naïve,

I want to tell you a few things….

First off, I am making my own decisions – and you need to let me

I have fought the last few years of my undergraduate career to do the concentration

That would be best suited for me and have faced frustration and unnecessary anxiety,

All because I was told that I would make less money and work in an office

What you didn’t know was the two concentrations are similar,

One is more specialized in the field and the other is usually combined with a minor for specialization,

And the election,

You tried telling me who to vote for and to go to a rally I would have felt uncomfortable going to

And how I should vote for your choice of candidate,

Well for my first election… I choose someone else,

I am not going to vote someone in who will say rude and hateful things to others that are different

Not only race, gender, and even those who have disabilities and disorders

Imagine if you were in their shoes! Step out of your comfort zone and

get to know others outside your circle rather than stating your beliefs

Also, I hate to break it to you, despite what I registered as an 18 year-old, I am NOT republican

And won’t change because you expect me to

Second,

You don’t know me… You think you do, but I know you honestly don’t

I hear from others things that would have only came to them from you discussing my life,

And wow, the perceptions you have of me are off…

First off, I am not lazy –

Don’t even think that for a second that I am lazy –

That grates my last nerve like you wouldn’t be able to imagine

I will have completed my undergraduate career for 4.5 years,

I handled being kicked out of my mom’s house with only minor issues such as anxiety and OCD,

I will have completed a very difficult major – and yes it wasn’t easy and

Not necessarily one of my strong suits – I am very creative and people-oriented

I also have three minors – and one of which I am short two classes and an internship,

I have had a work-study job for two years

Because I wanted to have my own money

And not to have to rely on anyone else

And I have picked up tutoring positions and completed an internship successfully

I am a leader in our church and have written articles and had pictures published

Both on the school website and the newspaper

All without you holding my hand –

So please don’t take credit for my accomplishments

But actually, talk to me and make an effort to find out what is going on in my life

Rather than make assumptions

And don’t ever doubt for one second I don’t appreciate what you have done for me

You brought me out of a bad situation, but now is the time to let me go

Let me make my decisions and if I fall – so be it

Some updates on my blog!

http://sgarrick1993.blogspot.com/

Follow my public blog!! working on this for my portfolio

letting go

Letting Go –

I don’t honestly know how to communicate with you,

I wish we could get along but so many things are unsaid and misinterpreted –

You see someone who is needy and vulnerable and I see someone who doesn’t get me

I did not grow up with you and your family –

And making the switch was the hardest thing I had done as a young adult

After dealing with years of abuse, manipulation, and fear

It has been engrained in my brain to fear the unknown

And I just want someone who gets that and is willing to accept me all the same

I reached out to you, hoping you would be that maternal figure in my life

But time after time – I just shut down because I said something you took a different way

I have been deemed lazy, full of lies, ungrateful, and “weird”

Yet you know very little about me because it seems all we ever talked about

are the superficial things – like the day, what I did, etc.

I want deeper conversations; I want someone who wants to be a part of my world

And will try and imagine it from what I tell them

But here is what I want you to know,

I am finding my voice –

Trying to overcome the fears and anxiety that I deal with on a daily basis

I am trying to not let every little thing tear me down –

I am about to face this world alone and honestly

It is time to let me spread my wings

And go for it

Let me fall if you must

I have made it this far – so don’t doubt me

Demons

I wish you can see my struggle every day

Many times I deal with physical symptoms –

The nausea, muscle tension, and fatigue

And how easily I get sick and the length of time I am sick

You see that I am needing constant reassurance, concern for the future,

My obsessions, and how easily I jump when something or someone touches me,

I have heard I am unstable

That I am lazy, too sensitive,

And I am ungrateful -

I have tried to communicate these thoughts to others

And have had my trust broken

When I confided in someone I thought would understand

Many days I fear what others think of me…

If they knew I had been having anxiety attacks that have tired me out

and left me with bags under my eyes and running to the bathroom

I just want understanding and acceptance

I want people to know I am a perfectionist

And that I am scared to mess up

And all I want is for someone to love me and tell me that everything will be okay

#Writing #pain #frustration #sick of anxiety #and no one getting it

quoteconfessions

Find a heart that loves you at your worst, and arms that will hold you at your weakest.

(via poetsloveher)

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