Concern sobered him, had his brows narrowing in a silent plea for information, for somewhere to direct the myriad of emotions that flooded him at the state of his sister. Pressing the door closed behind her and effectively cutting off the chill that had blown in on her heels, he was crossing the space between them until he was standing before her, hands stretched halfway into the empty space between them as if to offer some sort of physical comfort. But he faltered, unsure, hands falling back to his sides.
And then she began speaking and the words alone were nearly enough to knock his feet out from under him. His lungs seized and cracked on an inhale, his glass heart, so fragile and chipped, whittled away until it no longer resembled the thing that kept him alive, rallied against its cage of bone. He was aware that this wasn’t about him, this wasn’t about his own heartbreak– the one that still haunted him so freely in the night. But he couldn’t help but draw those comparisons anyway. How many months had he been trying to do just that? Stop loving a ghost? Stop trying to grasp at smoke as if he could somehow cradle it in his palms?
He had no words for comfort here. In the midst of all his failure, perhaps this was his biggest. His inability to let go. Seeing his pain, her pain, written so plainly across her face, made him feel so infuriatingly helpless. He’d be a hypocrite to offer her any sort of advice. He was a fucking mess who hid behind whiskey and a wall of anger. He had no business in this delicate moment.
So, he did the only thing he could think to do. There was only a moment of hesitation as he closed the small distance and pulled her into his chest, arms wrapping around her back as he held her. A commiseration, a comfort, maybe. Two broken souls with nowhere left to go.
Tenderness had never been synonymous with the Blackwood name, but for a long moment, Nate just held her. And then he took a step back, looking down at her with intent. “Don’t worry about my shit. Ever. You, Anna– you are the best of us. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t see that. You hear me? It is going to hurt like hell, and honestly, I don’t know if it’s ever going to stop. And as far as I’m concerned, no one deserves you. But I fucking promise, you’re going to find someone who comes pretty damn close.”
They didn’t do this, not really. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her cry, and she definitely couldn’t name the last time she’d seen him cry. But he understood, he really did, and even if he hadn’t let her in on the details, she knew he’d been here. She could only hope that Billie wasn’t her Verity because if she- if she fucking turned into Nate, then she didn’t know what to do next. The world didn’t need two heartbroken Blackwoods.
If she could think about anything other that what was currently overwhelming her, she probably would have felt guilty for thinking that. There was something in his eyes, a dimmer, numbed version of what she was sure was echoed in hers.
As he wrapped her in her arms, she felt every last scrap of composure fall away. Not that she’d had much previous. Her mind couldn’t help but wander to their parents, thinking of how little softness they’d taught them. Nate was angry with the world, and everyone could judge him all they fucking wanted for it, but they hadn’t been raised by the people he had. You didn’t learn kindness from Raymond Blackwood, you learned insidiousness, and manipulation, and a lack of care for anything but yourself and your image. In this moment, with her brother being kind to her, a skill he had learnt entirely without help, she felt angry at everyone else in the world.
Though she’d come here specifically to talk about Billie, now that she had, she wanted desperately to change the subject. She wondered if he’d let her move on, now that she’d had her cry. “None of us are the best of us- I dunno. I’m not better than you, I just got out.” She pulled out of the hug, her eyebrows furrowed, trying to pretend she didn’t have stupid little mascara stains under her eyes, “Of course I worry about your shit, you fucking idiot. Are you okay?”
