Traveling to Scandinavia to follow around my favorite band seemed like a rather ridiculous dream when I first thought seriously about it. I'd been to Iceland for Airwaves in 2013 so I knew I would be fine in that environment by myself. But I wouldn't be alone, I'd be with loads of other Frengers the whole time. It was just a comment on a Facebook post that began it all. My manager at work and Tero both suggested that I save my money and actually do it for real. I responded jokingly at first but then I began to wonder if it could actually happen. Why not? So I began saving every bit of money I could, from what Peter paid me for rent. $5000 and one year later, and I was ready to leave on this dream vacation.
Before leaving I had this strong suspicion that Copenhagen was going to be the home I've always dreamt of but had never seen. And it was exactly that. I've never felt such a strong pull from any place before. I felt so comfortable there, and even though I didn't speak the language it barely bothered me. Everyone there was fluent in English so all I had to do was ask questions when I didn't understand something. I felt alive and dare I say happy there. I've never felt that anywhere before. Seattle is a great place but I've always felt like something fundamental was missing from my life here. I felt complete in Copenhagen. I felt like I have to do everything I can to ensure I can live there one day.
I did not sleep very much during the three weeks I was in Europe. Nerves, temperature, noise, unfamiliar settings, and general excitement made it so that I was almost always in a state of alertness and I basically rode through the entire time on adrenaline and coffee and cat naps. The only times I could actually sleep were when I'd had enough alcohol to just pass out. And with the weak-ass beer they have over there it took many a can to get me good and drunk.
It seemed like I was constantly traveling from one place to another. I spent the first and last weeks of the trip in Finland but that week in the middle I was everywhere. Helsinki > Stockholm > Gothenburg > Olso > Copenhagen > Helsinki > Rovaniemi > Helsinki. I was on a plane a total of 9 times. I lived out of a single, very heavy backpack. “Jesus Christ!” proclaimed the coat check guy at Pustervik in Gothenburg as he lifted the bag. “Jesus Christ!” I learned I could deal with stinky, gross clothes as long as I kept moving (and eventually found a washing machine.)
I'm a bit afraid to open the can of worms that was my experience in Helsinki. That has to be up there in the top 5 life events that carry the greatest emotional weight for me. Thus far I've compartmentalized it in such a way that I was able to carry on with the rest of the journey both around Northern Europe while I was still there, and now transitioning back to my life in Seattle. I'll do my best to do it justice here.
I spent the first five days staying with Tero at his apartment in Helsinki. We mostly drank beer and watched American movies I'd never seen. He quickly learned I am an extremely atypical American in that I have not kept up with pop culture here and my interests are rooted in cultures far removed from American life. It became a running joke that of course I have never seen such-and-such (insert any popular American movie or television show here.) So I got a chance to see many things I'd never given thought to before.
The night before the Helsinki show, we came home drunk and I had a meltdown. My anxiety over the prospect of meeting the band the next evening bubbled over and I ended up crying for hours. Tero was really worried about my behavior and kept saying I couldn't meet the band like this. But I must have gotten it all out of my system because after that I was much calmer. Well, for a few hours at least. I had re-stretched my painting earlier that day and put it safely in the drawstring bag so it was all set to go. We took it over to the bar where Tero runs karaoke and set it in the storeroom with a note saying not to touch it. Then we went to dinner. I hadn't been able to eat anything all day so I was extremely lightheaded (a state I remained in for almost all of the trip, actually...I felt like I could have passed out at any given moment.) It took me about 45 minutes to eat about ¼ of a plate of way-too-salty fried noodles. I was scared I would barf so I took my time. But Tero knew what was best for me; he took me back over to his bar and gave me beer. After two I was okay enough to think I could go through with everything. Then we went over to the venue.
The line had already formed outside and we went up to the front to hand out some of the MewX badges and stickers that Hyunji had made. People were absolutely delighted to receive them and they were gone in less than 20 seconds. When we got in, people started recognizing me almost immediately. It was totally surreal. “Ann?” I'd hear from every direction. Frengers I'd known online (and some who knew me but not vice-versa) saw the hair and called out to me. I met several of them in the bathroom in the many trips I needed to make before the show began! Several of them had traveled from other places to be at this show, which was a running theme throughout every show I saw, actually. The core group of us found a spot near the front at stage left and I lucked out to be behind a girl in a wheelchair so I could see very well. Finnish people are not tall so I probably could have seen from any perspective, actually!
The show was amazing. It was over 120 minutes long, and they played 21 songs. There was about 15 minutes of banter and anecdotes in English spread throughout the set, in between songs. They really seemed to be at home there. It was really exciting to hear some of the new songs that had never been played live before. “Waterslides” was my instant favorite, and remains so after many listens. I tried to record the show with an external microphone attached to my old iPhone but it got knocked out of my pocket so it failed. Oh well.
After it ended, Tero and I rushed back to the bar to get the painting. We stood near the backstage entrance for about 30 minutes while we waited for someone to come out and let us in. That was one of the most excruciating experiences I've ever had; I can't actually remember being that nervous about anything in my life. I stood there silently staring at the floor. I had friends all around me but I couldn't bear to talk. Then, suddenly, Nick Watts appeared in the doorway and asked if we wanted to come back. Oh shit, here we go!
Nick already knew Tero quite well and he did know me a bit from online interactions, so it actually didn't feel that unusual to talk to him like a friend from the start. He is goofy and geeky and very much like me so we got along instantly. Johan had just come out of the shower so he was walking around in underwear. “Put some pants on!” exclaimed Tero. Bo was off talking to people in the bar. Then Jonas appeared in front of me. I don't really have any words to describe how it felt to be near him. Surreal is probably the closest descriptor. I knew he'd been looking forward to meeting me so I couldn't tell you whether that knowledge helped or hindered things. I can't even remember how we first said hello. I know a hug was involved and I told him I was incredibly nervous. He told me not to be. But I was holding onto that painting and no one except Nick and Tero knew about it. He leaned against a lightswitch several times and accidentally turned the light off, much like my friends do at home, which made me laugh a lot. We waited for Bo to come back so we could present the painting to them but even after Johan had gotten fully dressed Bo was nowhere to be seen so we decided to do the big presentation without him.
Someone suggested going onto the stage to open the gift (possibly Silas?), which was strangely thrilling as it's just where they had been performing only an hour previous. Tero insisted on taking a video of the event, and I'm glad he did because I was so nervous and overwhelmed I knew I would miss a lot of what was happening. Johan was the one to do the honors of untying the drawstring bag, and he needed a little help as I'd tied it a little too well it seems. “Holy mackerel!” he exclaimed. “This is crazy! I thought we were crazy but this is even crazier!” He was totally delighted. Jonas and Silas were both smiling ear to ear. Somehow I was able to maintain my cool and talk to them all as if I weren't the most nervous person in the entire universe in that moment. Jonas asked me questions about how I created it. Then he thanked me and gave me a hug. They talked about taking it back to their “HQ”, Evil Office, and how good it would look on the wall. Silas asked if I'd signed it and suggested framing it. Johan started playing with the drawstring bag and Tero commented that he'd said earlier “If Mew are anything like cats, they are going to enjoy the bag more than its contents!” Johan said they need to put it somewhere safe and they began repacking it in the bag, but I asked if we could get a few photos of us with the painting first. I'm glad I did because in it you can see both the comical height difference between me and them, but also the looks on their faces. They look like proud papas. One of the guys said the painting would get its own bunk on the tour bus.
We went back into the backstage area and spent another hour or so hanging around and chatting. I gave Nick a KEXP shirt which delighted him so much more than I could ever have expected. He asked me how I could read his mind! I then gave Jonas the process book for the painting and a Hawaii license plate with the word MEW printed on it (which I'd previously found for very cheap on eBay.) I'd wrapped the gifts in custom-printed Mew wrapping paper and he was extremely careful when he opened them, as if he was averse to damaging the paper in any way. The license plate delighted him, but the process book was what he found most interesting. Both Jonas and Silas paged through it, asking me questions along the way. Even when Jonas was looking at my shitty sketches, the expression on his face was my biggest dream come true. I had made him smile in a way that lit up his entire face. I don't think it is possible for a human to smile any bigger than that.
Beer and other substances were ingested, and poor Jonas began looking extremely tired. Bo came back in and we chatted about various things including the new album. It was interesting to hear what they thought of it. Bo said he had a copy of it on his phone but no one had any headphones so we missed our opportunity to hear it that night. Oh well. Tero got very drunk and suggested going out somewhere else, but I was nearing the end of what I could handle myself so I said we should let them go sleep. Nick headed off to the bus and said “Lancaster, I like your style!” Many of the rest of the guys followed suit.
I went to the bathroom and when I emerged, Tero and Jonas were no longer in the room. I looked around for awhile before I gave up and went outside. Luckily for me, they were both standing at the entrance to the tour bus, Jonas all bundled up in his winter clothes, holding his suitcase. “There she is!” Tero said. Jonas was standing with open arms and I ran up to him and he wrapped me in another hug. I think I said something about how great it was to have finally met him and possibly a dream come true but I couldn't be sure. My mind was not in a sober state. But there were smiles all around. I had met my hero and he seemed to like me. Everything had gone almost exactly as I had dreamed it would. Stuff like that doesn't happen in real life, does it?
Naturally I didn't sleep well that night. To be honest, at 5AM I was still posting photos and videos from the night and my brain just kept replaying all of the perfection of that experience. I was so blissfully happy. This was like my dream verbatim. I just couldn't believe it. Actually I didn't sleep at all that night. I may have gotten a little bit of sleep in the late morning but it didn't last long because we had to catch a flight to Stockholm.
And thus begins the whirlwind tour of the rest of Scandinavia. In Stockholm Tero went to stay with his relatives and I stayed in an apartment with some other Frengers ladies that I'd gotten to know through Facebook. Decisions were difficult to come to a consensus on as there were so many of us but it ended up being a fun experience anyway. The Stockholm show at Debaser was pretty dull compared to the Helsinki one, but there is just no way in hell that anything could ever compare to that so I knew it was a totally unfair comparison. We all stood in the second row and chatted with the girls in front of us, many of whom were from other places in the world. In one group we had people from Russia, Hong Kong, Belgium, Finland, America, England, Spain, France, America, and yes even Sweden! One of the Frengers got a setlist and gave it to me after the show. I was over the moon! The girl from Hong Kong was there by herself and was pretty shy so the group of us helped her get a photo with Bo, which seemed to make her day. I spent the entire rest of the night and early morning consuming some bottle of 30% alcohol that the Belgian girl had brought along and by 5AM she was so drunk and tired that she had forgotten how to speak in English and was trying to convince me to move to Belgium. Or at least Europe. I so wanted to already by this point.
Again, only a few hours of sleep and I already had to be awake to meet Tero. Of course I got on the train going the wrong direction because I am navigationally impaired and can get myself lost anywhere. Luckily he found me near the train station and we were able to get on the train to Gothenburg. I was able to sleep for a few hours at least, even if it wasn't great sleep. We had no place to stay and had planned to walk around all night until the train station reopened in the morning but I was really not a fan of that idea, especially given how heavy my backpack was and how exhausted I was feeling. We met up with a Frenger from Mexico who was now living in Copenhagen, and we all got dinner at an Indian restaurant near the venue. There were several other Danish Frengers at the show so it was great to meet them for the first time too! The venue, Pustervik, was really cool. It had the vibe of Seattle venues like Neumos, and even had Sub Pop memorabilia all over the walls. That was totally surreal and unexpected! The coat check guy that I mentioned previously asked me about Seattle sports and he was very disappointed I knew nothing about them, but when I quizzed him about music he knew nothing about that either so I guess that makes us even. The show itself was much better than the previous evening despite some technical difficulties on stage with Johan's monitor. We hung around for awhile afterward chatting with the other Frengers and then Tero said he was tired enough that he wanted to find somewhere proper to stay the night. So we took off and luckily found a hostel that was open and had an available room. I was so grateful for a bed that night.
Back to the train station the next morning to get the train to Oslo. We had to change trains halfway through the trip, and when we entered Norway this was the only point in the trip that anyone ever asked me for ID of any kind. The guy looked at my passport briefly and asked if I was a tourist, then told me to have a nice day. The hostel we were staying at was so new it wasn't even on Google or Apple Maps yet so my phone had no idea where it was, and sent us to another location of the same chain. Luckily that place was right next to the venue and the staff were able to send us in the right direction. We met up with a Norwegian Frenger then all went out to dinner at a pub near the central station. I had a burger and beer that cost me $44 but it was totally worth it. I hadn't been eating much and I would have paid anything for that burger, I shit you not.
Vulkan Arena was a newer venue but the design sucked really bad. No coat check, and the bar was right at the entrance so you had to walk through the line of people buying beer to get to the stage. Bad idea. We snuck our way to the front at stage left again (this had become my spot, and Johan was even noticing me there at this point!) I was close enough to the backstage area that I got a breeze from the open door, but it was stiflingly hot in there. The guys seemed really tired and worn out, and Tero said he'd seen social media posts from some of them at 4AM when they'd still been out partying. It showed, for sure. Bo was sweating so profusely I thought he was going to pass out. Jonas' voice was not doing so well. They looked the way I felt. Once again I decided not to bother them by going backstage. Tero and I had all-access passes so we could have gone anywhere we wanted in the venue but it just didn't feel right so I let it be. Our Norwegian Frenger walked with us back to the hostel and we parted ways.
Next morning we were back on the train to the airport, then on the plane to Copenhagen. Our Mexican Frenger met us in downtown and took us back to the tech company where we'd be staying. Technically no one was supposed to sleep there as it's in a business district but this turned out to be the coolest place I stayed during the whole trip. They even had a 3D printer which I convinced them to get up and running again so I could see it in action! They printed our MewX logo and many of the Mew angels which they gave to Frengers as keychains!
I spent many nights sitting in the conference room, drinking shitty beer and listening to Mew on the stereo. This room was a perfect example of the Danish concept of hygge, or coziness. It is prevalent there, and one of the reasons I felt so at home there immediately. The city never sleeps either. There are people outside laughing, screaming, drinking, and having a good old time until the wee hours of the morning, regardless of whether it's a weekday or weekend. It doesn't matter. Ear plugs became my best friend, and I was actually able to sleep a little bit!
The afternoon of the show, some of the Frengers and I walked around to do a little sightseeing. We were headed towards the Little Mermaid statue when we heard someone call my name. I'd become accustomed to this happening at shows as my hair definitely makes me recognizable but I was not expecting to hear this randomly outside. We turn around, and it's the girl from Hong Kong. She was in Copenhagen as a tourist but had no ticket for the show. We told her she should go hang around the venue and see if anyone had a spare one because there was a good chance she could get one. Then later on, one of the guys came up with a spare ticket and we figured we should try to get it to this girl, but no one knew her name. Tero found her on Facebook and got her the ticket so she was able to go to the show!
We had a quick bite to eat at a vegetarian buffet then headed over to the venue, Pumpehuset. We were about 3 hours early but there were already a handful of Frengers there, many of whom we'd seen at previous shows. And they were well-prepared with blankets and external speakers to listen to music. So we all huddled together like penguins until the doors opened. (We took turns running to the nearby cinema to go to the bathroom.) It was a nice bonding experience.
Once we got in, we had to queue AGAIN. I'm not really sure why they made us queue a second time but it was pretty frustrating. I was in agony because I desperately had to go to the bathroom but there was none in sight and there was no way I was giving up my spot after all that waiting. So I just did my best not to think about it. When they raised the rope, everyone ran at top speed to the front. I somehow ended up between two of the Danish Frengers I'd been getting to know, smack in front of Jonas' setlist. I knew they were recording video of this show so it was pretty exciting to know all of my friends and I would be in the video! And I got to be that close to Jonas! I was a bit too close to the stage, as I ended up in a sort of dead spot where audio was concerned, and I couldn't hear very much of the show. But I know their music so well I could sing along anyhow!
The best part of the show was when I realized that Jonas had noticed I was right in front of him. Sometimes it's kind of hard to tell whether a performer really “sees” you or is just looking in your direction. But he totally saw me. He finished “The Zookeeper's Boy” by looking straight into my eyes. I think I died a thousand deaths in that moment. Then, after “Comforting Sounds” ended, he grabbed my hand first, before grabbing hands with the others around me. I knew he'd done that just for me, and I felt really special. Even though his grip was cold and clammy, it was one of the nicest feelings in the world.
Once again I had an all-access pass and could easily have gone backstage but I decided I really just wanted to go to the Frengers party at the office where I was staying. The girl from Hong Kong met up with me at the merch table and she thanked me for helping her get the ticket. She lamented the fact that she had no Danish money to buy a shirt and since I could very easily put myself in her position I lent her some money so she wouldn't have to leave empty-handed. Then we invited her to the party. We collected up as many of the Frengers as we could find and brought them all over. It was one of the most fun gatherings I've ever attended. I was in a room full of people I'd never met before a week prior, but they all seemed like they'd already been my friends for years. This is how Frengers are. Everyone is instantly friends. I got incredibly drunk and ended up being the last one awake. When everyone left I tried to go to bed but I broke down in tears because I was so happy there and I did not want to leave. I had to sit in the bathroom for a couple hours while I cried my eyes out. I texted my friend back home because I knew he was the only one who could understand. Finally I got enough of it out that I was able to get a little sleep.
The next morning I showered and went into the kitchen and said “I can't leave.” One of the girls said “Then don't.” I thought about it for a second and then we started looking at new flights. Paula, who lives in Helsinki, wasn't leaving for another three days and there was still room on her flight so I bought a new ticket for Sunday. I felt so much relief after that. It was expensive but I didn't care one bit. Tero headed back to Helsinki on his own and I stayed a few more days, and it was a great decision. I slept most of that day and was treated to a delicious home-cooked steak dinner. We did a few more touristy things and I got a chance to have another meal with some of the Frengers I'd met at the party the previous night. I also got to see Christiania, the independent hippy enclave at the edge of Copenhagen. Holy shit. My new dream was to live in a cabin on the lake inside Christiania where I could paint and work in a gallery in the village. I just need an “in” now.
I was much less sad to leave the second time. Paula let me stay with her at her big and beautiful house she was renting with her roommates. I finally got a bit of time to myself the next day while she was at work so I was able to begin to collect my thoughts, enough to write my reviews of the Sweden and Norway shows. We went out for a nice dinner when I'd finished and then got an early night. The next day I was heading to Rovaniemi with Tero to go visit Santa. Left to my own devices, naturally I walked in the wrong direction for the bus and missed it, but I caught the next one and amusingly Tero was on that one too.
All the while I was in Stockholm I could only get on the Edge network on my phone so it was practically useless. But in the Santa Claus Village in Rovaniemi, way up in the Arctic Circle, I could get 3G. Go figure. There was a little snow on the ground but it wasn't terribly cold so it was really pleasant being outside. We checked into the hotel then got some dinner at a Chinese restaurant. I ate reindeer hot pot! I thought it was fine, it was kind of like gristly beef, but Tero tried a piece and he spit it out. Haha. We ended up going out and getting stupidly drunk after we'd both had a turn in the sauna. It seemed right.
The next day we gorged ourselves on the hotel breakfast and then hit up Santa Claus Village. I was fully expecting the experience to be really stupid and cheesy but it ended up being one of the most delightful things I've ever done. We were there in the off-season so there weren't many people around. We had a sleigh ride behind a reindeer led by a native (Sami) person. I got a t-shirt from “Santa's World Tour” which listed every nation with Dec 24/25 as the tour dates for each. It was stupidly cheesy but very appropriate for my whole experience on this vacation. Then we went into the building to meet Santa. There were no photos allowed inside, which in a way is kind of a shame but of course that's how they make their money so it's understandable. The guy who played Santa was so totally convincing that both Tero and I ended up with tears of joy in our eyes. He looked me directly in the eyes with such softness and warmth that it was perfectly believable that he actually was Santa, even though his totally fake beard told another story. He was GOOD. I felt hypnotized by the whole thing, like a child again. I always feel like a kid, but in this situation it felt totally okay to be over 30 years old and feel this way. We of course bought the photo/video package that gave us full copyright. Tero and I look fantastic in the photos, absolutely glowing. We giggled like three-year-olds as we exited the shop.
When we got to the airport and the excitement began to die down, my hangover reared its head and I started crashing. Oh boy did I feel like shit. When we got back to Tero's place he ran over to the takeaway place nearby and got me a curry. I only managed to eat half of it before I had to stop and go to bed.
The next day we went to the Moomin Shop where I bought some coffee and we got a present for Hyunji. We met up with Paula and the three of us had dinner at an American-styled restaurant called Memphis. It was delicious but I was starting to feel sadness creeping in, knowing that I'd have to leave the next day. When Paula gave me a hug to say goodbye, I was crying. I didn't want to go. Tero had to work that night so he showed me where to catch the bus back to his place, and we parted ways. Despite my horrible sense of direction I managed to get back without incident and I spent the evening procrasti-packing. One of the Frengers had gotten ahold of a bootleg of the Copenhagen Mew show so I listened to that while I had a couple beers. I went to bed at a reasonable time and didn't even hear Tero come in.
The next morning Tero gave me two of the posters that Hyunji had sent him from Mew's visit to Korea. I was overjoyed to have them! I convinced him to come with me to the airport to say a proper goodbye. There was a whole Icelandic women's soccer team ahead of us at check in so it took awhile to get through the line. By that time his bus pass was about to expire so I walked with him to the bus stop. “I didn't think I would get emotional,” he said through tears. I hugged him and told him to take care and have a drink for me. He had “The Zookeeper's Vodka” (some 100-proof vodka I'd bought for him at the duty-free shop in Copenhagen Airport) while I flew over to Keflavik, and then back home to Seattle.
I still can't tell exactly how I feel about everything. I'm sure I'll sort through it in time. But at least for now I have an account of most of the important things that happened on the trip. I did feel my heart break a little bit when Tero told me that Jonas had asked for me backstage in Copenhagen when I was already having fun at the Frengers party. But our first meeting was so perfect I didn't want to risk muddying the memory with anything else. I'm sure we'll meet again someday.
