3rd time in Siargaoā¦ bakit nga ba ako bumabalik?
Hindi ko rin alam ang tamang sagot noon. Not until one night, bigla kitang natagpuan. Doon ko naisip na baka kaya pala ako paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa Siargaoā¦ kasi may ikaw na kailangan kong makilala.
Just like how most people meet in Siargao, nagtagpo tayo sa isang bar. Maybe it was stupid to think that something serious could come out of that night, but for a short time, it felt so real.
Since the night we separated, we kept talking. For weeks, it was full of care and love, and I honestly fell for it so hard without even thinking that we were miles apart.
You never failed to send a good morning message the moment na nagising ka and mag aasikaso ka for work. I appreciated how, even during your break time kahit 5 or 10 minutes lang you would spend it talking to me. Because of that, mas lalo kong naramdaman na baka nga talagang mahal mo ako. It felt like you were willing to give whatever time you had.
I also appreciated how you always asked me first if kumain na ba ako kasi alam mong irregular sched ko sa pagkain, kahit na alam kong mas nakakagutom at nakakapagod yung work mo. And yung pagremind mo every time na need ko inumin yung gamot ko na para bang nagkaron talaga ako ng personal doctor. Those little things meant so much to me.
Sa loob ng dalawang linggo, naramdaman ko kung paano mahalin at magmahal. It sounds funny, right? How can you really love someone in just two weeks? But maybe love isnāt measured by time. Maybe itās measured by how deeply you feel.
There were random moments when youād suddenly say, āmahal na talaga kita.ā And when I finally felt it too, I said it back.
There were even days when I thought of flying back to Siargao just because I missed you. Some might ask, ābakit hindi siya ang pumunta saāyo sa Manila?ā That was possible but the reality is, it wouldāve taken him longer. So I was the one willing to go.
And then there was that one nightā¦ when you suddenly disappeared.
Everything felt normal while we were exchanging messages, and then suddenly nothing. It felt like ghosting. I was so lost that I even posted a crying video on IG. Thatās when you finally replied:
āSorry, sana mapatawad mo ako. Malayo tayo, at sobrang layo ng agwat natin sa buhay.ā
Those words hit me hard. As if it was my fault that I worked hard to get where I am now.
You never hurt me physically. You never even said cruel words. But what hurt the most was realizing that you werenāt willing to take the risk to make the relationship work.
There were so many āmahal kitaā and āhihintayin kita,ā and I held on to every single one of them.
Maybe some people will say na masyadong maikli para maging totoo. Two weeks lang naman, diba? Pero para saākin, those two weeks were enough to create memories na alam kong matagal kong dadalhin.
You made me feel a kind of love that felt genuine in that moment. And even if it didnāt last the way I hoped it would, hindi ko pagsisisihan na naramdaman ko yun.
Maybe we were only meant to meet in that little corner of Siargao to share something beautiful for a short time, and then continue our lives in different directions.
Thank you for the memories, for the care, at sa pagpaniwala saākin kahit saglit lang that love can come when you least expect it.
This is me finally letting go.
You will always be one of my core memories, Jayson. ā£ļø
