A Wreck & A Tangle

wanderings and wonderings

[annieherzig]

I am a complete wreck and a tangle. My mom would use this phrase with me and my sisters growing up. If we were sick she’d say, “You are just a wreck and a tangle!” I’ve never heard it anywhere else. I wonder if she made it up herself... I titled this blog as such, as somewhat of a tribute to my mother when I was about to embark on a trip overseas, seeking out adventure and challenges on my own. While I was excited and driven to go on that trip, I was also terrified. I was a complete wreck (and a tangle) the day I left—mascara all over my face. But I survived. And not only that, I had an incredible time! But, we all know, life is scary. Challenges and change are scary. They put me into a tale spin half the time.

Well I’ve been in such a tale spin lately.

In November, two days after Voldemort won the election, the boy I loved broke my heart and told me we could no longer go on as one. I was in shock. I was devastated. I felt lost and alone. I lost the person I loved, but not only that, I also lost a way of life, a routine, expectations for the future, dreams of the future, upcoming plans, and a cherished vision I had for my life. A complete 180˚ turn fell on me unexpectedly. I was a mess.

To be honest, I’ve still been somewhat of a mess, at least once every week or so—usually on Sundays. Sundays are the worst day of the week. Did you know? They’re days set aside for goodbyes, for endings, for resting and resetting, and for grieving. Yes, I grieve heavily every Sunday. Both for the loss of my mother, and now for the loss of the things I mentioned before. Many months ago, I read a quote by Pablo Neruda that said, “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us.” It struck a chord with me. I read it, believing that that generosity was for the person I was trying to forget. Thinking of that whole, “If you love someone, set them free” thing (by Richard Bach), as if letting them go was a gift to them. I tried to relate to it, through a circumstance in which I’d lost a friend, trying to let that person be free. However, after my heart was broken this season, I found the true meaning of Neruda’s words. To forget he who cannot love me, I am being generous and loving to myself. It is a gift to ME to let him go. He did not appreciate me and was unable to love me, therefore, in kindness to myself, I must forget him, for he did not deserve me, and I shall find new love and adventure without him. And forward I travel, not looking back...

Except every Sunday... Ugh, but I’m trying to avoid this, and getting better and better at it. I’m only human, give me a break.

But—new things await... just you wait.

[annieherzig]

I absolutely LOVE the sound of cowbells off in the hills. I’m pretty sure this is what Julie Andrews was singing about. 

[annieherzig]

Today I wrangled a bobcat. I’ll tell ya, these things are too loud and too fun! I’m happy to report that I didn’t plow into the castle, or take out any of my comrades. There was, however, a moment where I thought I was going to tip backwards and dump all the gravel on my face! Made it out safely...whew!

[annieherzig]

I lived through a small nightmare this afternoon.

Those of you who know me well, know the adrenaline rush of loathing I have when I encounter a spider indoors. Well there’s thousands in this place. Millions probably! So it may surprise you to know that I’ve been rather tolerant of them thus far. Even this giant one in the picture. I simply stared at it for a minute or so, and nudged it. It was very calm and slow...

This evening I took a shower. Glancing up in the corners of the high ceiling as I was getting ready. You see, there’s a massive spider that’s been hanging out up there with its web for the past few weeks. It was harmless, just hanging out up there in the corner, taking naps, eating flies, watching movies maybe... Well today it decided to emerge and attack me! There I was, was blowing my hair dry, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the beast! It came out of nowhere and was sprinting down my arm!

Those of you who know me well, also know that I am not a screamer. I can’t scream really. My vocal chords just don’t go there. Well I screamed... and I knocked it off of me and blowdried it under the shower. All of my hard work these past weeks of building up a spider tolerance have gone down the drain (or under the shower rather).

Freaking huge spider. What a jerk.

[annieherzig]

As you can imagine, life has been busy here at the chateau this week. We’ve done some big jobs, and taken some time to play as well. I’ll tell you about the playing on the next post...

Here’s just a quick share of some of the work(away) we’ve done this week. We are now a group of six! Our host plus five workawayers. It’s fun to see bigger projects tackled with that many hands at hand.

Our biggest project was repairing a wall on the 4th level of the chateau. I believe a wooden beam rotted at some point, and then the stone around it crumbled away. There was a huge gap in the wall right where it met up with the floor. So we hauled over 60 buckets of mixed cement up four tall floors (via an electric hoist, thank god), and poured them in, altogether taking about six hours. It was tough, yet fun, and exciting to see it all come together. Teamwork makes the dream work.

We’ve also been preparing the ground level to update a bit. Three of us had the lovely job of clearing out cobwebs from the windows so we could wash and paint them. I didn’t get an ounce of dirt or cobweb on me, thanks to my trusty pole wrapped in paper, but I sure felt dirty afterwards. Let me just tell you, there are thousands upon thousands of spider webs in this place. Probably millions of spiders. It’s... ugh... a dream come true... NOT.

This week we will shovel tons of gravel into the ground floor to fill some trenches dug out by the last owner. He ripped up all the floors to put in pipes for a heating system that he never saw through to completion. So, gravel here we come. My back will be so fit by the time I leave here!

Enjoy the last few hours of weekend, friends!

[annieherzig]

Today I awoke to misty rain outside my tower window. It brought up memories and conversation of my rainy days in Yorkshire. I was describing to my fellows here, this particular day walking the pups in the woods. So much wetness... And when I tried to round them up into their kennels they absolutely pummeled me, leaving me covered in mud, head to foot. Now I’m glad to have a castle to hang about in, with roaring fires, on a rainy day.

[annieherzig]

In Scotland, my Aussie mates and I went to a few different castles, but we never got to GO IN. Mostly because we didn’t want to pay. But now, friends, I am LIVING in a castle for the next few weeks. My room is on the 2nd floor of one of the round towers. It’s the back tower that you barely see peeking over the rest, in the first photo above. I felt like a princess last night as I was falling asleep. Not only because I was in a castle, but also because of the dragon outside my room, the mice and birds singing me to sleep, and the prince hollering outside my window.

So, this is my third Workaway stay. It’s called Chateau de Saint Dau in Figeac, France. The castle is over 1,000 years old, with at least one part dating back to over 2,000 years! Roman ruins. It’s insane to think of the amount of history that has happened in a building like this! Blows my mind... Yeah, my brain just broke.

I am hosted here by a wonderful Australian gent who co-owns the place and has been renovating it for several years (a huge task!), and he takes in workawayers to help with the challenge. There are two others here so far, a lovely couple from Boston, Harvey and Kathy Lee. All three have been excellent company in the short 24 hours that I’ve known them. I’m psyched to spend time here, working, laughing, eating, and living life with them. Two others join us this weekend. They better be cool, or they had better leave... Hehe.

More to come from Chateau de Saint Dau soon... Santé friends.

[annieherzig]

Cheese.

I’d venture to say it’s possibly the greatest food on earth. Do you not agree? I know, there are some of you weirdos out there that don’t like it—sorry, you know who you are, and you’re weird. It’s okay, don’t be offended, I’m weird too, in other ways. But on this matter, I know this to be truth: cheese is the best.

I am in the right place to have this mindset—although there’s the occasional Swiss cheese-hater as well. Did I mention that I am in Switzerland? One of the greatest places on earth? With some of the greatest cheeses on earth? I’ve eaten three dinners here now that are centered around cheese. It’s just tradition.

My grandfather, my dad’s dad, hailed from a small village in the French part of Switzerland so I would hear stories of this country growing up, and we had various traditions centered around this part of our heritage. Every Christmas Eve we would all gather round a steaming pot filled with garlic, wine, kirsch, and Gruyere cheese, long, two-pronged skewers in hand, our hearts warm and our eyes gleaming with hints of greedy hunger. Fondue happened every year at Christmas, and while it seemed to be much too infrequent to eat it, it made it all the more special.

Little known fact: in Switzerland they eat fondue every other night… and on the nights in between, they eat Raclette!

Now I’m lying… It’s also a special thing here (though more frequent than only Christmas Eve), but lucky for me it seems to be an opportune occasion for entertaining guests!

So up above you can scroll through some pics of my cheese-filled meals this week. First: Fondue—made with champagne and onions instead of white wine and garlic which my friend was out of. Turns out champagne and onion fondue (with Gruyere of course) is freaking delicious. Second: Raclette—more stinky melted cheese, topping boiled potatoes with pickle, baby unicorn horns, peppers, and salad. Third: Italian-made pizza—a classic. Enough said.

This is the life. They really know how to eat here. Now, don’t you worry, I’ve been eating plenty of fruits and vegetables too, to balance this out. Sometimes I’ll pop a prune in my mouth for a quick snack. Gotta keep things moving, you know.

Santé!

PS. Some bonus pics of me in the village of Gruyere (yes, where the infamous cheese is made) and some Scotch whiskey for dessert paired with Swiss chocolate.

[annieherzig]

My mom... I love her so. Every day that passes, taking me further and further from our time together, also brings me closer and closer to our reunion to come.

See below for thoughts on her today...

[annieherzig]

Friends... It is the anniversary of my mom’s passing from this life into what lays beyond. She graduated 4 years ago today. She’s been in my thoughts and heart every day since, and she gives me strength.

This little journey I’ve been on has been greatly inspired by her. She loved seeing and learning new things, and tasting new foods. She also once told me that she admired in me an ability to create fun and adventure around me. All I can say is that I try to do this...not always successfully, and not always (in general). I’m quite the homebody, really. I love being home, surrounded by loved ones, and enjoying routines and tried and true life pleasures. However, I do ache for bigger adventures quite often.

I’ve always been a bit intimidated by the thought of traveling alone, and looked up to those that did it. Now, since my mom has moved on, it’s given me some perspective on life and its frailty and speed. I’ve tried to take advantage of my time and fully embrace the moments given me. This trip is about that. Living boldly, seeking out experiences, seeking out significant people, taking deep breaths in those full moments and pausing to savor them.

So yesterday I left Scotland and on the train ride to Edinburgh, I listened to 3 songs over and over... The first being the theme song from Outlander. My mom loved the books, and a big part of my going there had to do with that. She’d have loved it. Second was Touch The Sky, by Julie Fowlis, from  the movie Brave. Third was Learn Me Right, by Birdy and Mumford & Sons, from the movie Brave. These latter two bring tears of joy and sadness to my eyes. Not only is that movie about a girl’s relationship with her mom, but it takes place in the highlands of Scotland, and these two songs I consider as theme songs to my trip, and my heart.

Here’s to my momma... My one companion on this journey, and the heart of my heart.

[annieherzig]

Another day, another dollar... Just kidding, that is NOT the case here!

I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet what exactly I’m doing on this trip. I discovered a program online called Workaway. Guys, it’s fantastic. It’s basically a work exchange where travelers like myself are able to stay with hosts around the world for free (food is often included) in exchange for 4-5 hours of work per day. Oh and weekends are off so you can explore the surrounding areas. The hosts benefit, getting help for a super low cost, and the workers benefit as well! Free accommodation, making it the cheapest way to travel and live abroad, and you often learn a great deal, pick up new skills, make friends around the world, and get to dig into the culture more than you could if you were staying in hotel after hotel.

When I heard about it I knew I must give it a go. Obviously you must pick and choose carefully... And I truly chose well with this one. It’s a bit of a jackpot, really! Now I’m settled into Scotland, working and staying at a wonderful place called Inchyra.

My work here has covered many areas... Tasks have included pulling up ragwort plants and burning them in a bonfire, collecting apples from the orchard in the walled garden, trimming lavender, sanding & painting big barn doors, raking, preserving veggies from the garden, feeding chickens, and moving chairs, benches, and tables back & forth, and back & forth—setting up and tearing down weddings and concerts. You see, this place is a highly sought after wedding venue, and being music fans, they also host regular concerts in the Byre (a big renovated kennel/barn building). I’ve also been tasked with pulling pints at the concerts.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every single job I’ve had here so far... Being a designer & illustrator my work involves sitting at a desk for hours on end. So you can imagine, this experience so far has been incredibly refreshing—to use my hands, get dirty, wake up with a sore back, and go back out each day to do new things. There’s something deeply rewarding about physical work.

I must find a way to incorporate this more into my daily life back home!

[annieherzig]

Just kidding on that last post. That lad was simply a nice handsome usher at the wedding yesterday. He was kind enough to chat with us for awhile, share a taste of the whiskey in his flask from Northern Scotland, and to indulge my geeky photo needs.

Ah, Scotland... When I planned this trip, I intended to spend most of it in France, but as I was finding places to stay I tried to be flexible and open to wherever the spirit led me. So first England presented itself, and I said, “Yes, great!” Then one day, I had the idea to go to Scotland since it was so close. At one point I scrapped the idea, but it kept surfacing in my heart. So I pulled back on one stay in France and committed myself to Scotland! I found the greatest place too! It’s a dreamy countryside estate called Inchyra. Near Perth, the gateway to the highlands.

So here I am, nestled in a cozy apartment in the big house, shared with two new friends from opposite ends of Australia. We’ve had the weekend off to settle in and explore a bit. Tomorrow we dive in to work on the estate with Tim (who looks and sounds like Michael Sheen), the estate manager. We’ll be doing all sorts of tasks from setting up and tearing down events to gardening and landscaping—and who knows what else. I’m looking forward to diving in!

[annieherzig]

Welp... In a pleasantly unexpected turn of events, my travels end here. If you need to reach me, shoot me an email. Otherwise, I’ll be home for Christmases. Love to all!

[annieherzig]

The time has come to leave this beautiful land called Yorkshire. This morning I packed up my bag, went down to the end of the drive and hopped on a bus for York. I had a couple of hours to kill before I board a train to Scotland, so I sat in this most precious coffee shop called The Perky Peacock, right next to the river. I feel like I’m sitting in the top of a castle tower, waiting for a prince or something... Well whoever-he-is never showed, so I’m heading on without him!

Now I venture north to Scotland, the land of kilts, porridge, heather, and gingers. I’m quite looking forward to it! As well as a scenic train ride across this big island...and you can be assured I’ll be reading Outlander on my way.

[annieherzig]

So I’ve been feeding these tiny puppies for the past week, and when I say feeding, I mean force feeding. It’s been time for them to start eating real food and giving up the teat! Up until today I thought there was no hope, they were addicted for life—the poor mother dog, I thought.

Jack here at Carr House Farm raises these gun dogs. He’s had me feeding them Wheatabix cereal with powdered milk and water. They’ve absolutely hated it, and because I had to pry open their tiny mouths and stick the cereal in there (with them yelping and crying the whole time), I hated it too. I felt like a puppy torturer! It’s not a good feeling.

Today their mixing bowl was setting out on the counter, waiting for me to feed them and for the first time it had some regular dry dog food in there as well. “Gross,” I thought. “Now I have to cram that stuff in their mouths as well.”

 Well, low and behold, they LOOOOOOOVED the stuff. I didn’t even have to get my hands dirty this time. Each and every dog tucked right into it like they found the latest and greatest drug. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Dogs like dog food. People like cereal. So, I thought I’d share with you this great success, as well as their hungry little eating sounds. It’s pretty dang cute.

[annieherzig]

Guys. Hogwarts is real.

Ampleforth College (and Abbey) is just down the road from here. I’m told that Jo Rowling came to visit and modeled Hogwarts after the place. While the older kids (13-18) go to the college, the younger ones are at Gilling Castle, nearby. Unfortunately they won’t let visitors wander about there with young kids in term, but if you can get in you can see the infamous Great Hall, from the books. Happily, the college IS always open to the public! 

So after feeding dogs, Anna told me to take the day for myself, so I hitched a ride down the road. As I was walking up, students started filling up the rugby (quidditch) pitch, all sporting their house colors. They proceeded shout out house cheers, kicked off by a blow on a conch shell or trumpet call. I figured they were going to have a rugby (quidditch) match, but I was surprised to find instead that they were doing an annual Tug-Of-War competition between houses. Boys vs. boys and girls vs. girls. It was a treat to watch, especially standing beside one of the boys’ grandmothers who came from a nearby town to watch the spectacle and cheer him on. She filled me in on the various names of the houses and their family’s history going to the school. 4 generations!

It was hard to tear myself away from the games, but I was getting hungry and went into the tea shop for a pot of Yorkshire tea and a scone with clotted cream & Abbey-made brandy pear jam. Twas perfection.

I grabbed a bottle of Abbey-made cider in the gift shop, of which I will partake in my room this evening—probably while I watch or read some Harry Potter, because, well... isn’t it obvious after the day I had?

AND GUYS! I met Hagrid last night. He’s real too. When JKR came here way back when, she noticed the grounds keeper wandering about, a big, big guy, with long shaggy hair (used to be bigger with longer hair than what you see in the photo), who rode a motorcycle. He always had a trail of kids behind him, being a favorite of the students. So Anna stopped by the pub on our way out last night to see if he was there and she pulled him outside for a photo with me. A very kind fellow, and a great sport for indulging my geeky self. 

Hagrid is real. Isn’t it wonderful?

[annieherzig]

Today I woke to pouring rain. I always love days like that, no matter where I am. However, here that means I’ll be mucking through the woods with four wet, hyper pups (big ones!), and they do love to jump on me. So I ventured out to feed the tiny puppies first. Putting food in their little sleepy mouths, and covering my self in doggie cereal. Then I took the big ones for their stroll in the woods, further soiling my trousers until they were absolutely covered in mud. Much to my delight, after breakfast Anna told me she didn’t need help with anything today after that! So I threw my clothes in the washer, got back into cozies and climbed into bed to draw, watch Harry Potter, and drink tea. A nice change of pace today.

I’m also starting to see Harry Potter and the settings much differently. AND today I realized that Downton Abbey is actually set IN Yorkshire, which starts next Sunday! Hopefully I can catch it on the tele in Scotland!