So guys, in the last week I have been hit with something that I think I need to deal with that affects a bit of my activities on this site. (It's not serious, it's ok) I have always updated whenever I wanted to, but this issue is affecting how I write for Paul Dano.
It's may be silly for some to react like this, but I have high regard for the people who interact with me in real life, so I feel I'll need to practice some kind of restraint from now, just until my feelings fade out.
I have met someone and become so infatuated with him so suddenly, it's taken me by complete surprise. He's a spitting image of Paul Dano (our current dano with belly and all 😫), and he also speaks so eloquently and has eyes that stare into your soul intensely, he also dresses like Edward nashton (neat and practical).
I had not realized he was in a relationship till after a few days of knowing him. (I was too shy to ask. He was never a flirt, so he did nothing to make me think he was pretending to be single) He's only ever spoken to the team and i about work related things. (But I still totally fell for him)
But i'm so flushed whenever I think about him. And im thinking about him quite often. It really needs to stop since I intend to become friends with him and his partner eventually.
So now the problem is my comfort character I go to when im stressed reminds me of him too much, so the stress just adds up and gets bigger 😫🥲
I really just gotta get myself together. Put my mind into other things for now. This will pass in a few weeks, im absolutely sure 💔 it will all be fine
The art of paper folding - Brian Wilcox x fem!reader
Word count/ 4015
Preview/ But You, for whatever reason that led to it, you were assigned the seat on the other side of him. You are always anxious with stress. You think that maybe this guy who has a reputation for being a smartass will bring too much attention to your side of the classroom. You're a little glad Sally would probably take most of his attention, though. Those types of pretty girls probably have it bad sometimes dealing with boys like brian, you think.
Author note/ its finally completed! Its the most high school romantic idiocy I can put in a oneshot. This is lightly based on my own high school experience. The guy who I thought liked me back really did make me an origami heart. Soon after, he said something super mean to me, and my little 15 yr old heart never forgave him.
Warnings/ super fluffy, and not well edited
Brian is the type of guy in school who always talks shit. It's like he can't help it. Things fall out of his mouth unguarded. He is 17, but he still gets worked up over things like he is still in elementary school. In his new math class in the new year of school, he purposely sits next to the popular girl Sally because he thought it would be fun, but she doesn't tolerate his shit one bit.
But You, for whatever reason that led to it, you were assigned the seat on the other side of him. You are always anxious with stress. You think that maybe this guy who has a reputation for being a smartass will bring too much attention to your side of the classroom. You're a little glad Sally would probably take most of his attention, though. Those types of pretty girls probably have it bad sometimes dealing with boys like brian, you think.
Brian is a guy you've only heard about through another friend because he's "someone's annoying brother that dyes his own hair black cos he thinks it's edgy. He also doesn't wash it often to keep the cheap box colour for longer. Hence, the sticky looking locks. He confidently sticks to wearing black and oversized clothes that hide his 30-pound body." Says the people who talk about him.
So the best course of action is to keep your head down, and don't get involved with either of Brian or Sally.
But then, as the year goes by, whenever Brian is bored at being ignored by Sally, he will turn his greasy head to you and give you a little poke. The first few times sent your nerves up, you were so scared of what he would say to you. Will he say something mean? Point out your pimples? Say your teeth look crooked? That you have a mustache you should shave it? Horrible horrible little scenarios in your mind. But Brian, for the last few months, only asks you funny dumb questions just to avoid actually learning in class. It makes your heart laugh a little in relief.
Brian is sarcastic and complains a lot. He has too many theories and tells stories exclusively comprised of sound effects and explosions made with his mouth. He smells like deep fry oil that you grow to like so much because it reminds you of hashbrowns in the morning. It's gotten pathetic how many things you notice about him. You even love that buck tooth of his making its way out of his little mouth.
Some days, he enjoys telling you how corporations pay commercials to trick people into thinking that you're the bad guy. You listen to him so intently, and the more you do, the things about him begin to make more sense to you.
Brian is not a bad person. Not like what people say. Really, really not. He is actually kind of great.
He's just a little distracted at school, that's all.
You share with him your own little jokes under your breath during class now. And by some miracle, he finds you funny. A fierce blush would bloom up you collar at his laughter.
You hope that it makes him feel special. No one else has really thought of you to be very funny. You've told him some weird things, like: "Last night I had a dream about Dwayne Johnson as a centaur," and he would get detention from laughing too hard.
At times he would still try to get Sallys attention, but most days he spends his time leaving silly doodles at the edge of your notebooks.
🩵🩵🩵🩵
Today, Brian has been folding paper in class again. He watched a YouTube video on how to make an origami heart last week. For whatever reason, he's been so invested in getting it perfect.
He was trying to show off his progress, so he made one in your class. Looking over at Sally's desk, he watched her pack her notebook away, getting ready to leave. Brian then redirects his attention to you. You were still finishing writing your notes down, then packing away your pens.
In a second, he decides to slip the heart shaped paper, between the pages of your notebook without much thought of why. The class then packs up and files out to go home.
💘💘💘💘
You can't believe it, it just can't be.
Brian's heart origami was in your notebook. You had just got home and pulled out your notes, currently staring at the red piece of folded paper. Did he slip it inside? Maybe it was just an accident. It might have fallen. Fallen perfectly, between the pages. That must be it. It didn't mean anything.
You rub your face in confusion. Your heart is not neutral about this at all. Even if it was an innocent mistake. Your heart thumps in the possibility. That maybe. Brian Wilcox gave you this heart on purpose.
But, no. He doesn't see you like that. You're just his friend.
The heart origami sits so innocently on your book, and you picture him making it step by step. His eyes looking up at you, after another doodle he's finished on your book. The way he's smiles, holding back his laughter with shining eyes.
You don't know, but maybe, maybe. Brian could like you…more than as a friend.
The thought echoes around in your quiet bedroom.
🥤🥤🥤🥤
Later when a group project comes up, Brian without hesitation jumps to join a group of boys in the class and leaves you with Sally.
Sally is popular, and very beautiful, but it was the first time you really tried to talk to her. It turns out she's incredibly insightful and a good listener. Its nice for someone to give you their attention like that. Which is funny in a way, it makes you feel kinda special, because Sally doesn't even give Brian the time of day. So in your curiosity, you ask her about that.
"I just hate getting the attention of a class clown, when what I really need is to focus in class" she rolls her eyes as she says it. She takes a glance at Brian's group. "..but I notice that Brian and you have become quite the pair, I think it's pretty cool, Brian is so behaved when he's with you".
Blood rushes to your face. "Oh haha, no, no, were not that close..."
But at that moment, the group of boys with Brian began to get loud and rowdy. They've been loudly debating about the best kind of place to take a date out. They've begun to joke and laugh at how Brian works at Mickeys, mocking him how hilarious it could be for a first date. You saw that he was laughing along with them, but you could see it was irritating him.
"Ohhh noooo! A girl would NEVER ask for another date. Can you imagine making her order at the counter? How embarrassing"
"And then brian asks for the kids' meal?!" laughter from the boys.
"Noooo! Brian would use his employee discounts on the combos! That's just so sad!" More laughter. And it just irked you until you spoke up.
"We'll I think it could be fun for a date?" You say interrupting the loud conversation. It was a numbing silence for a fraction of a second before Brian spoke.
"Well, it's because your standards are low since you can't even seem to find a boyfriend." Came a quick response from Brian's mouth. The boys gasped and blew up with sudden laughter.
Regrets flash across Brian's face instantly when he sees you speechless, with hurt written on your brow, but you're fighting against it. Sally puts her hand on your arm, worried about you. The boys don't seem to notice anything wrong. But Brian notices.
He didn't realize what he said. He was just so annoyed and wanted someone else to be teased instead of him.
You feel hot, and your skin is prickly. That was really mean. It hurt. You weren't so sure why. Because what he said was true. But it hurt because it came from him.
Your thoughts flashed back to the origami heart that you've been keeping in your bedside table, it actually means nothing to him. And all the other hearts that he must have made this week and before. All just folded paper and nothing more.
But you swallow the feeling down somehow and focus back on your partner and the project for the rest of the class.
But that night, in your bed, under the covers, frustrated tears fall into your pillow.
Am I ugly? No one has ever wanted me. No one has ever seen me. Aren't I good enough for anyone?
Brian wouldn't ever see you in that way. You hate it, hate him. Hate yourself. He made you feel like you mattered to him, but you must have made it all up in your head, a boy has never been nice to you until Brian, so you didn't know any better. He won't ever see you that way.
🎒🎒🎒🎒
The next week at school you try to act like you always have, havung a better understanding now that Brian is simply the way he is. So you become a little distant. He notices of course. He's been thinking about what he said over and over. And hates himself, he's never liked saying sorry in all his life. But now he's scared for the first time that he might be losing you if he dosent act. You won't even look at his eyes anymore. Like you find it too painful to do so.
During lunch break, he finds you, he asks, unsure how to converse naturally.
"Hey, how's your project with Sally going?" He says. Then you realize 'he must have never stopped liking Sally even from the start of the year. It was so obvious, why didn't I see it?'
"It's going well, actually. we're almost done. Did you want to tag along bri? We're gonna be at the library after school to finish up." You think maybe you can help him get Sally to see that he's a really nice guy.
Brain seems nervous but says yes straight away. He must really like her, you think.
After school, once you all meet up and finish off studying at the library, you insist on going home first and leave to catch your bus. Brian tries to ask you to hang out longer. But Sally lets you go and wants to speak to brian alone. Sally seems like she has something serious to tell him.
You smile a little in sadness, its working out well, it seems.
📚📚📚📚
Brian Pov
She left me here with sally. Avoiding me again. I watch as her back disappears out the front doors. Then Sally hits me on the arm.
"Ow! What's your problem?"
"You!"
"What did I do to you?"
"Not what you've done to me! But to her!! all year, you've been making googly eyes at her, and the other day, you treat her like crap! You need to fix this and apologize, and then leave her alone if you're only going to hurt her feelings because of your ignorant attitude."
"I don't know what you mean"
"I see everything brian, like how you doodle on her notebooks, and talk quietly to her, how you giggle under your breath at her jokes. You honestly can't be more obvious how you treat her special, but then you turn on her so quickly like that. It's such a dick move. An asshole move"
He puts his face in his hands in shame. "God, I AM an asshole!!" Brian is on the brink of breaking down."Do you think she hates me now? I messed up so badly."
"Tell her you're sorry face to face. Whatever she does to you after that is up to her. Though since we're talking about her, she will probably forgive you. But if you want to finally tell her you like her, this might be your best chance "
Brian blushes red, "w-what, I don't like her like that-"
"Why do you bother lying, brian?"
"It really isn't- ughh."
Brian quickly rushes after where you left. And found you sitting at the bus shelter, he looks at the digital sign it says your bus arrives in 20 mins
He looks down at you, and you're already looking at him sheepishly. You've been caught.
"Your bus isn't even here till another 20 mins!" Brian almost yells, but he's playfully scolding you like you normally do. You look down and smile. Brian loves that, your little shy grin.
"How did it go with Sally?" You ask hopefully.
"Good. But I don't want to talk about that. I need to tell you some stuff. Uh, the first one is that..I said something the other day. I just-"
"It's okay, I get it, I overreacted-"
"No, you didnt- Wait. It wasn't that. My point is i'm sorry for what i said, I think I hurt you. It's not cool of me. I'm always battling my asshole-ary every day, you know that. But you didn't deserve it. So I'm sorry"
"You are, forgiven." And you give him a small closed lip smile.
"Oh really? Already? Well, and, um, the 2nd thing is. There's something I have to ask you-" Your bus comes and stops loudly in front of them. Brian is flustered. You are conflicted, there's only one bus every hour for this route, you should take this bus. But you want to wait for Brian to finish.
"Um, Brian, think I should take this bus"
"Oh, yeah of course! Tomorrow then!"
"Ok, see ya bri"
As you climb up the door to pay and look back at Brian, the bus then pulls away, and you miss his sad little frown and his green eyes following you as your image fades down the street.
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
The next day in class, Brian pulls out another origami heart he worked on last night and slides it over to you. The teacher notices it and warns everyone about passing notes in class. You grab the note and see what it says.
"Good morning beautiful! Plz open me" you frown at being called beautiful. Glancing over at him, he smirks.
Nervous, you open it carefully. Inside it says something that makes her heart race and break at the same time.
"Let's go to Mickeys tonight, it's my treat" then you hear a snickering from a few desks away, it was one of his boys looking over at you.
🍟🍟🍟🍟
You go to Mickeys, you think he's just asked you out as a friend, but he seems to be as nervous as you are, but you dont want to get your hopes up.
After having your meal in awkward silence, he asks you as casually as he can muster.
"So, I was thinking, do you want a second date?"
"Huh? D-date?"
"Y-you know, we went to Mickeys-- like you said! This is like, a date for you"
"…are you..like- just- teasing me? Hahaah…like you're mocking me? You rascal" You laugh nervously, voice trembling all over the place. Trying to hide the sudden emotions that came with realizing what this was all about. He just wanted to humor you.
"Huh? What? No? He laughs. Mickeys is like, your standard right? For like- like a date?"
"Well, no-"
"And-and, I mean I- we hadn't hung out like together yet.. as friends, and like you haven't been on a date before…I thought maybe..i could, be someone you-"
"So you're… helping me?" You laugh comes out jumpy and strange sounding "Oh, wooow,..I um, thanks man. That's just so, thoughtful of you" and you uncharacteristically lean over to punch his arm, you cringe for the fifth time. And he rubs the spot you bumped him.
"But, um, you know I think that maybe we should go on dates with people we actually have feelings for, don't you think? But, thanks for the offer" you shrug and try to laugh it off, but it feels too loud and fake in your ears.
"So no...date?" He looks kind of paler than usual.
You start to gather your trash. "I just realized i need to get home, sorry I can't stay much longer Bri. This was…fun. Bye!" Practically running away.
You don't understand what had just happened. You don't understand Brian at all. Was he that experienced in dating that he could give you a trial of it? That he felt pitty for you?
Your whole body felt hot from embarrassment. And a hard lump has been stuck in your throat ever since you received his little note in class. You practically speed walk all the way home sobbing into your Hoodie.
💛💛💛💛
"Good for you."
"Huh?" Sally is talking to you, Brian is late for your class it seems.
"I got…some tea, from a little bird, or something like that. That you rejected Brian"
"When did I do that?"
"Uh, didn't you go to Mickeys with him the other day?"
"I did." Has he gone and told everyone about it?
"I'm sorry, but I can't pretend that i didn't know. It just happened to be the same day he left a voice message on my phone, and I connected the dots that it was about you. " This made you sad without realizing it. They've been talking?
"Oh, he did?" But you guess it's good that they're getting to know each other.
"Don't look so sad! It wasn't like that, that boy sounded mad over the phone, he was mad at first. Saying stuff on the message like 'you were wrong about everything!' And that 'he was dumb.' But then he just..started crying. Well it sounded like crying. You didn't do that to him?" You stare a Sally perplexed at what it all meant.
"Explain please"
Sally looked at you for a moment and seemed ro realize something then began waving her hands 'no' at you "Ooooooh, wait no, I think you should talk to him about it, i've said too much"
"No, say it please! I'm tired of him playing with me."
"Ughhh, well he..he thought that you liked him, so…and I thought you did too! But then when you clearly don't, which is okay…he's just. It's just sad. He's going through it right now."
"But I don't know why he would be so upset, it's not like he likes me? He likes..someone else."
"You…think so? Huh. Well, I think it's best if you talk to him about this"
"But-"
"It's best if two of you talk"
"No-"
Then, at that moment, Brian walks in late to class and rushes over to his seat between you and Sally.
"You're tardy, Mr Wilcox, which is actually a first. Take your seat."
He acting stiff and can barely look at you.
Normally, you could get his attention and whisper things to him comfortably, but right now, he's so distant that you just decided to message him on your phone.
R U working tonight?
No Thurs
Ok, do u wna study w me n Sally tonight?
No that's ok u guys can just work on ur project together
Oh ok
And that went on for the rest of the lesson. His cold shoulder. Bothered by this you messing him again.
Ur being weird, is this about the other day? I appreciated ur idea, but I just didn't want ppl to confuse our friendship.
Idea?
Yeah like you giving me dating 'experience' without having an actual bf
What?????
She didn't reply after that message out of frustration. Why is he acting like he has no idea what he's been doing to you?
Nevermind Brian
Hey
You know what? I can get a boyfriend anytime if I want.
You hear a sharp gasp quickly after sending your last text. "Hey." He tries to tap your shoulder, but the teacher tells him off right away.
You give him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. He looks over at you desperately for the rest of that week.
🍔🍔🍔🍔
Thursday comes by. You come to visit Mickeys with Warren, a guy you sometimes talk to in your IT class. You told Warren that there's a guy you like and want to see if he would feel anything if he saw you with someone else. It was stupid, you know it. You promised to buy him a Mickeys meal if he helped you.
You and Warren order at the counter, a sullen Brian takes your order, and you still haven't talked to one another since. And it's eating him inside, and now you're here with someone else? He disappeared to the back once your order was placed.
You receive your burgers and sit down at your table to eat. It was a normal, peaceful few moments until Brian came sprinting out of the kitchen to stop you from eating
"NO, no stop!"
"What! Brian, what's wrong??"
"No, just- don't eat that- I-" You stare at him lost for words, shame written on his face.
"I'm sorr- I just thought -" his face was crumbling, and the shame was turning into sadness. His eyes are glassy with emotion. He buried his face in his hands, defeated. "Never mind, it all makes sense."
"What does?"
"Why you won't like me."
Long silence came after what he said, only broken by Warren slowly getting up to walk away and saying that hes gonna use the bathroom. But either of you actually notice.
"…why I 'won't like you?' Why would that matter, Brian? Why? You like someone, that's who that matters."
"YES, I do. And it DOES."
"Huh??"
"I-im an asshole sometimes. But I know that you know that already, so that can't be the reason. And I'm not much to look at, but. But I've never cared if anyone liked how I looked. It never mattered to me so much before. But I wish I was more, like conventionally appealing. But i mean, that can't be why, you're not that kind of person- but is that why? Or, or- no. Or it's simply because I'm me. Because I'm Brian, the type of asshole that defiles a fucking burger???"
"Brian, please, it's hard for me to understand…"
"I put a LOOGIE in your patty"
"Excuse me????" Not the words you were expecting.
"It was meant for him!!"
"Warren?"
"Yes!"
"Are you somehow, jealous??"
"Yes!"
"And why??"
"Because I like you, and you hate me!"
A painful silence fills the restaurant. Looking around, Brian catches his manager, looking at him disapprovingly. But Brian mouths to him, "just resolving an issue"
"Ok, but lower your voice"
Brian sighs, putting his attention back to you. Sitting there still stunned at his confession. "Let me take that burger back. I'll make you a new one"
"No." You make a mad grab at the box, but Brian had the same thought as you. He now had the other side of the box in his hand.
"Give it!"
"Let go, brian"
"What's the problem!?"
You rip it out of his clasp, open the box, and proceed to scuff the burger down your throat.
"What are you doing?? No!! Why did you do that? I had my saliva in that???"
"Do you think I would do that if I didn't like you?"
A hundred emotions pass through Brian's face in the silence that came after that bizarre display.
"You… like me?"
"Was me eating your foul burger not clear enough?"
"Well no. But. You…like me?"
"I have, like always"
"...me?" His eyes are glassy looking at you in something that looks like hope.
But instead of saying anymore to reassure his low self-esteem just how much you think a he's great guy, you start to cry. And you don't have a clue why. Just that you're so happy he finally knows.
"I really like you too. Like always" and just like in a movie, he reaches out with a finger and gently wipes a tear off your cheek.
Guys so I have a Brian Wilcox fic I'm almost finished with ❤️❤️
Brians character in my fic is so...tame? and its insane because my absolute favorite Brian Wilcox fic is this one:
Warning(s): degradation, slut shaming, Brian is icky and i want him in my bed, fingering, AFAB! Reader, Unsafe sex, party, underage drinking
He is absolutely hot and greasy in that (it's the BEST, i recommend if u haven't yet read it), but with mine, I've somehow made a fluffy highschool oneshot instead. This one is loosely based on a guy in school who I think actually liked me when I look back to those times, but he just did everything wrong 😅
