just some thoughts from just some guy

[anodynedrip]

For the first time in maybe my entire life, I am running errands in shorts. Which probably sounds nothingburger but it's kind of huge for me.

I've been fat all my life, so letting my legs and god forbid parts of my thighs show has always made me self conscious. That said, it's almost 90 degrees out and I don't want to run around in skinny jeans, so we're doing this.

[dodykeahedron]

Trans women do actually have it worse. Cope.

[fanboyistransboy]

To me the transmascvoices project fails because it exclusively exists to bash transfeminine people.

I think trans mascs do experience sexual violence and there should be spaces where they can discuss it without their masculinity being invalidated. I know that’s something I would have benefited from when I was assaulted.

But that’s not what this is. It does not exist to uplift transmasculine people because it explicitly allows and encourages cis men to post, it is not meant to uplift transmasculine people because they are only allowed to post about abuse that fits the narrative of the blog (transmascs victimized by transfems)

And it does not uplift transmasculine people because ultimately the goal is not actually to support transmasc victims of sexual violence.

Trans men and TME nonbinary people deserve better than this fucking transmisogynistic propaganda blog.

And good GOD Transfemmes deserve to have their voices and stories heard without these whiny babies howling for attention. Crying about how these women telling their stories hurts their feelings.

[anodynedrip]

Your support for trans women cannot be contingent on if trans women are nice to you or not. It is imperative that you still vocally support trans women and advocate for them regardless of how any one specific trans woman acts. Yes, even if she said something mean to you.

[anodynedrip]

im taken aback to see the day where even diehard swifties are denouncing one of her albums. i didnt have any intention of listening to it, but seeing it so universally met with criticism to this level made me want to at least form my own opinion.

to be clear, my opinion means nothing. at least, not more than any other random person online. i was a casual fan of her in like 2006-2010 and then fell off, only tuning back in for a song here and there. i never had anything against her as a person because i seldom heard anything about her until news started coming out about her contributions to air pollution a while back as well as her recent political affiliations. i have no stake in this and im just giving my thoughts on a blind listen through to see what the stir is about

i'll just go right out and say i had little positives to report on my experience, but i do try to make actual observations throughout about what i don't like instead of only a barrage of general 'this sucks' type statements. that said, if you loved the album, sit this one out because my opinion will just piss you off and you're better off ignoring me. i dont plan to post about this again, i just wanted to word vomit my thoughts on my vent blog

The Fate Of Ophelia - why does her voice have this like. always present, underlying sense of apathy? the literal tone of her voice does anyone else hear it im being dead serious rn- anyway this is okay, but i would have expected something a bit more gripping for a first track. this isn't terrible at all, but it is not a strong start. once the song ended, i couldnt even remember the melody of the chorus.

Elizabeth Taylor - fine? i already forgot what this one souded like. oh i played the beginning and remember my thoughts on it. so this songs makes me want to listen to all about us by tatu because musically it's like this but way punchier

Opalite - pleasant to listen to musically, but seriously am i just out of the loop why is she doing this thing with her voice i swear she didnt sing like this what is happening. i dont hate it but it feels placid in a stepford way. that said, definitely my favorite on the album musically.

Father Figure - okay the songs are all starting to slur together now. for a minute i had flashbacks to 24/7 lofi channels on youtube in 2019 i understand that taylor's music has changed since 2010. call me a conspiracy theorist, fine, but i swear the instrumentation in her music used to have at least some complexity and variety to it?

Eldest Daughter - her doing a really slow and moodier melody with these lyrics is genuinely hard to listen to with a straight face. this is two or three different songs and i've heard them all before, possibly on this very album already. i dont like being a hater but this is frustratingly not good to the point where i am having to question just how powerful nostalgia can be. and the thing is that there is a concept to explore here, the role eldest daughters often get forced into in families, but i don't feel like it was successful in that.

Ruin The Friendship - interesting message however it will not be taken into consideration bc i like the pina colada song and do not want to be a hypocrite. anyway cheating stuff aside, why is she stuck on high school why was this a song concept she felt strong enough about that it made the cut for the limited space on the track list with little excitement in the actual music either. again, this is a frustrating listening experience. i can forgive mediocre lyrics if the music is a banger and i can forgive mediocre music if the lyrics are impressive or impactful in some way. completely missing both leaves me grasping at straws to find something i thought was fun or clever.

Actually Romantic - knowing the context behind this one just makes it feel gross to listen to. like it is actively uncomfortable knowing how petty, condescending, and vindictive taylor was with this one. certainly a choice, and one that ruins the listening experience. unfortunately that's not the end of the world because there's not much going on in the instrumentals anyway. that was the first song that was actively very unpleasant to listen to. this is not the revenge fantasy diss track taylor thought it was. this is just bullying and mean girl nonsense.

Wi$h Li$t - ok yeah i am just. gobsmacked. it is so hilariously and cartoonishly tone deaf to sing about how everyone else wants money and fame and fortune but she doesnt need any of that she just needs true love but like. huh??? taylor i dont know if you are aware but. you have all that money and fame and fortune and private jets that you are acting like you are above wanting. you. you have all of that? absolutely bonkers and divorced from reality song just on a conceptual level. is this the same backing instrumental as the previous song? jojo did this beat and this style and concept with not that kinda girl back in the early 00s and over 20 years later this is a shallow facsimile of that

Wood - look im not one to speak ill of horny music, god bless horny music, but this just feels so. benign? simultaneously being blatantly raunchy but also so tame and reserved musically and lyrically. trying to maintain a hint of demureness while also trying to be provocative making it come out anodyne. wanting to be an alluring temptress but terrified of being perceived as a slut. open about sexuality but in a socially approved manner. pretending to push the envelope and yet here i am having to find my letter opener.

CANCELLED! - i am listening to the whole thing in the spirit of fairness but. on every front this is so offensively boring. not subtle, very telling given her choice in company. her acting like she's a badass while doing everything to conform to the political in-group and make as little waves as possible. cmon now. also why is the music boring in every track except opalite, seriously she used to have. songs. plural. i feel like im being gaslit and im sorry i know we put that word up on a shelf but i listened to her music a lot when i was a preteen/teen and i never thought she was a genius or a prodigy but i thought she was at least actually talented you know? this is just so jarringly incompetent, i genuinely thought people were exaggerating and im at a loss

Honey - what is there to say at this point. this is exhausting. moving on.

The Life Of A Showgirl - these lyrics are going to break me. as previously stated i never thought she was the greatest musician of our time but i did consider her to be talented and competent at creating music. i do like what sabrina brings here and the tempo changes starting around 2/3 the way through are something that gives the song a little smack of umami but waiting until the very last track to bust that out is too little too late

Closing Thoughts - feeling insane by the end of this, i pulled up some older songs of hers. i started with the best day since i remember that being genuinely sentimental. and of course there is the fact that this was 2008, so quite a while ago and her voice is bound to change as she gets older. that might be the difference i was hearing, is that im just not familiar enough with her newer work. because in the best day she does of course sound less restrained, a little messier, very sweet in tone, not sweet as in emotion but sweet as in quality of tone if that makes sense. anyway pulled up new romantics next, still about a decade ago but she sounds more polished than fearless, which would be weird if that werent the case given the time between them for her to develop her music. anyway there's still more… gusto? gusto. more gusto in her singing here. and for another reference point, anti-hero since that was probably the most recent thing id heard from her before today. 2022, so not that long ago. again though theres no underlying sort of blank/apathetic affect to her voice like i heard for pretty much all of this newest album. look ill be honest i dont think any individual person was ever meant to have a billion of any item including dollars, and that hitting that level of astronomical wealth paired with fame to match has probably warped her perception of reality. anyway, i think most people are willing to acknowledge that no matter what anyone thought of her skill as a musician and lyricist up to this point, this album was bizarrely and drastically below expectations. im flummoxed.

[anodynedrip]

while visiting my parents, we went through some stuff in storage. i brought home my baby blanket. it's pink and has my full dead name stitched into it. i couldn't bring myself to get rid of it, i guess.

it wasn't until i got home days later and was folding it up to put it on the top shelf of my closet that the metaphorical weight of putting that blanket with that name into the closet, where it will stay, hit me like a freight train.

i don't know what emotion i'm feeling, really, but it's a strong one.

[anodynedrip]

every day i wake up and choose to be kind to the best of my ability because i believe people deserve to be treated kindly and that it is the correct thing to do. and i mean it just feels bad to hurt people. but im also a very selfish person. and so there are times where i really do have to actively make the choice to be kind. like really temper myself and choose the correct, kind response even if i would rather not do that. and the fact that it has to be an active choice keeps me up at night, because i cannot cope with the fact that kindness does not come naturally to me during times when kindness is not the easy choice. like i default to the 'good' option when it's for sure the easy route but when it's not the easy route i have to make the choice and it will be a corpse clinging to my back until the day that i die

[brainisonfire]

and if I do it consciously it must mean that it's for personal profit and not for the original cause (🤡🤡🤡) which makes me a selfish piece of shit anyway

[anodynedrip]

every day i wake up and choose to be kind to the best of my ability because i believe people deserve to be treated kindly and that it is the correct thing to do. and i mean it just feels bad to hurt people. but im also a very selfish person. and so there are times where i really do have to actively make the choice to be kind. like really temper myself and choose the correct, kind response even if i would rather not do that. and the fact that it has to be an active choice keeps me up at night, because i cannot cope with the fact that kindness does not come naturally to me during times when kindness is not the easy choice. like i default to the 'good' option when it's for sure the easy route but when it's not the easy route i have to make the choice and it will be a corpse clinging to my back until the day that i die