Brocedes Emergency Hotline

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66672487/chapters/172008082

[buglikenedarchive]

lewis is checking his specifically blond and german race engineer applicants

Link

[laura1633]

Can you imagine George trying to complain about Max to Toto and Toto being like, 'Not now I'm just on the phone to the NLS people to convince them to rearrange their calendar so that Max can drive and be happy and have everything he wants.'

[theunfortunate-author]

my daily affirmation as an author

[anonauthor644]

Wait...Oh nooo...the monegasque flag and the polish flag are soooo similar!! Noooo! That's so confusing!! If ONLY someone could leCLERIFY to me which is which....

Oh, nooo...which way do I turn the wheel again to go left? Ugh, driving is hard...maaan, if ONLY someone could come up behind me and hold my hands to show me how to steer this car...

And oh...noooo....wouldn't it be better if, instead of my teammate, I shared rides and did media with someone closer to my height..my age...and my address....? Now, If ONLY there was someone like that....

Wait, GP..."my man" ?? Whaaat? Who do you mean by that?? Who could you possibly....Can the person at mention please raise their hand to identify themselves with being "my man"...? Who could you be referring to...omg....whaaaat?

[anonauthor644]

look, you've heard of Britney and Jenson, now get ready for:

Barbie and Kenson

[anonauthor644]

Here's a list of Max's favourite things in the whole wide world (100% accurate, I was there, I saw with my own eyes):

Winning (boy does he love that one)

Racing (any type of)

Cars (in the very lose definition)

Racing cars (both the noun and the verb)

Charles Leclerc (self explanatory)

Defending Charles Leclerc (bc obviously nobody matches Max's freak like Charles does)

Praising Charles Leclerc (only bc he's really good, Max isn't biased with these kind of things)

Flirting with Charles Leclerc (stupid autocorrect, I meant "racing against")

Rookies (as if they were his own)

"his man" (according to GP)

Anything that has to do with him sitting behind a wheel (genuinely cares about that more than the winning, I think)

Cats (more so than dogs)

that one monegasque driver born in 1997 (guess who)

Red Bull (as in the drink, the team and the fucking team kit)

ragebaiting (main target audience: the fia, the media, and george)

His colleague from Ferrari (could be anyone, really, and I mean it's not Lewis, but could be anyone)

gin and tonic (he needs the liquid courage to talk to CL)

and this random guy who owns a dog named leo

[anonauthor644]

This is what I imagine Max’s love life looks like right now:

Alex: so what’s going on with you and George?

Max: fuck if I know

Alex: oh...uh, well, how are things with Daniel?

Max: I don’t want to talk about it

Alex: and what about you and Charl-

Max: -genuinely, what if I DIE tomorrow, what if I slip in the shower and break my neck, or what if I choke on my food or fall from the stairs, who knows, life is unpredictable and short, let's talk about that

[anonauthor644]

Max: guys, guess what

Lando: you killed someone and it's George

Max: uh, close, but no

Oscar: you got a Mercedes seat and it's George's

Max: nuh-uh, how would I even-

Carlos: you're pregnant and it's George's

Max: what??

[anonauthor644]

Do you ever walk through a red light and think about how Lewis and Nico, during the sliver war, already had such a deep history with each other that they probably got haunted by flashbacks of Greece and memories of Italy all the time? Yk just fickle images of eating Frosties and wrestling in hotelrooms, of lining up on the grid next to each other, looking at the stars together, giggling behind the back of their superiors, defending each other against other kids, talking about their dreams and aspirations, celebrating each other on the podium, all that stuff?

They were just kids. They were childhood best friends.

Oh but actually Lewis just said they're not friends, they're just...colleagues. And like, you know, "friends" is a big word? What even is "friends"?

[anonauthor644]

When you drive for RedBull and your love language is ragebait <3