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izzy's playlists!
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@anonyari
I just realized something horrifying
People with depression score higher on tests of realism. Intelligence is positively correlated with mental illness and suicide. What this indicates is that if the mind understands too much about reality, it wants to destroy itself. Human life is existential horror.
Vaginismus, Pregnancy, and Success
I've been gone for awhile but I miss this circle of support. I had my beautiful little boy in December via c-section. I'm still in shock that we concieved a child our first time successfully having sex in 3+ years of marriage. I was starting to think I'd never be able to have sex or children. I had the most supportive obstetrician. My cesearan was scheduled because of vaginismus and I wasn't required to have any internal exams. She told me the benefits and made them all optional. I was extremely blessed to have her. Vaginismus is still an issue for me, though not as severe. Sex is still painful at times, but never impossible anymore. For anyone who is feeling discouraged or frustrated that they will never overcome, please stay strong and motivated to make progress. You will get through it. I'm here for anyone who needs support or a friend who understands.
One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear makeup that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.
Gabourey Sidibe (via wordsnquotes)
Some questions for you fellow vaginismus gals
1) Did yours start by being unable to insert anything? Like not even being able to put in a qtip or having difficulty even spreading your labia? Or was it less intense (you were able to insert small things)? 2) If your vaginismus was more intense, how long did it take for you to be able to insert dilators? What was the timeline of progression for sizing up?
Basically I’m feeling a little lack of hope here as my vaginismus has been so intense and it seems I’m not going anywhere (still can’t do dilators) so I’m wondering if there are any of you like me who couldn’t insert anything at all and are now able to do the large dilators? Give me hope and inspiration! :(
The first time I even tried inserting a Q tip I blacked out. I had my partner insert the first dilator for me and I realized it wasnt bad at all. After that I had the courage to do it myself and within a few months I could do them all. You can do this!
Literally having such a horrible day. My ex-boyfriend just said that I’m undateable whilst I have vaginismus and no one will want to be in a relationship with me. It’s affected me so much. I’m supposed to be meeting my friends but I’m just sat here crying. It’s bad enough having the problem without being unlovable for having it
He’s full of it and clearly not deserving of you. Smh. You will find someone who sees value in you and will stand by your side vaginismus or not. I was married for 3.5 years before I could have sex!
So I have some like… absolutely gargantuan good news.
Keep reading
So happy for you! !!♡♡♡
Licia Ronzulli, member of the European Parliament, has been taking her daughter Vittoria to the Parliament sessions for two years now.
Every time this is on my dash, it’s an automatic reblog.
Life. There’s always a way to make it work.
This woman runs PARLIAMENT with a baby in her lap and she’s CLEARLY doing an outstanding job because she’s still there being a total boss two years later, baby still in her lap.
“A baby will destroy your career-”
Really
Are you sure?
Because I’m pretty sure that Licia Ronzulli would laugh at that declaration.
Because of vaginismus I've dealt with countless tears, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, confusion, low self-esteem and fear. ..but it's also given me strength, motivation, perseverance, and a belief in myself that I can overcome anything. I'm going to keep pushing forward and I will be cured of this, completely. I've made it this far, I've got this. :)
I just watched a video about painful sex and either I’ve been pronouncing vaginismus wrong or the woman in the video has? I’ve always pronounced it “vag-in-is-mus” but she pronounced it “vag-in-eyes-mus” how do y'all say it?
Now I keep saying in an Australian accent " I believe you've got vag-in-eyes-mus mate." Gosh I need a life. Lol. My obgyn and I say "is".
Anyone from the UK got vaginismus and know what treatment options there are on the NHS?
I'm not in the UK but I was prescribed anxiety medication to get the dilators in, initially. I was blacking out trying to use them prior to that. After I got them in medicated, I was able to gain the courage to get them in without it. I'm usually not someone who runs to medicine for anything, but it really made a difference for me.
I really wish I could remember what happened to me when I was a kid. All I remember is bits and pieces. I wish I had someone to tell me that I was or wasn’t raped and I can have some form of closure. I wish I knew if my parents and brother actually knew the shit that my brothers friends used to do to me, because if they do they haven’t said anything. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know if my vaginismus is from fear because of how I was raised by my parents and in the church and it’s really just mental or if there’s physical trauma from my childhood. This entire thing is so fucked up and it kills me. I don’t want to bring it up to any of my family in case they didn’t know, I really don’t want to bring it out after all these years. It’s so hard living with this and I’m really tired of it.
This post spoke to me because I understand. I had a strict religious upbringing but also feel like there are some suppressed memories of abuse that I can't completely recall. Sending support. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. ♡
Ok when I first went to the doctor and told her I thought I had vaginismus she kinda didn’t take me seriously and told me that it was unlikely because it’s very rare.
However….the more I learn about this condition, the more I see how insanely not uncommon it is. Honestly, a great deal of women have experienced this to some degree.
Why are doctors so uninformed and ignorant towards female sexual issues???
I saw 2 doctors and a midwife before I found a doctor who believed me and agreed. Smh. It's disgusting how uneducated doctors are on this condition.
Needing some support and understanding from my fellow vaginismus ladies..
I don’t have anyone in person to talk to who understands vaginismus so I’m coming to you, my tumblr support group.
I’m almost halfway through my pregnancy. So far I’ve avoided vaginal exams but the midwife has made it clear I will need to have them later. I tried to explain vaginismus to her because she was not familiar. I began by telling her it took over 3 years to have sex with my spouse, and that even now, sex isn’t always possible. Told her how I use dilators, what the pain feels like, how I blacked out when I first tried self insertion, and the details of my horrific previous obgyn experiences. She says “We once had a patient who had something similar. You’ll just have to tell us how to help you relax before your internals.” It sounded nice but she clearly has no idea that it’s not just that easy. I’ve had strict midwife care up to this point but I will be seeing a doctor this coming week to see if they will better understand the severity of my vaginismus. I think I’ll take my vaginismus kit so they can see I’m not just being dramatic. I have no idea how I would get through the dilation checks required during labor. The stress of worrying how I’ll deliver has taken so much away from me being able to enjoy being pregnant. I know a cesarean is a major surgery but honestly I don’t think I can deliver vaginally. I’m not sure if a Dr. would agree that this is a medically necessary cesarean or if they would try to strong arm me into attempting a vaginal delivery if they’re not familiar with the condition. I’ll be delivering in the US, in Iowa, and can’t find much on elective cesareans. I’m open to any advice from you ladies. What would you do? Please don’t judge me for considering surgery.
My coworker got doctors to agree to an elective Caesarean for her second kid because she had a difficult delivery with her first child.
I don’t know how to go about it but I would gather as many medical professionals you can find and get them to attest that yes you have vaginismus and yes it is a big deal, not just a matter of “relaxing”.
You have a responsibility for this child absolutely but it does not trump your rights as a person and as a patient. YOUR wellbeing is as important as your baby’s and your doctor has to recognize that.
Ugh is there any way you can get a different doctor? You laid out in detail how your vaginismus effects you and they still didn’t listen. Just ugh ugh ugh LISTEN TO US WE ARE YOUR PATIENTS
You ladies are the best, I swear. It means so much to me to have people who understand how real vaginismus is, and aren't judgemental.
I wanted to update that I saw a Dr yesterday who is very experienced in vaginismus. I explained everything and ended up in tears because I was so relieved that she was so nice and comforting. Totally changed my opinion on gynecologists. She said cesarean is absolutely an option for me and she's giving me a month to decide for sure since it is major surgery. After baby is born she's referring me to a vaginismus specialist an hour away for therapy since I've only had the vaginismus.com materials to help me so far. She doesn't want me to do it while pregnant because she's concerned it will stress me out. I'm going to schedule the cesarean with her, for the third week in December, and hopefully by the time I have my next child in 4-5 years I'll be cured and comfortable doing a VBAC. I know a c-section is nothing to be taken lightly but I know this is what's best for me right now. I'm happy I'll get to spend these next 19 weeks preparing for my baby boy and not worrying about what a nightmare birth will be. :)
Needing some support and understanding from my fellow vaginismus ladies..
I don’t have anyone in person to talk to who understands vaginismus so I’m coming to you, my tumblr support group.
I’m almost halfway through my pregnancy. So far I’ve avoided vaginal exams but the midwife has made it clear I will need to have them later. I tried to explain vaginismus to her because she was not familiar. I began by telling her it took over 3 years to have sex with my spouse, and that even now, sex isn’t always possible. Told her how I use dilators, what the pain feels like, how I blacked out when I first tried self insertion, and the details of my horrific previous obgyn experiences. She says “We once had a patient who had something similar. You’ll just have to tell us how to help you relax before your internals.” It sounded nice but she clearly has no idea that it’s not just that easy. I’ve had strict midwife care up to this point but I will be seeing a doctor this coming week to see if they will better understand the severity of my vaginismus. I think I’ll take my vaginismus kit so they can see I’m not just being dramatic. I have no idea how I would get through the dilation checks required during labor. The stress of worrying how I’ll deliver has taken so much away from me being able to enjoy being pregnant. I know a cesarean is a major surgery but honestly I don’t think I can deliver vaginally. I’m not sure if a Dr. would agree that this is a medically necessary cesarean or if they would try to strong arm me into attempting a vaginal delivery if they’re not familiar with the condition. I’ll be delivering in the US, in Iowa, and can’t find much on elective cesareans. I’m open to any advice from you ladies. What would you do? Please don’t judge me for considering surgery.
Vaginismus while Pregnant
I’m sure you ladies think I’ve disappeared because I’m “cured” of vaginismus. That’s not the case. I don’t feel cured. I no longer fear sex, but now I fear the internal exams and tools that will be used throughout my pregnancy. I worry them entering me will send me backward with the progress I’ve made. It’s so scary. A whole new scary. I’ve avoided getting a pap so far because I had a normal one last year. I meet my midwife on Tuesday, hopefully she’ll be understanding… Ugh.. Vaginismus.
Reading about feminist discourses of disability and came across this quote
“Awareness of the body is often awareness of pain, discomfort or physical difficulty…”
This is exactly right. It goes on to talk about when we are in good health and not experiencing any problems, we consider our bodies and minds to be one, connected to each other and in sync. But in times of change, suffering or turbulence, our bodies become their own ‘beings’, they become ‘conscious’
I know this is in reference to actual impairments (and I’m still not 100% sure whether vaginismus would class as an impairment, the definition of which is ‘something that affects your ability to do normal daily activities’, but our society considers sex to be a normal daily activity, but I wouldn’t use the label disabled because I feel like that kind of appropriates a label that doesn’t quite fit me) but I definitely feel like this applies to my experience of vaginismus, and my relation to my bod in general
We are encouraged to alienate ourselves from our bodies. In this society, dominated by patriarchy and capitalism, those in power benefit from those not in power being alienated, from their own bodies, from each other, from society itself. If we feel like our bodies are not part of ourselves, we feel they must constantly need controlling and restraining. Which is why a lot of us feel like we’re failing when we don’t make progress with our vaginismus.
Idk where I’m going with this. I’ve been working for about five hours and just had some thoughts to get out there
Vaginismus has been on my mind a lot lately tbh /:
