AnonymityIsFun

Sometimes, I write things. Sometimes, they're good. The only wrench I own is a heart wrench. 25F (She/Her/Hers) AnonymityIsFun Masterlist | Buy Me A Coffee

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Hello, if you're here, welcome to the secret gardens of my mind...

I write, like a lot. For a lot of different fandoms, but also my own original works. Thanks for giving me a chance. 💛

I also take requests! ⏐ Request PSA

If you're interested, I'm also on other fic sites: FF.net⏐AO3⏐Wattpad

AnonymityIsFun's Masterlist | AnonymityisFun's Taglist

Anon's 1K Celebration 🥳

Oh, you're still here? Er... I don't really have anything else to say. Uh... I do have some playlists for my Grumpy Sunshine series? Only if you're interested of course:

Two Sides Of The Same Coin Sunshine Character The Grumpy One... ...Is Only Soft For The Sunshine One The Twin Flame

And if you've made it this far, you can buy me a coffee (only if you want to)

[anonymityisfunwriter]

A Cold, Cold Heart

Summary - He loved you. He loved you the way that you were. A person willing to die for the fight. And now, your cold, cold heart was doing all it could to outrun his desertion of you.

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x Reader Song Inspiration - Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

A.N. - Now imagine my return from a long hiatus with a piece of the angstiest, angst I could muster...

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist AnonymityisFun’s SongFics

"What the fuck, Bucky?"

His head whips over in your direction, "It's not what it looks like."

You scan the room, your raised gun still sweeping over the four tied up people that sit before Bucky.

"Oh, he's in trouble," Walker chortles, his arms still pinned behind his back.

Without breaking eye contact with you, Bucky barks, "Shut up, John."

"It's not what it looks like?" you repeat, an eyebrow quirked. "Because it looks like you're holding four people hostage."

"They're not hostages. They're witnesses."

"Witnesses?" you hiss. "Jesus, Bucky."

"How did you even find me?"

"I traced your phone."

It's his turn to quirk an eyebrow at you, challenging you, "I thought you didn't do that anymore."

You tuck the gun back in your holster, "Well, right back at you."

"Why are you here? To check up on me?"

"Aww... how cute," Yelena mockingly coos at him.

"I am here because-" You stop yourself, gesturing at your little audience, "Do you really want to do this in front of... whoever the hell they are?"

"We are the Thunderbolts," Alexei booms.

"Just ignore him," Bucky murmurs. You arch a brow at him, silently demanding answers. "Outside."

"Fine."

He turns back to the four sitting there, tied up in various restraints, "You stay."

"Like we have a choice," a muffled voice calls through the tin walls of the abandoned shack in the middle of nowhere.

"Again, what the hell, Bucky?" you demand.

For a long moment, he just takes you in. Your face was fuller, softer. Lips no longer bloodied from anxious chewing. He was sure your hands would be just as soft, probably even softer. Stance and posture more secure. You weren't scared anymore. Not running or fighting. He could see the light in your eyes again. Light and so much love that it killed him. "You don't understand."

"Clearly."

His hands rest on his hips. The leather of the jacket you'd hoped he'd never wear again crinkling beneath his tense arms. "They're witnesses."

"You tied them up."

"Involuntary witnesses," he corrects. "It was a tip I got. I knew they were up to something, I just didn't know what."

You shrug, toeing your boot in the gravel of the road beneath your feet, "I knew the Congress thing wouldn't last."

"That's not fair."

"There's a lot not fair about this." You turn on your heel. Nothing had changed. This confirmed that. "Bye, Bucky."

"You're really good at that, you know?"

Against all your better judgement, you look back at him, "What?"

"Pretending."

You shake your head at him, "You don't get to do that."

"What? Tell the truth?"

"Make it sound like it's my fault." It's a crack in your armor. After all, how could you pretend? For the better part of a decade, you played the lovesick fool. You loved him more than anything. And you knew down to the depth of your bones that he felt the same.

The fate's cruel joke was that love was never the problem. Even now, standing here, you knew he was the love of your life.

If only that were enough.

This wasn't your life anymore. You'd lost too much, fought too hard. You had nothing left.

And like you knew it always would, being a hero cost you the thing you held most dear. It costed you him.

No, you weren't the hero. Not anymore. And whether he could admit it or not, being the hero would always be Bucky's.

His voice softens, shaking his head, "I didn't say that."

"You implied it."

"We both know it's not."

You both knew it wasn't. It wasn't anyone's really. You just wanted, no, needed, different things. And you needed those things marginally more than you needed each other.

"No, it's not," you admit. "It's not anyone's fault. We're just - We're two very different people."

"We didn't used to be."

You suck in a breath, "I know."

All that time ago, when you crashed into each like all wrecks did, you were one in the same. Back when you were too impaired by your youth, too blinded by morning glory, you thought you could see yourself living this life with Bucky.

The realization happened so quickly. From one moment to the next.

One second, you were content, clutching tightly to the dream of living and dying by the sword with him. And then you pictured it. Somewhere in the future, distant or near, dying by a sword that never loved you. Dying by a sword that only knew how to take. A sword that would take any chance of living and growing old with Bucky away.

And that was it. That was the moment you knew. You were done being the hero.

And so you asked him. So selfishly. So suddenly. And the moment you did, was the moment it fell apart.

You could tell the second you asked.

He would continue to live and die by the sword. And you couldn't. And you wouldn't bear witness to him doing it.

So now you needed to outrun his desertion of you. It wasn't enough to float in his orbit. It was't enough to be near him and love him and not be able to have him.

You weren't even really sure why you did it now. It hurt watching him like this. Knowing one day it would cost him everything.

He looked so tired. So guarded. He looked like a hero.

"I've always wondered."

You eyes dart up to meet his. "Don't."

"Don't you? Don't you wonder?"

"Of course I do," you whisper. "Of course. How could I not? But we - we are two very different people."

It kills him to hear you say it a second time. Standing here, it was as clear as day. Love just wasn't enough this time. "We didn't use to be."

He sees it, the glassiness in your eyes. The tightness in your jaw as you speak, "I know... but today - that, in there - made it crystal clear."

He wants to reach out, to touch your familiar hand and hold it tight. "Does it?"

Your fingers twitch like they want him to. "Nothing's changed, Bucky."

He doesn't. Because you're right. You're always right. It changes nothing. And yet he lies to himself anyway, if a lie is what you need to hear than he'll do that, "How can you even say that? Everything has changed! Everything!"

"I am done. I'm out. You know that!"

"Then why are you here?"

"You know why!"

"And so do you! You know how much I need you! I've always needed you!"

"But you'll always need being a hero more." The sentence is so finite that it cuts Bucky deeper than he thinks anything else ever has. Not even your last goodbye felt like this. "And I can't, Bucky. Loving you means never leaving this life and I don't - I don't want that."

"So then what?"

"We part ways. Just like before."

He murmurs in a soft, caressing way that breaks your cold, cold heart, "I love you. Always have. Always will."

"I love you too," you whisper, resting a hand on his chest. It kills you just a little bit more. This time, it really is the end of the line. "Always have. Always will. And just so you know, I'll always wonder."

At least you'll have that. The wonderment of what could have been.

He sighs, "Me too."

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Bucky Barnes Masterlist AnonymityisFun’s SongFics

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

Taglist: @marianita195 @meli18gonzalez @ludicbouquetfromearth @matchat3a @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @valoraxx @blue786sworld @buckyandgeraltsupremacy @geminigengar @ansaturn @ecolle @lexhalstead3 @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams @shanye1112 @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @moonlightreader649 @breathtaking-cynthia @mirikusashes @beans-and-toast @niyahcoca @katiechikin @elxvrr @antiheroxsblog @infamouslyclumsy @krissydclayton93 @buckysbarnes @deadheadwbedhead @qualitygiantshoepsychic @whitexwolfxx310 @getosprettyboy @matchat3a @weallhaveadestiny @mostlymarvelgirl @honeydew3064 @michealharrypotter @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @withyoutilltheendoftheline @the-photo-hoe @rae-nna @sarachabeans1@double-shot-of-tequila @spookyparadisesheep @lunaalovesyouu @daisy-loves-bucky@roseproseposts @theoraekenslover@king814318 @maybesomedaytho @carlie-babes99 @sunshinechikin @as-white-as-snow-love @melala1030 @badasswlthafatass @armystay89 @multiversefanfics @cherrysscinema @breathlesspieceofdeath @ravenn-darkholme @bxckybxrnes24 @guiltyasreid @bellabarnes1378 @blithecapricorn @mrsnikstan @marvelatthem @capswife @1-akira-2 @generalmoonpolice @chezagnes @cherriesnmango @willowpains @lori19

[anonymityisfunwriter]

A HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO MY BELOVED BUCKY BARNES

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Never Been Kissed (Part 2)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: You've never been one to kiss and tell.

A.N. - Tell a friend to tell a friend.... She's back... With more self indulgent Bucky Barnes fluff, of course.

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist Never Been Kissed (Part 1)

"You've been avoiding me."

You jolt upright, almost falling out of your office chair, "Jesus, Bucky..."

He reaches out steadying you with a touch that only flusters you even more. You look up, cursing yourself for being so caught up in your case file that you didn't hear his notoriously light footsteps.

He smirks, his head tilted at you, "I didn't hear you deny it."

You scramble back out of his grasp, sweeping all your papers back into their folder not even caring how crumpled they get in the process, "I'm not avoiding you, I'm just busy. That's all."

He quirks an eyebrow, "Busy?"

Just as you're about to make your great escape, he leans against the doorframe of the conference room with the most infuriatingly knowing smirk. He knows you too well.

You huff, already plotting your next great escape.

Maybe smashing a window or two wouldn't be the worst idea, but you're probably a few floors too high for that. Though, what's a few broken bones to end this conversation?

"Busy."

It was a lie. As bold faced as a lie could get.

You couldn't help it. You could barely be in the same room as the man, let alone look him in the eye. How the hell could you?

Not after he'd knowingly been your first kiss. Not after you told him that you'd gone twenty plus years without.

And certainly not after you'd parted that night. Not when you felt his lips on yours for days after. Not after you enacted almost every single rom-com cliche possible that night.

You couldn't look him in the eye after you'd traced your lips with your fingertips just to feel that spark of electricity. Not after you'd closed your door and practically melted against it.

It felt like you had him written all over you. Like his lips had left a permanent mark that only you and him could see.

So for the sake of your sanity, staying away from him was for the best. At least for now.

"Listen, I know I was probably a little rusty, but I'm not that bad of a kisser, am I?"

Your cheeks heat as your eyes whirl up to meet his for the first time in weeks. "What?"

"I mean, kissing can't have changed that much in the last couple decades, can it?"

"You haven't - I was - Since the 40's?" you stammer out, not quite finishing not one of your sentences.

He finally straightens up from his lean, and yet, still not giving you enough space to squeeze past him. "If you're asking me if you were my first kiss in more than 60 years than yes. Yes, you were."

Your stomach falls, "I'm sorry, Bucky."

He tucks a hand under your chin, "Hey, why are you sorry?"

You immediately begin to voice every single one of your runaway thoughts, "Because - I - You should've had someone who knew what they were doing - you should've had a good first -"

"What gave you the impression that I didn't like our kiss?"

"It was my first kiss, Bucky, I'm not an idiot, I know-"

"I'm going to kiss you again," he announces, cutting you off entirely. "Unless you say no, of course."

You know you must look stupid, unblinking and in slight disbelief, "Huh?"

He finally removes himself from the doorframe with one large step toward you, "I didn't hear a no."

"Bucky, you don't have to-"

He doesn't give you a chance to finish the thought. His flesh hand slides behind the nape of your neck, forcing your eyes to his once more. "I didn't hear a no, but I would like to hear a yes."

You shakily nod, "Yes."

He softly huffs out a laugh, the tip of his nose grazing yours. "Good."

And just like that you've had your second kiss.

And third.

And fourth.

And then you figure it's probably best to stop counting from here on out. Because he's kissing you. And he doesn't stop. Not until your lips are once again tingly and knees so weak that it feels like he's the only thing keeping you upright.

His hand moves down from the nape of your neck to the small of your back. It feels so much like that night all those weeks ago. "I messed up that night."

"Huh?"

He rests his forehead against yours, just like he did that night, "I used to know how to do this. Get a girl. Keep a girl. I should've made it clearer."

You rest your hand against his chest, "Bucky..."

"For the record, I want to keep kissing you. I want to take you out to dinner. Maybe a movie. I want you."

For possibly the first time in your life, it doesn't scare you. It's not confusing, not when he lays it all on the line like that. He said it, exactly what he wanted. And when you meet those steel blue eyes, you know he means every single word.

You nod, a smile tugging at both sides of your mouth, "I want that too."

"Good." He smiles down at you. "And all it took was cornering you."

You didn't think it was possible, but your face heats up even further, "Okay, maybe I was avoiding you a little bit."

"Oh, I know. I guess I'm just going to have to pencil myself into your 'busy' schedule."

"Guess you will."

"So how's Friday? Seven o'clock?"

"It's a date."

He pulls you in even closer, flush against him, "It's a date."

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Author's note: Dear reader, I missed you guys too much to not post this cute little follow up. I know it's short, but I hope it you guys enjoyed it!

Taglist: @marianita195 @meli18gonzalez @ludicbouquetfromearth @matchat3a @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @valoraxx @blue786sworld @buckyandgeraltsupremacy @geminigengar @ansaturn @ecolle @lexhalstead3 @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams @shanye1112 @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @moonlightreader649 @breathtaking-cynthia @mirikusashes @beans-and-toast @niyahcoca @katiechikin @elxvrr @antiheroxsblog @infamouslyclumsy @krissydclayton93 @buckysbarnes @deadheadwbedhead @qualitygiantshoepsychic @whitexwolfxx310 @getosprettyboy @matchat3a @weallhaveadestiny @mostlymarvelgirl @honeydew3064 @michealharrypotter @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @withyoutilltheendoftheline @the-photo-hoe @rae-nna @sarachabeans1@double-shot-of-tequila @spookyparadisesheep @lunaalovesyouu @daisy-loves-bucky@roseproseposts @theoraekenslover@king814318 @maybesomedaytho @carlie-babes99 @sunshinechikin @as-white-as-snow-love @melala1030 @badasswlthafatass @armystay89 @multiversefanfics @cherrysscinema @breathlesspieceofdeath @ravenn-darkholme @bxckybxrnes24 @guiltyasreid @bellabarnes1378 @blithecapricorn @mrsnikstan @marvelatthem @capswife @1-akira-2 @generalmoonpolice @chezagnes @cherriesnmango @willowpains @lori19

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Wishing all my dearest readers an amazing Taylor Swift Release Night!

[anonymityisfunwriter]

pls don't disappear I love you

disappear?? no, no, my dearest readers. but actually, while i’ve got you here, i’ve been meaning to chat with you guys about this.

so, i won’t lie to you. i’ve been inactive. i promise it’s not because i want to be. i still see all the comments, all the love and support, i still do a little cheer of gratitude every time. but as taylor swift once said, “i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit.” but also i’ve been saying yes a hell of a lot more than i ever did. i’m really just trying to figure out how to balance all the cool shit (okay i promise that’s the last taylor swift reference) going on.

your friendly neighbor anon is forcing themselves to be outside, is currently experiencing their own slow burn romance arc (!!!), and just doing my normal person things. the truth is out… i’m actually living all of the fanfic author realness. but even with all of that, i have never forgotten you guys. i will never be done. your girls still writing like she’s writing out of time (i said there would be no more taylor references i said nothing about hamilton). i’m actually forcing myself to go back to my roots and not post or publish things until they’re done just because my schedule has been so erratic (im trying to anyway, i may still cave every once in a while).

to make a long story short, life’s been exciting. it’s been good. i’m seizing the day, but that does not mean i will ever abandon you all. how could i? i have the best damn readers in my little corner of the internet.

love you guys too. i’ll be back before you know it. 💛

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Never Been Kissed

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary: You've never been one to kiss and tell.

A.N. - This one is for all my The Prophecy Girlies... also known as the most self indulgent thing I've ever written.

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist Never Been Kissed (Part 2)

"Come on," Sam coaxes. "Tell us or take a drink."

You swipe up the shot set before you, downing it without so much as a wince. You cross your arms, keeping your chin defiantly raised as you settle further into the couch, "I'm not telling you anything."

“Boo,” Sam playfully heckles, his drink sloshing in his hand. “Come on, it’s not that big a deal. Just tell us.”

“Absolutely not, I already took the damn drink.”

Sam quirks an eyebrow, refusing to back down, “Unless it was someone here?”

“Oh my God.” You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Sam, I did not hook up with anyone in this room.”

“Yes!” Sam teases. “That explains everything! That’s why you drank!”

“Or maybe I just don’t kiss and tell.”

“You’ve been drinking all night. And there’s only one reason you won’t tell us anything - because it’s someone in this very room!”

“Settle down, Sherlock,” Bucky cajoles.

You swipe the glass from Sam's loose grip, “You’re drunk, Sam.”

Sam boops your nose, swiping the glass back, “I’m not the one that’s been drinking for every question.”

“And yet, I'm still not nearly as drunk as you are," you shoot back, setting your drink on the table. You pat Bucky's shoulder, standing up from the couch, "And now, I’m going to bed. Goodnight, children.”

“Come on,” Sam drunkenly whines. “Don’t be a sore loser!”

“I have a debrief first thing, and I’m the only one of you assholes that won’t need to be carried to my room.”

Sam shouts after you, “Boo!”

Not a moment later, you feel a warm hand tap your shoulder, “Hey, wait up! I’ll walk you up.”

“Oh, sure.”

As you walk together, Bucky leans in conspiratorially, “So… now that it’s just us… Who was it?”

You groan, “Not you too.”

“Come on! It’s me! You can tell me!” Bucky cajoles.

“It’s none of your business.”

"I’m not asking for details. I just wanna know."

"You’re pushy when you’ve been drinking that Asgardian stuff, you know that?"

"Come on. It really can't be that bad. I probably don't even know the guy... unless I do?"

You hold his gaze for a moment, silently pleading with him to just drop it, "Bucky... enough."

"Was it Sam? Steve? Come on, I won't judge you if it was."

"Bucky, stop."

"Come on, just tell me!"

"No! Now drop it!" you snap.

Bucky freezes, his eyes widening, "I'm - I'm sorry, I didn't think it was that big of a deal."

You start to storm off, tossing a sharp retort over your shoulder, "Maybe not to you."

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry." He jogs after you, resting his warm, gentle hand on your forearm to stop you, "Really. You don't have to tell me. I was just being a dick. You’re right, it’s none of my business."

You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling the guilt pooling in the pit of your stomach for yelling at Bucky. "I can't tell you."

His brows furrow, "What?"

This was it. This was when everyone found out your deep, dark, embarrassing secret. You take another deep breath, bracing yourself for Bucky’s laughter and ridicule, "I can't tell you... because it hasn't happened yet."

His worry and confusion only compounds. His neck cranes slightly, almost like he believes his super solider hearing failing him is more plausible than your complete and total inexperience, "What?"

You take another massive breath, your cheeks heating, "I've never - it never happened for me."

“Huh?”

“Please don’t make me say it again.”

"Wait, wait, but earlier - earlier Natasha asked you about your first time. You said - you said it happened later than people might think."

You couldn’t believe he really wasn’t getting it. It was something you had come to accept about yourself. There was just something fundamentally wrong with you. Something not quite right. Something unloveable - at least in the romantic sense.

Shame heats your face, and you have to clench your fists in some hopeless attempt to keep it together in front of Bucky.

You try to shrug as casually as you can, "It's not technically a lie. Most people don't think someone can make it this long without your first kiss happening."

“Wait, wait.” If he was struggling to understand before, this may have just broken him. “You haven’t had your first kiss?”

You swallow the knot in your throat, hoping the word doesn’t sound as strangled as it feels, “No.”

Your shoulders sharply rise with a forced intake of breath as you wait for it. You wait for the litany of platitudes. The halfhearted consolations and excuses.

While you’d never told anyone about this missed rite of passage, you had mistakenly confided in a select few. You never said too much. Never said that you hadn’t ever been kissed. You usually offered something offhanded about not really dating much.

They didn’t need to know just how deep your inexperience ran. It didn’t matter anyway. The response was always the same. Some surface level words of comfort or dismissal.

You could practically hear the words falling from Bucky’s lips.

'It'll happen when you least expect it.'

'You just have to stop looking.'

'Put yourself out there.'

'You should lower your standards.'

'You're not missing out on much.'

The words you know all too well never come.

He chews on his bottom lip, his own mental turmoil as clear as day on his face. He didn’t know what to say and that was clear. He opens his mouth and your brace yourself for impact.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

You freeze, a little shocked by his response. “Don’t be.”

“No, no, I was being a dick and pushing you to talk about something you’re not comfortable with. I should understand that better than anyone else here.”

“I just - I don’t really tell people. It’s embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing?”

“Yeah, Bucky,” you scoff, a little too defensive. “It’s a little embarrassing. I’m a grown ass woman that’s never been kissed. I’m a grown woman that no one’s ever show the least bit of interest in.”

His hands stop mid air, “I’m sorry, what?”

“What?”

He quirks an incredulous brow, “No one’s shown interest?”

“No…”

His entire head twists with disbelief, “No one? Really?”

“I’ve never even been asked on a date before,” you confess.

“What?”

“Will you quit saying that?”

“Sorry, sorry! It’s just a little hard to believe.”

You can't help but roll your eyes, “Why is that hard to believe?”

“Because it’s you! Look at you! Someone must’ve shown interest at some point.”

You try to shrug it off again, desperately hoping that Bucky doesn’t see how much this actually does hurt, “No. It’s always just been me.”

“Not even like a schoolyard crush or something?”

“Well, I had crushes, sure. That doesn’t mean that anyone had them on me.” Bucky’s face remains frozen in that confused, disbelieving grimace for a beat too long after you’ve finished speaking that you feel desperate to paper over the emotional cracks. It’s fine. That’s what you’ve told yourself your entire life, and that’s exactly what you’ll tell him, “Listen, I’m fine with it now. I’ve come to terms with it. I’m content. Maybe romance just isn’t in-“

“Can I kiss you?”

Now, it was your turn to look confused and taken aback, “What?”

“Can I?” he offers again, his eyes flicker to your lips so quickly you can’t be sure you didn’t just imagine it. “Kiss you?”

You immediately begin to backtrack, taking a half step back to put some distance between the two that seems to shrink with every passing moment, “Bucky, you really don’t have to do that.”

“What if I want to?”

Your eyebrows pull together in disbelief. “Do you?”

“Yes.” His answer is so immediate and reflexive it’s hard not to believe him. “I want to. Please.”

His whispered ‘please’ is your undoing. You nod ever so slightly, your voice nothing but a choked whisper, “I won’t be good at it.”

“I don’t believe that.” At this point, he’s staring at your lips more than anything else. His flesh hand raises to your cheek, softly cupping it. “Just relax.”

Your breathing comes faster as his breath dances across your cheeks, “Bucky…”

“I want you to remember this.” You’re not sure he meant to say that out loud, but the words sent a pleasantly unfamiliar shudder down your spine.

And without another word, his lips gently brush yours. For a long moment, you just stand there, not moving an inch. Until your hand moves of its own accord to rest on his chest. It slowly trails up his shoulder and down to the nape of his neck. Your mouth hesitantly moves against his, slowly becoming more relaxed with each little breathy sound he pulls from you.

It feels like forever and a split second all at once. Especially when he slowly drags his lips away from yours. As he pulls away, he licks his lips like he’s savoring the taste of you while it still lingers on his lips.

He rest his head against yours for a long moment. His lips are puffy and glistening under the low light of the Compound hallway, “There. Now, you’ve been kissed.”

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Bucky Barnes Masterlist Part 2

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[anonymityisfunwriter]

she owns it all now <3

how are you feeling? cause i’m feeling a lot

I AM SO EXCITED

not to be all parasocial about it, but i genuinely could not be any prouder of taylor. she deserves this so so so much! how are you feeling?

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Every Part of You

Pairing - Grumpy!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Reader A.N. - Alright, I've been asked to write about Bucky and Sunshine's first time many, many times. And the thing is, like sure, I could write that, but also I want us to take a moment to consider trying to build up to that. There's so many firsts buried in there that I think need to be navigated through before they even get there. This is one of those firsts. Like the first time you see Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Grumpy Sunshine Series

"You're just- " You stop speaking, searching for his lips again. Though you're breathless, you can't bring yourself to pull away from him, "You're so pretty."

You shudder as you feel his hand slip under your sweater. The occasional graze of the cool metal on your skin enough to send shivers down your spine.

His lips trail down, nipping at your jaw, "I'm not pretty."

Your hands, winded in the hair at the nape of his neck, glide down his neck, to clutch the fabric of his henley. The moment he feels your fingers toy with the collar of his shirt, his heart hammers against his ribcage. Not in the sort of way that he usually feels in these moments with you. He feels a sense of dread, of panic. It wraps around his spine like a python. It feels like he can't breathe.

"You're so -"

He wrenches away from you, his chest heaving, "Stop, stop, stop."

You freeze, immediately dropping your hands. Panic starts creeping up your throat, coating your words. "Did I - did I do something wrong?"

He gulps, silently shaking his head. It takes him a moment to regain his composure, to regain the ability to speak clearly, "No, no, you're - you're perfect."

Guilt starts to eat at him. He can see you doing your very best to keep your own feelings off your face. He can see the sting of his rejection in the way your lips press together in a tight line. The embarrassment in the pallor of your once flushed cheeks.

You two have worked so hard to overcome your own personal issues and traumas, to build trust in each other, moments like these hadn't come easy. And he so callously pushed you away, it makes him feel worse. And what makes his heart ache even more, he sees nothing but concern for him shining in your eyes. You just look so worried for him.

Your hands rest in your lap. You twist and untwist your fingers. "If you don't want to, we don't - we don't have to do anything. I'm really sorry -"

"No, no, please don't be sorry." He reaches for you, gently squeezing your hand. It soothes him as much as it does you. "I want to. You don't know how much I want to."

"But?"

His eyes squeeze shut. He can't bring himself to meet your eyes. "You haven't seen it before - my arm, my shoulder."

"Oh."

He drops your hand. That feeling takes over him again. It feels like there's not enough air in the room. He slides away from you, closer to the edge of the tiny couch in your apartment. "It's - I am not pretty."

It breaks your heart, watching him pull away from you. You can only imagine how many people have turned away from him before. "James..."

He fervently shakes his head, refusing to open his eyes, "No, no, I know what you're gonna say, but it's bad. A lot worse than you're thinking."

"How do you know what I'm thinking?"

"It's bad," he insists. "I see it every day and I can barely - it's just bad, okay?"

You take his hand, squeezing it tightly. "It's okay if you don't want me to see it. I understand."

He finally opens his eyes again as his eyebrows pull together. He still doesn't meet your eye. "No, no, I want to - I trust you with this, I do. I just - I want you to be prepared."

In that moment, you realize that it's not really about preparing you. Not at all.

He thinks you're going to react badly. He thinks that this will make you turn away from him for the first time ever. He's worried that the love and adoration in your eyes will turn to disgust and repulsion.

It's less about preparing you for the scarred flesh, and more about warning you that he couldn't take a bad reaction. He's not sure he could take it if you turned away from him too.

"I love you," you promise him. "There's nothing that you could show me that would change that. I hope you know that."

There is no response to that. And you know that he won't believe it until he sees it. It takes him a moment. His hand toys with the hem of his shirt. His hand grips the hem, only to let it go.

"I love you," you remind him.

He takes a large gulp of air, pulling off his shirt with one quick movement.

You weren't really sure what you were expecting. You knew the story. You knew how Bucky lost his arm. He even confided the bits and pieces he remembered from getting his vibranium arm.

Your eyes trail over his skin. The shoulder is scarred, scars jut in every direction. Each scar is etched into his skin. It's clear it was a painful, violent experience for him. The metal plate protrudes from the scar tissue in a way that you're sure was painful when first placed. You look on with curiosity, you're not really sure how this, a sign of survival, a badge of resilience, could ever make anyone turn away from him.

He's as breathtaking as you could ever imagine.

Your eyes flicker up at him. He looks at the blank wall of your apartment, scared to watch your facial expressions as you take it in. "Can I?"

He nods, barely able to look you in the eyes. He sucks in a breath when your fingers make contact with the scar tissue surrounding the metal plate.

You immediately pull your fingers back, worried you've accidentally hurt him. "Does it hurt?"

"No," he answers reflexively.

You know he's lying. "I've seen you holding your shoulder before - holding it like it hurts."

"Sometimes," he amends. "The doctor said there's a lot of nerve damage. Things they can't fix."

"Does it hurt now?"

"No."

You run your hand over the plate, over his scars, down to his shoulder blade.

"Still think I'm pretty?" he sarcastically remarks.

You press a gentle kiss to his bare shoulder. "I'll always think you're pretty. Every part of you."

Bucky Barnes Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist

Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

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[accoochtrement]

I love I love I love I love I love

[anonymityisfunwriter]

You're so sweet! Thank you so much! 💛

[anonymityisfunwriter]

"Two Sides of The Same Coin" Chapter List

The Grumpy x Sunshine Series story! AO3⏐Wattpad⏐Two Sides Of The Same Coin Playlist

Pairing: Sunshine!Reader x Grumpy!Bucky Barnes

Chapter 1 - Welcome To New York Chapter 2 - State of Grace Chapter 3 - Ready for It? Chapter 4 - Holy Ground Chapter 5 - Wonderland Chapter 6 - It’s Nice To Have A Friend Chapter 7 - The Archer Chapter 8 - Mad Woman Chapter 9 - I Did Something Bad Chapter 10 - Hoax Chapter 11 - So It Goes… Chapter 12 - Delicate Chapter 13 - Mirrorball Chapter 14 - We Were Happy Chapter 15 - A Place In This World Chapter 16 - Everything Has Changed Chapter 17 - The Joker and The Queen Chapter 18 - I’m Only Me When I’m With You Chapter 19 - The Outside Chapter 20 - Bad Blood Chapter 21 - Nothing New Chapter 22 - Safe and Sound Chapter 23 - Dancing With Our Hands Tied Chapter 24 - You Are In Love Chapter 25 - Peace Chapter 26 - Invisible String Chapter 27 - False God Chapter 28 - Exile Chapter 29 - Renegade Chapter 30 - Out Of The Woods Chapter 31 - Long Live Chapter 32 - Last Kiss Chapter 33 - Come Back…Be Here Chapter 34 - Breathe Chapter 35 - All Too Well Chapter 36 - Don’t Blame Me Chapter 37 - Evermore Chapter 38 - Long Story Short (Epilogue) Chapter 39 - Daylight (Epilogue) Chapter 40 - Begin Again (Prologue) Chapter 41 - Welcome To New York (Outtake) Chapter 42 - Treacherous (Outtake) Chapter 43 - Enchanted (Outtake) Chapter 44 - This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things (Outtake) Bonus Chapter (Wedding Fluff) - Going To The Chapel And They’re Gonna Get Married The Interrogation Even More Outtakes AnonymityIsFun Masterlist Grumpy Sunshine Series

[darling2411]

So im starting to read this because I only just found it ? ? And WHAT DO YOU MEAN it‘s a Bucky Barnes fanfic and the chapters are named after TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS ! I’m so exited 😭

[anonymityisfunwriter]

I'm so glad this story finally found you! I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for reading! 💛

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Could you write something for my birthday? It's April 26th. If you're busy that's totally fine, no pressure. If yes, I LOVE BUCKY AND SUNSHINE, always sam, maybe a splash of yelena in there. And again, you don't have to! I know life can get hectic

Love you lots, Nonnie!!

well, i'm so so sorry that i missed your birthday, but i wanted to wish you the best, happiest birthday, dearest reader! i've got a lot up my sleeve, and i can't wait to share! 💛

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Hi, just here to tell you that your works ARE comfort fics for me. Two Sides of the Same Coin is one that I reread often when I need a pick me up. (I haven't read Twin Flames because I haven't had time since it was finished but just know I will absolutely devour it when I have time)

I saw the post you reblogged and wanted you to know how loved you and your works are ❤️

ahhh i appreciate this so much. i'm so glad you enjoyed my story, and i hope you enjoy twin flames whenever you get a chance to read it! thank you so much! 💛

[anonymityisfunwriter]

I just wanted to tell you,

That your fics are my comfort fics.

I always come back to them when I'm sad or need a pick me up. <3<3<3

you are always the sweetest, dearest reader. thank you so much for your support and love, it means the world to me 💛

[boycottxxlove]

my dream as a fanfic writer is for one day, one of my fics to be someones comfort fic. like the fic that they reread when they don't feel good and want to be happy. i want my words to comfort someone one day

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Hi there…I just found out about your story There Is No Coming Back From This and I absolutely love it I was wondering if you were going to release the eighth chapter or have you put the story on hold? No pressure just asking.

I’m so glad you’re enjoying the story! Yes, I am continuing the story, it’s just a work in progress. I appreciate the patience and love. Thank you so much! 💛

[anonymityisfunwriter]

“i didn’t even think you guys would want that” BESTIE I COULD BE 70 AND OLD AND GRAY AND STILL BE THINKING ABOUT SUNSHINE!!! matter of fact, imma go ahead and re-read two sides of the same coin and twin flames rn 🙂‍↕️

AHHHH you guys are so sweet! And you know what, I’ll be here right with you guys and we can all be old and gray together. Thank you so so much for the love and support! 💛

[anonymityisfunwriter]

been away for a long while. hope you’ve been well <3

ahhh!! you’re so sweet! i’ve definitely been busy, but i’ve been doing my best to carve out time for my dearest readers. it’s always good to be back. thank you so much! 💛