so...i’m pretty sure i’m akoiromantic. but i want a relationship so damn bad. but i also don’t wanna hurt anyone. the reason i want a relationship is bc i like the lil affections that come w it. ya know, cuddling and going on cute dates and cute pet names, all that mushy stuff. but ya know how being akoi goes. and so far i’ve ended all my relationships as soon as i lost feelings bc i didn’t wanna hurt the other person. i crave that affection tho and i don’t wanna hurt anyone. what do??
One thing that I reiterate about something like this is that learning how to navigate the world of romance to fit what makes you comfortable is incredibly important. You have to be honest with yourself about what you want out of companionship, as you’ve said, things like affection and dates, and what labels of a relationship you’re okay with. Many people on the aro spectrum explore queer platonic relationships, which is always an option. Others aren’t as comfortable with defining companionship exclusively in that way, which is also fine. If you’re able to define what you want out of romance, you’ll likely also be able to be firm about what you don’t want, which is equally as important. This way, you’ll be in a better position to experiment with things like casual dating or getting close to people and feeling comfortable defining boundaries in whatever way suits you. My best advice for you would be to experiment with getting out there and finding what’s best for you. People experiment with dating all the time, not just when they go through struggles with identity. There’s nothing wrong with it. You’d be surprised how many people out there are comfortable and flexible with casual relationships, dating, doing whatever feels right and fretting about relationship labels later. Doing something like this can help you determine whether or not you are okay and comfortable with certain aspects of romance, or if swearing it off will suit you better.And if it turns out that this isn’t something that’s comfortable for you to do right now, I suggest taking some time for self-reflection and self-care. Practicing this never hurts and can only help. This will help you get into a better head space if you do decide you want to step out and experiment with romance again. I promise it’s possible to find a happy balance with this identity. I tortured myself for months after discovering this part of me, I thought I would never be happy, and I only felt immense guilt for hurting others. But now, I’ve come to terms with this, I know what I want out of feelings, affection, and intimacy, and I don’t have to worry that I’ll be hurting anyone again, because the people that I meet/casually date are on the same page as I am, so it works out. Don’t give up, give yourself some credit, and remember that no matter how difficult it is right now, everything is going to work out. You’ve got this.