corrupted colours

thoughts// mobile view is weird sorry?

[anosalia]

It was that night. I was all alone, in the middle of the ocean. It was cold, the water was deep, and I was alone. I dared not look down, into the water, or I knew I'd drown. Into the blackness, into the void, into oblivion. But it was pulling me down, weighing me down, even though the endless expanse was not a galaxy, the water not a black hole, and I not a star dying beautifully in its last moments. All I wanted was a lighthouse to lead me home. But how would a lighthouse see me, when I wasn't even on a ship? When I was just a minuscule presence floating in something so endless?

A.G. // 2:41am- Plethora

[anosalia]

Why are we driven by so many maybe's? So many what-if's? Why are we humans created this way? To be able to wonder, to imagine?  To understand and comprehend beauty, value? Why are we able to deceive? Others and ourselves? Why are we able to believe? Why are we given the ability to love? To love, to hate, to destroy? Why? Why us?

A.G. // 2:59am- Rhetorics

[foxmouth]

[kennyomegax-deactivated20210210]

Tag Yourself: Colors

Pink: Lip gloss, cotton candy, mom friend, heart shaped glasses, soft eyes, good at giving advice, longing stares, bullet journaling, fluffy pillow, bubblegum

Red: Bruised fists, crooked grins, not a good example but means well, profanity, sarcasm, short fuse, chapped lips, raised middle finger, mascara, intimidating but nice

Orange: Silk sheets, messy bun, extrovert, literature, friends with everyone, knows the latest gossip, but doesn’t start it, passes work on time, quote pictures on the wall, flower crowns

Yellow: Bubbles, messy hair, the smell of coffee, stuffed toys, hearts on the corner of a notebook, singing in the shower, still watches cartoons, small handwriting, sunshine, doesn’t like loud sounds

Green: Bleary eyes, star gazing, kissing in the backseat, chill but doesn’t take shit, talk a lot or nothing at all, watches anime, looks up to a fictional character, drunk on wine, sunsets, hand holding

Blue: Rain hitting the ground, biting your nails, laying in bed, likes to doodle, ponytail, few but very close friends, binge watching, stressed and it shows, clean white walls, the moon

Purple: The smell of an old book, libraries, creative, introverted, quiet, writes fiction, works alone, stressed but doesn’t show it, head up in the clouds, indie music

[anosalia]

The universe is growing by every moment. But so is the distance between us.

A.G. //2:01am- Not Utopia Yet

[anosalia]

I take no joy in mead nor meat, and song and laughter have become suspicious strangers to me. I am a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings. There is an empty place within me where my heart once was.

George R. R. Martin, A Song of Ice and Fire

[anosalia]

Breathing is hard. When you cry so much, it makes you realize that breathing is hard.

David Levithan, Love is the Higher Law

[anosalia]

Here we are, Living on borrowed time, Pretending as if We own these planets. Fighting, Crying, Lovestruck, With no care in the world. We all have a reason for our existence. What of that? Have you figured yours out? The events in your life are but Paths to take you To the other half. Only when the string is Joined, Worn out, It is cut.

A.G. // 2:44am- Time and Knots

[anosalia]

Trust me, you will stop searching, when you find someone who pictures you like a broken bird. Not beyond unfixable, but someone who'd slowly heal in their care. And they'd sometimes get frustrated; not at you but at their inability to try to tend to one of the tougher, more resistant wounds. The one, which made all your previous lovers leave you, deepening it each time. And maybe one day, when the scars become invisible enough, you will learn to fly, and they will be the one to teach you, and fly with you.

A.G. // 2:22am- Venture

[anosalia]

Sometimes, when I read something truly beautiful, truly painful, something that strikes close to home, I can just feel the pang in my heart. I know it becomes unbearable only when my vision blurs without me realising that my cheeks have become cold because of the tears flowing down my face. My throat burns. Later though, when I think about it, I feel a strange sort of happiness. Not because of the pain, of course. At having thoughts that can make me feel that way. Happy, or calm, I may say. Because it makes me feel more human? I realise that those kind of moments aren't just something you read in novels or see in movies. And I'm capable of experiencing such strong feelings. In some strange way, that comforts me.

A.G. // 2:14am- Resonance

[anosalia]

I tried like I always do; the outcome ends up being the same, like it always does.

A.G. // 2:09am- Equations

[anosalia]

Sometimes you read a word so many times, and it doesn't seem like a word anymore. Emotions are just like that; you don't know if they're real, or something you believed to be true for a long time.

A.G. // 2:48am- Sore Eyes

[anosalia]

I don't think I will ever feel content while I live in this world. There resides a constant restlessness inside me; and I imagine it to be a tiny version of myself, trapped in my own heart. She screams to be let out, but in vain. For the walls are like stone, and the roof so high she can see nothing but blackness above her.

A.G. // 2:33am - The Void

[anosalia]

We talk of bittersweet memories But what are we remembering, really? How things were back then, or how we felt in those moments? I remember; we were happy, we were laughing,  We cried too, We were in hopeless one-sided loves, Unrequited loves, With broken hearts Now that we have come out of this tunnel Now that we have come so far Some of us want to go back And some want to continue discovering The beauty and the joy life promised us Some of us look around, though, and see mist We walk through it, unsure. Are we going back, or ahead? If you had to change something, what would you? The past that holds some moments you regret, Or the future, which you are not even certain of? If you were to change the past, wouldn't you somehow  land up in the same place anyways? You are bound to the same fate no matter what changes. If you were to change your future,  Are bittersweet memories any memories, really?

A.G. // 2:28 am- Memories and the Butterfly

[anosalia]

I wish blogging could burn calories

[anosalia]

Oh! Fuck your feelings

Truth is only hearsay

We're just left to decay

Modernity has failed us

- The 1975 // Love it if we Made it

[anosalia]

Is there any point? There never was. I was the only one taking things seriously. Thinking my presence mattered. Contemplating everything you said, everything we talked about. Replaying the same scenes in so many different versions that I couldn’t even figure out what actually happened. And now it’s all gone, you’re gone. Could things have gone differently? Could I have changed my actions, even two seconds of it? Maybe that wouldn’t have mattered either, because I would still remain to be the same insignificant one you casually talked to. The one who was easy, because she always laughed.  The one you thought you could never hurt, because you never even knew she was oversensitive. But then again, what did you even know? Did you know you were destroying me? That when you’d leave, so would a part of my soul? But who are you to blame? Because after all that, I’m still searching for you, and for that part of my soul that’s lost.

A.G. // 2:43am- Seeking Truth Lies