My First Chanukah
This year, 5776 on the Jewish calendar, I celebrated Chanukah for the first time in my life. I got myself a beautiful Chanukiah and celebrated at home with my wonderful and supportive roommate, except for the third night which I celebrated with two people of my chosen family at their place.
I learned to sing the blessings for the candles, as well as the âShehecheyanuâ for the first night. Singing the blessings instead of reading them made lighting the candles even more special to me. After lighting the candles I read âHanerot halaluâ from my Siddur and listened to âMaoz Tzurâ and other Chanukah songs.
On the sixth night I confused the days and kindled five instead of six candles. After a short time I realized I lit the wrong number of candles which really dragged me down. I added the sixth candle later but the evening was totally ruined for me. I cried a lot and I wasnât able to go to synagogue for Kabbalat Shabbat because of that. Several people told me itâs okay and that everybody makes mistakes. This evening it was hard for me to get that message. And itâs still not easy. Yes, everybody makes mistakes. Me, too. And usually itâs no big deal for me to acknowledge Iâm not perfect and flawless. But accepting that I made the mistake of lighting the Chanukah candles the wrong way on my very first Chanukah was hard. And after some time I realized why. I suffer from anxiety and chronic depression. Iâm not entirely in control of my own life. While preparing for Chanukah, learning and singing the blessings, lighting the candles and reading the prayer I felt like I was regaining control of my life to some degree. And failing at this was hard to accept.
But I did accept it. And thatâs why I post these photos. All of them. Even the one from the sixth night where I made a mistake. Itâs okay to make mistakes. We are all failing. We are all learning. Conversion to Judaism is a long process and we will make mistakes on our way. Thatâs inevitable. But we can try our best to learn from them. The important thing is not to do everything perfectly. Thatâs impossible. The important thing is to never lose faith in ourselves. âĄ
×Öˇ× ×Ö˛× Öť×Ö¸Öź× ×ŠÖ¸××Öľ×Öˇ Chag Chanukah Sameach Happy Chanukah














