chris sandra antonia. @antoniaester - Tumblr Blog

June 25, 2016

HONESTY.

who knew this would be so hard. Dont get me wrong being honest with others is easy. But its being honest with myself that I still struggle with. Knowing what I want and sticking to it. Knowing that I shouldnt fear my standards and there are people out there that support, believe and love me.

June 17,2016

Letting Go is harder than it seems.

Today made me question if I was authentically living my best in ALL environments that Im in. At work, in the community, at home, with my friends or in my thoughts.

Today I learnt that if you dont feel gratitude burning in your spirit you probably dont get it. Its so easy to understand a concept but its another to live it out and feel it within your life.

Today made me reflect how my past and upbringing has subconsciously affected my personal perception of self image. Would I be okay if i gained 10lbs or would i beat myself up about it? Realizing I’ve being spoiled with materialistic things to tailor a specific image of who you are. I was taught to hide your pains through the image you portray in society. Even if youre financially hurting its okay to shop because hey at least you look good and noone will even notice. I dont know if its a cultural thing but i feel that filipinos do this quite often. where they make their life look better than it actually seems. To flaunt their possessions and accomplishments. It makes senses why Ive struggle so much to not put so much value in what i wear and how I look. If its not my clothes, its my hair, if its not my hair, its my body.

Today I learnt alot and im grateful to be surrounded by such powerful women who care about me and my future

June 12,2017

-Have deeper reflections and go beyond excitement

-Just let go

-Counsel even with the little things.

-With pride there is impatience because you believe your time is more valuable

-take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul, he’s in the waiting(”Take Courage”-by Kristene DiMarco)

-”Find my own flame”

-You are in a planned Detour

-All authority is with Jesus therefore no one and nothing have authority over you.

-Understand the difference between power and authority. Ex. Guns can be used as power, but cops badges have authority. Although Bad people use fire guns once an authority is present all fire stops.

-You are called beyond the church, beyond business.

the truth is....

I dont want to be trapped in a job for the rest of my life.

I never want my kids to see me worry about money like the way i saw my parents did

It breaks my heart to see hopelessness in the world

the hardest thing for me to find was my voice

as big as my dreams are the ONLY thing i can control is what I do within the day and how i can make that day powerful

I love God because he was the father that never left me

I had to be okay with saying goodbye

I just want friends who truly accept me and help me grow into a better person

everybody is different and unique but society wants us to accept ourselves as a “no name brand” individual

I had to let go alot of self shame, unworthiness and perfectionism

The biggest thing that crippled me was my lack of gratitude

I just want to make a difference in this world.

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june thirty ; sticks

well , let’s just say mark & gerard has think they got the moves. :P

antoniaester

(via axadventures)

ELLL OHH ELL

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this song will always have a special place in my heart

goldeh

Everyday I pray for you

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Maybe we’ll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I’ll be right for you and you’ll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.

(via bl-ossomed)

Its honestly so crazy how much I’ve grown.

I dont feel like I’m the same person I was last year. & sometimes it hard because some people cant grasp the concept of growth.

Everyday I grow.

Therefore theres a good chance I wont be the same person I was last week. My thoughts and actions are continuously evolving. & so when people ask me whats new? sometimes its hard to even pinpoint one thing (because sometimes its everything).

today

today in class we got asked the two questions

“what keeps you up at night?” & “what gets you up in the morning?”

It just made me realize the fact that students are so consumed of their currently reality. They forget who they are and why they continue to live. They literally live and breathe SCHOOL. From the moment they wake up to the time they go to bed. Majority of their thoughts are consumed by this system that by the time they graduate the reality of LIFE hits them with a ton of bricks.

I think when choosing what area you want to study it shouldn’t be what can you see yourself doing for the rest of your life but simply be HOW do you want to live your life? Because honestly I dont believe anyone wants to work for a living (or at least have to depend on their job for money). It’s just required by society.

I believe people should work towards fulfilling their purpose in life. Unfortunately society and the education system tells us different.

We face two choices: to live by the norm and accept the set path society has created or to live against the grain to find different systems with the lifestyle you truly desire.

Be Bold. Explore. You dont have to settle within societal standards.