How to Not Be a Sh***y RPer:
A Salty, Honest, and Tired Guide
Do not send hostile or negative anons. It doesn’t matter what it is about, this isn’t the way to handle it. If you want to send hate? Don’t. If you saw someone write a PSA that doesn’t touch perfectly on every note you personally think it should? Don’t send the anon. Talk to them off anon, or write your own PSA. Anonymous negativity/hostility will never end well, so just don’t do it. Your message will probably come off as much harsher than it is meant to; it is not the responsibility of the person receiving anon hate to decide you didn’t mean to upset them.
Remember to be a decent person. If you aren’t someone who plays well with others, then first off, seriously consider what you’re doing in an RP community. Writing fanfiction may be a better way to go, because RPing requires the ability to communicate desires to other people. You need to be able to hold a friendly, direct conversation with your writing partners. If you can’t do that, and aren’t willing to learn how to work with your situation in order to do that? RP may not be for you. This doesn’t mean you have to instantly start having long, in-depth conversations with near strangers, but you do need to be able to do the very basics. In other words, if someone comes and says hello to you, you should be able to respond to that in a friendly, polite way and then, as appropriate, communicate your needs to them, whatever they may be.
Communication is key. Don’t want to talk OOC today? Cool! Tell people that in a friendly way – better to do it on the dash rather than to respond to someone’s IM greeting with a surly growl. Communicate your needs and desires in a way that is honest, direct, and respectful to yourself as well as to other people. Don’t try to punish anyone, or make anyone feel bad, for you not being able to interact today. It’s okay to have off days, you do not need to justify yourself for those – but you do need to be respectful as you let people know that today, you’re not doing the thing so well.
Don’t post or reblog things that are intended to guilt trip people, or to coerce them into a particular course of action they might otherwise not have taken. Communicating your desires does not mean demanding others obey them. Don’t tell your followers they’re bad people for not agreeing with you on a particular pet topic. Remember that there is always a difference between offering to educate someone on a particular topic and attempting to coerce them, and that difference is everything.
Respect other people and respect yourself. Remember that not every post is about you. Not every PSA is about you. Just because you might be a person with Thing X doesn’t mean that the person you want to take something out on is neurotypical, or has no issues whatsoever. You aren’t the only person in the world with a different state of development, with mental illness, trauma, differing worldviews, experiences, et cetera. Remember that, because it is incredibly important. It is easy to feel like the moral center of the world, but impossible to actually be. Sometimes, remembering this needs to be a conscious choice.
Tag NSFW and triggering content. If you think it might fuck up someone’s day? Tag that shit. This always applies to graphics, but should also apply to the written word. It’s not edgy or cool to not tag things. Tag adult situations. Tag sexual assault mentions. Tag pictures that seem likely to trigger someone’s phobia. Tag questionable things, like choking, because that can be an extremely intense trigger for some people, so if you want to reblog a picture of someone being choked, tag it. Writing a graphic choking scene? Tag it. It takes you half a second to write the tag, so just do it. Tagging might seem like a chore, but the better job you do at tagging to respect and protect your community, the happier everyone in that community – yourself included – can be. You don’t need to tag every single thing, like lipstick or battery or whatever, but if it is reasonable to expect the content to prove triggering or upsetting to someone, just do the thing.
Don’t lie about your age. I’ve seen people do this in both directions. It’s not cool. You don’t have to tell someone how old you actually are, but for fuck’s sake, if you’re a minor? Tell them you’re a minor. You don’t need to say I’m seventeen, but please, please, please, let adult RPers know you are underage and cannot legally write erotic content with them.
Don’t make unreasonable demands on someone’s time. If you want to build a meaningful RP relationship, you’re going to need to put time into it, but you also need to respect that both you and the other mun may have a lot going on irl, and thus may not be able to spend all the time you want on Tumblr. A respected, balanced real life will make for a much happier, more consistent RP experience in most cases. It’s a hell of a lot of fun to get fast replies, but not everyone can do that, especially not all the time. If someone is slow, go ahead and ask them if they are still interested in the thread if you feel it has been a reasonably long time since they’ve replied, but don’t ask them more than once. They may be stressing about stuff in the real world, and getting stress when it comes to their hobby may prove to be just too much, even if they know you mean well. Don’t try to force character engagement when they aren’t offering it. Basically…
Consider RPing to be an intimate relationship. This doesn’t mean a sexual one. Intimacy isn’t always sexual. But what this all boils down to is that our community is based on creative cooperation and intense interaction of a deeply personal nature. That’s intimate. We need to be respectful of the people we interact with. When you want a thread, don’t just sigh and moan and posture and hope someone gives it to you, but go to the partners you want to write it with and tell them you’d really love to do this thing with them. Be kind. Be respectful. Try to actively care about the people you write with. Treat them like people, not toys. No one is disposable. Don’t treat their time, talents, and character as just a way to get smut unless you know they’re comfortable with just essentially being a content provider rather than a partner. It’s an important distinction.
Be excellent to each other. This one, I think, needs no explanation.
So what this all boils down to is: be honest, be kind, be respectful. Your way of doing and interpreting those things may be different from someone else’s, but as long as you’re doing your best and are communicating as effectively as you can about it, you’re golden.
Notice how none of these are about graphics, themes, writing style, length of reply, et cetera? Good. That’s intentional. There are dozens of RP styles and preferences out there, but the one thing that absolutely stands as true in any RP clique or group is the fact that if we don’t treat each other well, the RP experience will not be as satisfying, and the RP community will be all the poorer. Manners are necessary. Some attempt at class is necessary.
I’ve been the awful RP partner, the shitty person, the intolerant asshole; trust me, I know the difference it makes when one consciously makes themselves be decent and good. Appreciate your fellow writers, respect their time, respect their creativity, and don’t try to force them to bend for you, because they may have been forced to bend too many times, and this could be the demand that finally breaks them. Love people, share the hobby, enjoy each other.
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