anyotherday @anyotherday - Tumblr Blog

The Last Post

I haven't posted to tumblr in WELL over a year -- closer to two years. I don't plan on posting again. I am fairly active over on instagram, but mostly my life is... life, and I document some things, but don't keep constant documentation of all of the mundane. Maybe that's a little sad. I do enjoy coming back to my tumblr and reading posts from when I was in Korea, particularly those about little moments with my students that I have forgotten about.

A lot of the other posts make me cringe, because I was 23 when I left for Korea, and now I am 34. It has been SEVEN YEARS since I left Korea (how the fuck did that happen!?). I have grown up and changed a lot. I have grown and changed a lot since the last time I posted here, even.

Here is the conclusion: 2022 was an awful year for me. It involved getting a new job, being super excited about that new job, and then losing said job. However, losing said job meant that I could FINALLY take a very much needed break after years of burnout, and because I made so much more money at the job that I lost, my unemployment checks were enough money to survive on for those three months of healing.

After those three months, I got my "for now" dream job. I work in post-secondary education, which was where I wanted to be. My job excites me, it is flexible, I am on an amazing team, and the only thing I could ask for is more money (isn't that always the thing?). I have a good group of friends. Life is finally on the trajectory that I have wanted it to be on ever since I landed back in Canada on September 15, 2016.

My mental health is much better and I am learning to be kinder to myself. It's a work in progress.

For those of you who are still here, thank you for following me and for reading and commenting, even on those posts in my early to mid 20s that make me cringe or want to go back and shake myself. I miss the community we had in the early to mid 2010s -- it was invaluable to me during my time in Korea, and a needed support system after I returned.

Silent scream

I have an interview for another job next week and I have to keep it a secret from my coworkers and I am DYING. After five years of working with essentially the same team (minus seasonal people/a couple of new additions to the permanent staff), it is inexplicably hard to NOT. SAY. ANYTHING. I have told my boyfriend and I have told my mom. I will probably tell one of my bffs tonight because she and I are going to go on a short walk. But my coworkers are also my friends and essentially my ride-or-dies, so I feel like they need to be told too, but I can’t.

I am keeping it a secret because I am in a management role, and it feels weird to be openly advertising the fact that I am job searching. The restaurant manager recently left and she was kinda-sorta advertising it? But mostly because she knew that I was in a similar place/mindset as her -- we both have worked for the same winery for a number of years, and we both feel that our time with the winery has come to a natural end. There’s no resentment toward anyone we are working with. We have just tired of our role, and It Is What It Is.

I reappear

I have been blogging since I was 13, and I have pretty much always blogged about my life, so I REALLY notice when I don’t have it as an outlet for the mundane. I find that I usually turn to Instagram now, but sometimes that can feel a lil weird. My online life and my offline life was mostly separate until the rise of social media, but even then my blog was mostly not shared with people who knew me IRL until I moved to Korea and started using tumblr in earnest. Thus, when I DO use Instagram as an outlet, it feels super weird when people in my actual life reference something I posted! I can’t quite explain why!

Anyway, tl;dr, I miss tumblr and the community, though it doesn’t feel the same anymore so I am not as inclined to post.

Life with the boyfriend has mostly been good. We fight about the most common thing that couples fight about (cleaning), and his procrastination/laziness drives me fucking I-N-S-A-N-E. He has been making efforts to address it, but it’s a work in progress. I just feel like I have slipped into the typical female role where I am the household manager, and the frustrating part about it all is that I recognize it is happening and I resent it, but at the same time I have difficulty trusting him to Do the Adult things without reminders (partially because he hasn’t demonstrated that he is trustworthy in that regard). It also doesn't help that my mom was always/is the household manager and my dad is useless (like to the point where he won’t even make his own appointments), so I didn’t have a strong female role model in that regard. Sigh. Something that I need to work on.

ANYWAY! The whole reason why I came to tumblr today is because! Boyfriend went to his mom’s house just after Christmas, and came home with this pre-cooked ham from Costco that he figured he would slice up and make into sandwiches. He cut up all the ham. There was a lot of ham. I made an effort to eat some of the ham, he made an effort, but after about a week it started languishing. So I said to him “Hey, you better eat the ham or we should pop it into the freezer, or it’s going to go bad.” His response was “iT’s FiNe, it’s dated till February!” So I was like “MMMKay it is starting to not taste fresh anymore, but it’s ur ham.”

Flash forward to today. It has been... two weeks and a half weeks since the ham was sliced? Maybe more than that. I told him he should have some ham with breakfast, because it needed to be eaten. He said that we should just throw the rest out, because he didn’t trust it anymore, and I was like “.......we should have frozen it, then” and he was like “YOU TOLD ME NOT TO FREEZE IT,” to which I was like “...............” and he said “Oh wait, that was my mom who said that.”

So the rest of the ham went into the garbage. And like. It wasn’t my money, but I hate wasting food because that shit is expensive! Especially meat! And I feel like he just doesn’t care about food waste at all, while I am like “We paid cash money for that!” whenever we throw something out. Which is admittedly not often; I am a good enough cook now that unless I forget about something, I am able to use it up before it goes bad, and we eat most meals at home. BUT. IT WAS THE PRINCIPLE. The fact that I said “Hey if you’re not gonna eat this soon, you should pop it in the freezer,” but then it never happened, and because I didn’t do it myself, we had to throw it out.

JKAWJEKLAJWELAKJWEJKL.

Anyway. In time. Maybe he will learn. I am trying... to slowly pass off responsibilities on to him. But again, the lack of trust and the lack of demonstration that I CAN trust.

tastefullyoffensive

People Are Sharing The Most Passive-Aggressive Things They’ve Ever Seen — Or Done (35 Pics)

fattributes

Confit Tomato Pizza with Burrata

#ffffff this looks so good #need to attempt this

SIGH

Well, since I last posted, Boyfriend and I found an apartment! And we are moved in to the apartment! Woo! All happy things, though moving has been stressful as fuck, and work has also been stressful, so the last week of June was Really Not a Good Week for me.

Now things are okay, but unpacking is... arduous... and Boyfriend and I don’t fully see eye-to-eye RE: how quickly a place should be unpacked. During my move to my last apartment in Korea, I was fully unpacked within like... two days, and that is WITH working. When I move a new place, I aim to unpack everything and get it in its place as quickly as possible because disorder and not feeling at home does things to my overall mental well-being. I can’t quite explain it. I just get... weepy? And don’t feel quite right? I don’t like living out of suitcases, I hate not being able to find things, and I just NEED to get everything unpacked to feel okay.

Unfortunately with the way the move was timed, getting everything quickly unpacked has been difficult. I really, really wanted to at least get the bedroom unpacked so that I would have an unpacked sanctuary to retire to. That hasn’t happened yet. I had difficulty even getting MY stuff unpacked in the bedroom until today, but now my bedroom stuff is unpacked and Boyfriend’s is just... literally all over the place. He has promised to have it unpacked by the time I get home from work tomorrow, but it’s still just. Sigh.

My parents dropped off the last of our stuff today and brought Chloe with them. Our apartment is no pets, but I thought that a quick little visit with the Chlo probably wouldn’t be too big of an issue, especially if she was carried in and carried out. LOL WRONG. One of our neighbours apparently saw and IMMEDIATELY tattled to our property manager, who checked the security camera and figured out it was us, then called us to give us a warning. And basically said that if it happens a second time, we will be evicted. So. Needless to say, that added to the extreme feeling of not being at home, with a healthy dose of feeling watched. Obviously we were in the wrong, but it just seemed so... overkill? For a tiny little shih tzu whose paw did not even grace the floor of any of the common areas and who was here for 30 minutes max? The irony is that as they were leaving, my parents saw another dog trot into the other building of our complex. 🙃

I guess the property manager needs to be strict bc if he wasn’t, we might do it again or try to bend the rules, or maybe try to sneak a dog in to live here (I work with the general public and know how people can be), blah blah blah. But anyway. Put a pretty big damper on the evening. My mom brought some macaroni salad over, and as I was mixing it up to serve with dinner, I cried over the fucking macaroni salad. Then proceeded to sob in the shower about how much I miss Chloe already even though I didn’t even move super far away and can literally go see her any time I want to!?!?!?!?

I think it’s all just a comfort thing and I feel super uncomfortable here still, so settling in REALLY, REALLY needs to happen. As important as rest is, I don’t think I will be able to fully relax until everything is out of boxes and put away ugh.

In other news

Boyfriend’s sister gave birth last month, and Boyfriend and I have been together long enough that I am now referred to as “Auntie Ashley.” It’s adorable. I love being “Auntie Ashley,” and Bf’s sister’s baby is legitimately SUPER CUTE even though she’s so new still. She also looks so freakishly a lot like Bf/Bf’s brother/and Bf’s sister that I was like “Damn, those maternal genes are STRONG.”

But yes, we got to meet her in person over the weekend, and while it was a lovely experience it was also TERRIFYING? Like, genuinely terrifying. Seeing this tiny-ass human, hearing her cry, and then Bf’s sister being like “Yeah you have to just guess what they want, which is the roughest part,” and me suddenly realizing “Oh right, that’s a thing,” and then me imagining myself with a one-month old, trying to guess what they want, and I was just like “THAT IS SO SCARY I DON’T KNOW IF I COULD EVER DO THAT OMGgggggg.”

I think terrifying because if I want to have babies, I will have to have them sooner rather than later because, while I am only 32, I am also 32. Babies aren’t like, a solid decade away. They’re like 7 years away. Max. And Bf is leery about even that far of a future, because he’s like “If you have a kid at 39, that means I’ll be 41, and that means when that kid is graduating high school I’ll be basically 60.” To which I’m like WELL, I had peers back in high school whose parents were 60 when we graduated!? What’s the problem!?!?!?! But also I do see his point.

Anyway, excited for when the baby niece is a little bit older, because 1 month olds are kinda boring. I held her for five minutes, during which she fussed and made faces. I asked her if she was going to poop, and she did. So I guess the upside to that is that it made me feel less freaked out about my ability to figure out what babies want.

In case anyone was wondering, trying to find a place in one of the hottest rental markets in the country fucking sucks.

We had appointments to view two places last month and the property manager called us up and said “Yeah, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but both places are already rented.” Silver lining is apparently I am on a texting basis with said property manager now!? In that I text him and I’m like “Hey PROPERTYMANAGERNAME, you have anything available?” And he says “No, sorry, check back next week.” 🙃

My parents have friends who have a basement suite. Did they even tell us their tenant was moving out? No, they just assumed it would be too small for us and had it rented out to someone else in like, a day. THANKS, GUYS (we actually probably would have rented from them if we were given the opportunity, and we would have paid what their new tenant is going to be paying).

We viewed a place on Saturday. We made sure we were there almost first thing and applied for it, but the apartment is very reasonably-priced and nicely-sized, so the landlords had SO MANY applications that there basically wasn’t a chance in hell that we would get it. Surprise, didn’t get it.

I called a place today and was only the third person to call, even though the ad was posted today (!). Have to fill out a lengthy pre-application to even be offered the chance to view the place. Do not feel confident that I will pass the pre-application process because I don’t have much for rental references, considering I have not rented in Canada in *checks calendar* a literal decade. At least each adult has to fill out an application and Bf has references...?

Basically it is just as awful as job searching is! Honestly, I just... I don’t want to say that I am necessarily tempted to be like “FUCK IT ALLLLL,” and go back to Korea, because considering where I live, I know things will just get more and more difficult the longer that I put off this very painful transition in my life. But hot damn, if I could have looked into a crystal ball and seen just how difficult establishing adult life would be back in Canada, I don’t know if I would have left Korea? I mean, if I hadn’t left I would have never met my boyfriend, and that would be sad, but the struggle is real and I feel like it has been real for pretty much the entire nearly five years I have been back. I hate it. I feel like I am just stuck in this perpetual cycle of burnout perpetuated by my life circumstances, and it sucks.

I am grateful that I at least have a roof over my head, I have a job, and I have supportive parents (even though they drive me insane because I live with them) and such, but UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just want something to work out for me, you know!? I feel like very little has lately, aside from getting a promotion at work, but even that is tenuous given its contract-based nature. Sigh.

femalepope

i cannot relate to people who put gum under tables i have nothing in common with people who put gum under tables i honestly find it hard to accept the humanity of people who put gum under tables

#or people who put gum under our bar at the winery #like use your words and ask for a garbage can #or turn around and use the garbage can right behind you!!!

Well, I opted to get the nose swabby test even though they offer a gargle COVID test. It was very, very uncomfortable. More uncomfortable than I was anticipating? Probably because my sinuses were incredibly irritated from allergies, and the swab going ALL THE WAY UP irritated them even more!!! It honestly felt like I still had a swab up my nose like, two hours after I got the test done.

Hilariously enough, I was craving ramyeon, so I just so happened to eat that for lunch, and it cured the swab-in-nose-feeling. COVID life hacks -- eat something spicy.

But the absolute best part about getting the nose swabby is that your test results come back super, super fast! So even though I took my test at 1:10 this afternoon, I got my negative test result by 8:30 PM. 🎉 And my throat once again does not hurt anymore, because my body is apparently a fucking troll.

I figured it was probably allergies, since my throat was actually pretty sore around this time last year, too. The biggest difference between last year and this year, though, is the fact that last year I was laid off from work and only ever leaving the house to get groceries, therefore I was more confident in the fact that it was not illness/COVID. This year, with being at work full-time and coming into contact with way more people, even though we are all masked... yeah. Anyway. Glad I got it done so that the paranoia is gone.

Updates

Well now I don’t even think that I have a cold and think that it is definitely just my allergies, so I said to work “Heyyyy, I am not feeling any worse and I feel okay to come in, but if you want me to stay away and monitor my symptoms longer, I can totally do that.” Since we JUST had a coworker come back after getting COVID, work was like “I also think it’s probs just allergies, but maybe you should call 811 [public health number] to see what they say.” Was on hold for ages. The nurse at that number said “Hm, it could just be allergies since sore throat is the only COVID-like symptom that you have, but given its severity, I think you should talk to your doctor.” I felt like my doctor was probs just going to tell me to go get tested anyway, and it’s prob easier to get a COVID test than a last-minute doctor’s appointment, so baby’s first COVID test is happening at 1:00 today (”baby” being me, obv).

S

I

G

H

At least I should feel grateful that my first COVID test is happening over a year since the start of the pandemic, therefore testing is ON LOCK, so I was able to get an appointment quickly and will not have to wait long for the results? I have been really needing a vacation from work, so I am getting a four day weekend? I also got an insurance rebate check that I was not expecting and will be getting more that I was expecting for my tax return, so two days’ lost wages will be imperceptible?

anxietyproblem

SCREE

I noticed yesterday that my throat was sore. No matter, I was chatting with my coworkers a lot at work. Got home from work, nothing felt overly amiss, took Chloe for a walk, and proceeded with my evening.

It was around dinner/after dinner that I noticed that my throat was sore, and it didn’t feel like a “I talked too much” kind of sore. It felt like I was coming down with a cold. And like... coming down with a cold sucks enough in normal times, but in times of Corona? Like the title states -- SCREE.

I decided to wait and see if maybe it was just allergies. Woke up this morning and thought “Oh, is my sore throat is gone?” But no. No, it wasn’t gone. So, since one of my fellow coworkers JUST got back from having COVID, for the interest of everyone’s paranoia, I made the choice not to go in to work today.

It doesn’t really feel like allergies tbh. Definitely feels like a cold. My mom is like “How did you get a cold with mask wearing and washing hands and such?” A question I don’t have the answer to, because I have indeed been doing all of those things! I haven’t had a cold in well over a year for that reason! The worst part is that my mom also had a sore throat yesterday, so now both of us are like “Fuck,” and monitoring our temperatures because what if it is Rona, and GOD I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS PANDEMIC TO BE OVER.

Super bitter because I had fun plans for this weekend, but if I do have a stupid cold then it is going to be a No Fun weekend and I probably won’t even get to see Boyfriend because, again, we are in the middle of a pandemic and no one wants to risk things. SIGH. But I guess the perk is that since we are in the middle of a pandemic, I am resting RIGHT AWAY as opposed to waiting to see if it is actually a cold, so maybe it will be over and one with quickly?

One thing I am grateful for with my new position at work is that it is giving me the opportunity to become more assertive and more confident in my own sense of authority/capability. I... probably realized that I was lacking confidence in my own authority/capability, and being assertive has practically been a life-long “thing I am working on.” But I never realized the full extent of this lack of confidence until I was faced with situations where HAHA, I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO LAY DOWN THE LAW or HAHA, I HAVE TO MITIGATE THIS AWKWARD SITUATION.

I had to lay down the law with a customer on Sunday. It was not the most awkward encounter I have ever had with a customer, but it involved a situation where the customer asked to speak to a manager because they have had experiences with managers being the weakest link. It just so happened that I was the person with the most authority that day. 🙃 In the past I would have been tempted to just crumble and throw a 10% discount at them, but this time I said to myself “Nope, you are going to stay aligned with your staff, because they are your team.”

I brought along our general manager’s card so that I had backup, but I didn’t even need it. The customer tried to bullshit me, and I was able to respectfully call them on their bullshit. I did not crumble and give them a 10% discount. And just like. PROUD MOMENT.

Also had to mitigate an awkward situation/lay down the law with a tour guide today, and I was inwardly screaming “OHMYGODOHMYGODWHYDOIHAVETODOTHISIAMGONNAFUCKTHISUP,” but no one got angry! I explained our policies and why they exist, was able to counter his counter-points with ease, and was just like “Hot damn, look at you!”

So yeah. Things have been not overly great on the mental health front. Funny how you think things are better, but then they slide backwards again, hahaaaaa -- I legitimately worried a close coworker last week because I let my "I’m depressed, but I’m gonna pretend I’m fine [even though the pretence is hanging on by the THINNEST of threads]" mask slip a little, whoops. I had a pretty bad week overall last week, actually. But at least I am still trucking and some aspects of my life are better, and I feel like I am growing. And overall this week has been lovely. 💕

Today Boyfriend sent me a TikTok of a woman dyeing her hair a lavender colour like Rose from Blackpink. He said “You should do this,” and I was like “Uh, pretty hair colour, but that’s gonna be a no from me because I would have to bleach my hair, and bleaching is SO BAD FOR IT.”

He was like “Yolo,” and I just. Explained to to him how frigging damaged my hair was after 1. a bad-decision digital perm in Korea -and- 2. just the water in Korea in general. It took four years for my hair to recover from the perm. It then took like, an additional two years for my hair to recover from Korea in General, and it only did that because I chopped it off twice in 2018. My hair is FINALLY back to its beautiful, 2012-glory, and I fantasize about growing it back into the glorious mane that I had from 2011-2012 (but I keep frigging chopping all my hair off any time it gets to be any length 😶). After our journey together, I think that my stylist would riot if I was like “Hmmm kinda want to bleach it and like make it lavender?”

I told my manager about Bf’s wheedling, and she was like “I mean, you would look great with lavender-coloured hair,” and I was like “NOT U TOO” (she understands why I would not want to bleach it though, as she has had the same strugs with wanting fun colours but no bleach).

Anyway, Bf said that he would do it to his hair if he could, but he doesn’t think it would look good with his freckles.

And thank god for that, because I don’t necessarily think that his freckles would be an issue, but his beard (it’s red). He also procrastinates when it comes to getting a simple haircut and refuses to go anywhere but GreatClips, so I CAN ONLY IMAGINE how great he would be at keeping up with a lavender dye job. So much potential for yikes.

I like how tumblr was once a place where I simply documented my life, the good and the bad, but now I just... seem to come here when I want to vent/complain!?

I sincerely apologize, dear readers, however few of you there are.

Some positivity: It is my weekend, the sun is shining, and I am drinking coffee! Today I am going to get sushi for lunch (I think), bake carrot cake cupcakes, do a low-impact spin class and RELAX. Then tomorrow Bf and I are going for a long walk with friends and are going to have brunch with them afterwards! Activities! Yay!

I actually have been overall feeling a lot better lately, so I feel like my tumblr is not always representative of my general life vibes lol.

Things

1. I got 5 new houseplants last week! Now I need to get pots for them. For those who care, I got a philodendron brasil, a satin pathos, a hoya (pretty sure it’s a tricolour carnosa but it wasn’t labelled lol), a peace lily (WITH FLOWERS ON IT), and a bb peperomia hope.

2. Work was kind of stupidly busy this week and annoying because I have this weird complex about not helping out on the floor/worry that my coworkers expect me to help on the floor, but at the same time I have other work to do. We have been busy interviewing people for the new season and have had so many meetings and just AAHHHHHHhhHH. Also, daylight savings sucks. I like that it is light till 7 PM now, hate how exhausted I was all week from getting very little sleep on Sunday night (because I work Sundays).

3. But it’s my Friday!

4. My dad has turned into the World’s Biggest Food Critic lately, which is incredibly aggravating because he is also the World’s Pickiest Eater. Honestly, I don’t know how my mother does it. Last night we were eating smoked pork chops, and honestly, they were pretty fucking dry. I think the barbecue was flaming up, but my mom was also a bit tipsy on wine sooooo I feel like they def got cooked too long. But I’m not an asshole and I appreciate having someone cook for me, so I never say anything. I was inwardly dying a little over the dry pork chops because I am very, very, very tired of White People Food at the moment (SO TIRED OF IT), but again, I’m not an asshole! So I didn’t say anything! I just got some honey mustard sauce, dipped my dry pork chop in it, and pretended like all was good.

Dad: “These are dry.”

...............

He is just. So uncouth. Zero social skills. If asparagus is woody, he will loudly declare it’s woody and sometimes puts half chewed up food on a plate (!!!! FUCKING GROSS). If meat isn’t super tender, he moans about how tough it is. AND LIKE. The worst part is that you can’t even be like “Hey, you know, we get that you don’t like it and that’s fine, but you sound like an unappreciative asshole right now,” because he practically has the temperament of a toddler and can take ZERO criticism. ScReAmInG. He also chews with his mouth open and everything about his eating habits and his commentary at the dinner table is so, so grating. Especially because he NEVER has to prepare meals and he very, very, VERY rarely helps with clean up or anything. My mother continuing to enable his shitty behaviour by not growing a backbone also is aggravating. But anyway.

5. One of my coworkers recommended the property management group that owns her apartment building, because they own multiple buildings and charge reasonable rent. I took a look and, lo and behold, had bookmarked it! So I sent the link to Bf. He looked at it and liked the rent. He said “Oh I guess I need to get you some information for the application,” and I was like “Lol OR YOU COULD DO THE APPLICATION, SINCE THAT’S WHY I LINKED IT TO YOU.” He tried to say I was the managerial type. I said “Yes, which is why I am delegating you this task. :)” So now he is doing it. Begrudgingly. And he complained about it, but I just ignored him lol.

I love my boyfriend, I really do, but hot damn I hate how our culture essentially encourages straight men to just pass the buck to their mothers/girlfriends. And like. It’s really interesting, seeing how my opinions have changed over the course of our relationship, from me wanting to do things for him~ and take care of him~ to now being like “Uh, you are also an adult, so no, I am not doing all the work here/doing that for you.” I think realizing that I would rather be single than essentially take the place of my partner’s mother/do everything for him was pretty enlightening and really lowered my tolerance RE: how much ineptitude I am willing to put up with.

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