find my heart

I am not here. I do not sleep. I do not speak.

[won-der-land89]

[apaudium]

what if this right here is the last thing i ever have? what would that be like?

[i-consume-your-light-again-deac]

[creaturey]

i couldn’t sleep last night so i drew this instead

[apaudium]

if i had a mirror that showed what i felt, what would i see when i looked at myself? peel away the surface layers--the skin, the lies, the social cues--and what am i? a shadow-like monster? something scurrying in dark places, hiding from others? a wolf without a pack or family? something with teeth and fangs and scales and fur and horns and a tail and broken claws? something that might look so threatening but something who’s only defense is to run and hide? who am i behind my eyes?

[apaudium]

you do not see me, i know you don’t. you don’t because i don’t let you. i won’t let you. can’t let you.

i’m afraid i’m too much. too extreme, too violent, too crazy, too unbalanced, too uncultured, too uncivilized. that i don’t fit. do you know that feeling? that sense you belong somewhere or somewhen else? like i should be a baser being, a wolf or snake or small shadowy demon flittering just at the edges of your world, your life. your Human world. the place that isn’t mine and probably never will be. do you know? do you see?

i want to be a dog on a leash: a being that doesn’t have to think about what I am but instead i just am. if i act too wrong or too violent, my leash will be tugged, my ears cuffed, my sides kicked, and i will know i am wrong. but when i am right, the person leading me will bring me up upon the warm, cushioned bed and pet me so gently and i won’t have to worry.

[frostklamm]

[mydarkenedeyes]

[apaudium]

i have no continuation.

[ridemypussytonight]

[melisica]

[totesyourmate]

[melisica]

[elenahelfrecht]

[melisica]

[melisica]

[melisica]