得此知音

nothing wrong with feeling feels!!

[incyberwastelandsfound]

least nervewracking ily i ever said! yay!

[incyberwastelandsfound]

:>>>

[tofufei]

girls just be like "oh, i almost died today but no worries, please do tell me more about prehistoric burial sites"

[incyberwastelandsfound]

is it petty of me to be sulking that hal just linked the weidian shop like it's nothing when it took *me* a lot of effort to find :/

like c fandom is rly sequestered into their own corner and the enamel pin fandom is yet another circle of their own. whatever

[tofufei]

*gestures wildly*

[tofufei]

#1 reason for living actually is making hal laugh😔

[incyberwastelandsfound]

I'm so fed up with everything wtf. There's no need for any of this to take up so much of my emotional energy. Why are my online relationships more fraught than my offline ones, I must be doing something wrong. Lowkey should've just kept to myself and not talked to people on discord =_=

[incyberwastelandsfound]

I HATE!! EMOTIONS!! I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO!!! THAN BEING UPSET!! IT'S BEEN 3 HOURS GOD

[incyberwastelandsfound]

I'm so fed up with everything wtf. There's no need for any of this to take up so much of my emotional energy. Why are my online relationships more fraught than my offline ones, I must be doing something wrong. Lowkey should've just kept to myself and not talked to people on discord =_=

[incyberwastelandsfound]

it just hurts so much

[incyberwastelandsfound]

I am so lovesick :((((((

[incyberwastelandsfound]

me: I think my feelings for hal (and feelings in general) are way more manageable on meds and much less overwhelming now actually

also me: wished her a good night at 2am planning to go to sleep but stayed up almost another hour thinking about her

[incyberwastelandsfound]

When there was first only the sunglasses emoji react, I thought to myself, "I'm sure this one isn't from hal". And then when I checked now to see the pleading face react, I went "now THIS definitely is from hal" and it was! And I just! Dissolve into a puddle of goo!

[incyberwastelandsfound]

new riddle dropped: is it love or is it the adhd or both

[incyberwastelandsfound]

🤧🤧

[incyberwastelandsfound]

maybe it's the SAD. don't throw away the good things just bc you don’t think you can bear some smaller inconveniences?

[incyberwastelandsfound]

I hate this so much. I am investing way more energy, time and feelings in this than I am alright with. Genuinely considering if I should just cut off contact and if that'll be better in the long run. I can't keep having fucking mood swings over this forever

[incyberwastelandsfound]

unsure if it's because i am tired or if it's because it's genuinely just? been?? irritating?? lately??

like I'd get it if she were just busy? but so far all I've gotten from a how was christmas, how long of a vacation do you get was ohhh, i haven't been doing anything and am free until new years, my days are so uneventful that I do not have a single thing to share with you when you ask and the answer will be a single "nothing"

or if she just doesn't want to talk, which valid? I also don't always have anything to share and I hate forcing conversation (esp. like. everyday) when there's nothing substantial to talk about. but then *she's* the one that sends conversation starters I reply to like within 10 minutes and then she just disappears off the face of earth. which ALSO valid because I don't expect immediate responses from people and also don't want people to expect of those from me. but. that's just not how she's been in the past???

like. do you want to talk or not. i am fine with either but not something in between!!!!

[incyberwastelandsfound]

honestly just *gnaws on my chair*

IT'S MAKING ME FEEL REAL BAD AND UNNECESSARILY DESPERATE

like when I post art and it doesn't show up in the lofter and tumblr tags. I do wish that some people saw it, I also know the fandom is small, I don't care about number of notes but I put effort into it and I think other people would enjoy it. but I am also going to go crazy if tumblr/lofter wants me to upload it 50 times until it works. it makes me feel like I am desperate for notes when I am perfectly fine keeping it to myself like all my other drawings