Pink Roses & Green Tea. @apieceofloveliness - Tumblr Blog

The face behind this blog -

Soon to be moved into a new platform ~🌱

The last two / three years were Saturn tinted, lost & found myself again & again in & out of the spirals of life but yea.. I'm proud of the woman she's becoming ✨✨

art by Mia Ohki

In this vision, I am

Divided in two

Only to be realised that the images

Of who I am and of where I have been,

Spinning the wheel of fate

And haunting me down, in this lifetime

As I find home, or I think I have found

Home,

In the faces of strangers,

Dipped into this sense of familiarity

In the distance, remaining unabridged.

With each person, I concur

I become a reflection,

And they, mirroring these part of me -

I never knew, existed

The parts of me, kept hidden

The parts of me, disowned and detested.

A chaos, indeed

Alive within me, there is

Chaos in me,

Where agony melts into bliss,

Rendering the only survivor

From this debris,

Nurturing me again and again

With the lessons on pain and love,

And on death and rebirth.

So I can be free,

Freed from who I am,

My name and what it recalls,

Freed from layers moulded by false love,

False hope,

Freed from the self

And my last incarnation,

Here on earth as I am

I remain, my conscious choice is to be

Here on earth, as I am

Attuned to somewhere beyond

Where all of my visions collide

Into this speck of time

Birthing new possibilities,

New dreams,

A new life.

Listen/purchase: Kazahana by HARUHISA TANAKA

#bandcamp

photo by ChihHsien

2013 was the year when I was made to sit in meditation for the first time. I remember the time my yoga teacher told us that we needed to sit still for a few minutes and the thought that immediately came to my mind was… “we’ve already sat in the class all day and are we going to sit here too?” :) at that time I was also in my university’s gym club and I started yoga only for physical reasons… now I am looking back, preparing for my tenth year in my asana practice, I am having a little bit of difficulty recognising the person I was, with that mindset she would probably be someone I would side-eye and never want to be friends with. And this is not about judging someone who is only at the beginning of their spiritual journey but more about knowing your energy and being mindful about who you want to share it with.

And this someone is me. Old me. Young Merve. Same me…

..belongs to a time when I was wandering around with this air of arrogance, somewhere in my initial states of integrating my shadow side and yes, I probably wouldn't want to be with her but now, I guess I would still admire her courage for taking the initiative, calling that yoga studio and booking her first class on her own in a new city which she knew nothing about. My encouragement level now is nowhere close to the line I had at that time and I still find it surprising how many layers of self, one needs to embody and let go and how many lifetimes one needs spare in this constant process of shedding to become full of themselves... and more importantly, is that even possible?

Sometimes it feels like we are negotiating these parts of ourselves so that the other parts we would like to continue with come forth, feels like two traits we admire cannot be contained in one version. The person that I am now is definitely much wiser and more mindful but she is extremely quiet and shy as I still struggle with being *visible* most of the time both in real life and my virtual gaming life and this is not because it is something I am afraid of, but mostly because I think I would not be able to deal with the responsibility that comes with it.

And this all happens mentally, I am aware, yet I still choose to slip into this easier way by choosing solitude and quietness but instead of criticising myself harshly which I had done many times in the past, I try to follow a more understanding approach, just by being gentle with where I am, with what I have (not) done and remind myself more of these words by the one and only Emmie Rae who I would never think of sailing with me on this same boat of shyness:

The thing about this being seen thing is, it’s all at once primal and understandable and irrational and emotional. Through therapy or other methods of self examination we can usually locate why this specific thing like, posting about our stamp collection, or nail art, or streaming ourselves playing video games makes us feel embarrassed, like a failure or a freak but, the reason matters less than realising that a. almost all of us experience this and b. the only way out, the only way forward, is through.

Oh and anyone who judges you, is usually judging themselves a whole lot harder.

::: whew. eclipse season. Is anyone feeling like bursting into tears for no obvious reason lately? Something I learned in my last astrology class is that the fifth house is all about how we choose to entertain ourselves and is related to our understanding of pleasure, hobbies, and relaxation, mine is in this intense, dark and a lover of depths sign of Scorpio and I would like to think that crying, as a mean of purification, is a way of entertaining myself and to imagine my fifth house high fiving my first house, in Cancer and being emotional buddies together somewhere in the cosmos.

h o L y.

#Youtube

Ummm I have probably spent a lot more time with this baby than I spent with anyone in real life this last year, which is probably unhealthy but I get so happy when she is happy and which is probably extra unhealthy.

I had some doubts about committing myself to this game but now am lowkey addicted to it and considering myself extremely lucky being recruited by a very helpful and generous GM ;)

also the cats... ugh. my weak spot is very much satisfied.

Listen/purchase: Chapters of Zdenka by salami rose joe louis

#bandcamp

A mere feeling, this is

Unprecedented yet

Presentative of what has been locked

Inside,

A mere feeling, this is

To be romanticised with,

To unravel oneself in a fantasy

When the time gets lonely.

A mere feeling, just tell me

That it is

Disorientating, even when the morning star

Lays bare its trust to what has been locked

Inside,

Just because the words spoken, unparalleled

With its meaning.

A mere feeling, it is

He is with, swaying from side to side

Dancing through the wind chimes

Of my mind.

What harm would it do?

What good would it make?

If it is merely what you feel that is,

If it is merely standing on the threshold

Of here and there,

Alternating one’s mood as if to

Alternate the other’s reality.

A mere feeling, woven

By a fragile thread

Attaching its nets to whoever is passing by,

But..

Who will pull it first?

Who will pull it faster?

There is no need, no

No need to complicate since all there is

A mere feeling, unprecedented

And perceived by the one

The one only,

Before fusing itself into the other

And the other,

Until all that is left from the fusion,

Merely me.

for the love and the lover,

Fully felt yet hardly spoken.

Listen/purchase: Hydration by Tenka

#bandcamp

when I ask you about the things that feel so good that they make you cry, this is probably not on the top three things that may come to your mind but for me, it is k-dramas.

and this one wow. on episode two and I am already mind-blown.

partly because this one has almost all of my favourite people from other k-dramas I have seen so far. (I mistook In - Ju for the sweetest attorney Su-Yeon from attorney woo for a while and was kinda happy to see her again but.... )

11/10

and I don't know even know how I will be waiting for the next episodes until next week while the rest of the world has already been talking about it for over a month now.

#Youtube

photo found on Pinterest

Savouring the last tea drops : as this pure light permeating : my body : just when I think : I would fall : I came closer to : where I need to be : as this pure light : blue light : ravelling in my mindscape : behind my closed eyes : there I see : there I witness : the pupil of the universe : permeating endlessly : creating whirlpools : down below me : up above me : giving me a purpose : to be :

A purpose : to be :

Alive

A purpose : to love

And to love

And to love.

All I see : that is created :

All I see : that is not of me :

Belongs to me : also alive within me : until my reflection matches : with the One : until my love : and the lover : become the One : until the things I say : and the thing you have been trying say : go beyond : the meaning residing in our words : transcends our ability to comprehend : our ability make sense : out of nothing :

What a gift : to be :

Alive,

What a gift : to be :

On the Earth

But not to belong here :

At the same time.

:.... . . . :.... . . .:::

Meditations reflections,

Spilt during the Aries full moon.

#Youtube

#bandcamp

art by hheininge

Will the cycle repeat?

Not a single thought crossing my mind,

Not a single breath in the air I take in,

In stasis, I remain

Because I want it to stop,

Not a single me to be,

Here to witness

Where they have come from and,

Where they are headed to.

Cocooned by the time

Preserved by the ever-flowing

The ever-changing,

Yet with a wish to remain the same,

The untouched,

Reversing back to its pristine state

My pristine state

As my memories wash away

My eyes from what they unsee,

As these whispers turn into a hymn

Cleansing my mind from the unthinkable,

And my heart, opens up

New portals throughout different timelines

Where my reflections become the one

And I become the many

Facets of this continuous flow,

Circulating in and out of all lifeforms,

Let my body disperse,

Let my body quench its thirst,

Let it and pierce my eyes

With the untruth

So I can bleed and surrender

The self to the warmest haven,

Despite the sound, untranslatable

Despite a reality out of all realities

Shown and given,

My last incantation to remember

Until my body disperses,

Until I come back to the senses,

Until you and me become

A part of the parts, fixated

By time,

Eternally here and there

Once we cease to exist.

#Youtube

photo Peng Chang by Zhong Lin

I am writing this at one am, on a Monday morning, just a thought before I turned off my laptop and went back to sleep. My sleep schedule has been crazy lately because the first week of work hit me in so many various forms my restorative practice turns into a way of soothing myself to sleep and waking up at midnight and going back to 'real' sleep again but this time I am trying to write myself to sleep so bear with me.

The thing I want to share is probably not on 'books' it is just something based on my thirty-year-old experience or let's say ten at least considering the time I realised the workings of the subconscious mind. I will try to make it sound the least psychic or esoteric as possible but have you ever had this feeling about someone - a kind of feeling that tells if they are good or bad for you even when you know nothing about the person? like when you tap into their energy, something feels welcoming or blocking? What if I told you that this is how I have been deciding to be with someone for a long time? In past, this is something I experimented with my partners, meditating on a person's energy just to see if it is something connected or not. And whenever I received those 'off' vibes I told myself 'maybe it is not...' just to end up with another version of myself, perhaps the wiser one, sitting in one corner smoking with an 'I told you so..' and 'now, how does it make you feel?'

well, it hurt.

And a couple of days ago, I received the same energetical shift about someone and again found myself thinking.. 'maybe they are not?' but this time I just want to go with 'oh heck that's exactly what they are' and sink into the absence once I separate them from my thoughts. Because the degree of disappointment is something I can handle when the attachments are newly formed otherwise, on my part, it turns into an addiction (hi my Juno in Pisces) and yes, love is also a sort of addiction but that is when you know the fear starts to intervene in your attachment style and things probably end up hurting you the most.

I guess the 'maybe it is not..' me is the one who was open to such experiences, the smoking at the corner one me is just an older version of myself and she is here to protect based on my past experiences and I can understand them both, ironically I fail to understand myself in totality most of the time.

Oh I forgot to mention if you really think what we have as reality is only based on the things we experience in 3D, this post is not really for you but thanks for bearing with me in my futile attempt to sleep.

Now, feeling more awake than ever, I just want to join my millennial friend's game notification on Sims 4, and forget about the feelings that our current simulation gave me.

don't mind me sharing this for the second time..

my favourite song by them, obviously.

#Youtube

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