APOLLO 77

n a a m instagram | facebook | we heart it my ACL journey

[curtindoasvibes]

☀️🌴⛱🐬🐠🐚

[lsleofskye]

Teahupoo, Tahiti

[feministism]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[maybe-you-need-this]

[anarchetypalarchive]

i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

[satan-graffitied-my-soul]

The “I won’t hesitate, bitch” vine but @ friends who don’t love themselves

[misfitoffate]

[audreystyles2]

[damagedtreasure]

I’m a fucking psychopath. Who’s gonna wanna be with someone who can’t love themselves. Nobody. I’m not worth the trouble. There is something wrong with me. I need to accept it already. I need to stop trying. I’m laughing as I write this because I’m a fucking crazy bitch. I wonder what it’s like to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and smile at yourself because you like what you see. I wonder what it’s like to not compare yourself to everyone you see. I wonder what it’s like to not care what people think about you constantly. I wonder what it’s like to be yourself and not what you think other people want you to be. I’m so confused and sad and helpless. This isn’t a cry for help I’m done crying. This is facts.

[help-here-for-depressed-peers]

Depression is also…

“Smaller than you.

Always, it is smaller than you, even when it feels vast. It operates within you, you do not operate within it. It may be a dark cloud passing across the sky, but - if that is the metaphor - you are the sky.

You were there before it. And the cloud can’t exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud.”

-Extract from “Reasons to stay alive” by Matt Haig

(Ps this book is great! And if you like reading then I suggest you read it!)

[a-friend-for-u]

Sometimes you just have to be, and not much more. That’s okay 💛❤️💛

[randomreasonstolive]

Reason to Live #1339

Looking for new furniture to decorate your current or future home!

(Please don’t add negative comments to these posts.)

[x-mudblood-x]

[maigredolly]

“In the universe we don’t matter, in its history we don’t matter, in its variety and size we don’t matter. One day everything will be gone. So how am I supposed to see my value?”

[demi-flower-prince]

I hate myself for letting small things wreck me that much

[soughss]

sometimes self-harm sounds like a good option