Applesgrave

Idk my vent page

[dr3amerlove]

[daldhokli-deactivated20250714]

do it for the plot but the only plot is the angry father, the sobbing mother and the hungry child

[abandonedandawesome]

Inside an abandoned hall in Italy [2048×1360] By Dawid Rajtak

[thewindowofthesummerhouse]

Alex Stoddard

[lnop]

Pierre Huyghe Nymphéas transplant 2014 Hommage to Monet : Giverny’s pond water, fauna, flora and lilies…

Pair with some more contemporary sculpture

[steroge]

Hibiscus ‘Silver Memories’, by Jonathan Singer

(Botanica Magnifica)

[applesgrave]

My mother broke my back.

She does not remember any of this.

But I remember watching my entire family drown in the face of misfortune.

Overnight I became the designated lighthouse that would guide my lost family back to safety.

My father left, the eldest tried to and the youngest was never there.

I would carry my mums paralysed legs up and down the stairs.

I have still not recovered from the frequent and improper lifting. I believe I was far too young and weak to carry such a burden.

[applesgrave]

i hate what you have made me into

resentment is filled within me to the brim. i was born into a family that hates themselves, now i am expected to bare the burden of healing or else all my pain means nothing. or else i will become my parents in my own childrens lives.

i hate that i was never given the opportunity to be unharmed, i wish my story wasnt so hard on my fragile soul, i wish i had no substance or empathy, i wish i was simple...

uncomplicated and obvious.

[applesgrave]

there should be punishment to those that robbed me of my youth. i cannot shake the feeling that i deserved far better

[applesgrave]

you are eating me

your presence was never acknowledged,

at least i never really cared

you depicted me as an angel

gave me flowers and sweets

regardless of my public labels

you still choose me

but i never cared

until i learned that you were gone

the guilt i was now forced to bare

left me alone in desperate despair

you light was only shone

when i gathered in unknown

reminiscence comes in waves

wishing to reciprocate what you gave

sorry i could not care

now you are eating me

[applesgrave]

the page

pushed to the margins

abandoned with blue strips

forced against red lines that corner me

once white, now scribbled on carelessly

in deep black ink that smudges me

dents through all of me

find me a way to erase

to start again and hope to be appreciated

that i can be the writer and not the page

[applesgrave]

To stay safe

1. Isolate yourself

2. Don’t eat

3. Study

4. Don’t talk

5. Don’t participate

6. “I’m busy”

7. Do not fail

[applesgrave]

An 8 year old slut

At my ripe age

I was deemed a slut

My family, my teachers, my friends were all convinced-

That I wanted all the boys to want me.

Compliments towards my beauty became an assumption of my character.

My reluctance to say no became an invitation to debaucheries

They would poke at me and tell me that I must sleep with them my young self would say no so then they would would poke at me and tell me that I must sleep with them

Countless of times I reported to my parents because they told me to tell them everything- how stupid was I to believe in the ones that brought me into this world.

They blamed me.

My teachers blamed me.

They told everyone I wanted it.

I didn’t,

But it was too late

I was the 8 year old slut.

I was the liar

And I was shunned by my father

And silenced by the wolves that tore me apart

[mysticaletherealliving]

You think attention is love and that’s why you suffer so deeply.

- Evan Sanders

[what-iz-life]

So many relationships could be saved if people set their pride aside, apologized, and actually changed their behaviour.

[theambitiouswoman]

Self love is realizing that they just don't want to. Because if they did, their pride wouldn't matter. They would apologize. They would change their behavior after the first conversation. None of these things would be an issue.

[applesgrave]

in their eyes, i am always doing something wrong. in their eyes it always about them.

how will they think of me as a mother? my mother would yell after screaming insults and slurs at my younger brother, he hurt a kid at school (again) and they are once again worried about their image. i just wonder what image they will have when i run away, when i disappear. i know they will be beyond disappointed but i do think it will be the only way i will be able to live.

i desperately need to just start on a new slate, i need a new beginning. i yearn for one.

for years i have felt so very trapped in my own skin that i would try to cut myself out of it. i deserve to be free, i deserve to be happy. i honestly dont care for reconciliation, i have already realised that they dont want me happy, they want themselves proud. and in this world one will be of sacrifice, and in every single lifetime i choose me.

[metamorphesque]

how mercilessly has winter undressed you, my dears!