april does poetry

a place for me to dump my thoughts in the hopes that other people might find them interesting

[aprildoespoetry]

if i sleep in your sweatshirt that's okay because i don't talk about it if i can't look at myself in the mirror that's okay because you can't look at me either if i don't talk or eat or breathe that's okay because i just don't want to if i don't take your pictures down that's okay because you won't ever know if my hands shake when i think about you that's okay because my hands always shake and if i write poems about you that's okay because you won't ever see them anyway

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

i will drink to forget you in a flooded city  with a burning sun and i will think of home and remember you will drink to forget me in a frozen town under a silver moon remember how i left you alone and forget

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

you’re just a panic attack i haven’t gotten over yet you are no longer a person to me you are an emotion you are transcendental you rot my heart like sugar rots teeth i only wanted you because you made me write beautiful things; this is an ode to a lost muse now i only want your attention so i can feel that pain again our love was never art but it was the closest thing i could get

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

hey, moon goddess, how was your day? i'll try and do my best to stay out of your way i'm just a dumb kid with nothing important to say it rains all the time in the sunshine state i'm starting to think five years was a bit too long to wait i'll be your hurricane if you'll be my twist of fate you've got lips like heaven and eyes like home it's no surprise i've put in you almost every single poem i'll never stop thinking about you, no matter how far i roam

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

your soul is in a state of chaos and your mind has never felt this overfilled you're tired of missing things you've never had your heart is known by everyone and no one you're lying to everyone and you can't really see the truth yourself you will probably never sleep on her floor again you talk about her like she owns the stars but all she's ever done is put ashes in your mouth

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

my heart is a wasteland i’m sure everyone can see i’m stuck out in the desert the heat is getting to me i am sicker than cancer i am colder than ice life has been mean for so long i forgot how to be nice i look tired too many sleeping pills will do that to you i’m dreaming my life away and i can’t make it up to you because you brought this on yourself oh, no you didn’t stop to think before you put me back up on the shelf before you pushed me to the brink i know you won’t fix me, darling you can’t even fix yourself your face should get out of my mirror before it gets bad for your health

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

kiss me like i’m dying because god, i think i might be i’m tired of living underneath the weight of everything i’ve done that i can’t see it’s all crashing down around me like an avalanche into a bottomless sea i’m tired of lying but i’ll never tell the truth again i’m tired of being unhappy but i’m turning into someone that i can’t stand all i am is a bird after a long stretch of ocean and all i’m looking for is somewhere i can land

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

i don't know what i'm living for but i know it can't be this just trying to get high enough to forget the taste of your lips how can i protect you if i can't even protect myself? i don't know how to tell you that you're better off with someone else i need a lover like a safety net, a lover like a crutch and i love you, yes i do, but standing on my own just hurts too much it may just be that i'm having bad day but i guarantee your kisses cannot make this go away i truly believed our love was a one of a kind and oh honey, i am begging you not to change my mind

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

this is not a pretty sight no cause for poetry you are just an infection i thought i had burned out of me i thought that i had been set free thought there was good in this world for me thought my heart of stone broke overnight and that it had somehow grown less heavy but for every night i laid awake for every lie straight to a face for every time i've said goodbye in the hopes that my old dream had not died i got myself a reputation of breaking hearts with no remorse all for a dried up flower garden all for a love turned rotten corpse and so i turned to face distraction put my faith in new hearts blind praying to a god that does not exist that just one time my fate be kind

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

oh no, there are no gods here there is no comfort, there is only fear wine bottle ballads, pills and poetry spinning mental circles so fast that i can’t see sleep was once my only sanctuary now you kiss me and life feels less scary but this world is still sharp edges and needles you leaving me is something i cannot bear to feel my head asks me where home is my heart says it’s wherever you’ll live you and i together is the only future i’ll accept and a lifetime of your love is worth a lifetime full of debt

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

will you do me a favor will you let me go now please don't let me start to love you stop me before i even learn how drop my hand like it's a bomb give up before it gets too dangerous i knew when i wandered into your heart when i left it would hurt just about this much kiss me like it's summertime lie, say everything will be okay tell me goodbye like you mean it try not to let me ruin your day i won't pretend, won't act shocked won't treat this like it's a game i'll let you love me like a supernova but my earth will never be the same

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

our love is a skeleton of what could have been just rotten teeth no heartbeat underneath dying to breathe praying for the chance to bleed buried deep in the ground with all the hopes that i drowned your heart thrown in the sea your body buried next to me so many places i could roam but this dead love will always be my home

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

I. we are not invincible we are lost but we are sensible we don’t know how to fall in love but it’s not something we are void of this was a time with unknown riches to be found by the ambitious if we could reach the end, we would be there to stay but we threw out our maps somewhere along the way II. we are so invincible we have the perfect visual on all our dreams, and we’ve found the gold we are hopeful for a future that’s about to unfold but we are are so oblivious of an omen so conspicuous we just cannot see through ourselves into our looming living hells III. we are not invincible we are broken and we are criminals we don’t know if we’ve learned from our mistakes but we know there are memories we want to misplace my lungs are burning and i can’t help but hate how i know it’s likely we share similar fates i envy the pain that you go through alone it’s funny how i see dimness where once you had shone

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

i do not believe in god, i do not believe in love i do not believe in pretty things or parents to sing praise of i don’t believe in happy endings, i have never believed in a stone cold truth you could cut out your heart just to show me you love me and i would still tell myself that it’s not enough proof

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

the silence between us is too big to ever be filled, no matter how many beautiful words i write about you i will still end up drowning in the river, screaming that love is a disaster fire engine red or inky black, your life is still a trainwreck and i am still a heart attack my brain tells me that i can do better, but my heart is afraid that i’ll never find anyone that compares to you i’m so sick of trying and so sick of hiding but there’s nothing else that i can do

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

after all this time, i still know nothing i’ve spent years and years hoping you were my something you’ve still got me in a chokehold, it feels more like a noose i came to you seeking nothing more than the truth i know i should stop trying, you don’t care anymore your love is a rose but your mind’s filled with thorns

aprildoespoetry

[aprildoespoetry]

i’m living lukewarm i’m living days without ends i think i used to be a storm i think we used to be friends emptiness used to be meaningful now it just means my heart is hollow i used to use love as a way to fill the holes now i keep my emotions in check for fear the pain will follow i used to talk like people were listening i used to believe that one day i’d be well i stay quiet now because they just keep screaming because i realized that earth is just the prelude to hell

aprildoespoetry