Angel of Misery @aquietnerd - Tumblr Blog

I quietly left. And I knew you wouldn't notice. Because you'd stopped noticing a long time ago. And it hurt, but I jnew it wasn't going to change in the ways I wanted.

The best thing I could do was acknowledge I cared so much, but I no longer served the same purpose I once did. Fandoms will change - and friends don't always last when the interests change.

I will always care and want you to do well, to be happy.

Even if I'm never a passing thought, I'm grateful for the time that I had

I know I complain too much about it and that's why people leave eventually, but it is entirely depressing that I can spend whole days at a time where nobody talks to me, online or offline locally.

#hasn't been making me feel too good.

I keep thinking. I'm a nice person. Caring, pretty funny. I'm a fairly decent person, just a little shy and closeted. But I'd be nice to be around.

So why do I keep sitting on my couch, losing track of time because I've got nowhere to be for anyone.why can't i make connections that wabt to talk with m3.

Im tiree of falling asle3p with my eyes hurting.

The most ridiculous thkng about Fable is thinking you'd have to steal Reaver's underwear.

Like he wouldn't just give them to you if you paid a nominal fee. Or gave him yours in exchange.

#makes you wonder if he appreciates fangirls or finds them tiring.#only the pretty ones I suppose #eitherway Reaver has No Shame and we love him for that.

In the end, we're all in pursuit of happiness and meaning. Maybe that means branching put in ways you mightn't have wanted to.

But it's worth keeping on keeping on, to find the value you're searching for.

I know at least one or two people worry and check on my Tumblrs. Know I haven't been super social lately, and most of that is anxiety trying to adjust to the routine of a new job. Handling working two jobs, organising shifts around one another. It's a lot to manage, and I'm very out of practice with it.

Getting over a bit of a cold, so I haven't been doing all that much. Plus, I must have pushed myself a little too hard this week, since my lower back has been seizing up again. Trying to rest with heatpacks and a new massage cushion I got.

I hope it doesn't come across that I don't want to talk. I do, and the nature of me, I'm always thinking and worrying about how people are doing over the other side of the world. I've just been hitting burnout frequently. It's kind of disarming how I used to try and do so much roleplaying/writing a day, to now working so much that I really haven't done any writing for.. quite a bit.

And I could be angry and bitter about it, but it's not really worth the emotional sufferance. I'm trying to be okay with that the most talking I do is to my dog. I can't really worry about chasing or ghosting when I'm just trying to make sure I have enough energy for me.

I'm doing okay. And I'm still really grateful that for all the infrequency and spacey I can be, you're still checking on me. Still willing to be a part of my life. Considering all of the history - that's pretty darn special.

It crosses my mind, at times. That when I'm looking up at the stars in the sky, maybe you're looking at them too. The same sky, just a day behind or in the future. Timezones are crazy like that.

Love you. Take care of yourself. I promised that I would be better, and I will.

soulofanoverthinker

tommy shelby appreciation post 🚬

#peaky blinders #thomas shelby #cillian murphy #mentally I'm here.

cillianlovr

49 years old and look at that bod 🤤

#cillian murphy #I have seen this one photo of shirtless cillian murphy circulating everywhere #I no longer feel clean.

please don't forget me.

remember me for the happier times that i bought into your life.

Can't sleep.

Even though I'd like to do something with animals in the future.. for all the worse of humanity I see, I can't imagine not doing what I do now.

I mean, sure, I get paid for it. Definitely helps pay the bills. But being able to use my time, my car, my empathy. All that I can do, to assist someone else live their best lives.

Maybe sometimes I'm not living as my best self. But ultimately, I am a listener, and a giver. You see a problem, you see sadness and pain, you naturally want to help soothe it. Less about rescuing or being someone's saviour.

Just.. genuinely wanting anyone to find their reasons for smiling again.

I sincerely hope you feel better soon

I do appreciate that, though I wish I knew who you are.

You know, I can't even say that it hurts anymore. Because I just stopped investing in Tumblr. And it's only the friend I reconnected with in America who messaged about it.

I spent so much time trying to make or save connections that were so important to me. Now, there's just kinda of a desensitised numbness about the whole thing.

You know, like.. well, of course there's little to no friends online anymore. That's the way it was. That's the way it has been. And it's just a life fact that I'm never going to be able to change.

I'm resigned to the reality that despite all my healing and working on myself. I'm inevitably a people pleaser that's more of a pitstop for people to move onto other stronger connections.

Throwing myself into working two jobs. Because really, what else do I have? There's no partner. When I'm not at work, I'm sitting in a house with just me and my dog.

I'm not even sure why I'm getting this out. I guess just to acknowledge that I'm sad, messed up, impossible to love? My writing doesn't inspire joy much for myself, let alone anyone else. Except that one friend who deserves so much better attention from me.

It was a beautiful, fantastic time. I laughed, cried, grew older and better with people. But old memories don't necessarily mean you keep every connection over the span of your life.

It meant so much to me.

I hope I'll be at least something fond to look back on.

strategicone

Full Monday mood for Mr . Shelby, with Cillian’s shades. 😎

#oh same king

scamguy

the few minutes between the moment u yap in someones dms and they dont answer and you feel like you should get painfully dismembered for the crime of talking to someone vs the instant relief of normalcy you get when they text back and no ones killed you yet

Do you ever just think about two characters describing scenarios over the phone and just getting increasingly more breathless and feral as they get off on the sound of each other's voice, especially getting more desperate and just about begging.

#nsfw #okay to reblog