I’m so over things in my life right now. I’ve been doing my best with dealing with my mom, and the ones who know me, know that I hate my mom with a passion. I work a full-time job and I only get two days off. During those days off, I have to take care of my own stuff, but it never happens. I have trouble keeping motivated, and I try to put myself on a time frame in order to get things done. It’s what works for me. But my mom is ALWAYS having me do things for her. I can never get anything done. Today, I was going to try and do some cleaning and what not, but instead I helped my mom build her new vacuum cleaner, which was alright, but she wouldn’t let me touch it. She ended up doing it herself! Then she had me vacuum the whole apartment and clean it out. By that time it was time for me to eat. So I ate, then went out to my truck to go through stuff there, just to come back inside to her vacuuming, after I had clean it and put it away. I had to clean it once again, after helping her, her yelling at me the whole time. I feel so worthless right now, my life being meaningless. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough for her. And now I’m so behind on time and feeling like shit, that I probably won’t get the other things I need to get done, done. The only thing I got done was cleaning the cats. I still need to rip KAT-TUN’s new single to my laptop, edit the info cause it never rips right. I think J-Storm puts these CDs together so fast, that the info isn’t all there. That takes me time to do. Not to mention I still need to take a shower and clean my bathroom. My 1st day off is for me to get things done at home, the 2nd being errands and what not. I gotta take my truck in tomorrow to get an oil change. And I can never tell my mom that I have plans cause she would just yell at me, thinking I’m blowing her off or something. Not to mention, come summer, I’ll be homeless. Her and her husband are going to move and not take me with. I don’t have enough money nor a good enough credit score to get my own place. Even though she said in the past that if I pay them rent and what not, I could stay living with them. Yeah, that was a total lie! So I feel even more useless cause I do so much for her, always helping her out and taking her verbal abuse, which she’s been doing since I was a kid. That’s why my self-esteem is low. There’s so much I need to do, like going through my stuff and what not, and I can never get it done cause she’s always having me do other things. It’s like I’m not a person, nor an adult. And once I’m gone, she’s going to be calling me cause he’s never home on his days off. She’s going to be even more alone with no one around to help her. I’m so over life right now. I can never stay happy, and when I am, it never lasts long. *sigh* I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost on everything. Heh, at least I was able to make a vent post. It helps when you got no one to vent to. Anyways, thanks for reading! Sorry it was such a long vent. I feel a little better getting it out. That, and listening to NEWS has helped too.
