Best In The World

[aravallamadrid]

Her

I wish I am more smart and articulate.

because I have a lot of things to say.

over flowing of thoughts and feelings I hate.

Voices messing up my head, talking and disturbing me.

I wish can explain myself to you,

because I am trying to deny what i think is true.

I see her in my head, praising what I drew.

Supporting and interested in things I do.

 When I sleep she is there by my side.

She touches my ear, and whispers sometimes.  

I didn’t know life is a game with no guide.

I wish she takes me with her and hold my hands.

These thoughts are my only defense left

Says the guy who earns by acting like he cares.

The loud melancholic silence makes me deaf

So I sleep in fatal position on the cold floor instead.

 She is everything that makes me sane.

And days go by, she appears more frequently.

She brings a smile in my face, like everything is the same.

That nothing changes, refusing what i see.

I love her and I wish she wont go away.

I love her, even no one accepts.

Her soothing voice, calms me in a way.

As calming as the idea of dying one day.

 When was the last time you look at the flowers?

She asked when we went to the happy place.

How about the bright stars? she asked next.

I looked up, but it's morning, and it doesnt make sense.

red spots is all I see when I look at her face.

The glare from the sun blinds both my eyes.

I didnt know that was the last time I see her.

and I didn’t realize she is  full of lies.

[aravallamadrid]

His Last Cigarette

The ashes of his cigarette fall down

as he flick them with his fingers.

He watches the ashes reach the ground

and the burning light vanishes along with the darkness.

He hears nothing but his breathe and the midnight wind.

There are no stars at the sky and he thought of the rain.

He remembers those rainy days and it puts a smile on his face.

There was nothing to do but to appreciate

the sound of the rain falling in to the apartment's roof.

So comforting and calming because there is nothing else to do

but to lay in bed and enjoy the power failure and the peace it brings.

He does not need to choose what to do.

So his mind gets to rest.

He drops the cigarette butt in a dark place below.

He put another one against his lips and lights it and inhales like this is the last time.

A girl walks from the next door and she is wearing a black jacket.

It is pretty cold, but her thighs and legs are exposed.

It seems she just woke up since her hair is somewhat messy.

She is fixing her hair and he got stunned by the girl's beauty.

He put his hands behind his back for the girl not to inhale the smoke.

She walks by and she smiles at him and

he raises his eyebrows for a half second.

The girl is gone and he is alone with his cigarettes, again.

He consumed his second cigarette and he rubs it against the wall.

He lighted another one and starts smoking like there is no tomorrow.

The girl came back and she is still wearing a beautiful smile.

To his surprise, the girl asked for a bum.

He got anxious and rattled all of a sudden.

She got one cigarette and smokes with elegance.

The girl shares a lot and he was just smiling all the time.

They are not smoking anymore and

the girl is telling stories while he listens.

He is unprepared as the girl asks about him.

There is a long pause, and slowly, he opens his mouth.

They hear the next door's doorknob and a shirtless guy opens it.

The guy looks at the girl and then stares at him.

The guy smiles and the girl hastily walks away

and happily explained what they were doing.

The guy seems to understand and waves at him.

The girl thanks him while holding the guy's hands.

The door closes, and again alone with his cigarettes.

Down to his last two cigarettes, he weeps.

He lights one and starts to smoke again.

He stares at the next door and wonders what they are doing.

He plays with the smoke that is coming from his mouth.

He tries doing the circle smoke trick

but he never learned how to do it.

The cigarette is now just a cigarette butt.

He rubs it on the wall like he is writing a letter M.

 He is a little dizzy but still picks his last cigarette.

He reached for his pack and he feels the buzz in his arms.

The last cigarette slipped from his fingers and accidentally dropped it.

His last cigarette is nowhere to be found.

He sadly went back to his empty apartment,

and he is alone once again.

[aravallamadrid]

“There there” says the man of wisdom, and then pieces of advice came out from his mouth. “Life is beautiful, if you know how to appreciate it” says the man with a nice coat and tie. “We are destined to be loved by someone” says the girl recently cried over his man. “You are fine” he said to himself, while everything is falling apart.

“I am happy and contended” says the fresh graduate who landed a job in a cheap company. “Just relax” says the guy who brings pack of cigaretteswherever he goes. “It’s easy. Just be confident” says the student who tops the class every semester. “God has a plan for me” he said to himself, but he always doubted its existence.

“It is nothing special” says the man who never had sex in his life. “She is a gift” says the young woman, who got pregnant by her boyfriend for two months. “We are fine” says the father, while he opens another bottle. “It’s just a phase” he said to himself as he cries over little things.

“I love you” says the boy to the lady who he wants to fuck “Forever” says the guy to his girlfriend while other girl is at the back of his mind. “I understand people” says the psychologist, but he does not understand himself. “Life is beautiful” she said, but she only wakes up at night.

“Come what may” says the tough guy, but his muscular legs are trembling “You are wrong” says the teacher, but the student’s answer has a point. “ I am stupid” says the pupil, because his genius is not being recognized. “This is my life” he said to himself, but he does not have the freedom to choose.

“I am alive” he said to himself, but he has no time to look at the stars at night. “ I am alive” she said to herself, as she remembers every touch and kiss “We are alive” they said to the gods above, but they are sentenced to die behind bars “How about you” they asked me, I simply said, “I want to live”.

[aravallamadrid]

Are You Done?

Tomorrow will be our graduation, and I believe I should write something; write about my experiences, about the people I should thank, or something dramatic and emotional. I haven’t posted anything for a very long time but  I have like ten drafts and I am not even planning to publish them. So yeah, I think I should post something right now because something special is coming.

In our batch, we have this “motivational tagline” which is “FINISH STRONG”. Most of my batchmates bought in to this phrase and it became their strength or “battle cry” when they have something difficult to do, or they are somewhat in the edge of giving up or nearly crossing the line of mediocricy.  They even have T - shirts where this tagline is printed (They are actually nice). Lots of my batchmates did well and they really finished strong. That tagline maybe a factor in getting the best in them and I am really happy for my batchmates who did good and passed. Sadly, there were some who unfortunately failed and honestly, I was pretty frustrated when I heard the news that some of my batchmates will not be graduating with us. But, you know, a person may fail in academics but it does not mean he or she fails in life. As they say, shit happens. I bet my balls that one or two of them will have  better lives than those who will be graduating on time. 

For the last two years, I worked my ass off and tried to know if I still have “it” after years of depression and frustrations. I figured out that I still have it. I became a dean’s lister since then, and I discovered that if you will be included in that list, the first question you ask yourself is “Now what?”. Ofcourse, I have something to write in my resume. My point is, maybe it was just me but, I did not feel extra special and even excited. It was not the validation I needed even when I was included in the top 10. In my mind, I was just lucky. What is good about not having a validation is that you will try and try, work hard, do everything you can, and do your best, until you find that validation, while sitting on a rocking chair in your porch  while staring at the sunset, and smiling while reminiscing your wonderful, meaningful life. 

So, yeah. I have been “strong” even before that tagline existed. Though, I am not one of the students who made that expression his go to response if he’s getting tired.

Why?

Simply because... in my mind and in my reality, it is not yet finished, 

and I am not yet done. 

[aravallamadrid]

THE BEST F*CKIN CHEEZY POEM IN THE WORLD

A poem, a cheezy literature..

Let's give it a shot..

it will sound funny for sure..

Finding words, making phrases..

I will do this to kick their faces / asses..

Many guys like you and i do too..

The difference is, Im awesome and because I have you..

I may be just some guy from the province..

but Iam someone who loves you ever since..

It started when we were kids..

wait a bit, Im craving for sausage. <wink>

We played sand and built some castles

it was in a beach, back then I dont have fats and muscles.

 We were grade three when I had a crush..

It was you, Oh God I was in a rush..

I asked mom then If i can marry a god sibling

She said yes, I was happy and started imagining..

I startled when I talk to you..

I was nervous when I was near you..

Elementary and highschool that was the case..

I prayed to God, asked confidence and grace..

 I had the guts to ask you out...

It was in college, my confidence went south

I courted you, I loved you more and more each day..

finally you said yes, It was the best day ever, hooray!!!

I love you more than anyone else in this world..

I will stay with you forever until we get old..

You made me a great man, but still naughty like I was..

But you are the only one I got naughty with, promas!!

So sweet, is it not? 

#frannyrocks #1or2yearsago #hashtagsucks

[aravallamadrid]

Smart People... Smart People Everywhere

Reading comments in the popular posts is one of my favorite past time. Some of the comments I've read were clever... comments that speak of the truth. Some of the comments I've also read were somehow.... dumb, in a way that they are putting their vague and shallow opinions that lack understanding about the subject, in other people's throats. Because of this , they are then being "bullied", making them the persons whom these "smart" people attack and torment. Bully "smart" people.

We can't deny the fact that we want to be smart, intelligent and wise. Most of us have the motive to tell the world that we are intelligent people. It's just weird for me to think that commenting in the posts in social media site is a very poor way to show off. I am specifically talking about the posts that talk about showbiz and celebrities. I understand that most people are passionate about these since they watch these celebrities in their televisions everyday. It's not bad to know everything about them.. about the networks and stuff.. what's bad is that, these are the only things that they know. They even fight in the comment section, using the pieces of information they know about the celebrities they idolize and they hate, to know who is better and who is being "plastic" or fake. It amazes me how they know so much about these. It makes me sad that these are the only things they are good at, that these are the only things they know.................... and they are proud of it. There is this game called DOTA, which some adolescents are passionate about. They post in facebook a lot about how good they are, and treating it as if it is a career... or likened to a basketball league. There is this song about comparing and choosing playing DOTA and having a girlfriend. I am literally laughing right now from even thinking of it. It's stupid, i know.. but, you know.. high school students are engaging in relationships in an early age, that's why I understand the comparison.. they are just kids...They all think they are mature... but they are wrong. These good Dota players think highly about themselves. It became the "standard" of coolness. I understand that in their age, being cool is very important, but no one is truly cool in high school. 5 years after, they will look back, and they will know how lame they were.  If the boy is a better Dota player, the boy is a better person.. at least they think. 

They think they are smart... Well, yes,  they are smart... Smart in things that are irrelevant....

There are people who comment in the posts in facebook and youtube about sports, politics, science, love and other things, depending on what the post is all about. They give their opinions, and they believe that their opinions are facts, that's why things get serious quickly.. but I personally believe that facts are actually opinions that the culture see as correct and right. These people are the people who sound like a smart ass people. In the first glance, the things they are saying make sense, but if we think deeper, their ideas worsen things. These "smart" people are the people who are good at delivering but lack substance. These are the people who are trying to solve a political flaw or problem, or in making a basketball strategy for a team, but in actual, may worsen the conditions of things

There are also "smart" people who can think of obvious solutions, but are unrealistic. These people are seen in the sports category, commenting on trading players. Also seen in the politics and business categories who are trying to tell what the leaders and owners should do. These people should read more often. 

There are also "smart" people who are good at love. These people are not that even wise or brilliant as what others perceive them to be. Why did I say this? It's because, the people who follow them know the answers to their questions already, but they just seek validation. Meaning, the ideas of the "smart" people here, are actually common and obvious. 

Oh! There is "smart" people who would join a group of people who are just fooling and joking around, and he would say facts and his opinions on the things the group is actually just joking of. This "smart" person is a buzz kill, and is not fun at parties.  

There also "smart" people who think that they are always right. They don't accept the opinions of the others. If one of them is your groupmate, you're going to have a bad time.

The most annoying "smart" people, which honestly the reason why I am writing this, are the people who show that they are "smart" by putting the people who are not in the same line and same interest as them, down. These people insult the people who have different preferences as them. These "smart" people are the people who only read intellectual books, only watch intellectual shows and movies, and only listen to music that are not similar to the music right now. Or at least show, that these are the only things they are interested with. There's nothing wrong with this. What's wrong is that they think highly about themselves for being "intelligent" and not being a part of the "normal" and they begin to insult the people that they think, are below them. What's so wrong about watching chick flick movies? about watching teleserye? about listening to OPMs, about reading books like Twighlight. Why can't they respect the preferences or the choices of the others? Why can't they mind their own business? If they finally changed someone's preference, they would treat that person as if he is an outcast or a wannabe. They act cool, and they laugh at things that are corny and spit on the things that are not cool enough.  For me, I personally think that these "smart" people are actually stupid, because they are not smart enough to care and respect. They are pretentious, pathetic, insecure, egocentric, self centered mother *bleeeeeep*. 

And lastly, I know, you are now rolling your eyes, and cursing me in front of your desktop... and calling me an hypocrite. For you to stop calling me that, may I present to you the last "smart" person.. Which I believe, I belong to..

......the person who always speaks of what is wrong, but is not doing anything about it......... oh well..

You live so long in the hyper reality. It's time for you to log out.. to leave that fake reality... and face the reality.. Yes, it's a cruel reality, but at least it's real, and it's better to change it, than to make a fake one. 

Don't be a show off.. ..!..

[aravallamadrid]

A Trash in my Folder

Hey...

I know we haven't seen each other, or even talked, in a long time..

but Iv'e been doing a lot lately and I want you to know that I miss you.

Not like "I regret what happened" or even "I want to see you again." Just.....

"I miss you.." Full stop.

It's strange to think that someone I used to know so well is now a total stranger..

that I sometimes go entire days without thinking of you even a little.

Most of the time, I let myself forget, because it's easier. But  then I found something...

an old letter, or a picture you draw, slipped in the pages of a book I haven't read in years...

and the full weight of what's been lost comes crashing on me.

But this isn't regret. We had reasons for ending it, and they're as valid as ever..

but back at the start, we didn't need reasons for anything. It all just happened.

We didn't have common interests, or similar goals... we didn't even really get along that well.

But we didn't need a reason to fall in love. We just did.

The reasons came at the end, and everything that's happened since,has been all about reasons.

And that's good. It means one day I might find someone i won't have to say goodbye to.

But a part of me misses just loving someone, and knowing they love you back, and that's all.

I guess what I'm saying is, I hope things are good with you. I hope everything is great.

I hope you find a love that's all the things ours couldn't be. And I hope I find that too.

But a small part of me hopes that you still remember what it was like before all the reasons..

-anonymous

[aravallamadrid]

At the midst of ending this the feeling of emptiness creeps Motivation is missing Luck cannot be found Industry stayed but life is ruled by avolition

It does make a lot of sense  To understand is to help  but I cant even help myself Like a ghost at the time of war I wanted to kill all of them but this killer is already dead

No worries, no anxiety No tension, no shivering not because of confidence not because of competence but because zero f*cks are given

I promise you, I won't fail I am sorry, I wont be at my best With all your expectations and standards I will always feel like a failure but f*uck it, I'm doing this for myself. 

[aravallamadrid]

Di ko alam na makakaramdam pala ako ng ganito. Di ko inakala na isang katulad mo ang makakasama ko. Ang gusto ko lang naman sana, ay matulungan ka Kaya lang, naramadaman ko kung ano man yang pinagdadaanan mo..

Tinawag kita, lumingon ka. Ang lungkot ng mukha mo, hindi naman kanina Hindi ko alam kung anong nakita mo sa akin, para tuluyan ng bumaba ang mga luha sa iyong mga mata

Tinanong kita, "ano bang problema?" Siya, siya na nanakit at nagpapaiyak sayo gabi gabi.. Alam ko kung anong meron sya,  kaya naiintindihan kong wala kang nagagawa..

DI ko kinaya nung nakita kitang umiyak pero, itinago mo yung mukha mo para di kita makitang lumuluha Di mo lang alam, ayaw ko ding makita mo ang galit sa aking mukha Mas masakit pala kapag hindi ako ang dahilan.

Sa totoo lang, gusto kitang ilayo, gusto kitang samahan sa malayong malayo  gusto ko na rin sanang magjoke para matawa ka lang laking tuwa ko noong napangiti kita.

Ayaw mong malaman nila na umiyak ka kasi, ang pagkakaalam nila masaya ka hanga ako sayo, kasi hindi ko din napansin Sobrang swerte ko, nakipag usap ka sa akin. Nagpaalam ka, sabay punas sa iyong mga mata Tinawa lang natin nung hindi mo sila maibukas Ayun na nga't unti unti kang lumalayo Napakamot at napapikit na lang ako.

Gusto sana kitang yakapin ng napakahigpit, kaso, parang hindi naman ata tama yun ang nasabi ko lang, "andito lang ako para sayo" wala man ako jan, pero lagi kang nasa isip ko.

[psych-facts]

Work until your idols become your rivals.

— unknown

[aravallamadrid]

“If I am what I have, and if I lose what I have, who, then, am I?”

Erich Fromm

[aravallamadrid]

“Nothing is easier than denouncing the evildoer. Nothing more difficult than understanding him.”

Dostoyevsky 

[aravallamadrid]

The F***ed Became The F***ers

It sometimes bugs me- annoys me, how people from the last generations say that theirs were better than our generation today. I visit 9gag and Youtube a lot, and some posts and comments there are extremely pushing that this generation I belong to, is a generation of stupid teenagers which they refer to as “hopeless”. Sure, trending music or songs playing in the radio nowadays do suck. I agree. The lyrics of these songs are just about partying, bitching around, sluttyness, hating or let’s just say songs that don’t have “substance” or do not make any sense and full of insecurities. There is so much hate towards boy bands like one One direction and to Justine Bieber, because their songs are “gay”, but well in fact, actually made for women. But of course some men actually was hooked by these people because these male fans want to be like them or they just want to sing their songs because these songs are catchy or they can relate to it… in any way. Hip hop artists most likely make music that can be accompanied with dances like these songs that goes like: “wiggle wiggle wiggle” or “bubble butt (100 x)”. And it makes me ask myself…..: “In what way, can people make dance steps for these songs that do not look “sexy” or immodest?” What else can a girl wiggle or shake that does not look boring to do? What step can you have if the lyrics have the word “butt” in it? What else can a dancer do if a song has a very fast tempo? It’s funny how I think that these artists are perverts that can manipulate people do what they want to do, like in foreplay. Moreover, most popular female artists in Holywoood wears clothes or costumes that are in the size of under wears, and some… do not even bother to wear any clothes at all. In the local setting, we can watch young girls dancing sexy every afternoon in the television.

 In unrelated topic, teenage pregnancy, engaging in premarital sex, using drugs and narcotics in a young age are issues in my generation. I’m actually concerned about these because they are somehow becoming acceptable. I was angered by this 19 year old girl who acted very excited to have her baby and posting updates in facebook, and telling people it’s not a mistake because it is a blessing. She kept posting about being a “proud mother” and “it is just okay” because at least she did not have an abortion. I’m happy that she accepted it. What annoys me was, she did not have the decency to keep it to herself or to her family or at least she should have shame in her system for awhile. It is embarrassing because she has to depend to her parents. It is embarrassing because she got pregnant in a very young age. She does not have to be very sad about it or isolate herself to others. What I was really looking for was she should have the decency to feel that it was a mistake and it was shameful and she should have kept it privately.

There is this issue also about kids nowadays are becoming lazy and dependent because of technology. Past generation say that children nowadays do not have full enjoyment in childhood since their idea of enjoying is “playing outside” which I think is really true.

The things I stated above are some or most of the reasons why past generation thinks that their generation was better than ours. My question is ,”really?” You had these “gay” boy bands before Like backstreet boys and NSYNC. Don’t be nostalgic or whatsoever because they do some cheesy and corny stuff too. Don’t tell me they were better because what they did are pretty much like boy bands now do and that is sucking up to the girls. Winking, dancing, singing with action (like doing flying kisses or placing their hands near to their hearts) and anything that can make the girls go nuts. Do you know who Aaron Carter was? He was your Justine Bieber in the 90’s. A lot of people hated him too you know? You hated Bieber so much that he became what he become. You haven’t considered that do you? You had Britney Spears and Madonna for God’s sake! So don’t you dare say that this generation started this sluttyness. You, the past generation, set a high standard for us, of what is cool and what is not. Of what is gay and what is manly. Of what is how to be a real girl or what is not. The thing is, these standards of “being cool” or what is “real” shouldn’t have existed in the first place because, you can’t dictate what we are interested with. On what we really are as individuals. In what generation do these people belong who we see in TV acting stupid? Who are these perverted artists who make disgusting, non sense songs? What generation continuously feed us these craps because they can’t come up with something clever or good? Who made smoking weed popular and cool? Who gave us this idea that being a virgin is unacceptable and laughable? Who fed us with spoiled brats teenagers in MTV? Who are these grown up people who thinks they are mature and who argues with young people, telling them they are stupid and incapable to think? Most of you guys are arrogant, selfish and hypocrites. You were our models. You were our mentors. You were the ones we watched or still watching in the television. You were the ones we looked up to. You were the ones who we listen to when we were younger. We are the kids who followed you because we thought that the things you did are right. You showed us how to live this life and now you tell us that we are a hopeless? That we are stupid? That we bitch around too much? If you had better computers and internet before, you must be doing the things that we are doing right now.

Honestly, I’m not proud of my generation. Well, I’m not one of them who bought in to your mentality. I don’t listen to music which you think are “uncool”, not because they uncool but because they are out of my taste but I respect the people who listen to these kind of music. I still believe that conservativeness, decency, and appropriateness are important qualities of a person.

Yes, this generation is f**ked up, so were yours. The f**ked became the f**kers, and you f**kers f**ked us up.

[aravallamadrid]

Behind my silence, I can easily say that I am the most pissed off person in the world. Every time I am pissed , I just think of my mother and siblings being disappointed and my girlfriend being sad.... and I just let things go, and be the best in the word.

Franiel Lamadrid

[aravallamadrid]

If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.

[aravallamadrid]

I get it, I am just some random different guy who is afraid to do the things you do. I even think, you guys who take education for granted would even be more successful than I am. Maybe because you have hidden potentials or because you don't even have to work hard, because everything is provided to you. You don't have anything to worry about because your parents are there to catch you. You just relax because you have a bright future because of your family's connections and wealth. I am not jealous because you have these things. But I am jealous of you, BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE ASHAMED.

I feel insulted FOR YOU. 

[aravallamadrid]

Loner Stuff

I love being alone. I love to think and to imagine things. I love the sense of solitude. There were times that I have to make excuses to my friends so that I can have my own time being alone. After classes, I look forward to go home and to watch TV and eat, solo style. I enjoy the silence of midnight. Obviously, I am a night person, but not the type of a night person who goes out and meet new people at bars or clubs. I am a type of a night person where my mind and body is so active, but I rather stay at home and do my own things alone. This is when I actually study and be creative. Some people think I am a boring person because I don't do the normal things young adults do, i.e. go to bars, clubs, parties, dancing etc. All I can say is, "The things they love to do are the things I think do suck, and the things they think that suck or boring are the things that make me happy."

Well,don't get me wrong. I go out with my friends. We do overnights and eat outside. I sometimes accompany my friends to go to malls and be with them when they do cheezy things for their girlfriends. I love being that guy. I actually don't want to be notice much. Why? Because I just can leave whenever I want to leave without the guilt or thinking "It is not the same without my presence". But with these awesome friends, I may not join them sometimes on their plans but I can't seem to leave..... because I don't abandon family. 

There is this girl who takes me to places that I had never been like the Rose Garden, Burnharm Park (at night), Abanao Square, branches of National Book Store, the market in Magsaysay street, Tiongsan and Porta Vaga.  I experienced some things that I never experienced, like going home when the mall is closing, eat balot in the park at night, going home late, see parades (I hate parades so much) and many more because of her. Doing new things and going to new places make me anxious sometimes, but with her, there is nothing to be anxious about. Trouble seems untroubling. She is a person who also hates clubs and bars, who is conservative,but she is an out going person. Without her, I may not know how to go to those places i pointed out. Everything and everywhere is a comfort zone as long as I am with her, but, protecting and taking good care of her is my number one priority and responsibility. I said awhile ago that I love being alone.... but I love her more than that. 

You see, being a person like me, an introvert, is not someone who is lonely. There is joy behind my silence, solitude is something I look forward to. But there will always be a different kind of joy with others. You will meet friends that suits your personality and character. You will meet people who not only can tolerate your little quirks and flaws but actually love them. And someday, you will meet a person that you will love more than life, and love you more than you can love yourself despite being different.

Cheezy...